


Roseblade: The Lord of the Rings

by lainathiel



Series: Roseblade [1]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Original Character-centric, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Female Character, POV Original Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-01-21 15:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 119,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1555874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lainathiel/pseuds/lainathiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another 10th walker story, yes. But! Not a typical one, I really hope! I've tried my best to create this character and truly make her part of this magnificent world. She's not a helpless girl thrown into Middle Earth, nor is she a flawless goddess-woman. I hope you'll like her, or dislike her - either way it means I developed her right. Alanna is a Ranger of the North, since very young. Very attached to Aragorn, who has been all her family for years, she decides to follow him wherever his path might take him. She joins the Fellowship to help out; what happens to her along the way is what this story is about.</p><p>(storyline - a mixture of both the books and movies.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foreword

I guess I should start from the beginning, though my life was no history material. My past isn't filled with extraordinary events and adventures, with great beautiful moments or even all too tragic ones. I don't think I was any different than any other bastard child living in the lower class of society. No, nothing extraordinary about my life - until I left Minas Tirith at least and got lost in the big wild world. Though I've always been lost. I never belonged.

So there's not much to recall of my past. My father left me when I was just a new-born and I was given to a woman he didn't even know. My foster mother, Arryn, was a wonderful person and a good mother and I loved her as I would have loved my own blood. She raised me in my youngest years well, and I am forever grateful for that. She gave me everything my father should have given me. But she could not give me my brothers.

I did meet my brothers - Boromir and Faramir. Both were honorable young men, already skillful soldiers as young lads. Any man would be proud to have them as sons. The first time we met, I was just about four years old, and yet I can clearly remember almost every moment of it. Boromir was twenty and Faramir was fifteen. It all happened accidentally, really, and it is a whole another story. Since then, however, I found myself spending more time with them, sneaking in and out from time to time. Especially with Faramir, he would come see me very often and I grew to love him very much. Boromir stopped visiting around my 8th birthday, if I remember well. He became captain of Gondor's troops around that time. I do not blame him for anything and I understand him fully. He had always borne the burden of too many responsibilities on his back. The way father pushed him into his duties left little time for Boromir to be a child, to be careless. Faramir kept coming back, and every time he did he'd bring me a treat - a sweetroll as could only be made back home. I don't know why he kept seeing me - probably out of some sense of duty or responsibility. But he did not owe me anything and I learned that very young... My brothers knew everything, as you may have assumed by now. They loved our father dearly in spite of all, but they also understood my hatred for him, and did not wish to ever argue it. Though I did not understand much as a child, growing up made things rather clear to me, and rather quickly.

The noble Denethor II must have thought of me as an embarrassment, a stain to his name. I never even knew my mother, but from what I'd been told, she wasn't much. She was most certainly a nobody compared to my father. I do not even know her name. She had no say in anything when I was taken from her. Wanting to remain an honorable man in the eyes of his people, my father did what it took. I'm just a bastard child after all. Had I been born a man, my father would have probably acknowledged me as his own. I would have probably been named captain of some of his troops, perhaps. But a daughter, from a nobody? That would have been shameful. 

Therefore, I do have the blood of Gondor's steward line running through my veins, but not many knew this.

I left home and stepped out into the world when I was fifteen. Soon after that, my foster mother died as well, and I was again left alone. I had nothing to come back to, and the last piece of what made me feel tethered to home was gone. Life became pathless and pointless for a while. There wasn't much to really worry about, except what to eat and where to sleep, so I had plenty of time on my hands to practice as I always did with my wooden sword. By the time I was sixteen years old, I had already become quite a bit of a warrior. My sword, this time a real one, became my best friend and my only possession. (Faramir kindly let me sneak it out of the armory of Minas Tirith. I don't think a happier person walked Middle Earth that day.) From age sixteen to eighteen, my time was spent on wandering and adventuring. I explored as much as I could in that age. When I was eighteen, I became a Ranger, and for the first time ever, I felt a sense of purpose and a sort of belonging. (Men don't really take a woman seriously when it comes to battle. But in my humble opinion, I have proved many wrong.) Maybe I should have remained defending Gondor from all the foul beasts of Mordor... but I refused to become a Ranger of Ithilien. I couldn't. I'd decided home was but too close to heartache and loneliness.... So I left. And that was when I met Aragorn, and found the one person I could trust my life with. He has saved me in every way a person can be saved, but that is no short autobiography material. That is worthy of a song or a poem, and this right here and now is no place for it. I too, have been a Ranger of the North for six years now.

I am Alanna of Gondor. And this is the adventure of my life.


	2. Prologue

I had been trying to convince Aragorn to take me on that quest with him for days. He insisted that ''the darkness which lies ahead should be a challenge to no young woman on this earth'' even though he knew very well how capable I was. He knew better than anyone - he was my best friend after all, and my only friend really. If my entire life had taught me one thing - it was not to trust anyone. Aragorn was the only person who had my trust. Anyone else who did, dwelt far deep in my past.

I followed him nevertheless, and he knew there was nothing he could have done about it. ''Four hobbits, no less,'' I said, ''Blood and ashes, Aragorn! I'd let you go alone if it were two. But four hobbits! They'll exhaust you.'' He laughed and that meant ''I give up. You can come, you stubborn girl.'' As always.

We found Baggins and his little friends in the Prancing Pony inn, and that was when the entire trouble began. Avoiding the Black Riders and keeping those little hobbits safe was dreadful business. I was only learning of what this quest was about on our way. We had a close call in Bree, but we managed with a bit of cleverness and a large portion of luck. The Midgewater Marshes were the worst - three days of bug bites, soggy feet and hobbits' nagging. Frodo was the only quiet one out of the bunch, really. Considering the burden he was bearing, it was no wonder. All Merry and Pippin wanted to know about was the next meal. They were annoying but also wonderful, and no one can really ever dislike a Hobbit. I found myself rather fond of the halflings after two days of their presence. But nothing soothed my mood - my entire body was irritated and I wanted to scratch my entire skin off. I hate the Midgewater Marshes. I'd rather walk into Mount Doom, I swear to the light of Eärendil.

Setting camp on Weathertop was an even closer call for all of us. They found us, that night - the Black Riders. It must have been that small fire Merry and Pippin made. It was a matter of moments, really - dark shapes simply drew close and I drew out my sword though I knew it wasn't much of a weapon against those creatures. It was just shadows rushing by and we could barely make out what was happening. I didn't even have time to grow afraid. One of the Black Riders managed to stab Frodo with his Morgul-blade before Aragorn reached out with burning logs to cast them away and then they were gone. The very next moment - it was like they were never there. The halfling fell unconscious and the moment I realized it all, my heart sank into my heels. Luckily the blade didn't get to the heart of the little one, and we managed to find some Athelas. It wasn't much but it was all the help we could give him. A piece of that wretched blade remained in his flesh, and it was poisoning his entire being. We had to go on with the weak, spiritually dying Frodo, and as days passed by, he was only getting worse. None of us knew what to do. Sam was constantly on the verge of tears while the other two hobbits kept quiet in their dreading. Aragorn looked composed but was, in fact, more than upset. I was losing my mind worrying. We did not speak much. But to Rivendell we went.

Soon after we took the road to Rivendell, Lord Glorfindel came for Frodo. He had been looking for us for days as he told us and I thanked Eru he had found us. He took Frodo on his horse and they were gone, faster than we could have ever taken him anywhere. It was a risk, since Ringwraiths were still out there, but it was a risk that had to be taken. Relieved and grateful, we followed after. 

When we reached Rivendell, we found that Frodo was feeling a bit better, as Lord Elrond had cured him. Relief rushed through my body upon hearing the great news and it felt like a heavy rock had been lifted off me and I could just fly away with the breeze.

I had never been to Rivendell before. I passed that area plenty of times but I never visited the Last Homely House. It was quite an experience - the entire valley was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I was surrounded by so much beauty, it took me a while to stop gazing around like a drunk fool with my mouth half-open.

At dinner that first evening, I met a lot of the folk that Aragorn had told me so many wonderful stories about. I could really feel the love he felt for that place and the people in it. A part of me was envious, really. Aragorn was dearly loved in Rivendell, as he was raised there among the Elves. And it must have been wonderful to have so many friends who were willing to help you any time, any place. I met Arwen, who was far more beautiful than Aragorn's stories made her out to be. They were so deeply in love, and it was so obvious to me in the way they simply looked at each other. I could see it in every glance they cast across the table. It was interesting to observe that side of Aragorn. That sort of love was still a mystery to me, and something beyond my reasoning. I thought it absolutely beautiful, but never something I was meant to have. It was simply something I liked seeing in other people, but never expected it to happen to me.

That night, I had a warm bath for the first time in such a long while. Upon the sight of the washing chambers, I slipped out of my clothes faster than I had ever undressed before. I washed more than just dirt off my skin and hair; I seemed to be washing out all the exhaustion and stress out of my bones as well. Soothing smells almost lulled me into sleep in the bath; I had to be careful not to doze off and drown. Luckily, I didn't; I fell asleep in a real, big, soft, comfortable bed. And I cherished that, for I knew a bed and a bath would soon become luxury. Or just a wild wild dream.


	3. The Council

The first morning in Rivendell dawned bright and fair. I was awoken by sun-rays on my face and a light warm breeze. It was a beautiful morning and I could not remember the last time I had awoken with a genuine smile on my face. I looked through the windows and got to dressing right away for I very much desired to take a walk through all that beauty.  


But first I went to check on Frodo. He was feeling better and I was relieved and grateful for that. His little friends refused to leave his side even though everyone insisted that Frodo should be left to rest. It turned out that Frodo much preferred to be surrounded by his friends in spite of all. The friendship and loyalty of the halflings was truly heartwarming to see.

I felt truly relieved that we were in Rivendell. The Ring was an awful burden to bear and it was terrible that it should burden a little hobbit. Now he was to give it away to the wiser of us all and that was good. Hobbits should not meddle with such dreadful business ever.

Before I could set my foot out to go for a stroll, my path had been crossed by a beautiful Elven maiden. She was just about to knock on my chamber's door when I met her. In her arms she was carrying a beautiful light green dress. I thanked her for the change of clothing I was given and I could not help but think to myself about how long it had been since I last wore an actual gown. It almost felt a bit odd to be wearing it. 

As I walked through the beautiful trees, I tried to think things through. I tried to assume what would happen next. The Ring was a terrible thing; I had learned all about it. I knew all about the first War of the Ring that took place so long ago before I was born. I feared the Darkness that could come. Looking at all the beauty that surrounded me, I could hardly imagine that all that could one day be lost. War can bring nothing but destruction, and somehow I had a feeling we were on the brink of one. Still, it was hard to really think of that with my skin bathing in the sun and the breeze bringing most delicious smells to me.

Upon walking back I realized there were newcomers. Aragorn and I weren't the only ones who came seeking the council of the wise Lord Elrond. Gandalf the Grey had asked of Aragorn to do this, and I followed, but I had no idea so many more had already heard of the Ring being found. I heard the people talking among themselves - there were greetings and already whispers of rumors relating to the Ring. I saw a few dwarves come in through the gates, and it was an odd sight, now seeing them among so many of the Elvish folk. I sought Aragorn for answers, and I found him at breakfast an hour later.

Some of the dwarves had joined the small feast, but among them was a face I did not expect to see - my brother. My heart skipped a beat upon the realization. It was undoubtedly him; I could recognize him in a crowd of a million light-haired men, and even after a hundred years. I felt many things at once - there was a raging storm in my heart. But then it came to calm and I felt nothing. He was far across the table and I wasn't sure if he had even seen me; or if he did see me - did he even recognize me? I chose to leave the matter.  


I sat next to Aragorn to finally find the answers to my questions. He explained to me that a meeting would be held in the afternoon with all these worried people. Everyone was meant to be consulted about the One Ring, and it only made sense. We all shared this world, it was only right for the people to make a decision together about such a dangerous object. 

''Alanna, this is Legolas. A great friend of mine that I'm most happy to introduce to you'' Aragorn said to me, and I had not even realized that a foreign Elf was there, sitting beside my friend. We were in an Elven home after all, so it was very reasonable that I did not recognize this Elf as a newcomer. 

Casting a glance I could see his rather handsome features. He was blonde and blue-eyed and, without doubt, beautiful. Most Elves I had so far met were handsome and beautiful, and this friend of Aragorn's was no exception. But looking with more care I realized I could have perhaps assumed that he was of a different Elven realm after all. He did look a bit different from the Elves of Imladris, just like the other few Elves I later found had come with him.

''Good day, Lady Alanna'' he said as he bowed his head slightly and gave me a kind smile, ''It is a pleasure to meet you.''

''Good day, Lord Legolas. It's a pleasure as well. Aragorn has told me great things about you'' I said as I bowed my head politely.

''Please, call me Legolas,'' he said, his gentle smile never leaving his face, ''I may be a Prince, but I do not quite enjoy these formalities. You're a friend of Aragorn's, therefore you're a friend of mine as well.''

 

~

 

''Strangers from distant lands, friends of old... You've been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor,'' spoke Lord Elrond, ''Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom.''

Lord Elrond's voice brought me uneasy-ness. There we were, people of every race, gathered for the worst cause. Does it really take the threat of a Doomsday to gather all the peoples and unite them as comrades? Opposite of me sat my brother Boromir, and I tried my best not to make any eye-contact with him. I did not know if he saw me and I did not know if he recognized me. Every time he turned towards me, I looked the other way.

''Bring forth the Ring, Frodo.''

The halfling stood up and put the Ring on the center table. He looked very weak and tired still. The moment I looked at The Ring, I knew I wanted to never look at it again. Still, I could not tear my gaze off it. It was calling my name, drawing me to itself. I knew it would do that, but I never quite prepared myself for it. At first I did not understand anything of the whispers that were in my head, but then it turned into almost a sweet melody, like a lover whispering pretty things into one's ear to lure them in. It took a mental battle to fight its malicious grip off my mind. I could only imagine the struggle that was actually carrying it. Frodo was much stronger than I had previously thought. Boromir stood up and spoke, and for a moment I was thankful, for it broke whatever connection I had with the damned thing.

''In a dream, I saw the Eastern sky grow dark. But in the West, a pale light lingered. A voice was crying, "The doom is near at hand, Isildur's Bane is found" he said. 

His eyes were locked on The Ring and they had a dangerous glimmer to them. It was pure lust and I knew exactly what to expect. I think everyone did, as everyone watched him intently and I even saw a few hands brush the hilts of their daggers. Slowly, Boromir approached the table, whispering things I could not hear; and then he did it - he reached for it. Everyone jumped at the danger.

''Boromir!'' I cried out before Lord Elrond and many others did the same. I didn't think at all and I could not help it. I regretted it the very moment after. My brother snapped out of The Ring's seduction as Gandalf started chanting something in a language unknown to me. 

It was more than just chanting; it was magic, and it was dark. Everything went dark for a few moments, and not only in weather, but in my very soul as well. I felt my heart sink low and I just wanted that dreadful feeling to disappear. I felt all joy being sucked out of me. I closed my eyes waiting for Gandalf to stop. When the light shone through the trees again, I opened my eyes, and I saw that my brother was back in his seat, with a disturbed look on his face. I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to rub my own arms. It wasn't cold at all and yet there were chills all over my body.

''Never before has any voice uttered the words of that tongue here in Imladris!'' Lord Elrond spoke again, anger somewhat present in his voice.

''I do not ask your pardon, Master Elrond, for the Black Speech of Mordor may have been heard in every corner of the West! The Ring is altogether evil'' Gandalf responded.

''Ah, it is a gift! A gift to the foes of Mordor!'' Boromir started again. ''Why not use this ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!''

''You cannot wield it. None of us can,'' Aragorn reasoned, ''The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master.''

''And what would a Ranger know of this matter?'' Boromir fired back, poison in his voice. 

I got angry, and I got angry so quickly that I had forgotten about everything else. All the turmoil and confusion and chills just evaporated from my being. 

''This is no mere Ranger!'' I heard a voice argue, and looking to my left I saw that it was Legolas who spoke, no longer sitting in his chair. ''He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance.''

''Aragorn?'' Boromir asked reluctantly. ''This is Isildur's heir?''

''And heir to the throne of Gondor,'' I resisted the urge to hiss through my teeth and I said it as calmly as I could, and was satisfied to hear my own voice sound low and steady, ''He has more say in this than you.''

''Havo dad, Legolas'' said Aragorn and the Elf retreated. He then looked at me like a father scolding a child for behaving badly. I was not sorry. Boromir turned to me, and then to Legolas, his eyes glancing from one to the other.

''Gondor has no King,'' he said before he faced Aragorn, ''Gondor needs no King.''

I could not recognize my brother, not anymore. I recognized his face, but not his soul. I did not know the person he had become, and perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised. Years and years had passed, after all.

''Aragorn is right. We cannot use it'' Gandalf concluded.

''You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed'' said Lord Elrond.

''Then what are we waiting for?!'' asked one of the dwarves before he practically jumped off his seat and rashly struck the Ring with his axe. 

I gasped at the sudden action. The only thing broken was the dwarf's axe; its pieces flew around and he himself fell to the ground. The Ring was left perfectly intact. The dwarf lay on the ground for a few moments, completely stunned by what had happened.

''The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess,'' Lord Elrond said. ''The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. The ring must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came... One of you must do this.''

''One does not simply walk into Mordor'' said Boromir. ''Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. The great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten-thousand men could you do this. It is folly!''

''Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said?!'' exclaimed Legolas again. He seemed annoyed, which wasn't common for Elves - letting emotion get the best of them. And rightfully so he was; I could not believe my brother was still persisting against everyone else's better reason.

''There is no other way'' I said firmly, hoping he would understand.

''And I suppose you two think you're the ones to do it?! An Elf and a woman?!'' Gimli the Dwarf exclaimed, shooting us both unfriendly glares. 

If I had been angry in the first place, then this remark must have made me absolutely fume with anger. I resisted the urge to let my foul mouth do its preaching. Whenever someone tried to belittle the fact that I was a woman, I had to resist many urges - like the strong one to punch someone's teeth out. Me being a woman did not make it less possible for me to kill him with the dagger I had in my right boot. It would have taken me less than a second. Still, I only took a deep breath and kept my mouth shut.

Looking to Legolas, I saw the anger in his face, and it really did surprise me. Again, Elves are supposed to be very patient beings. I never considered myself a patient person, not even for a daughter of Men. And here stood an Elf, who I was sure had lost his temper quicker than I had. It must have been the Dwarf in particular that bothered him.

''And if we fail, what then?! What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?!'' asked Boromir, despair in his voice.

''Then at least we will have tried'' I said as calmly as possible, making strong eye-contact with my brother for the first time.

''I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an Elf! Never trust an Elf!'' Gimli shouted out and his words were what started a complete mess - everybody was arguing, screaming at each other. I wanted to take the damn Dwarf and toss it at another one. I could not believe everyone was fighting before a case like this. It was complete chaos - I could no longer make out the voices around me nor what they were saying.

''I will take it! I will take it! I will take the Ring to Mordor'' Frodo said, his frail voice managing to break up the fight. We all looked at him, and I myself felt the shame on behalf of everyone. The halfling, the little one - bravest and most reasonable of us all.

''Though... I do not know the way'' he added insecurely, and I felt a sting in my heart. We all stood in silence for a moment or few. We were all in awe.

''I will help you bear this burdain, Frodo Baggins'' Gandalf said as he patted the hobbit's shoulder, ''As long as it is yours to bear.''

''If by my life or death I can protect you, I will,'' Aragorn said, approaching the little one. ''You have my sword.''

''I have already sworn to protect you, Mr. Baggins. I stand by it. You have my sword too'' I said.

And I meant it - I would have given whatever it took to protect that little creature. This little hobbit deserved the entire world at his feet.

''And you have my bow'' offered Legolas.

''And my axe'' added Gimli as he shot another deadly glare at the fair-haired Elf.

''You carry the fate of us all, little one,'' stated Boromir, ''If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done.''

''Hey! Mr. Frodo is not going anywhere without me!'' a voice shouted out from somewhere and moments after Sam appeared and jumped to Frodo's side.

''Indeed, it seems hardly possible to separate you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not'' Lord Elrond said and I almost chuckled. I wasn't surprised by this turn of events at all.

Merry and Pippin were the next ones to appear out of nowhere. I had to resist slapping my forehead this time. This was outrageous. ''Oy! We're coming too!'' they shouted as they ran in and positioned themselves next to Frodo. 

''You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!'' said Merry.

''Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission... quest... thing'' Pippin added. 

''Well that rules you out, Pip'' retorted Merry and I stopped the laughter right in my throat. I smiled instead and ruffled Pippin's hair just a little bit.

''Ten companions...'' said Lord Elrond. ''So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring.''

''Right... Where are we going?'' Pippin asked. I did what I resisted doing once - I slapped my forehead at that little walking trouble.


	4. Old Faces and New

After the council, I grabbed a delicious-looking apple that was in one of the bowls on the tables of Rivendell's terrace. I cleaned it against my dress and then frowned. I felt awful for a moment - it would take me a while to get used to behaving like a true lady again. But I didn't think about it much as I was headed for another stroll among the trees and flowers. With all the new information I had found out, I needed to sort out my own conclusions. The beauty of nature soothed my soul and helped me do all this.

''You haven't changed much, lass,'' I heard a voice say and it took me less than a second to realize whose it was.

''Boromir,'' I simply said, curtly bowing my head a bit. He caught up with me and was now walking right next to me. I did not know how to feel about that.

''I would have recognized you among thousands of people,'' he said.

''I did grow up.''

''Yes... Yes, you did. Although, besides growing into a young woman, you're still the same troublesome runaway, I would say,'' he said and with a short glance I saw that he had said it with a smile. I mostly kept my eyes elsewhere.

''For how long have I not seen you?'' he asked.

''I think you have not seen a sign of me in seventeen years, brother.''

''Seventeen years...''

''You saw me last when I was about 8 years old, I believe... Time does not stop for anyone indeed. Anyway, how is Faramir?''

''He's... getting by.''

''I'm sure he is...'' I smiled to myself.

''Father's been giving him a hard time lately... As usual, really. I wish I could put an end to that... but there is really nothing I can do.''

''He suffers, Boromir. He always has, even as a child. That pains me... He does not deserve it.''

''I know he does not... It seems to me that most of the things we do not deserve happen to us anyway.''

''That is true...'' I said, musing to myself and thinking about everything I had gone through and about how unfairly life had been treating me so far. Realising my pensive silence, I continued: ''But we must also remember that everything happens for a reason. I like to think of it that way, at least... If I am going through the hardest of times, it is only to make me stronger and wiser. And once the dark skies clear out and the sun shines through again, I will be a better person than I was before the storm. In the end... you learn to be thankful for the storms, I would say.''

''You're too wise for your age, little sister.''

''This is but what my life has taught me,'' I said and Boromir did not respond.

''Well, I only wished to talk to you at once. It has been very long since I last did, after all. I also wanted to tell you... well, I don't quite know what I wanted to tell you. Perhaps that it was foolish of you to follow or to take good care of yourself. There's no telling what we might encounter on this forsaken route.''

''Don't you worry about me'' I told him, my voice sounding a bit angry, and I did not mean it to. I was not exactly angry at him, nor at anyone in particular. All he did was remind me of my origin and my life, and that I was angry at. 

 

~

 

''Alanna. Come,'' Aragorn called me when I entered the room for dinner. I obeyed and sat next to him. ''I wanted to talk to you.''

''About what?''

''About this journey. You need to take good care of yourself.''

''I will. Don't worry.''

''I worry, constantly. It cannot be helped. I'm worried about the hobbits and about everyone and just about everything, but... It would break my heart if anything happened to you. ''

''Aragorn...''

''I was the one who let you come on this journey. I am to blame if anything ever happens to you.''

''Aragorn, how long have we known each other? Most of my life I have done nothing but seek trouble; I've been there and back again, all across Middle Earth. I have seen things and fought things and learned so much...''

''I know.''

''And... I have nothing else to do. You know I cannot settle for any sort of calm life now'' I only half-joked and gave him a consoling smile, hoping to lighten the mood. ''You know I will not return to Gondor until you do. You know me.''

''Yes. Yes, I do...''

''I have no one and nothing to live for anymore, except you. I am going, even if it means dying. If I die protecting you and Frodo... then I couldn't have chosen a better way to die.''

Aragorn didn't answer that, he only placed a hand on mine in understanding. He knew very well what he meant to me and what our friendship meant to me. He found me when I had no one, and taught me things no one had taught me. He was a friend, a brother, and a father I had never had all in the same. He was my King. He was the one by whose side I would have died fighting if need be. 

''Good evening, friend'' I heard a gentle voice say. It was Legolas who had entered. He sat next to Aragorn and gave us both a kind smile.

''Good evening, Legolas'' said Aragorn and I just bowed my head a little bit, politely. ''Alanna and I were speaking of this journey.''

''And everything is settled,'' I said, placing my other hand on his, looking into his eyes hoping to reassure him and encourage him. ''Worry not.''

''Well, I understand why Aragorn would be a bit worried,'' Legolas said, ''You're a dear friend of his, and he thinks you his responsibility now.'' 

''Aragorn better than anyone knows of my skills in battle,'' I said, smiling at Aragorn, ''He has seen me. And even taught me some things too.''

''I could hardly believe that someone looking so fair in that dress could possibly be a warrior. It's curious. I guess I shall see.''

''Oh, I can assure you, Legolas,'' Aragorn said, ''That she is rather humble when she speaks of her skills. If I were to put together a group of Gondor's finest soldiers, few could challenge her. Still, I worry. An arrow is at times more than enough to put down the most powerful of soldiers.''

I blushed. Not because of Aragorn praising my battle skills, but because of Legolas's compliment. It was odd to say the least. First of all, I rarely blush. Second of all, Elves were intimidating enough. And third of all, I could not remember the last time someone had even given me a genuine compliment like that. Unless compliments such as ''Nice swing'' and ''That's a beautiful sword right there'' counted, I really could not remember. I was never ''fair-looking''; to most of the men I had met across the world I was mostly something inappropriate. True compliments were scarce to my ears, nor did I care about them much, which is precisely why I found my reaction so utterly embarrassing. I lowered my head a little bit until the redness in my face disappeared. That I would blush like that! I had seen things more foul than just goblins in my life and I had never even stuttered! I cleared my throat a bit before speaking.

''The arrows thing goes for all of us equally,'' I said.

''Yes, but... Well, you really need archery training, Alanna. Longer distances will be the end of you, if anything will.''

''Oh, I'm fine-''

''No, you're not, my friend, and while we're here I want you to practice every day until we depart. It would ease my mind, this is far more dangerous than all the patrolling we've done-''

''Fine. It's fine. I'll practice.''

''Legolas, could you help her?''

I wanted to cry out a ''What!?!'' but I managed to remain silent and polite. There was absolutely no need for that and Aragorn would hear it from me soon. And I wouldn't be as polite then.

''Oh, there's no need to bother Legolas, I can manage just fine,'' I said, managing a smile.

''It's no bother at all. I practice most days myself anyway, so you can join me.''

I was thankful for the opportunity to get better at archery, really. I was a good enough markswoman, but I knew I had to be better. All Rangers are really skilled archers, but I never had the time to develop that skill as much. Aragorn was raised among the Elves, so it was no wonder he acquired their talents. My fate was different. I learned alone. I made my first bow alone. And perhaps because of it all, I was never too confident with it - with a bow in my hands. Sword was my strength, my confidence. I used a bow only when I absolutely needed to, and I would often hit someone in the neck after aiming at their forehead.

Thankful as I was, I was also very uncomfortable. I understood Aragorn, but I could not help it. I could not help but hate the fact that I was letting someone help me. It was against my nature. As I said, almost everything I knew, I had learned by myself. Aragorn was the only person I had let come close to me and offer me any sort of help. I was used to standing alone. When alone, all that happens to you is yours only - your victories and your defeats, your life or your death. You don't owe anyone anything, nor does anyone owe anything to you.

I was polite enough to thank Legolas. I thanked Eru in my mind that the topic of conversation had changed. I excused myself after a while and went to my chambers. 

That night I could not help but think about everything - the Ring, the journey, the kind of troubles that awaited us. I could not help but think about Aragorn, Gondor, Boromir, Faramir... I could not help but think about the poor little hobbits. And Legolas... I knew next to nothing about him and yet he caused me to feel uneasy. He was most polite, and graceful as only Elven royalty could be and yet he made me feel a sort of uneasy-ness. Perhaps it was exactly because he was all those things. Elves are divine creatures, and I have met a few that were closer to perfection than I thought earthly creatures should ever be. Legolas was one of those few. 

It took me a while to calm the storm inside my mind and fall asleep.


	5. New Friends and Old

I've never been an unfriendly person, honestly. I sometimes isolate myself, but it is not because I dislike others or think of them less. It's merely to protect myself, and I'm aware of this. I've always known this.

I tried to isolate myself from most people who weren't in the Fellowship, and some who were. Legolas was among those I tried to keep a distance from. Not only was he oddly intimidating himself, his archery skills were three times as much. It was awfully discouraging at first, and a bit embarrassing to even try and fire a shot in front of him. I'd work as hard as I could while with him, and then quickly disappear afterwards. I'd try and avoid him subtly the rest of the time that I wasn't basically forced to spend with him. I did not mean to be rude, so I tried to not make it obvious I was avoiding his presence. I only spent time with Aragorn and the hobbits that first week, and I sometimes spoke with Gandalf. I barely talked to Legolas during training sessions, except when spoken to. After a few days of constant archery training, my arm muscles started feeling sore. 

We were relaxing on the terrace one fine evening - Aragorn, Legolas, Merry, Pippin and I. I was almost too tired to move or speak, so I only laughed at whatever jokes Aragorn and the hobbits came up with. Legolas was the only one not sitting, he was leaning with his back against a stone column, his arms crossed on his chest. He was smiling and occasionally chuckling at the hobbits' silliness.

Everyone was now merrily laughing at Merry's odd habit of often holding onto something in his sleep, the way he used to clutch on a blanket when he was little. It was Pippin who had let this cat out of the bag, and Merry did not look pleased with it at all.

''I don't do that anymore!'' he protested.

''Now, now, Merry. We are all going to have to get to know each other now that we're in a Fellowship. We're going to spend a lot of time together,'' I giggled.

''Indeed!'' Aragorn added with a grin, taking his pipe out of his mouth to speak, ''Are there any odd things we should know about? Everyone?''

''Pippin talks in his sleep!'' Merry fired out, pointing a finger at his friend.

''Merry snores in a funny way!'' Pippin fired back and everyone started laughing.

''Alright. Hmm... did you know that Alanna is in fact an excellent dancer?'' 

''Aragorn!'' I exclaimed in protest. Aragorn only laughed wholeheartedly.

I _was_ a really talented dancer, but I didn't think it was something to be talked about. I was a warrior, for Eru's sake!

''Prove it! You're going to have to prove it!'' exclaimed Pippin.

''Oh, please...''

''Ooh, I want the honor of the first dance!'' he added.

''Of course not! The next party is all mine!'' protested Merry.

''I will dance with both of you, I promise!'' I exclaimed in defeat. Aragorn laughed some more.

''And you, for all you are I would still punch you, Aragorn, if my arms weren't this sore. Stop laughing!''

He ruffled my hair instead, even though I had just brushed it. It was pretty enough before he ruined it. 

As night drew on, the hobbits fell asleep in two comfortable chairs. Aragorn had distanced himself and was now speaking to Legolas, both leaning against a rail. I was resting, lying on a comfortable wide bench with lots of cushions. I felt as though I was lying on a cloud. I might have dozed off for a short while for when I next opened my eyes, Aragorn wasn't there. It was only Legolas, now carrying two large leaves of a plant I was too tired to even try and recognize. 

''Give me your arms,'' he said.

''Why?''

''This will soothe the pain. You won't feel sore in the morning.''

''I'm fine, really.''

''It will make you feel much better,'' he insisted and I wanted to protest once more, but before I could utter anything, he had already started wrapping them around my arms. The leaves were wet and cold and whatever was in them - it soothed me perfectly. I muttered a ''thank you'' and he only nodded with a smile, before he was gone. I was asleep before I knew it.

~

The next morning, I felt no pain at all. I could freely pull bowstrings as much as I wanted to. I wanted to thank Legolas for it, but when I actually met him for training, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Instead I just did what I was told, spoke when spoken to and disappeared the moment I was finished. I worried about being rude, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling so uncomfortable in his presence. It took me a while to feel comfortable in any Elf's presence.

The only ones who managed to completely shatter the walls I had built around myself were Elrond's children. Arwen was most kind and treated me like a friend. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. Elladan and Elrohir, on the other hand, were just too charming. They were nothing like all the other Elves I had met. 

Elrohir in particular had the personality of a mischievous hobbit. He was the most cheerful and playful Elf I had ever met and he was always about business, always about mischief and fun. He could never be in one place for too long, and he was just the easiest person to become friends with. He was eager to go on his next quest, and he trained every day. He challenged others for fun, and would gloat after hitting all his marks and winning over everyone. I wasn't sure who was better at archery - him or Legolas. But Elrohir was just so much more approachable.

Elladan was the more calm one, the wiser one. I could see how they functioned so perfectly together, not only because they were twins but because they were two sides of a coin, each giving the other balance. Elladan was the one to always keep his brother in sight and soothe his quick temper.

Elrohir showed me almost every corner of Rivendell. I was absolutely in love with the place.

''Can't we all just stay here forever?'' I asked, without seriousness, but he greeted me with the most welcoming: ''You are free to stay here for as long as you wish, my fair friend! Mordor is quite dangerous.''

''I was joking, Elrohir.''

''So was I. You can't stay here.''

''Heeyy!'' I said and he laughed.

''Now I'm really joking.''

''That wasn't very courteous.''

''I'd actually love to come with you. I'm sure it's going to be interesting.''

''Interesting? You really do love danger, don't you?''

''I cannot tell you how many times I started a fight for no reason beside boredom.''

''Blood and ashes, are you even an Elf?''

''I was the last time I checked.''

''You're nothing like any Elf I've ever met.''

''I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment.''

''I'm not sure either,'' I said and laughed out loud, and he laughed with me. And I could not believe how much I'd changed in only a matter of weeks.

''I haven't seen you with a sword, but in a battle of wits you sure are a worthy opponent.''

''You don't know the half of it, my Elven friend.''

''How goes your training?''

''I used to think I was a decent archer until I met you and Legolas.''

''And who's better?''

''Legolas.''

''I thought we were friends!'' he said, trying not to laugh.

''And as a friend I cannot lie to you!''

''This is offense.''

''If you were the better archer, I wouldn't be friends with you, I'd be friends with him.''

''Where is the sense in that?''

''Well, he is so impossibly good it makes me feel intimidated.''

''I have never been so offended in my entire long Elven life,'' Elrohir said and placed his hand on his chest as if offended. I burst out laughing. 

''Maybe one day you can challenge him and we could see who's better.''

''Yes, great idea. It shall happen.''

''I bet you cause your family much headache,'' I said with a grin.

''My father started having headaches when I was just an elfling. I drive Elladan mad on a daily basis. Arwen, on the other hand, seems to be on my side. My sister loves me most.''

''You're absolutely extraordinary,'' I said, my smile ever-present. He was the most unusual Elf I had ever met, truly.

''I know. But Arwen _was_ always on my side. Though she's the youngest, she'd always be the one protecting me when I was in for a beating.''

''Oh, did you get beaten for being a mischievous elfling?''

''Rarely. I usually got Elladan in trouble. And I was always a fast runner.''

 

~

 

''I haven't seen you all day,'' I heard Aragorn's voice behind me. 

I was alone on the terrace, enjoying the summer evening. With my elbows against the stone fence, I watched the waterfalls. I was sure the waterfalls would be one of the things I'd miss the most once I leave. Nothing emptied my mind of everything like listening and watching these waters.

''I spent the day with Elrohir.''

''It's not like you to make a friend so quickly and so easily.''

''I know.''

''It's a good thing.''

''That I'm not sure of... When are we leaving, Aragorn?''

''We should be ready to leave in a few weeks.''

''I'm starting to love it here. Too much, perhaps. The sooner we leave the less I'll leave behind.''

''Don't rush into what you don't know well, Lana,'' Aragorn said, and he called me a name no one else ever called me. I knew it was a sign of affection, and every time I heard it my heart softened no matter what the circumstances.

''It's going to be very dangerous, and you'll wish you were back in Rivendell either way,'' he added, ''Enjoy it while you're here.''

''Oh Aragorn... I wish the Ring didn't exist,'' I said, ''I wish we could just walk into Minas Tirith and you could just sit on the throne and take Arwen with you and marry her. And then I'd go back to Rivendell and stay here and train with Elrohir and become as good an archer as you.''

Aragorn smiled a sad smile. Sadness glimmered in his eyes as well.

''I wish so too, I must admit. I wish I could just marry Arwen and not worry about any of these things. A normal life... sounds too good to be true. It _is_ too good to be true.''

''One day, Aragorn. One day,'' I smiled though I knew I failed to encourage him.

''How goes your training?''

''I might be getting better. I think. I don't know. It's a bit unrealistic to compare myself to Legolas.''

''You can trust him,'' he said.

''Hm?''

''He's a very loyal friend, and a very talented warrior, and I am sure he can pass on some of his talent.''

''I... perhaps I'm not trying hard enough.''

''Or perhaps you've built another one of your walls. You have to let him.''

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. It was true I was keeping a distance from Legolas, and I couldn't explain it well.

''We're a Fellowship now,'' he continued, ''and you'll learn soon that all we will have is each other. Where we're going, you're going to have to trust us all, if you want to live. Not just me, Alanna. We have to be ready to lay down our lives for each other.''

''I know, Aragorn, it's just a bit odd now, that's all,'' I said, ''I'll just need a bit more time. I'm not used to Elves.''

''You said you spent an entire day with one,'' Aragorn chuckled.

''That's different! Elrohir is different,'' I explained.

''He is,'' Aragorn nodded.

''Legolas is an incredibly good archer, and he is so swift and lithe and it's just intimidating to watch. You're used to being around these amazing creatures, you've grown up here. I've barely talked to an Elf before all this. To think that he's thousands of years old and has so much wisdom in that head, so much I could never even try to comprehend. And he's so beautiful. He doesn't seem to have a fault.''

''Elves have faults,'' Aragorn chuckled, ''Arwen has faults, which is exactly why I love her. You'll learn their ways soon and you'll understand them better. Don't be intimidated.''

''Besides, if it's the Fellowship you're worrying about, you should be worrying about the Dwarf.''

''Gimli?''

''I don't like him.''

''I can tell why.''

''There's the one I'll have to get used to.''

''And what of Boromir?''

''We spoke. I... It was alright.''

''When did you speak?''

''The day after the council.''

''You haven't told me.''

''I wanted to, I guess it just escaped my mind.''

''Are you going to be alright? You're going to be together from now on, the two of you. All the time. How does that make you feel?''

''I'll be alright. It's fine. We had a short but normal conversation and no wounds were opened. We'll... get along.''

''That's good to hear.''


	6. The World Ahead

''How are you so good at this?'' I asked him, letting all guard down.

''Archery?'' he asked.

''Yes, archery, but also everything else. Is it an innate talent? Or something that took practice?''

Legolas looked at me curiously, as if unsure about the answer himself.

''I think it's both,'' he said, ''I did have almost three thousand years to practice.''

''Three thousand...'' I whispered into my chin, and when he said ''Yes'' to confirm it I almost jumped a bit, forgetting all about his Elven super-hearing.

''Well, that's just... amazing. And unfair, to be honest. Perhaps I'd be just as good after three thousand years.''

''Perhaps you would be,'' he said with a smile.

''We'll never know,'' I said honestly and he chuckled.

''You were already good when we started, and you've come a long way since. Do not discourage yourself.''

''I guess I shouldn't. No one can be as good as you anyway.''

''I know many Elves who are just as good at archery.''

''I have yet to meet one. Elrohir, for example, is amazing, but he's still not as good as you.''

''We cannot know that,'' he smiled, but not his usual smile. This smile was wide and merry and I could see his entire set of teeth. I almost blushed; I wondered if he thought me ridiculous.

''I better practice,'' I said, ''Aragorn says I need to be better for where I'm going. And I don't have three thousand years.''

''Try for the center again,'' he instructed and I took my bow, notched an arrow to it, pulled the string and really focused. I wanted to hit the exact mark this time.

''That's no good,'' he said.

''But... I haven't even released the string.''

''That's exactly it. You're not relaxed enough and even though you're trying to focus, it's actually impossible since you're being driven by your eagerness and your feelings. You have to relax.''

''But how can I relax in battle? I'm never relaxed, I'm angry... and eager.''

''That's what makes archery so much different from any other form of battle. You have to empty your mind of everything else and become one with the arrow. You're trying too hard to be precise. It's only practice but you cannot be taking so much time. As you know yourself, targets are usually moving.''

''I know...''

''Try again.''

I pulled on the string again, and took a few seconds to breathe in and out and calm myself. I released the arrow but it didn't hit the mark - it hit impossibly close to it. Still, I was utterly frustrated because of it, and I let out a graceless grunt of disapproval and put away the bow.

''I hate this,'' I said, ''I hate it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't like doing things wrong.''

Legolas looked like he was about to laugh and was just restraining himself. Battle was one of the few things I took pride in and was confident about, and to realize I'm not as good as I'd thought was frustrating to say the least. Quite a bit embarrassing, too.

''I'm sorry,'' I said, ''You're very patient, and I must seem ridiculous. I shall stop complaining.''

''Complain, if that shall make you feel better. I'm glad you're speaking to me at all,'' he said with a smile and I didn't know exactly what to say to that so I just said:  
''I'm sorry if my silence offended you. It's simply my character. It takes me time to befriend people. And I'm not... used to... Elves.''

''Do you fear my people?'' he asked with caution.

''No,'' I said, ''It's not fear. I'm sorry. Can we continue?''

 

~

 

''A few more days in Rivendell and then we leave,'' Boromir said as he sat next to me, ''You might as well eat while you can.''

I had lost all my appetite and was just wasting time at the dinner table. I kept trying to understand everything and sort everything out in my mind, but I simply couldn't quite yet.

''Boromir, you don't like Elves all too much,'' I said, but it was more of a question.

''Like? I wouldn't say I either like them or dislike them. They're our allies. We need them. They can be helpful.''

''But I've noticed you don't feel comfortable around them.''

''No, I don't,'' he said, looking at me curiously, ''I cannot bring myself to fully trust beings so good at everything, almost faultless.''

''Right,'' I said, ''Right, my thoughts exactly.''

''Why this all of a sudden?''

''I thought I was the only one being silly and feeling this way. I am trying to understand Aragorn but he has grown up among the Elf kind. He sees the world differently.''

''Your friend Aragorn trusts them more than his own kin.''

''I know. And I understand why. I don't really trust anyone, no matter the race.''

''Well, peoples of different race will always feel distant and different from each other, as they are. It's only natural. Elves and Dwarves don't like each other all too much. Men and Elves don't trust each other all too much anymore either. Rare are the moments which unite us.''

''The moment has come,'' I said, ''And I wonder if it really takes something this terrible to unite us as one. I wonder if we're all this stubborn and stupid.''

''We are,'' Boromir said with a smile.

 

~

 

We departed from Rivendell later than I thought we would. I did not keep count, but it seemed to me that we had stayed for about a month. It was the closest to home I had ever felt and it was with a heavy heart that I made my way towards the gate that day.

The hobbits were having a lovely time and I felt a bit sad that they had to give up the innocence and playful fun in order to go on the most exciting but also most terrifying journey of their lives. It did not seem fair to me. 

I realized I would miss some people, especially Elrohir, and Arwen. The morning of our departure Arwen came to my chamber and brought me some clothing - special Elvish-crafted boots and a hunter's outfit especially tailored for me, among other things. I was touched by this, and grateful, and wore it right away. She had been most kind during my entire stay.

Elrohir, on the other hand, was gone with his brother on another one of his missions. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye and it saddened me. For a moment I wondered if I'd ever see them again; if I'd ever see Rivendell again. It was only a fleeting thought - I never dread about the future.

The time spent in Rivendell did change me in some ways. I've met many fascinating and intriguing people. I crossed paths with my brother. I learned. I listened. I opened my mind to new knowledge. I became better at archery. I felt grateful for the entire experience. There was no telling how long I'd live, so this feeling of home was something precious I'd cherish.

''You're quite ready, I believe '' Legolas smiled at me after our last training session.

''Thank you for everything, Legolas '' I said with honest gratitude. 

''This is one of my old bows, and I want you to take it,'' he said, handing the bow to me, ''I think it will suit you and it's much better crafted than the one you have now.''

''Thank you,'' I muttered, with a weak chuckle, ''Really... I'm terrible at expressing my gratitude.''

''May it serve you well. That is a good bow too,'' he said, looking at it for one last time, ''The reason I got a new one wasn't because there's something wrong with that one, so don't worry,'' he laughed and I laughed as well. That was the first time. 

But the time to leave had come. We were ready and standing at the gates, saying our goodbyes and farewells. 

''You can still stay here,'' Aragorn said to me and it was barely a whisper, ''There's no shame in turning back. You'd be safe here. And you'd keep Arwen company for a while.''

''Aragorn,'' was all I said and he grinned in defeat.

''It was worth a try,'' he said.

''Mind your step, lass,'' I heard Gimli grumble behind me.

''We haven't even stepped out of Rivendell yet!''

This was it. No more comfortable bed and Elven washing chambers. _''May the light of Eärendil guide you, friend.''_ Arwen's words already echoed in my mind. We'd need all the light we could get. Frodo stepped out of the gates, and we followed.


	7. The Ring Goes South

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if it seems like you're just watching the movie these first bits of the fic, but it's really just the intro I have to go through so be patient. It won't be all like that, I promise!

We walked for many hours, until Rivendell seemed as small as a pea from the cliffs where we stood. I looked upon it one last time and felt a pang of sadness for a fleeting moment. I hoped I'd get a chance to come back.

We were headed South, along the foothills of the Misty Mountains. We did not speak much at first. The Hobbits were the ones losing their strength on useless words mostly. I could hear Merry and Pippin fantasizing about smoking some weeds as they walked behind me. Silly creatures, I thought to myself. For some reason, their presence comforted me a lot. They made everything seem more cheerful and hopeful.

Gandalf and Aragorn were ahead of the party. Legolas, Gimli and I walked behind them, and the halflings walked behind us with Bill the pony. Boromir walked behind the Hobbits to watch over them. I kept close to Aragorn. I didn't know all these new people quite yet, despite all. I was grateful for everything Legolas had done, but I didn't speak to him much. I spoke even less to the rude Dwarf in our company. I noticed the bad energy between the Dwarf and the Elf, and no one wished to meddle with that, me least of all.

After two days of walking, I realized my feet weren't sore at all. My entire body wanted more rest than I was getting, but my feet were perfectly fine. As I was re-adjusting my pony tail, I looked down at my boots which Arwen gave me, and smiled upon realizing the significance of her gift to me. _Elvish craft. Fascinating._

I knew it would take us about 40 days to cross the Misty Mountains, and I wasn't looking forward to it at all. Climbing and walking wasn't a difficulty to me; it was the weather that I knew awaited us. I dreaded the thought of it.

After a few more days we reached a pretty clearing and decided we should have a nice rest there. It was the most convenient place to set up camp so far; we had mostly been camping in the least comfortable places one could imagine. We sat and lit a fire, and I rested my legs as I watched Merry and Pippin being given swordplay lessons by Boromir. They jumped and danced and laughed and it was most amusing to watch. As the swords clashed against each other, Aragorn would give them his own piece of advice every now and then. ''Move your feet, Merry.'' or ''Always be aware of what's behind you, Pippin.'' The hobbits were all over the place, my eyes could barely catch what they were doing.

''Oh, Aragorn,'' I laughed at the sight, ''I am so afraid for them.''

''We.. can.. hear that- you know?!'' Pippin barely managed to say in between the small breaths he was drawing as he tried to defend himself from Boromir.

''What?! I said you were doing greeat, Pip!'' I exclaimed in laughter.

Something somewhere went terribly wrong and the next thing I knew the hobbits had towered and toppled the man screaming out ''for the Shire!!!'' Boromir wiggled on the ground below them and that was the first time I laughed to tears in who knows how long. Aragorn joined in on the fun and tried to separate the bunch, but ended up becoming the next victim. I teased Aragorn about his fall and laughed some more. 

''Watch that hip, old man,'' I teased, and he laughed. Had it been someone else, it would have probably been inappropriate. 

It was a wonderful sunny day and for just a moment I had forgotten all about the quest, all about the war.

I saw Legolas standing on one of the rocks, intently watching the surroundings. He was the eyes and ears of our Fellowship, always the one scanning through the distances our eyes couldn't reach and carefully listening to even the faintest hums on the air.

He was always the most lonesome one, too, as I noticed. Even more so than me, which was quite something to my eyes. Every time we were seated together he'd be standing aside, leaning against a tree. He barely took part in conversation, he'd only throw in a sentence or a few. It seemed like he was just too wise for us all, like he knew too much and too well and just listened instead of bothering to talk. Who could help feeling uneasy next to someone like that? It's like everything you say could be some stupidity to his knowledge and wisdom.

There he was, standing on a rock and looking out into the distance, his cloak fluttering against the wind. He looked almost like a statue, a work of art - he'd stand frozen for quite a while and the only things that got him away were his hair and his cloak, disturbed by the chilly wind. His face showed calm and composure, but his eyes were busy, focused, strained. And then they twitched. And his face changed. His brows furrowed and he looked up, more towards the sky. His brows furrowed even more, higher, and what I was now seeing in his face was confusion, mingled with worry. I realized at this point that I had been watching him for a good while but I didn't give that much thought - I was sure he noticed something and I wanted to know what it was.

''What is it?'' I asked, my voice barely audible, but I guess my question drew the attention of others because I crossed the clearing and approached the Elf on my own initiative.

''It's nothing, just a wisp of cloud'' Gimli waved it off.

''It's moving fast, against the wind'' Boromir stated, now focusing on the sky as well.

I looked up and I saw it - I saw the black wisp of cloud. It did look like a cloud. But how was it black, on this fine sunny day, and how was it moving against the wind? It was approaching us, closer and closer and closer...

''Crebain from Dunland!!'' Legolas shouted out to which Aragorn added ''Hide!!'' and everyone got to running as fast as possible.

I quickly extinguished the fire, splashing some water on it, and I grabbed my pack before I quickly ran off to take cover behind a large rock. Someone pulled me by my arm and into cover, and moments later I realized it was Gimli. I was the last to take cover and hadn't he done that, I would have probably been late and we would have been exposed. In just a few brief moments the unusual flock of black birds was gone. The Dwarf helped me, and that made it just a tiny bit more difficult for me to dislike him. Even though we didn't exactly start off on good terms, and Gimli wasn't the most charming being I had met, it had started - our Fellowship. We were to all help each other at all times, for Frodo's sake primarily. Everything depended on how well we took care of each other, and this was the very first moment I realized it all.

''Spies of Saruman'' I heard Gandalf hiss as we stepped out. ''The passage South is being watched. We must take the pass of Caradhras.''

I did not anticipate the pass of Caradhras. It enabled passage beside one of the range's tallest peaks. The snow up there was not merciful. 

''Shouldn't the pass be watched as well?'' I asked.

''It could and very well might be, but it's the best chance we've got'' Aragorn said.

And so we went, higher into the Misty Mountains. As we climbed higher, the road became a treacherous path along the cliff face. Frodo fell once, and dropped the Ring, which was another close encounter of Boromir and the accursed thing. It was evident that the Ring had more power over Boromir than over any of us. At least I saw it. When I saw the Ring in the snow, I dared not look at it, not to mention approach it. I feared it; I didn't want anything to do with it. It called my name and offered me greatness, but I feared Isildur's Bane becoming mine as well. Every time I saw the thing hanging out of Frodo's shirt, I looked the other way quicker than lightning. Whatever Boromir was going through, I knew I had it in me - in my blood - as well; and I didn't want to give it a chance.

As we walked further, snow began to fall. Nobody spoke. Every ounce of our strength was being used on walking through the snowstorm. Only Legolas remained undeterred. I watched him walk lightly over the snow, leaving hardly a footprint when the snow was thigh-deep for the Men of the Fellowship, and Gandalf too. Every now and then he'd stop and turn around to wait for us. Boromir and Aragorn were helping the halflings, me and Legolas had to keep an eye on Gimli without him knowing. He would otherwise probably exclaim ''I can walk by myself, thank you very much!'' or ''I will have no Elf take care of me!'' or ''Nobody carries a dwarf!''. I saw Gimli struggling as the snow was very high for him. This dwarf was stubbornly trying to clear out the snow before him, but it wasn't to much avail.

''Gimli, are you alright?'' I asked with genuine concern.

''Of course I'm alright! A little bit of snow cannot beat me!''

''Gimli, please, if you would only mount the pony-''

''Leave me be, woman!''

''Dwarf, get on the pony'' Legolas finally said sternly. It sounded like an order and I knew the Dwarf would have never obeyed hadn't he been obliged to. He realized he was falling behind. So he did as he was told.

Days and days through the snow. Camping below any remotely big rock we could find. Cold and wetness. There are no words in either Elvish or the language of Men that could help me describe the hell that were the Misty Mountains up high. The farther we went, the heavier the snow was falling. Aragorn and Boromir were carrying the halflings now that the storm had gotten worse, and I could barely keep my eyes open as the ice stung at my cheeks and the wind blew brutally. Just walking through snow that deep was enough to make one exhausted, not to mention the freezing cold blowing in one's face and the icy feeling in one's bones. 

Legolas ran off ahead once again and this time he stood watching and listening, and I knew not how he could possibly make out anything ahead, Elf as he was. We were surrounded by a white curtain of snow, yet there he was, watching and listening intently. The last time he stood like that and had that look on his face, we were being spied by the enemy. I knew that something was wrong, and it didn't take me long to find out.

''There's a fell voice on the air'' he said. 

I did not understand what he meant by it; I heard nothing but the loud whistlings and howls of the wind. But then it started to get louder and I heard it clearly - chantings in a foreign language I did not understand. Words could be heard clearly and they echoed loud through the mountain rocks. I looked around but saw nothing; I knew not what to expect from what was happening.

''It's Saruman!!!!'' Gandalf shouted out. 

I inhaled sharply as boulders and large amounts of snow started tumbling down the mountain. We were in grave danger and could not do much about it from where we were standing. I panicked.

''He's trying to bring down the mountain!!!!'' Aragorn screamed. ''Gandalf, we must turn back!!!''

''No!!!'' Gandalf responded before he started chanting something as well, in a language unknown to me. 

At this point I was very frightened and confused. What was Gandalf doing? Why were we still there? Pieces of rocks crumbled down under the weight of such large amounts of snow. Everywhere around us everything seemed to be falling apart, and in such a heavy snowstorm one could not tell what was rock and what was ice and snow. We could have easily died if the piece of the mountain on which we were standing had tumbled off. We would have fallen into nothingness. I tried to wrap my mind around everything that was happening. My mind was racing and my heart was beating fast, pounding hard against my chest, and my eyes roamed my surroundings restlessly, but I saw no reasonable solution. 

Just then, a lightning stroke the peak of the mountain above us. Huge amounts of snow and pieces of rock started falling down and everywhere around us. We all threw ourselves as close to the mountain walls as possible. I was pushed by someone against the mountain wall and mostly covered by their own body. Next thing I knew, I could not breathe. Everything went dark. My lungs felt as though they had been shrunk. We were all covered with who knows how much snow and we had to be quick if we were to survive. My mind started racing even faster as I realized this. I was pressed so hard at whatever was against me that I could not move and try to dig my way out. I knew I had mere minutes before falling unconscious due to lack of air. I knew I had to either dig my way out quickly or faint there and then suffocate.

Then I felt someone move and light reached me. I did not know who they were at the moment but someone had dug the first hole in the snow and ice cold air finally filled my lungs. It almost stung me to breathe it in. I saw a hand reaching out to me and I took it. This person pulled me out effortlessly and I realized it couldn't have been anyone but Legolas. For a moment there, I really envied him for being an Elf. In a matter of moments he had helped nearly everyone out of the snow, all the while I was trying to uncover Gimli's entire body and pull him out.

''Arghh! Thank you, lassie! For a moment there I thought I was gone! I could have sworn I saw the Light of Ilúvatar!''

''You're alright, Gimli.''

''We must get off the mountain!!'' Boromir shouted. ''Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!!''

''The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!!'' argued Aragorn.

''We cannot pass over the mountain, let us go under it!'' Gimli finally said. ''Let us go through the mines of Moria!''

I did not like how that sounded. I knew many stories about Moria, and not one of them was pleasant. But then again, we had as much chance of dying right where we were. I looked to Gandalf expecting an answer, a decision, but there was none. There was something in his eyes that I could not quite believe - strong fear. There was strong fear mingled with worry and it made me nervous.

''Let the Ringbearer decide'' he said.

I looked to Frodo and I saw he was afraid - afraid of making the wrong decision. It would be another burden for this little hobbit to bear.

''We cannot stay here!!'' Boromir urged. ''This will be the death of the hobbits!!''

''Gandalf, I agree'' I added hastily, not wanting to waste another second in that snowstorm, ''Frodo, speak at once, please!''

''Frodo?'' asked Gandalf once again.

''We will go through the mines'' Frodo said warily.

''So be it'' responded the wizard.


	8. The Mines of Moria

And so we went back. Night was drawing on as we were headed for the western Door of Moria. It was supposed to be situated near a lake by the side of the mountain. It took us quite some time to even find a path to it to begin with. Once we reached the said lake, I felt a sort of dark feeling creep into my bones. The lake was dark - it looked dark - and it was dreadfully still. Everything was still and awfully quiet, almost impossibly quiet. After what we had experienced higher up the mountain, silence seemed too odd.

''I sense malice in this place,'' Legolas said as we were approaching, ''I do not like it.''

''Ahh! The walls... of Moria,'' Gimli said in awe, gazing at the mountain side. 

''Dwarf doors are invisible when closed,'' he added, before he started knocking his axe against the stone trying to find the door. Everyone started feeling up the rocky surface looking for any sort of clue as to where the entrance might be. All I felt against my hands was rock, and nothing ever changed no matter how many times I traced my fingers in different directions. I had no idea what those Dwarves meant to achieve, but I certainly saw no door anywhere near.

''Invisible, you say,'' I said.

''Yes!'' Gandalf answered instead. ''Their own masters cannot find them, if their secrets are forgotten.''

''Why doesn't that surprise me?'' Legolas remarked, to which Gimli just grumbled in protest and annoyance and just plain dislike of the Elf. I suppressed a chuckle; it amused me how quickly the Elf could anger the Dwarf and vice versa. 

Any bad feelings I had harbored for the Dwarf had started dissipating and that is another trait of mine - I rarely hold grudges and I stop being angry rather quickly. Unless, of course, the deed is too terrible and just unforgivable. Legolas and Gimli, on the other hand, were still the same as they were back in Rivendell. I wondered if that would continue, for the constant bickering would surely become nothing but annoying.

After about an hour's search and helpless touching of the walls of the mountain, Gandalf had finally found the Door. He approached a rock between two trees, and ran his hand over the cliff face and we all simply knew.

''Now… let's see... Ithildin...'' he mumbled to himself as he ran his hand over the rock. ''It mirrors only starlight… and moonlight...''

We all watched intently trying to figure out what he meant. But soon enough the Moon came to our aid as it appeared through the clouds. Shining down upon us, it made the silver lines on the Door grow bright. The Door revealed itself to us, outlined with silvery light. A tree and a star on top of it were carved into the stone. I watched in awe as it all appeared before me. It was an amazing thing to see; breathtaking magic to experience happen before your eyes. I saw Elvish writings and I wondered what they meant.

''What does it say?'' I asked.

''It reads: ''The Doors of Durin — Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.'''' responded Gandalf.

''What do you suppose that means?'' asked Merry.

''Oh, it's quite simple. If you are a friend, you speak the password, and the doors will open'' said Gandalf. ''Annon Edhellen, edro hi ammen!''

''Aragorn, what does that mean?'' I asked in a whisper.

''It means: _Gate of the Elves, open now for me._ '' he said.

''Oh. Sound so beautiful,'' I commented, ''Once all this is over, maybe you could teach me some.''

''I could teach you if you'd like,'' Legolas offered with a smile, ''We'll have time on our way.''

A gasp of joy escaped me, and I could not help it. I quickly composed and restrained myself. I always had a passion for learning languages, and I always wanted to learn it all. Languages are a beautiful thing to me, and the ways in which words carry meanings and feelings fascinate me to no end. I was always a quick learner too, but I never had a chance to learn much. I never had easy access to many books. I had read whatever I could find and get my hands on. I always spent whatever coin I had on me to buy cheap books. I preferred knowledge over food, and I had sacrificed many dinners for tattered books and worn out pages. I read a lot, as much as I could. But I never had the chance to learn languages, least of all any form of Elvish.

''How do you say... _Thank you_?'' I asked.

''Hannon le.''

''Hannon le, then, Legolas'' I said politely and gave him an appropriate smile which he returned.

I could not quite believe that for a moment there I felt excitement and happiness, even before the very entrance to the mines of Moria. I have always been an odd person, sometimes even silly, I think, but this was just baffling even to me once I reflected. Still, with an upbringing like mine, you learn to appreciate the small things and you learn to live life one day at a time.

In the mean time, Gandalf kept talking to the door and Legolas kept silently translating to me but nothing was happening. The Door remained closed.

''Nothing's happening'' Pippin stated the obvious to which Gandalf responded with an annoyed glare. He then proceeded to helplessly push on the doors, but they remained closed nevertheless.

''I once knew every spell in all the tongues of Elves… Men… and Orcs'' he said.

''What are you going to do, then?'' asked Pippin.

''Knock your head against these doors, Peregrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words'' Gandalf said and I was torn between wanting to laugh and feeling bad for the hobbit. So I ruffled his hair once, hoping to comfort him.

 

~

 

Hours had passed and we were all sitting scattered around the Door. Gandalf kept speaking and yet nothing was happening still.

''If anything or anyone kills my wish to learn Sindarin or any form of Elvish, it will be Gandalf,'' I huffed before I heard a chuckle in response. Turning to its source I realized it had come from Boromir. 

A smile was still on his face and he was now looking at me. I smiled back and I felt oddly content, a warm feeling wrapping itself around my heart. Very soon it turned into mild heartache, and I could not understand the reason to any of these feelings. So I looked away.

What suddenly alarmed me was the sound of pebbles hitting the surface of the lake water. I realized Merry and Pippin were throwing stones to pass the time and I could not believe their carelessness.

''Hey!'' I hissed at them before I walked quickly over and took them by their hands, stopping them mid-air. ''Stop that.''

''Do not disturb the water,'' Aragorn added, and Merry and Pippin just looked at each other, confused, before they looked away in guilt.

After a while, I realized I was getting bored. Gandalf was nowhere near solving the riddle. Aragorn was seated against a rock, smoking from his pipe, deep in his thoughts. Frodo and Sam were together, as always, in their own little world that I did not wish to disturb. I did not want to sit with Boromir and talk to him; not at that moment. Gimli on the other hand, was lying down and snoring from time to time, it seemed to be. Merry and Pippin, lovely as they were, had started annoying me with their rants about hunger and Gandalf not getting anywhere with the riddle. Legolas was the only one standing, leaning with his back against a tree. His arms were crossed on his chest and whenever we had a chance to stop anywhere, this would be his usual position. He truly almost looked like a statue, his handsome features outlined by the moonlight, but the occasional glances he was taking gave him away. Once again he took on the role of the eyes and ears of our Fellowship. I decided to make an effort and approach him. I decided it was time for me to face whatever he was stirring up inside of me, because whatever it was - it didn't come from him, it came from me. I was the one intimidated and uneasy and uncomfortable and whatever the reason was, it wasn't his fault. It was something inside of me, my own confusion and ignorance and insecurity, I supposed. It was time to start facing that and changing it.

''Have you noticed anything suspicious?'' I asked. 

''I have seen and heard nothing so far... but I can't rid myself of this feeling,'' he said, ''There is something strange about this place.'' 

His eyes once again fell on the lake before us, and so mine followed. But to me it was just a lake, water shining under the moonlight - nothing else. It was dark and still and that is why it seemed creepy, but I didn't make much more of it. Still I took it as a sign to remain cautious, for I trusted Elven intuition. 

''Elves,'' I said with honesty, ''You fascinate me to no end.'' 

''There are downsides to being an Elf,'' he said with a smile.

''One downside,'' I said. ''Immortality.''

He looked surprised by my comment. His eyebrows had risen and a look of bewilderment was there, but there was also amusement. I could not look at him for long, however; I'd always look away in a matter of moments. There was something about his deep blue eyes that made it impossible for me to keep eye contact for longer than a few seconds. I knew not why that was but I looked away and to the lake once again.

''You're absolutely right,'' he said, ''But Men usually envy us for it. They think it a blessing.''

''But you don't,'' I said though I meant it as a question.

''Many of us don't,'' he said. A short silence followed, before he added: ''You're different from your kin.''

''Well, I would not like to live forever,'' I said as I actually thought about it for a moment and imagined it in my head. ''Yes, I wouldn't like that at all.''

He smiled but it was a smile of amusement and a hint of disbelief. Every glance of him I took was utterly short and I wondered if he'd noticed. 

''I do not know much about you,'' he said after a while, breaking the silence that had followed, ''except that you are Aragorn's friend, and he loves you as a little sister.''

''There's not much to know,'' I said, ''I am but an ordinary person.''

''Ordinary is the very thing you're not,'' he smiled, ''You're different than most of your kind I've met, and you're a woman Ranger. I haven't met many female Rangers... In fact, I've met none.''

''Well, that's a long story,'' I wanted to laugh but it came out as a sigh. A sigh under the weight of living.

''We're on a long journey,'' he said.

''I left home when I was young,'' I explained, ''and swordplay kept me entertained and my heart sought travel and adventure. So I went North. Became a Ranger. Not so long a story after all.''

''Why did you leave home?''

''I told you - my heart sought adventure. I've aways been like this. Wandering fills my heart with joy.''

Though it was partly true, I mostly lied. The main reason was kept buried in the depths of my heart. I wondered if he saw through my lie, with his strong Elven intuition, but I really did not care much. Actually, I was almost sure he saw through it.

''Oh, it's useless'' I could hear Gandalf grumble out loud in the background. What really stopped our conversation, however, was not Gandalf but strange movements in the water. Both Legolas and I reacted to it and stood straight and ready right away. My hand was on my swordhilt, but I could see nothing. I turned to Legolas - he was looking intently, his eyes scanning the place very quickly.

''I do not know what it is,'' he said without me even asking, as if he could read my mind. ''But I hear it as well.''

His response made me nervous. Knowing that something was up against me but not knowing what it was had to be the worst thing. I was fine with facing the worst enemy head on, as long as I could see them with my eyes. Anything hiding in the shadows would tie a knot in my gut. There is nothing worse than not knowing what to expect.

''It's a riddle'' I heard Frodo's voice in the background but my eyes never turned to look. They were kept on the lake's surface. 

''What's the Elvish word for _friend_?'' he asked.

''Mellon,'' Gandalf responded. 

The most unexpected thing happened at that moment - the Door opened. I could hear it rumble behind me and I sighed in relief. Finally, one by one, we all made our ways through. Hours of boredom and lingering near a suspiciously-looking lake had come to an end.

''Soon, Master Elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the Dwarves! Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone!'' Gimli said to Legolas, a bit overwhelmed. I assumed he was trying to prove how much richer and more hospitable Dwarves were compared to Elves.

''This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Balin. And they call it a mine. A mine!'' he added, joking light-heartedly.

But this place smelled odd. The air was stale, but it wasn't only that. There was something odd about the smell that I could not exactly figure out in the dark. I saw nothing at all around me, but utter blackness. Thankfully, Gandalf used his staff to give us some light and guidance. But what we saw when Gandalf lit up the chamber made a breath stop in my throat. It was devastating and alarming.

''This is no mine, it's a tomb!'' Boromir exclaimed.

I looked around and all I could see were rotten, broken and battered forms strewn about, casting long shadows across the room. These were corpses. The realization of it made me slightly sick to my stomach. Next thing I heard were Gimli's desperate cries, and it tore my heart into pieces. All these corpses scattered about - these were all his kinsmen. His sadness pierced through my insides, I felt as though I could start crying myself. We were surrounded by so much death, which meant we were surrounded by danger as well. Whatever had killed these people, it was surely still in Moria.

Legolas approached a corpse, pulled out an arrow and examined it, before he threw it away in disgust. ''Goblins!'' he hissed, to which we all immediately drew out our weapons. We knew not quite what we were facing, but there we were, standing ready for whatever was about to strike. 

''We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here,'' Boromir insisted.

''Saying what we should or shouldn't have done isn't exactly going to help the case!'' I hissed, fear rising in me.

''Let us just get out of here now! Get out!'' Boromir shouted.

The next I heard were the hobbits screaming out Frodo's name so I turned around quickly and saw what I could not believe I was seeing - some sort of lake monster reached through the Door and grabbed Frodo by his leg, pulling him to the water. ''Aragorn!!'' I screamed for help, running towards Frodo. 

Merry and Pippin were doing their best to keep Frodo out of water, but this huge Kraken-like creature showed itself and then wrapped its tentacles around them too before throwing them aside. Aragorn and I ran into the water, and Boromir followed. I cut and sliced every piece of monster flesh I could, but it didn't seem to bring this creature much harm. I saw Aragorn approaching the monster closer and closer. He was aiming for the right tentacle, the one that was now holding Frodo up in the air. He swung his sword as hard as he possibly could and Frodo fell right into Boromir's arms.

''Into the mines!!!'' Gandalf ordered.

But I couldn't simply run out of the waters that fast. The creature was still everywhere around me. It was now mostly above the water, and I could see its appalling face. Its mouth was disgusting and its teeth were deadly and I wanted nothing but to escape it instantly. I rushed backwards while cutting every single piece of the monster that came near me. The creature lifted itself up even higher above the water and opened its disgusting mouth wide and I did not know what to do as fear grew stronger in me. ''Legolas!!!!'' I screamed.  
An arrow pierced one of the creature's eyes and it roared, thrown aback in agony of the pain. It gave me a chance to run away. 

''Into the cave!!!'' Aragorn screamed. ''Run!!!''

We all raced into Moria, running for our lives. But the lake monster did not give up on its prey. It reached forward but could not get to us. Its strong tentacles only managed to tear the gates shut behind us as slabs of rocks dropped and the roof of the passageway caved in. There was no more moonlight, not a glimpse of it. All that could be heard was heavy breathing of us all.

''We now have but one choice'' Gandalf said before he brought some light with his staff and started walking. ''We must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.''

We followed. There was less light than the first time we entered, so we stuck close together. Gandalf's staff was our only guidance for quite a while. I was suddenly aware of how wet I was, and I hated the feeling of clothes so glued to my body. I remembered to squeeze whatever water was in my hair.

''Ugh... I should have cut it when I had the chance,'' I grumbled to myself, annoyed. Having long hair was going to be nothing but a pain and a trouble. 

''But you look pretty with your hair long,'' Merry said.

''Well, I don't think being pretty is going to help me survive, Merry,'' I responded with a quiet chuckle. 

''Legolas,'' I whispered, suddenly remembering, ''Thank you.''

He only nodded with a smile but in reality he had saved my life, no less.

''You two getting awfully friendly very quickly, I see,'' Gimli commented with an attempt to tease, but it did not work on me. It was probably because I never thanked him back on the mountain and it was probably meant to annoy Legolas as well. And it was working.

''Why didn't we throw you to the lake monster?'' Legolas retorted, shooting Gimli a deadly glare.

''Quietly now. It's a four-day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed,'' Gandalf said. 

 

~

 

We walked for miles and miles; through twisting passages and over great, gaping pits. We weren't to look down. Looking down meant panic and chaos. There was absolutely no looking down into the chasms below us.

The air was the worst - it was getting more and more stale as we proceeded. The fact that I was to breathe that air for at least four days almost brought tears to my eyes. It smelled almost poisonous. And it probably was. 

As I observed the caves I could not help but wonder to myself. How deep did the dwarves actually dig? And what kind of trouble had led Gandalf to go through these mines before?

After a few hours of walking in silence, we entered a great cavern, far bigger than any part of Moria we had been thus far. Gandalf told us of mithril and how it had always been the biggest treasure of the dwarves, and that was the first time we all looked down into a pit since we entered. A beautiful light illuminated our faces as we did - the great treasure of the dwarves lay there. I stepped up a little bit closer to the edge in order to see and indeed it was marvelous. I realized it was deep beyond measuring, beyond anything my own mind could calculate. It sent chills down my back. Gandalf then told us of King Thorin Oakenshield and his gift to Bilbo Baggins and how much that mithril gift was actually worth. We didn't linger there, and proceeded rather swiftly. Gandalf's little stories helped us pass the time, and we were grateful for that.

We approached the side of the cavern, and a set of incredibly steep stairs came to sight. They were _incredibly_ steep, dreadfully steep. Pippin almost fell once as we climbed.

''Don't look down. Imagine a simple hallway,'' I said trying to encourage the hobbits, but even I had goosebumps all over me from the mere thought of what would wait for me down there if I were to fall.

After another set of steep stairs, we reached a crossroads: three doorways loomed before us. Gandalf stopped and I looked at him, confused. He simply glanced from one to the other and back. And then he said: ''I have no memory of this place.''

I was really disappointed to hear that sentence. All I could think about was: _More time in the mines_. And I surely did not want to spend an extra second in those caves if not necessary. How long would it take him to solve this riddle? This one had no clues.

''Gandalf, are you sure?'' I asked reluctantly.

''We will rest here this night. I will think while you get some sleep.'' he said. ''Pippin, give me your pipe.''

We all sat scattered around. I rested on a rock and leaned my head against the wall of the cavern. I tried to rest a bit, but it seemed impossible. I could hear the halflings talk in the back.

_''Are we lost?''  
''No.''  
''I think we are.''  
''Shh! Gandalf's thinking.''  
''Merry?''  
''What?''  
''I'm hungry.''_

I decided it was impossible to fall asleep or even doze off lightly so I walked over to Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas where they had lit a fire.

''Do you think it will take us longer than four days through these mines?'' I asked. 

''If we make stops such as these, then probably,'' Aragorn said.

''Well, I am not glad to hear that.''

''Neither am I...'' agreed Boromir.

''What I'm more worried about are the creatures that reside here...'' said Legolas, and I could hear in his voice that he had sensed something. I hoped I was wrong. 

''Well, let us hope we have some luck then,'' said Aragorn reassuringly.

''As long as we're quiet, we shouldn't encounter such problems,'' I concluded with little certainty but a lot of hope.

''I still say we should have made for the Gap of Rohan,'' insisted Boromir, shaking his head.

''Boromir... _should have_ is only discouraging the little ones,'' I said, ''We're here now. None of that matters any longer.''

''Besides, we would have walked right up to Isengard's doorstep that way,'' added Aragorn.

''It wouldn't have been any safer for the Ringbearer,'' agreed Legolas.

After a short silence, Boromir walked away and joined Merry and Pippin. I noticed that my brother had grown very fond of those two hobbits. They probably brought him comfort just like they brought it to me. Soon enough Aragorn distanced himself as well, but he sought no one's company - yet again he sat alone, smoking and getting lost in his own thoughts. I knew that he had much on his mind. Still, I did not want him constantly troubled by heavy thoughts. Perhaps because he noticed me watching Aragorn with worry, Legolas asked me:  
''How did you meet?''

''Hm?'' was all I could voice out, barely waking up from my thoughts.

''You and Aragorn. You seem very loyal to him.''

''Yes, he is... well, a friend, and family. And... all I have really,'' I confessed.

''How did you meet?''

''That is not a very flattering story,'' I said, chuckling at the memory, ''Let us just say I was hanging upside down from a bandit trap and he saved me before things could get worse. Beat them all and untied me and... odd as it sounds I've been with him ever since.''

''How so?''

''I was lost. And he couldn't just leave me in the forest. So I accompanied him and I was so determined to become a Ranger there was really nothing he could have done about it.''

''I asked her where she lived,'' Aragorn joined in, startling me a bit. He had been listening. ''I wanted to go as far as taking her home but she said...''

''I have no home,'' I finished his sentence, remembering.

''How so? I asked. Surely everyone has a home, I said.''

''I am looking for mine, I said,'' I continued the story. By now he had joined us again and sat next to me.

''Time passed and we were nowhere nearer her telling me where she lived, so... it was an impossible task. She stayed, and I'm glad she did. I'm glad I found her. She was just a child, but she gave me much comfort.''

''Yes, I have to admit I felt less like going mad once you crossed my path, my friend. There's only so many nights alone in the woods one can take,'' I commented with a grin, but on the inside I was touched and truly moved by these precious memories I cherished. Company in the wild, a friend in the world, talks around the fire, the joy of sharing a meal.

We talked for what seemed like a few hours. One by one, everyone in the fellowship was slowly falling asleep. I don't remember when, but after a while I dozed off too. I woke up cuddled up, almost hugging my knees. It must have been cold during the night so I wanted to make myself warm in my sleep. When I woke up I realized I was covered with another cloak - one that was not mine, and I wondered to whom it belonged, Aragorn or Legolas. Looking around I found my answer - Legolas stood talking to Aragorn, cloak-less. I got up and took the cloak wanting to hand it back. But Legolas approached me before I could approach him.

''Thank you,'' I simply said.

''Did you rest well?''

''Yes, oddly enough, better than I'd expected. You shouldn't have taken off your cloak, I wasn't cold.''

''That's quite alright, Elves are naturally very resistant to cold.''

''Oh! It's that way'' Gandalf finally said, to my disbelief. I seemed to have awoken at just the right time. I had almost made peace with the fact that we were stuck. I was a bit amazed, really. Just like that? Of all Aragorn's friends, that wizard was the strangest. But we all loved him dearly.

''He's remembered!'' exclaimed Merry happily.

''No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down here'' Gandalf explained. ''If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose.''


	9. The Bridge of Khazad-dûm

After a few hours of walking in silence, we were all sure Gandalf had chosen the right path. There were so many halls and passageways - enough to make one dizzy. After a while they all seemed to look the same to me, so I just stopped watching and followed mindlessly. Finally, there came a treat for my eyes - after some time we had reached open space. It was a sort of a clearing, it seemed, and it made one feel less packed in a box under earth. I looked around again, and I noticed dust, and rock, and broken columns lying tumbled across the floor. There was destruction there, but not destruction caused by time. There had been battle. I could recognize a field of battle when I saw one, and I was sure others among us could too, so I said nothing.

''Let me risk a little more light,'' Gandalf said as he lifted up his staff.

What we saw was breathtaking - we found ourselves in an enormous, splendid underground hall with great pillars, arched ceilings and shiny walls. It looked majestic, and my jaw fell as I stared in awe.

''Behold - the great realm and Dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf,'' Gandalf announced. 

''Wow...'' was all I could mutter into my chin. Me eyes roamed the carvings on the ceiling.

''Now there's an eye opener and no mistake,'' said Sam.

Gandalf and Gimli told us some old legends and stories concerning this city, and it kept our mind off of all the things that were bothering us. We did not make any stops until the next morning. We pressed on eagerly. We knew that morning had come because of the light that reached through the small windows the dwarves had built into the sides of the mountain. The hall was slightly more illuminated. 

Before us we saw an entrance to a smaller chamber. There was more sunlight in it, more than we had seen in days. Gimli gave away a sound which confused me and alarmed me, and then he suddenly ran off towards that chamber door. We called out his name in confusion and concern but Gimli kept running, not even looking back or responding to us. We all followed after him; I ran though I did not understand what was happening at all. But then I saw Gimli crying, kneeling in front of a tombstone in the middle of the chamber and I knew then. 

My heart ached. Gimli had seen so much death and loss of his kin. And there lay another one, and I knew right away that this person was important to Gimli. This person was important to everyone, as they were the only one of the Dwarven kind in Moria that got an actual burial. The crypt was positioned in the centre of the room, completely illuminated by sun-rays reaching from the small windows in the mountain walls. 

I looked around and saw bodies and weapons scattered about. It was a sad but frightening sight. Gandalf approached the tomb and translated the runes to us:  
'' _Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria._ He is dead then... It's as I feared.''

''We must move on, we cannot linger,'' I heard Legolas whisper to Aragorn and it made me grow even more nervous. My mind wandered off to different possible scenarios that could result from our situation. _What if it's still out there? Whatever killed all these people, what if it's still out there? Is it only goblins? Have we really passed unnoticed?_

Gandalf approached a corpse and picked up an old, battered book. Gimli was still wailing, with less strength now. I put my hand on his shoulder as I knew not how else to comfort him. 

''I'm sorry, Gimli,'' I muttered, kneeling next to him. He barely responded, barely nodded his head.

'' _They have taken the bridge… and the second hall_ ,'' Gandalf started to read. '' _We have barred the gates… but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums… drums… in the deep._ ''

My heart started skipping beats before it sped up, pumping blood out of my head. The words Gandalf spoke made fear rise in me, and my breathing quickened and I tried to steady it, but all I could do was stand up straight, gulp down, and restlessly shift my weight from side to side. My hand went to my swordhilt instinctively. Me eyes met Aragorn's and I knew him well enough to see the same sort of fear and suspicion, but he barely showed it.

'' _We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out… They are coming._ ''

A breath stopped in my throat now and the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up. It seemed that each second lasted a lifetime, and each breath seemed heavier to pull and all I wanted to do was get out of there. I wanted us all to leave as soon as possible, and come out of Moria to meet the fresh air unharmed. If we could somehow magically simply disappear and reappear on the other side. I didn't want to spend a single second more there. I had never been so eager to leave a place in my whole entire life. It was a feeling in my very bones, and it was a feeling I had learned to trust.

Just then, a disturbing noise came from the back and I spun around quickly in reaction only to see that Pippin had knocked a corpse over into a well, altogether with the chain and the bucket and it produced the most strident noise one could possibly produce in Moria. The horrible clamor kept echoing from hall to hall down below and I winced and cringed with every loud hit of the bucket against anything. The fear in me had now grown even stronger. Whatever lied in the deeps of Moria, I was sure Pippin had awoken it.

''Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!'' Gandalf hissed angrily.

I had no time to be angry at Pippin, to shout or hiss or reprimand. None of us did. There were drums. Drums in the deep.

At the very first second I thought I was imagining it, that my exhausted mind was too heavily influenced by fear so it started creating things that never happened. But I heard it. When I looked around to meet the faces of my companions I was sure I wasn't imagining. It was there - booming and echoing across the halls.

The sound of it seemed to be coming from every corner. The echoes were disorientating, and one could not tell from which part the danger was coming. I looked around but it was useless. It was impossible to determine. The walls of the chamber started slightly shaking. More drums. 

The sound was getting closer and closer. 

''Orcs!!'' exclaimed Legolas in alarm and I readied my sword in a split of a second.

Boromir ran over to the door to have a quick look, but arrows hissed and pierced the wood of the door, mere inches from his face. I gasped at the luck that was on his side, and he closed the door quickly in attempt to keep the danger out.

''Get back!'' Aragorn shouted out to the hobbits as he rushed over to Boromir. 

''Stay close to Gandalf,'' I told them as calmly as I could, and Sam only nodded in understanding.

''They have a cave troll,'' said Boromir and all I could do was try to swallow back all the fear that threatened to cloud my mind. I wouldn't let it.

We had to act quickly - Legolas and I started quickly tossing all the Dwarven weapons we could find over to Boromir and Aragorn, hoping they could blockade the door with it. It seemed to be working for a short while. The door shook as Orcs slammed against it, but it wasn't opening - it kept them out for a few moments longer. We stepped back and readied our weapons, waiting as it was the only thing we could do. The door started shaking more violently. They were trying to break in and we all knew they would succeed.

''They're coming...'' I whispered to myself, stating the obvious. I kept shifting my weight from one leg to the other, not even aware of my restlessness.

Suddenly, Gimli leaped atop the tomb of his late cousin with his axe ready in his arms and I could not help but ask:  
''What are you doing?'' 

''Argh!!! Let them come!! There is one dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath!''

The doors started breaking. They splintered, and weapons crashed through the splintering spaces. Aragorn used a bow too, and stood poised next to Legolas, both ready to shoot at any moment. Boromir stood right next to them, a sword ready in his hand. I swiftly positioned myself next to the door, the tip of my blade almost resting against my face.  
Finally, the Orcs gashed a first gap in the door. Legolas fired a shot and a shrill cry rang out. He notched another arrow to his bow as Aragorn shot another. They worked quickly but I knew they weren't capable of taking them out before we were overrun. And then the door hit the floor completely. 

A wave of armor-clad Orcs charged in. I watched the first few rush in from where I was standing as Legolas and Aragorn shot them one by one. None of the Orcs noticed me in my hiding, and so I let a few others rush in before I struck from the back. I beheaded one of them and in one turn of my body stabbed another through the stomach. Just as I did so, one of them approached me from behind but I cut his arm off before he could make his strike. More and more of them charged in. I did my best to work as quickly and carefully as possible, but the chamber was soon almost filled with them. It soon became not about killing them and defeating them, but merely about blocking them and keeping them away and defending myself. We were outnumbered. 

I turned around only to see the halflings fighting the Orcs as well. ''What are you doing?! Get back!!'' I shouted at them.

At that moment, another dirty Orc approached me from the back and turning, I saw his weapon almost too close to me. I feared I wouldn't be able to defend myself on time, but it was a fleeting thought, for an arrow struck the Orc, entering its head from one side and coming out at the other. It fell dead before I even realized it, and looking around I saw that it was Legolas who had shot him down. 

I did not stop for a split second, I could not afford it. Perhaps it was because we all fought with such fiery passion, as too much was at stake, that at a certain point it seemed to me that we had cleared them out a bit. I didn't have that moment of gloating and relief, before I could even make this conclusion, a huge shadow veiled me and I looked up. What I saw was a cave troll smashing through the doorway, with a huge mace in its hand, chains leading from its wrists to the hands of a pair of Orcs. I felt a rush of disgust again - odd how an Orc can manage to unpleasantly surprise you after all you've learned about the creatures. 

I took just one step back, and started thinking quickly. Legolas startled me from my thinking as his arrow traveled next to me and shot the troll in its shoulder. The beast started growling and it turned towards Sam.

''Sam!!! Get out of there!!!'' I screamed.

But the hobbit lay, scared and helpless. I ran over to him hoping to at least push him away, but once I reached my little friend, the shadow that had veiled us grew darker. I looked up and I saw it - I saw the troll raising its foot in the air, ready to step on us and break us like eggs. We had to move quickly, and I tried to pull us both out of there on time, my hands on Sam's shoulders. I knew we couldn't stop the blow. Just as we pulled away, the beast fell back - Aragorn and Boromir were pulling on its chains. The troll twisted its arm and whipped Boromir across the room. My brother flew and hit the wall rather harshly before he fell down and hit the floor, dust rising around him. I managed to pull Sam out of there and I quickly looked to Boromir to see if he was alright. He wasn't moving.

''Stay in the back of the room, all four of you,'' I instructed Sam, ''And keep Frodo away.''

Again I turned to look at where Boromir had landed. An Orc stood above him, ready to strike. I threw a dagger at the Orc, across the room, and luckily it landed in its neck. Luck it was, as I was aiming at his head once more. I sighed in relief and gratefulness to Eru, and Boromir only nodded at me in thankfulness. 

But more Orcs started coming from behind the troll. I sliced one after another, successfully avoiding their blows. I barely managed to wound them, I killed none from this new upcoming avalanche. One of them made a cut in my arm, and I initially felt no pain. It came to me late, and as it hit me I almost dropped my sword. I looked at my arm and I saw the wound; blood was trickling out of it. It hurt but it was more discouraging and alarming and frightening than anything else. How long would I be able to keep up? In spite of the pain, or perhaps because of it, I fought with more passion, using every last ounce of strength I had stored up in my body. I killed a few beasts that came at me, almost crying out at every wave of pain in my limb.

The troll whipped its chains at Legolas now. It swung its chains above Legolas's head, but he dodged the blow successfully, and the chain wrapped itself around a pillar behind him. He used it to climb the troll, and as he stood on its shoulder, he managed to shoot the troll in the back of its head. He then jumped off before the beast stumbled. But it did not fall. 

I couldn't afford any more pauses, I had to defend myself from the foul creatures who didn't seem to have a definite number. They kept appearing. At the same time I had to keep an eye on the troll. It seemed impossible. After a few more swings of my sword I realized the troll had turned on Frodo, and Aragorn was tryng to save him. I couldn't move from where I was standing, the Orcs kept coming at me. I was too busy defending myself to be able to rush towards them and help. My arm was stinging. My mind was elsewhere, not with me but with Frodo and Aragorn. It became almost too difficult to fight. Another Orc threatened to hit me; as it swung his sword I managed to dodge the blow, lowering my head, and as I did I cut his leg. He fell and I stabbed him through his gut. And that was it. I knew that was it; I knew I had no strength left for another kill. And by the light of Eärendil, I didn't have to make another kill. I stood free.

That was my chance to run towards Aragorn. I retrieved the dagger from the Orc I killed earlier and threw it at the troll, aiming for its neck. It got stuck in its back instead, not causing it any evident harm. And of course it wouldn't, its skin was perhaps thicker than the length of the dagger. I rushed towards Aragorn, but the troll hit him and threw him across the room before any of us could do anything. I did not stop running for that or any reason, Frodo was all that mattered. But before I managed to reach Frodo, the troll had stabbed him in the chest.

''Frodo!!!!!'' I screamed out, and I wasn't the only one.

Merry and Pippin leaped onto the beast, stabbing it mercilessly. I couldn't reach them, an Orc was behind me so I had to turn around and fight. With small tears biting at my eyes, I killed another Orc and another and another, until I could finally rush towards the hobbits freely. As I turned around I saw Legolas had given the troll a final hit, and it tumbled down. I looked all around the room - there were no more Orcs. Those who were not dead, had fled. So we all rushed to Frodo.

''Oh no!!'' Aragorn cried in despair. He rolled Frodo's body over, but Frodo groaned, gasping for breath and my eyes widened in this belief.

''He's alive!'' Sam exclaimed with happiness.

''How is this possible?'' I muttered, barely audible. Had I been louder, my voice would've cracked and I would have teared up.

''I'm alright, I'm not hurt,'' Frodo uttered as he propped himself up. 

''How is this possible?!'' I asked again, my voice now shaking a bit, as well as my legs and arms. 

''You should be dead!'' exclaimed Aragorn. ''That spear would have skewered a wild boar!''

''I think there's more to this Hobbit than meets the eye,'' said Gandalf.

Frodo reached for his blouse, and pulling it open hi revealed his Mithril shirt he was wearing below. It glimmered beautifully, and I had finally understood the importance of King Thorin's ''kingly gift'' to Mr. Bilbo. I huffed and I almost laughed in relief. I knelt and then sat down, exhaustion and relief both hitting my body at the same time. I ran my hands through my hair.

''Mithril...'' I whispered.

''Mithril!'' exclaimed Gimli. ''You are full of surprises, Master Baggins!''

I couldn't seem to have a moment's rest. It came again - the noise. More noise reached our ears from up and below and every possible direction one could turn an ear to. I knew what that meant. More Orcs. It wasn't long before the sound did not seem to come from a far place and soon enough I saw unfriendly shadows against the walls.

''To the Bridge of Khazad-dûm!'' Gandalf ordered.

And so we ran.

 

~

 

We ran out the chamber toward the lower halls. We ran for our lives, as we were closely pursued by Orcs. I knew they were dreadfully close behind us, I heard them and I saw shadows, and I felt their presence. We reached a huge, magnificent hall of pillars, and they started appearing, from everywhere - some crawling like spiders down the pillars from the ceilings. Before we knew it, they surrounded us, and for a moment, I felt like all hope was lost. It seemed like nothing could be done. There was just a few of us surrounded by a sea of goblin creatures. Gimli yelled out in anger and despair, but the rest of us remained in silence and fear. 

''We're trapped,'' I said.

And just then, the most unusual thing happened - a fiery light appeared at the end of the hall, followed by a thunderous rumble. The Orcs around us fled in all directions. They seemed terrified, like they were running away from something. Gimli laughed, thinking the Orcs fled from us, but I knew better and I did not like that turn of events. I was utterly confused. I did not understand what the noise and the light were supposed to be, but if it had scared off the Orcs, we sure as hell were supposed to fear it as well.

''What is this new devilry?'' Boromir asked.

I looked to Gandalf. He seemed scared, shaken, disturbed, hesitant to open his mouth, even. 

''What is it, Gandalf?'' I asked, fear rising in me yet again. I did not yet know what I was afraid of, but I heard it approaching. And if Gandalf was afraid of it, that meant we were to run for our lives. And I was right.

''A Balrog,'' Gandalf said, ''A demon of the ancient world.''

I heard a growl, but the creature was still hidden around the corner of the vast hall. It threw terrifying fiery lights at the pillars around. It sent chills down my back and drops of sweat down my face.

''This foe is beyond any of you… Run!''

That was all we needed to hear - we ran as fast as our legs could take us, through a small doorway down the hall. We entered a passageway, which further led down a flight of stairs. We stumbled and leaped and ran and did whatever it took to escape. There was a gap in the stairs, a missing segment, which neither Boromir or I saw. We almost fell into the abyss down below, both of us, hadn't Legolas and Aragorn pulled us back on time. My heart almost stopped before I came back to my senses.

''Lead them on, Aragorn! The bridge is near!'' I could hear Gandalf say between Balrog's roars in the back. ''Do as I say! Swords are no more use here!''

I turned back to see what was happening. Aragorn moved to the head of the party, whereas Gandalf decided to walk behind us. 

We went on to descend the stairs. The stairs weren't very wide, and there were no rails, one could easily fall over into the fiery abbyss. They were steep, and very long; they seemed to go on forever. We had to move as quickly as we could, but also as carefully as possible. Soon we reached another gap in the stairs, an even bigger one. We had to jump over, and Legolas was the first one to do so. As one of the Elf kind, he seemed as light as a feather, so it was no trouble for him. Gandalf was next; he seemed reluctant but managed to reach the other side at once. Just as I was getting ready to make my leap, arrows whistled into the air from a far ledge, striking the stairs which we stood on. One stuck itself right next to my foot. Legolas shot back immediately and seemed to have hit an Orc from a far as I saw a body tumble down into the abyss.

''Alanna!'' he motioned for me to jump and held out his hands as if to say ''I will catch you.'' 

I had to take another moment and catch my breath. I jumped and closed my eyes mid-way, not opening them until I landed. And as my feet touched the destination, Legolas wrapped his arms around me, to ensure I wouldn't fall back. 

We stepped back to make room for the others; Boromir took Merry and Pippin in his arms and jumped; and as he did, the stairs on which he was standing tumbled off. Now there was an even bigger gap for Aragorn, Gimli, Sam and Frodo to jump across. My heart was beating fast. I could hear more arrows whistling behind me; just as I turned I could see Legolas already shooting back at the ledge.

''Really?!'' I exclaimed, annoyed beyond reasoning. ''Why not just leave us to the Balrog?!''

Aragorn pitched Sam to our side, and Boromir caught him. Just as he was about to pick up Gimli, he protested, as I expected.

''Nobody tosses a dwarf!''

''Gimli! Come on!'' I pleaded.

''Yaaahhh!!!'' the stubborn dwarf cried out before he leaped towards us. He almost fell into the chasm, and I was stunned, but Legolas acted quickly - he caught Gimli by his long beard and pulled him up. ''Not the beard!'' he cried out.

More stairs tumbled off - the gap had now become even wider. I could hear the Balrog approaching, and as he did, the ground shook, and rocks were breaking, and my heart was beating faster and faster. My mind was racing; how were they going to jump across that huge gap? How in the world? The Balrog was getting closer. Stone structures around the mine started collapsing. A huge rock fell from the ceiling and smashed through the stairs behind Aragorn and Frodo, creating another gap behind them. The stairs they stood on began to wobble back and forth. I got an idea.

''Aragorn!!! Hold Frodo and lean forward!!!'' I shouted.

He took Frodo strongly by his arm and did as I said. They shifted their weight forward, tipping the stairs across the divide and slamming them onto the stairs where we were. Legolas and Gandalf opened their arms wide before Aragorn and Frodo made their leaps, safely getting them to other side. I exhaled a long sigh of relief. I felt like somebody had removed a huge rock from my chest. But we couldn't stay another second. We ran as fast as we could. I looked behind only to see that the stone structures were collapsing behind us, and hadn't we been fast enough, we would have collapsed into the abyss with them. The bridge was now near.

''Over the bridge! Fly!'' were Gandalf's words once more but he did not follow as we fled. He stayed behind and I did not understand his actions. I turned around only to see that he was standing still; not running away, not hiding, simply standing and facing the danger. Another breath stopped in my throat. A wall of fire appeared before him. We could not run any further, our bodies froze in fear where we stood. We all turned around to look at what Gandalf was doing and I was scared, so scared - even though Gandalf was very powerful.

A great form of black shadow loomed through the flames. Its eyes were of white fire, and it had great ash-black horns curling around its bull-like head. It was a heart-stopping sight of horror. The demon opened its maw, with rippling heat pouring out with a rumble. I did not know what Gandalf was doing, but soon he turned around and made another run after us. We ran as fast as we could once more; I did not want to turn around and take another look at the demon that was hunting us. I could hear its footsteps, and the fire burning not far behind me. It was hot, so dreadfully hot. The bridge soon came into sight. It was a narrow bridge of stone, and it appeared in the fiery light as our only salvation. We were quick to cross it and proceed. Turning around, I realized Gandalf had stopped mid-way across the bridge and faced the demon once more, and it was then that I understood his plan. He meant to face this foe. I was terrified.

''Gandalf!!'' the hobbits called, but the wizard did not turn to us. Instead he shouted ''You cannot pass!!!'' and did not move one bit as he faced the creature. ''I am the servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor,'' he said, ''The dark fire will not avail you! Flame of Udûn!''

The Balrog finally made his strike on Gandalf, but the wizard successfully parried the blow with his blade, shattering Balrog's fiery sword. Still the Balrog managed to shatter the wizard's circle of protection or whatever his magic was doing - the wizard now stood unprotected, unshielded. With every upcoming second, my heart seemed to skip a beat. It was a matter of life or death now, and I knew that much.

''Go back to the Shadow!'' Gandalf ordered the beast.

But the Balrog stepped onto the bridge fearlessly. It now had a fiery whip in its hand and I had no idea what kind of dark sorcery had created it. But it was in its hands, and it appeared out of nowhere. And it was flaming. Gandalf raised his sword and his staff into the air and shouted at the demon once more: ''YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!''

He drove his staff into the bridge, causing a bright flash of blue light to appear. Flaring its nostrils, the Balrog stepped forward onto the bridge yet again. I wanted to help, I wanted the five of us to rush over and help Gandalf against this demon, but I knew we were useless against it. If Gandalf couldn't defeat Balrog, none of us could. The bridge collapsed from under it and broke right before Gandalf's staff. The demon plunged backward into the chasm, still wielding its glowing whip. Gandalf leaned on his staff as he watched the Balrog fall, completely exhausted. A feeling of relief rushed through my body once more. Gandalf turned to follow us.

And then I saw it, and my eyes widened in disbelief and my body tensed up once more - the flaming whip lashed up from the depths of the abyss. I screamed Gandalf's name, meaning to warn him, to do anything - to scream was all I could do. The whip wrapped itself around the wizard's ankle, and pulled him over the edge. He clung onto the bridge but struggled to keep his grip. I rushed towards him but Legolas caught me by my arms and did not let me move any further. 

''No, let me go! Gandalf!!'' I shouted out, wanting to free myself from the Elf's grip and run to help Gandalf, but I could not. Legolas wouldn't let me move, and he was much stronger than me. 

I could not simply stand and watch the old wizard struggle to stay alive. He hung from the edge helplessly, hopelessly. He was so close to falling I dared not think it. And then my heart broke. He seemed to have stopped fighting. I saw it; I knew it.

''Fly, you fools!'' he said before he let go. He had let go. And he had fallen.

The light of the Balrog glimmered far below. The hobbits screamed. I stopped fighting Legolas's grip. At that very moment, all seemed hopeless and pointless. An unknown feeling hit me hard, and I could not make out what it was. I felt numb, almost dead.

''We have to move,'' Legolas said as he pulled on my arm to follow up the stairs. 

I walked, but did not feel my legs moving. I felt as though it had all been a dream and I wasn't awake yet. The halflings were crying. Aragorn was close to tears as well. I, on the other hand, was in complete shock and in a state of numbness for quite a while. We rushed toward the Great Gates of Moria, and after we exited, we ran another mile or so away from the mountains. Then we all collapsed to the ground.


	10. Reaching Lothlórien

Everyone was mourning. The hobbits were crying, and Gimli even let out a scream. I sat on the grass and leaned my back against a rock. I was completely numb - I could not cry, nor scream, nor throw things around me. I did not have enough strength to do any of that, so I simply sat there, staring into nothing in particular, trying to trace back events, asking myself how it came to this. I heard Aragorn say something about getting up and continuing, but I did not hear him well. It seemed as if he had been somewhere far in the distance behind me. Everything around me was slowly losing sound, and I could barely even hear the hobbits crying anymore. My mind was in a haze.

Legolas approached me. He wore a look of shock and disbelief and puzzlement, much like me. He asked me if I was alright but I ignored it completely.

''Why didn't you let me?'' I asked instead.

''Alanna...''

''You should've let me help him,'' I insisted. ''Why didn't any of you do anything?'' 

My voice sounded louder and harsher, but, aware of it, I did nothing to prevent it.

''There wasn't anything you could have done... Or any of us.''

''We could have pulled him back over the edge,'' I said, my voice calm and sounding nothing like the way I really felt on the inside.

''We couldn't have.''

''Yes, we could have!'' I insisted, raising my voice without any control over it, ''He did not have to fall!''

''You would have been pulled down with him!'' Legolas retorted, raising his voice a bit as well, and that shut me up. That was the first time I heard the Elf really raise his voice at someone, and it was me. Not even Gimli could have managed to provoke this.

I dropped my head and stared at the grass below yet again. I felt tears welling up in my eyes but I fought them back successfully. 

''There's nothing you could have done,'' he repeated gently, as if to reassure me. ''Or any of us.'' 

I nodded and said nothing. I did not know what to think or say.

''We must pull ourselves together and proceed,'' he continued. ''We have to lead the halflings... set an example for them. Will you be alright?''

I nodded again.

''Legolas, Alanna, get them up,'' said Aragorn sternly.

''Give them a moment, for pity's sake!'' argued Boromir with devastation in his voice.

''By nightfall these hills will be swarming with Orcs,'' Aragorn reasoned. ''We must reach the woods of Lothlórien. Come, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Alanna... get them up.''

I mustered up the strength to get up and went over to Merry and Pippin. It broke my heart to see them so crushed, so hopeless and devastated. The hobbits were more emotionally attached to Gandalf than any of us.

''Come on, little friends. We must move on,'' I said, offering Merry a hand.

Aragorn led us away from the Misty Mountains and toward the woods of the Elves. We all followed quietly, and I was sure everyone in the Fellowship felt the kind of hopelessness that was creeping up inside of me. That night, sleep took me fast, and I was thankful for that. Exhaustion gave me no time to ponder over things. Sleep seemed to have given us all renewed strength, though we were all still weary and carrying heavy hearts in our chests. I did not have the will to speak, to anyone. Gandalf was our leader, and though I trusted Aragorn with my life, I did not know how we were going to make it without the wizard and his help. It was devastating and discouraging and I tried my hardest to keep my thoughts off of it.

Another day on our feet. Walking didn't tire me as much as grief. It is the worst feeling ever - when you feel like crying but tears won't appear, won't give you relief. I wished I could get it all out of me, but instead it lingered like a heavy rock placed on my chest and I had to put in effort to breathe. For the first time since I had come on this journey, I wished I was elsewhere. Not anywhere in particular, just not there, not sharing in the grief and hopelessness with these people that I could now freely call my friends.

It was in the evening that we had come to a deep well of crystal clear water, and I knew that we had finally reached the territories of Lothlórien. Aragorn and Legolas looked as relieved as I felt when our feet touched the Lórien ground. Legolas told us some things about the history of Lothlórien, and I appreciated that effort to keep our minds off of Gandalf, but it wasn't working too well with me. His story did not portray Dwarves too kindly, to which Gimli grumbled in protest. I already knew the story of the Dark Days, and I knew Legolas was right in the matter this time. I was thankful for anything that would keep the minds of halflings off of Gandalf, even if it be the stories of the Dark Days.

I remained numb and confused and withdrawn the next day too, and I barely spoke even to Aragorn. I tried to sort everything out in my mind, and to find the strength in me and the will to fight on in this battle for the Ring. The damned Ring. One could almost forget about it among all these other things. The next night I could barely sleep, I kept tossing and turning and whenever I did doze off, I had terrible nightmares.

When we entered the inner Woods, it was nightfall. We walked without speaking much, focused on nothing but the path below our feet. We were eager to reach our destination as soon as possible. I had lost track of how far we had come and nothing around me seemed to change - it was like an endless forest of trees that all looked exactly the same. I could only hear Gimli behind me, giving his piece of advice to the hobbits. 

''Stay close, young Hobbits! They say that a great sorceress lives in these woods, an Elf-witch, of terrible power. All who look upon her, fall under her spell... and are never seen again!''

I smiled to myself for the first time in days, as I knew this was nothing but silly misinformation.

''Well, here is one Dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox! Oh.''

Suddenly, Gimli's short speech was interrupted by a couple of arrows pointed at his head. There was nothing but a brief creaking sound to announce them. They appeared out of nowehere; bows at the ready were all around us, surrounding us completely. Those holding the bows were Elves, and I faced an arrow right in front of my neck. I could hear Legolas drawing his bow next to me. Legolas being an Elf himself, this turn of events confused me even further.

''The dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark,'' one of the Elves said. Gimli only grumbled to himself angrily.

After a few moments it took this Elf stranger to recognize the Elf among us, greetings in Elvish could be heard, directed both at Legolas and Aragorn. I sighed in relief, understanding that these Elves weren't foes, but simply cautious fellows. I later found out from Aragorn that this Elf's name was Haldir. The conversation went on from mere greetings, and the rest of us were simply kept in the dark, not understanding a thing from what was happening.

''So much for the legendary courtesy of the Elves!'' Gimli grumbled, and I nodded with a bit too much passion. I never believed I'd be siding with the Dwarf, but the day had come.

''Speak words we can also understand!''

''We have not had dealings with the Dwarves since the Dark Days,'' Haldir stated spitefully.

''And you know what this Dwarf says to that? Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul!'' Gimli protested angrily, and I did not understand what it meant. Aragorn told me afterwards, however, and I was shocked by the rudeness, to say the least.

''That was not so courteous,'' Aragorn hissed at Gimli as he grabbed him by his arm, just as a parent would at their child.

''You bring great evil with you,'' Haldir spoke again, glancing at Frodo. ''You can go no further.''

''What?!'' I exclaimed, completely shocked, and I did not quite realize the tone of my voice. ''Are you saying, that after all that we have been through and survived, we are denied the comfort and help we came here to seek?''

''Let Aragorn...'' Legolas half-whispered to me as he pulled me back gently by my arm.

''Let me,'' Aragorn confirmed before he distanced himself with Haldir a bit away from us so that they could speak in peace.

I was angry. I was so angry at that point that I grumbled both to myself and at others, and I told Legolas not to tell me what to do or say. I was angry at the turn of events, angry at the Dwarves for digging into Moria, angry at Gandalf, angry at the Elves, even angry at Aragorn for bringing us here. Everything irritated me. 

From what it seemed, Aragorn was a bit angry too. I could see him arguing hastily with Haldir in the distance. As I looked over at the halflings, I saw how uncomfortable they felt, which made me even angrier at the Elves. I couldn't even comfort them in the state that I was. Everything seemed wrong, very wrong. Just then, Haldir came back to us, looking less than happy, and I knew that Aragorn had managed to persuade him. I was unhappy at the thought that he needed to be persuaded in the first place to give us some help and welcome us into their homeland. I felt unwelcome, and I never liked that feeling. It had been too familiar to me for far too long.

''You will follow me,'' Haldir said.

A caravan of Elves led us along a ridge, through the golden woods. We were all fairly quiet, except probably me and Gimli, who had a few things to grumble about concerning the Elves of Lórien; but I don't think we were heard, as our new Lórien friends didn't pay us any attention. After a while, we came to the end of the high ridge and finally looked out. A great glade of trees rose above us. It looked beautiful from a distance, and I knew it would be breath-takingly beautiful from the inside.

''Caras Galadhon…'' Haldir announced. ''The heart of Elvendom on Earth. Realm of the Lord Celeborn and of Galadriel, Lady of Light.''

When we entered the Wood-city, we came to a winding way of a sort, among the trees. The trees were enormous and beautiful, and I don't think I had seen any like those before. We climbed the winding way, and ascended the path until night became pitch dark. During the night, the Woods were even more beautiful. Everything was lit up in shimmering silver lights. Everything had a blue glow to it as well, and the moonlight laid itself beautifully upon us all. We climbed many stairs twisting about the trunks of trees. I could not utter a word, nor did I bother to speak to anyone. I was intrigued by the place, both puzzled and amazed. I tried to absorb as much of the beauty as I could, glancing everywhere around me and trying not to miss a thing. The woods had my full attention now, and for a while I had forgotten about all else.

Silhouetted shapes of the shadowy tree-branches finally loomed far above. After passing numerous platforms, we came to a great palace in the trees, lit with silvery lights. A curving walkway lied before us, leading up a low stair to an archway. Everything looked magnificent, and there are no words in my mind that I could possibly use to describe the beauty of the place we had reached. We all gathered before the arch, as a beautiful couple of Elves gracefully approached us. They were surrounded by a beautiful light, and I knew they were Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel.

''The Enemy knows you have entered here. What hope you had in secrecy is now gone,'' Celeborn spoke, ''Nine there are here, yet ten there were, set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him… I can no longer see him from afar.''

''Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land. He has fallen into shadow,'' said the beautiful Lady Galdriel, and although sad, her words sounded like beautiful music to my ears.

''He was taken by both Shadow and Flame: a Balrog of Morgoth,'' said Legolas, reminding me once again of it all. ''For we went needlessly into the net of Moria.''

I simply bowed my head in grief. I felt as though my heart had been very swiftly scratched with a sharp blade - scratched, but not cut, and very skillfully so, leaving me to live some more in agony. I wondered if we'd lose someone else before all this is over. But Lady Galadriel's words snatched my attention again, and I pushed the pain aside once more.

''Needless were none of the deeds of Gandalf in life,'' she said, ''We do not yet know his whole purpose... Do not let the great emptiness of Khazad-dûm fill your heart, Gimli, son of Glóin.''

I looked at Gimli and saw the surprise in his face. 

''... For the world has grown full of peril. And in all lands, love is now mingled with grief,'' she continued.

Then I heard her voice inside my head, and I was startled. It felt like dreaming awake. I glanced around quickly to see if anyone else had heard it, for perhaps I was imagining things under so much grief and exhaustion. I was not. She could reach into my mind, and she spoke to me:  
 _''Take rest, child. You have earned it. You have been restless in your short years. You will find comfort here.''_

I looked her in the eyes and my heart fluttered. I did not know what to say to such beauty and grace. Her eyes were deep and intimidating, but her words were a beautiful melody. There was a sort of understanding in the way she looked at me, and seeing my discomfort she smiled at me with kindness, a smile barely visible.

_''Your destiny has led you here, as it has led you to every place you have been thus far. Nothing was ever needless or purposeless. Do not doubt the path your destiny has set you on.''_

Though I didn't quite understand what she was telling me, somehow, her words brought me comfort and hope. Somehow, I felt a renewed sense of purpose, and a new strength to go on.

_''Your fate now stands at a crossroads, and your heart will have to decide. There will be pain, but there will be happiness as well, and it shall soon be over.''_

It sounded much like riddles to me. Yet, it sunk into my mind perfectly, and I knew those words were not going to leave me for a while. I looked away from her eyes as I could not bear how they pierced my soul. I felt almost unworthy of looking at her so directly.

''What now becomes of this Fellowship?'' Lord Celeborn's words woke me up from the haze I was in. ''Without Gandalf, hope is lost.''

''The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail to the ruin of all... Yet hope remains while the company is true,'' Lady Galadriel said with a divine smile. ''Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight you will sleep in peace.''

 

~

 

We were escorted and back on the ground, and were preparing to lie down and get some good rest at last. We were given white tents by the Elves and plenty of delicious food and fresh water. I used that chance to go take a warm bath, and I was given a beautiful blue Elven dress for a change of clothes. It was the most soothing bath I had ever taken and I had no idea for how long I had lingered there. It cleared my mind of everything.

When I returned, I saw that Gimli was asleep, snoring loudly, way before we even started preparing our bedrolls. Aragorn glanced at me, and then turned to look at me once again, before he said with a smile:  
''I can never get used to it. There is a beautiful woman behind that Ranger after all.''

I laughed, despite all my grief and worry. I laughed for the first time in a while, and it was therapeutic. As long as I had Aragorn in my life, I knew I'd have comfort and a reason to go on. I felt thankful for that. I sat close to him and watched him smoke his pipe - it was his way of trying to ease his mind. For the most part it seemed to be working. For a moment there I wished I smoked. But I never could - it never sat well with me.

''I am starting to feel ridiculous in gowns,'' I said, ''I swear I've forgotten how to wear these.''

''You'll soon get used to it again,'' Aragorn said with a smile, ''If you could really see yourself now...''

''I don't have Ranger written all over me now, do I?''

''No, you don't,'' he chuckled.

''Still, I'm your Warder. You won't get rid of me so easily, my friend,'' I smiled.

''Oh and what would I ever do without my Warder?'' he grinned, ''I'd be lost.''

''Oh, please, you don't have to pretend,'' I said, ''I have mostly been nothing but burden on our quests.''

''Only at first,'' he said honestly, ''You have saved my life a few times.'' 

''You've saved mine about a thousand. Besides, you have pretty good armor doing that job instead.''

''Yes, but good armor doesn't speak back at night when I think I'm going mad in the middle of a wild wood,'' he smiled, and I only nodded in understanding.

The light banter lasted only so long. Sad songs could be heard now, and they seemed to surround me, filling the air. The only sound interfering with the Elven voices was the sound of Gimli's snoring. The songs sounded sad, but the voices were beautiful, and they sang in an Elvish language. Almost like lullabies, they seemed.

''What are they singing?'' I asked Aragorn.

''A lament for Gandalf,'' Legolas answered instead.

''Oh...'' I only muttered, my efforts to push Gandalf out of my thoughts proving to be useless.

''What do they say about him?'' asked Merry. 

''I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near,'' Legolas said, and I suddenly felt terrible for how I behaved; the way I pushed him away and reprimanded him when in fact he mourned just as much as me, and everyone else. Just because he was the one most composed did not mean he was least grief-stricken. He replaced the full pitcher on a tree stump that served as a table for us, before he went to his own tent, and he sat there alone, cross-legged. He looked sad, and I did not even realize I had been watching him for quite a while. He seemed to have noticed it, so he turned to look at me, but I quickly turned my gaze away.

And I could find no rest for quite a while. Lady Galadriel's words echoed in my mind. The sad Elven songs could still be heard in the background, barely, but there they were.

Almost everyone around me seemed to have already fallen asleep, except Legolas of course, and on the other side - Boromir and Aragorn sat and talked. I watched them for a while and the sight warmed my heart. Those were two men who meant a lot to me. I didn't even realize that I had forgiven my brother whatever I had harbored within me, though there was really nothing to forgive. He had done nothing, but that didn't change all the toxic feelings that I had carried within me for so long. I was simply glad to have seen him again, and I was glad that I had gotten a chance to be with him for a while. I wondered if I'd be able to see Faramir again before all this is over. 

"One day, our paths will lead us there, and the tower guard shall take up the call: "The Lords of Gondor have returned!" said Boromir as I overheard their conversation. 

And I smiled. This is something my heart wished for the most, as well.


	11. Taking Chances

When I woke up the next day, I was beyond hungry. My stomach growled and I could not wait for a taste of anything. I found some fresh fruit, and fruit being my favorite food, a large smile embellished my face. I took a large bite rather gracelessly, savoring every drop of the juice. 

''You're losing weight, lass,'' Gimli said, seating himself next to me, ''Please eat before you disappear on us completely.''

''I won't disappear,'' I giggled, ''I'm gaining muscle too,'' I said, punching my thigh lightly.

''How come I don't lose any,'' he mused, puzzled, looking at himself, ''or that Sam lad, for that matter.''

''You don't need to lose any weight, either of you,'' I laughed, ''Where is Aragorn?''

''Left somewhere with that Elf this morning.''

''Haldir?''

''Yes... Yes, that one,'' he said, chewing on his own food.

''Where to?''

''No idea.''

''Hm...'' I nodded, ''And the hobbits?''

''Went off to somewhere with the other Elf.''

I only raised an eyebrow questioningly.

''The pointy-ear that came with us,'' he waved off, ''They're looking at trees or some nonsense. Trees! As if it's something to marvel at. Trees,'' he grumbled.

''Oh,'' I nodded again, ''I'm surprised they're not here eating.''

''Ah, they already ate but don't worry you'll see them back at the table in an hour.''

I giggled because I knew it was true. Those little creatures were insatiably hungry most of the time. It was funny when we were sheltered and fed but it wasn't funny at all when we were on the road. Their grumblings would just remind you of how hungry you yourself are and how much you have to take care not to waste all the food you have left and it was just annoying, before it was anything else. But here, in Lothlórien, it was funny and adorable.

''Boromir!'' I exclaimed as he showed up, walking up to us.

''I see that you're awake,'' he smiled a wary smile, ''It's rather late. Noon, it might be.''

''I guess I was more tired than I thought I was,'' I scratched my head, ''Where have you been?''

''Taking a walk,'' he said, ''There's really not much to be doing here now.''

''I'll walk with you,'' I said, a bit surprised by my own words. Just a week ago, I wouldn't have said that at any cost. But he looked wary, and heavy with a burden of mind, and some force in me wanted to find out about it, and help it if I could in any way.

''This is more than I hoped for,'' he said, after a while of walking in silence.

''What do you mean?''

''This,'' he answered, ''You're speaking to me. And you're friendly. I must say I never expected it.''

''Why wouldn't I be friendly and speak to you? You haven't done anything wrong for me not to.''

''I have done plenty wrong,'' he mused warily.

''Not to me, you haven't.''

''I have,'' he insisted, ''I should have been there for you more. I know that. Just because you forgive me does not mean I forgive me.''

I wanted to say ''Boromir, no. Stop talking. It is nonsense. You haven't done anything. It is alright. All is well. I don't hold any grudges. You're still dear to me. I understand what it was like for you.'' But all I could do was place a hand on his shoulder so lightly I wasn't sure if he even felt it.

''I cannot forgive myself a great many things, I'm afraid,'' he added.

''You'll have to,'' I said, ''You can't live without forgiving yourself. What kind of life would that be?''

He didn't answer, he simply kept his eyes on the ground before him as we walked. So I went on.

''I know that you blame yourself for a great deal of things that were never your fault. You must stop doing that. You must find peace within you.''

''Peace...'' he muttered, ''I cannot find peace. Most of all, I will not find it here.''

''We share the same reservations when it comes to the Elf kind, but we have to open our hearts to them and stop being so-''

''She spoke to me,'' he said, and I instantly knew who he meant, ''In my head, I heard her voice.''

''Did she say something dreadful?''

''No! No, her words were hopeful. That's what tortures me,'' he explained, ''The hope she speaks of... I cannot see it.''

''Boromir,'' I stopped him and stood in front of him. I put both my hands on his shoulders and looked him right in the eyes. ''Listen to me. There is hope. Very little, terribly little, but it exists. And if the eyes of your heart stray from it for but a second, it will disappear. You must keep your heart fixed on it.''

He looked at me, and then he smiled with what he meant to be kindness but I saw only sorrow.

''I try to,'' he said.

''Try harder.''

 

*

 

''No, Gimli, stop!''

''Lass, I cannot believe my ears! Do you want a break?''

''I cannot fight with an axe, I give up!'' I exclaimed, letting one of Gimli's axes fall to the ground, before I knelt on the grass myself. 

The sun was already setting. We had spent the entire afternoon trying to kill boredom. After playing about with the hobbits, I decided to let Gimli teach me how to fight with axes. Aragorn and Legolas were nowhere to be found.

''You were doing just fine, lass,'' he uttered, trying to catch his breath. We had been going for quite a while.

But I wasn't doing fine, and I was aware of it. I was much too confident in the beginning but after I saw Gimli trick me, disarm me, have me at his mercy quite a few times even with his height at my advantage (as I foolishly thought), I realized just how much there was for me to learn yet.

''I don't feel comfortable with this thing,'' I grumbled, ''It's a one-sided, short blade and I am overly exposed. I would die with it.''

''Then use a shield with it,'' he simply said. I arched an eyebrow.

''Aye, that could work,'' I said with a smile, ''We'll try that tomorrow, what do you say?''

He only nodded with a smile and said: ''Let us go find some food, lass.''

When we reached our tents, it was already dark. Merry and Pippin were asleep against a tree, with Pippin's head on Merry's belly. Frodo was pretending to sleep, and it wasn't the first time. I felt sorry for him. He was getting little rest even though we were in the heart of Elvendom. Sam was beside him, scribbling something in a notebook he was given by the Elves. Lyrics, as I assumed. Though he looked troubled. My brother was asleep as well, in his tent. I took a peek and he looked peaceful enough. My heart felt heavy for a moment.

''And where have you two been?'' Aragorn asked, a mug of something warm in his hands. Legolas was sitting beside him, in front of a fire.

''I was going to ask you the same question,'' I smiled.

''I was with Haldir, discussing our stay here. Legolas later joined us.''

''Me and lassie were doing some fighting,'' Gimli said with pride in his voice that I unmistakably sensed.

''Don't sound so proud, Gimli, I could barely wield your axe,'' I giggled.

''Nay, you were doing better than you think! When I first held it, I almost cut off my own beard.'' I laughed out loud and then realized how many were sleeping in not so far a distance so I restrained myself.

''I'm surprised you two are getting along,'' Aragorn said, raising his eyebrows and looking only at me. I knew that was meant for me anyway.

''I forgive,'' I said with a teasing smile, ''I am a kind person.''

''Well, I'm going to sleep,'' Gimli yawned, ''Take Boromir's shield tomorrow, lass,'' he said, before he made his way toward his tent.

''Are you going to sleep?'' Aragorn asked me, ''Or will you share a drink with us?''

I looked to Aragorn, then to Legolas. I hadn't seen Legolas all day, and I hadn't heard him utter a thing all evening. When our eyes met, I couldn't hold my gaze for long. His eyes seemed to be inspecting every part of my being, reading me like a book. I almost couldn't bear it. I had spent too much time building a wall around me so that someone could simply look through. It wasn't fair, for one, that he was so super-sensitive to everything around him, and so wise, and so quick to read people so well. 

''I... I should probably go... bathe first,'' I stuttered.

Aragorn nodded as if to say ''We will wait here.''

So I picked up a change of clothes (a beautiful silk gown in the shade of light blue) and I went to the washing chambers. The washing chambers of Lórien were a vast enough hall, with intricate carvings in the walls and beautiful arches between pillars. Only one wall was barely a wall, with windows as big as doors one could simply walk through. It let the fresh air in and the excess steam out. The large pool of warm water was in the center of the room. I took off all my clothes, glad to be stepping out of my breeches and into something more gentle. 

Before stepping into the water, I picked the most pleasantly-smelling soaps off the shelves that I could find. For a moment there, I felt bad for wasting so much, but I couldn't care less the very next moment. I made a wonderful mixture, and I finished it off with rose oil. I don't think I was quite aware of how long I took to take that bath. And I also think I was prolonging it on purpose, hoping Legolas will go to sleep or something. 

I rested my head against the stone of the pool as I gently massaged my skin, trying to relax some more. But I couldn't help but think about Legolas. With time that has passed I had accepted every member of the Fellowship, even Gimli. But something about him still made me feel uneasy. Much less, yes, but he was still making me feel uneasy. It wasn't about trust, that much I knew. Aragorn trusted him blindly, and so I trusted him as well. With time, he became less intimidating to me, as well as other Elves. I was starting to see them as regular people, almost like the rest of us, just better at everything. Alright, there was that. But there was also the fact that the less intimidating he was becoming to me, the more he intrigued me, but I could not let myself come too close for fear that he would crack me open, read my entire soul and all my past scars like old lore. It was almost as though I was at his mercy, as though he had power over me. And he did, he was more powerful than me, in that sense. And probably every other. I hated that.

Seeing that my skin was starting to wrinkle, I decided it was time to get dressed. And so I did, and as I walked barefooted over the grass, I felt as though I was walking on a cloud. Everything was beautiful in Lórien, and even the grass was as gentle as ever could be.

Aragorn and Legolas were still sitting by the fire, talking. I sighed and walked over, and for some reason I wanted to hear what they were talking about. The idea just appeared in my mind out of nowhere, and I was sneaking up on them before I was aware of what I was doing exactly. I walked the other way, and I came up behind them. I remembered Legolas had really good hearing so I walked slowly instead of standing in one spot and listening. If he finds me, I thought, I'll just walk right up like nothing happened. I wasn't eavesdropping, no, simply coming back the other way.

''She fears me, Aragorn. I see it. But I do not see why.''

''She doesn't fear you, Legolas...''

''She fears my kin.''

''It is not fear that she feels. Rather a respect she cannot yet fathom... She hasn't met many Elves before all this, Legolas. She doesn't know your ways like I do. Even Boromir is wary, not just her.''

''Boromir is distrustful. That is what he is, at times. She is not distrustful, Estel. I cannot... understand it.''

''Well, isn't she something then. When _you_ cannot understand it.''

''She is quite different. I simply wish she would accept my friendship.''

He sounded sad. I felt a pang in my chest. He sounded genuinely sad and I realized that I had been behaving terribly. He was trying to be a friend to me. And I was shutting him out completely. I had to change that. I saw a normal being before me now, a being so earthly and with weakness, though for him awfully obscure and... minimal. He was not perfect. And I had disregarded him completely, not even realizing the mere possibility of hurting him. I didn't realize it was possible to hurt him, to hurt someone like him. I was to change everything.

''Someone's approaching,'' Legolas said suddenly and I reacted quickly.

''It's me!'' I exclaimed, stepping out, ''It is only me, do not shoot.''

Aragorn smiled: ''Took your sweet time.''

''Ah, I enjoyed it. What were you talking about?''

''Nothing much... You smell like roses.''

''Yes, I do,'' I answered with a grin, ''I'm afraid I have wasted many bottles. I'm a terrible guest. They'll have us kicked out because of me before we know it,'' I joked. Aragorn chuckled.

''I've settled it today, you're safe here for a month.''

''A month?''

''Long enough time for us to rest and prepare for the remainder of the journey.''

''If we wait too long we'll forget how terrible the world outside is. It's easy to get cozy here,'' I said.

''I don't think that one can forget, not even for a moment,'' he said with sadness, looking at Frodo.

''Even now his sleep is restless,'' Legolas said, ''I can hardly imagine what it is like to carry it.''

''Let us never find out,'' I said.


	12. Shield Wall

The next day I practiced with Gimli some more. And he was right, I was doing far better with a shield. I was hoping I wouldn't break my brother's shield; he'd surely need it in the future. I tried my best to be as careful as possible.

After a while, it became a sort of a show to watch. Our Fellowship were our audience before we were aware of it. And a true audience they were, cheers and all. The Shieldmaiden and The Dwarf, we were called. It sounded almost like a story to tell your children around the fire. Almost. 

It was exciting to be trying out a new form of battle. It was exciting to explore and discover so many new things one could do with an ax and a shield. Gimli told me of the tactics of his kin, and how they fight. He told me of the variety of different types of axes they had, though they weren't the only weapons the Dwarves used, but they were their favorites. And he told me of the Shield Wall.

''The Shield Wall?''

''Aye. When we use shields, we sometimes perform it. It's handy.''

''How exactly do you do this... Shield Wall?''

''Well, we come close together and we put up our shields in front and above us, creating a wall of protection. It protects you from arrows, but it also protects you from the enemy smashing against you with steel - if you hold it fast enough and stay strong in your place. You mustn't let anyone through the Wall.''

''And then what?'' I asked, curious, ''You wait until they all tire?''

''Of course not. There's always a line of Dwarves using spears behind us,'' he explained, ''Shield Wall,'' he shrugged.

''Shield Wall...'' I mused. The Dwarves knew quite a bit about war. I was intrigued to say the least. I felt a sudden wish to meet more of his kin; to see the way they fight.

The practice was immensely fun to me, and it did me good to exhaust myself - falling asleep quickly later always came easily. And I had learned many new things, and another day had flown by without boredom.

It was evening when I had my first bit of time alone. I was resting in my tent, when my eyes landed on my new bow. The bow Legolas had given me.

I took it, and traced my fingers over it. The carvings were beautiful, I never even stopped to notice. I felt awful. I was holding in my hands a sign of friendship. And I had ignored it. Even in Rivendell, he tried to become my friend, but I shied away from him out of my own foolishness. I felt a sudden wish to find him and talk to him. So I did.

I found him sitting cross-legged with his back against a tree. He was sharpening a dagger, not for the purpose of actually sharpening it, but simply to be doing something, anything. He seemed deep in thought. So I sat next to him, with my legs to the side as I was wearing a dress. 

''It's beautiful,'' I said, unannounced. He looked at me a bit confused for only a short moment, before I explained myself.

''The bow, it's beautiful. I have only now noticed every detail,'' I said, tracing my fingers over the carvings of the bow that was placed on my lap.

''Thank you,'' he said, ''For I made it myself.''

'' _You_ made it?!'' I asked, astonished. My eyes widened in disbelief. This was a work of art, not just a weapon.

''Aye, work of my hands.''

''Wow...'' I muttered, and suddenly realized how much more precious this gift was, how much more meaningful.

''I hope it will serve you well.''

''It does,'' I smiled, ''I've been trying it a bit these past few days, and I think I've been doing better. It must be the bow.''

''It is not the bow; it is you.'' 

''Maybe, but it encourages me in an odd way. Thank you.''

''You are very welcome,'' he smiled.

''I want to apologize for the way I've been behaving,'' I said, feeling too awful to look him in the eyes.

''It is alright,'' he said, ''You are the youngest among us. Many things are new to you.''

''Indeed,'' I said, ''Still, I would like to start over. My name is Alanna,'' I said as I stood up and curtsied politely before him. He smiled a wide smile.

''Pleased to meet you, Alanna. I am Legolas, son of Thranduil,'' he said, standing up and bowing himself. I giggled, before we both sat again. It was unusual but pleasing, for the air around us seemed light for the first time. There was much less tension and much more easy conversation.

''Alanna is a pretty name,'' he said, ''Does it mean anything?''

''I was told once that it means 'beautiful' in old Westron. I do not know if it is true. I do not really know who gave me my name.''

''You do not know?'' he asked, evidently confused.

''No, I don't.''

A silence followed. I knew he wanted to ask me something, but feared doing it.

''You wish to ask me something,'' I smiled, ''Feel free.''

''You say you don't know who gave you your name... and when you introduced yourself to me, both times, it was simply 'Alanna'.''

''Yes.''

''What of your parents? Your father?''

I swallowed. I knew he wanted to ask me that. I was expecting it. Yet it made an uneasy feeling settle in the pit of my stomach. I did not know how to start telling him this. But I knew I wanted to tell him. I knew I wanted to form a friendship with him. But how to start? Might as well right from the center. I took a deep breath.

''My father is Denethor, the Steward of Gondor.''

He didn't say anything for a while, he simply looked at me. I never looked back. I gulped again, my throat feeling a bit dry.

''Then Boromir is your brother,'' he said calmly yet cautiously.

''Yes,'' I nodded, looking at the ground.

''What happened?''

''I was a bastard child, so... my father got rid of me,'' I said quietly. Everyone else was by now asleep.

''And your mother?''

''I do not know who my mother was. No one noble. Perhaps an inn-keeper,'' I explained, ''I do not even know her name.''

I glanced at him for a short moment, and in the dark his blue eyes shined like gems. And I saw remorse in them. Compassion. I looked away.

''I ended up in the hands of a woman I know as my mother. Arryn, daughter of Arraden. Took care of me well. Raised me. Taught me how to make sweetrolls,'' I smiled at the memories, ''She was a farmer. Just a farmer, no more no less. And that was enough.''

I looked to Legolas again and I saw in his eyes what he felt. I saw in his eyes that he knew not what to say to me. So I continued.

''My father never wanted anything to do with me. He simply kept money pouring in, though I wanted none of it. My brothers kept visiting though,'' I said, ''At least for a while. But then that stopped too. They became Captains. I'm actually quite proud of them both,'' I smiled.

''And Lady Arryn?''

''She fell ill and died when I was a young girl and had just stepped out into the world. The small house and farm await me, empty.''

''I am sorry,'' he said. And he was. When again I turned to look at him, his eyes showed sorrow and his lips threatened to curve in a way which he tried his best to restrain them from. ''It must have been terrible to be left without a family at such a young age.''

''It is alright. It was hard, but it made me who I am today,'' I smiled, ''A warrior.''

''Indeed, life can be unfair and unpredictable but there is always a lesson to be learned from every misfortune. I do not remember my mother either. She died when I was too young to know it.''

''I am sorry to hear that,'' I said, ''I do not know what is worse... Hmm, did you have a happy childhood in Mirkwood?'' I asked with a smile, happy to change the subject. I did not want to sadden us both. It was enough of the sad memories for the night.

''Yes, I was quite a happy Elfling. It was long before it was Mirkwood... The Green Wood was as beautiful as you could imagine it,'' he reminisced, his eyes wandering off somewhere, a smile gracing his face, ''I was quite happy.''

''I sometimes miss the White City too,'' I said with honesty, ''There's barely a good memory from it but what little there is, it is still precious.''

''I have never ventured so far as to see Minas Tirith.''

''Oh, it is beautiful! The most beautiful city in the world,'' I said with a smile, ''There was this... sort of treat - called sweetroll - that I absolutely loved. It was sold on the market but it was utterly expensive. I'd always spend my last coin on it. And every time Faramir would sneak away a visit to me, he'd bring me one. I'd eat it up happily in barely a few moments. He started calling me 'sweetroll' or 'little sweetroll' and at first I felt like a piglet,'' I chuckled at the memory, ''But I loved those little honey cakes even more then. Loved them so much my mother... Arryn, went out of her way to learn how to make them at home and then taught me how to make them myself.''

''Maybe one day I could have a taste of it myself.''

''Oh, I hope so! They are the best!''

He chuckled and I blushed. I was behaving like a child. Which is exactly what I was to him. Aulë smite me, even at eighty years old I would be!

''I am keeping you awake when you should be sleeping,'' he said, probably because he saw how embarrassed I was. And I truly was - opening up to someone was the strangest thing to me. I felt naked, exposed, un-shielded. It was an unfamiliar and an uncomfortable feeling. But I did it on purpose. I knew it was time for a change.

''You've exhausted yourself today,'' he added.

''I did,'' I realized, fighting back a yawn. It just hit me; I had just become aware of how heavy my eyelids felt.

''Rest well, Legolas,'' I added with a smile before I started walking away. And then I remembered.

''Oh... I still wish to learn Sindarin.''

''Then I shall teach you,'' he smiled. I nodded.

''And... thank you,'' he said, ''I realize how hard it must be for you to talk about the things you've told me.''

 _Oh Legolas_ , I thought to myself, _you have no idea_.


	13. Waking Nightmare

My brother started behaving very strangely. I knew it was because of the Ring, for every time Frodo was near him, Boromir would go into a terrible mood, and he'd become harsh and mean. I was smart enough to put two and two together, and I tried not to let it hurt me for I knew where the bad energy was coming from. I could see that Aragorn and Legolas knew too, so they didn't pay it much heed. I really tried, but it was still hurtful. Once he made a harsh remark about a woman having no place there among them and how I should've stayed in Rivendell and how I was going to be the doom of the entire quest. When he was done speaking, I felt heartache, and he looked surprised by his own words, and then he apologized with honesty and pain and I knew it was the Ring. I knew it, yet it still hurt. So I tried to spend less time with him while he was on the edge of his nerves. He seemed to get along best with Merry and Pippin. Their presence soothed him and made him forget things he wished to forget, and he taught the little hobbits quite a bit about swords while there.

I thought I'd be completely unaffected by the Ring so long as I stayed away from it. That is why I never spent much time around Frodo, and he understood, or at least I hope he did. He certainly looked like he appreciated being left alone and not having to worry about another person lurking to snatch the Ring away from him. But I was wrong about being unaffected. One night, in all the peacefulness of Lothlórien, I had the most terrible nightmare and still to this day I am not sure if it was just a nightmare. I saw lands on fire, people slaughtered, villages destroyed, familiar and unfamiliar places, and then I saw the White City, and the Tree was burning, and Faramir lay dead and I screamed (though apparently not aloud for I did not seem to awake anyone) and I cried and cried until I woke up, covered in sweat and tears. I sat up, and amidst the calm and quiet of the night I heard a whisper call ''Alanna''. I knew where it was coming from. ''No,'' I whispered, and I pressed my palms against my ears, and I shook my head violently for I only wanted to be left alone. ''No, no, no,'' I kept on in a frenzy. I felt the need to go away somewhere, but where was I to go in the middle of the night? I wanted to wake Aragorn up, but I simply couldn't do that. I got to my feet and quickly removed myself from the area, going as far into the trees as I deemed necessary. I collapsed against a wide tree trunk and I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. It was working, though very slowly. Lothlórien had a way of calming a soul and giving it at least fleeting rest. Barely a bird or a beetle could be heard in the night; all was calm and still. But then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped uncontrollably.

''Legolas!'' I breathed, putting a hand on my chest, ''In the name of all that is holy can you please try and make some sound when you're coming? My heart is bumping like mad.''

''I am sorry I startled you. I'll try to warn you the next time,'' he said, ''I heard you crying and you still look unwell.''

''Elves,'' I commented, though I was glad to have someone to talk to before I go entirely mad.

''What is it?'' he asked with patience.

''It's just a bad dream,'' I said, ''It made me very upset but I'm fine now.''

''I saw you shaking and covering your head; are you sure it was just a dream?''

I remembered it once again. Tears welled up in my eyes, and my throat swelled and I had to swallow it all back to even be able to speak.

''Lands were on fire. People were being slaughtered, children included, and women were being raped first before they were murdered. Entire cities and villages were being destroyed. The entire world seemed to be eaten up by fire,'' I said weakly, trying to prevent my voice from cracking. 

The pictures of Minas Tirith and Faramir lingered in my mind no matter how much I wanted to forget. I paused and took a deep breath in desperate attempt to bring some calmness upon me.

''My city was under a terrible siege. I saw it fall, and I saw the Tree burn,'' I continued, ''And I saw my brother Faramir lie dead. Then I saw... his Eye... and just a brief picture of Mordor before I awoke in agony. I looked to my right and Frodo was sound asleep, and the Ring was dangling out of his shirt and I heard it whisper to me and I wanted it to stop but it wouldn't and I thought I was going mad and I ca-''

''Shhhh,'' he stopped my frantic behavior. I was still beyond upset. ''It is over now,'' he rubbed my arm with his hand to comfort me, and it did help a bit, but I was standing dangerously on the verge of tears and I did not want to fall over that edge. I gulped and I breathed heavily and I tried to shake it off. But the dream was haunting, and the feeling still there. 

''But it's not really,'' I whispered, ''We may never see that ring destroyed. All this... Everything I just dreamed of... could come true.''

''That is why we will fight with all we have to see the Ring destroyed,'' he said simply and with calmness, and then he raised my chin and made me look at him right in the eyes, and I knew he wanted to persuade me, ''We mustn't let your dream come true and that is our duty.'' I only nodded lightly.

''Has it ever spoken to you?'' I asked after a short silence, ''The Ring, I mean.''

''Of course it has. As it's tried to torture and tempt everyone who had the misfortune to see it with their own eyes.''

''How do you deal with it?''

''I shut my mind and think about everything we're fighting for, everything I love. When I focus on those things, it quickly overpowers the Ring and it silences it completely. To my mind at least.''

''I don't think it's that easy for me,'' I said, before I remembered - ''And Boromir.''

''Yes, it has taken a strange hold on him,'' he agreed, ''But Aragorn is of your kin yet he's learned. So it can be learned. Do not be discouraged.''

''I'm afraid for Boromir,'' I admitted, ''I am terribly frightened. Nothing good can come out of all this.''

''To dread the future is useless and more harmful than anything,'' Legolas said, ''What we do in the present is what matters. And we must do our best, and not be discouraged by what might be.''

''I know...'' I said, yet I felt I had more tears left in me to cry. I refused to, bravely, and my entire body started calming down, no more shaking and shivering.

''Are you alright now?'' he asked cautiously.

''Yes,'' I nodded, ''Though I'm afraid I'll be getting no sleep this night. I don't wish to go back there anyway.''

''Then we won't go back there,'' Legolas smiled.

''You should not be awake because of me. I don't want to take rest away from anyone-''

''Elves don't need as much rest, so do not worry,'' he smiled, ''There is a river stream not so far away from here, maybe it will soothe you.'' A weak nod was all I gave him for an answer. I felt tired at heart, at soul, and it showed physically. Still, the further I could go from the camp, the better.

He was right, it did soothe me. The cold water against my face brought me calm and composure, and I sat there on the bank looking at the crystal clear river before me and moonlight reflecting on it. Yes, it was indeed very soothing.

''I hope Frodo doesn't mind that I avoid him,'' I said after a while, ''It is for the best.''

''He understands it,'' Legolas nodded, ''He is wise enough, for this burden of his has made his mind grow older than himself.''

''That so small a thing would cause such destruction,'' I shuddered, ''I wish it didn't exist.''

''We all wish that,'' he said, ''We have all lost a lot because of it.''

''And we'll lose much more before the end.''

''Aye, whatever it takes to stop it all at once.''

''I hope I'm ready to lose more,'' I said, and a silence followed.

'' _Ithil_ shines bright tonight,'' he commented, looking up at the sky.

'' _Ithil_ means the moon,'' I smiled, ''I learned that while listening to Gandalf.''

Gandalf. My heart sank yet again. Speak of loss, and more loss you'll remember. I brought back the smile swiftly, for I was sure Gandalf would never have wanted to be the reason behind my stress and sorrow.

''I have a talent for this sort of thing,'' I added, ''I learn quickly by only listening. I shall master any language quickly.''

''That's impressive,'' Legolas smiled, ''for Sindarin isn't an easy language to master.''

''Worry not,'' I waved off playfully, ''It should be no problem for me.'' 

He chuckled subtly and my smile grew wider. This was much better than shying away and fearing. I felt good spending time with him, and his company grew more enjoyable by the second ever since I had decided to destroy my walls. This wasn't so bad. It wasn't so uncomfortable.

''What do you call the stars?'' I asked.

'' _Elanath_ ,'' he said.

'' _Elanath_ ,'' I repeated, whispering to myself and letting it roll off my tongue. It was interesting and most amusing to be speaking these foreign words.

''And the sky is _menel_.''

'' _Menel_... Ah, I'm telling you I'll be speaking this language before you know it,'' I said, ''No more speaking in a language the rest of us don't understand, not for you and Aragorn.''

''Ah, so that is your purpose,'' he grinned, ''I had a feeling.''

''I'll even teach the dwarf,'' I joked.

''I highly doubt he'd want to learn anything that has to do with my kin,'' he said, and his smile was so wide and beautiful, I had never seen one like it.

''Perhaps he'll want to know a few useful things,'' I giggled, ''You two always keep us in the dark.''

Legolas changed in Lothlórien. He was no longer the constantly alerted eyes and ears of our Fellowship. He was more relaxed and talkative and it made his presence much more comfortable and perhaps it was because he was among his own kin. It was quite unbelievable how much he helped me after that nightmare. I had quite literally forgotten all about it, and our conversation made me smile and laugh and it was all thanks to him. I was grateful and I knew how foolish I had been to deny myself a friend like this. Though his age was beyond my comprehension, the trust he seemed to so easily put into people made me think of a young man, a very young one at that. I was always distrustful and quite weary of people, and I had barely walked the earth twenty five years. And this Elf here had his hope and trust renewed after the all the many years he's lived. It was inspiring in an odd way. There was an aura of innocence about him incomprehensible to me. It intrigued me.

I do not know when I had fallen asleep, but when I awoke I was still on the river bank, and I could hear Legolas and Aragorn talk behind me. Of course I could not quite yet understand the Sindarin parts, but what they said in Westron made it clear to me that they were talking about me. Legolas told him of my nightmare and Aragorn sounded worried.

''I've brought her food,'' he said.

''Did someone say food?'' I said with a smile, sitting up to face them. Aragorn gave a smile back.

''Here,'' he knelt to hand the small wooden tray to me, ''Eat, my dear little friend.''

''I am not a child anymore, Aragorn,'' I said, munching on some grapes, ''Even though I cry because of nightmares sometimes.''

He laughed. ''I know you're not a child anymore,'' he said with a grin, ''Yet you still make me worry like one.''

''But I guess I need not worry anymore,'' he added as he stood up, ''You and Legolas seem to be getting along now.''

I felt myself blush, and I had no idea why. Legolas didn't look quite all too comfortable either, as he remained silent. Aragorn smiled with genuine gaiety.

''This warms my heart. We must all trust each other. And finally I see some progress between you two. Even Gimli functioned better with Legolas, and that says something.''

''Well, all is fine now,'' I said with a smile, ''It seems that once we step out of Lórien we will have a tighter bond between all of us than ever.''

''Aye. And so long as we stick together, all hopes are multiplied.''

I knew it was true. I looked at my arm and saw that my wound had healed. I was alive; and it was thanks to Aragorn, thanks to Legolas, thanks to Gandalf, thanks to Gimli, thanks to Samwise. We prevailed when we were outnumbered. And that is what sticking together means. That is what Fellowship means.


	14. Lessons and Goodbyes

Whenever I saw Legolas leaning with his back against a tree, his arms were crossed on his chest and he seemed to be either deep in his thoughts or marveling at something. And he looked absolutely beautiful. He intrigued me to no end - the way he seemed like an unexplainable combination of fragile and immensely strong; the way he looked so youthful, yet his eyes showed the wisdom of ages; the way his hands were always swift to kill, yet looked gentle enough to be able to heal. He was almost three thousand years old, yet he could not stop looking at the trees around him through the eyes of a child. There was curiosity in him that fascinated me. I was starting to see him in a different light.

It was a beautiful day and the rosy fingers of the setting sun dragged itself across the forest floor. Aragorn and I sat, enjoying the comfort of each other's company. The hobbits were scattered about somewhere, and I was glad that they had restored their cheerfulness a little bit. Gimli was taking a nap, as usual. Legolas had gone off with his kinsmen somewhere, and Boromir was the only one that remained, sitting by himself against a tree in the distance. I looked to him and he seemed deeply troubled, almost tortured. I wanted to go and ask him what it was, to talk to him, but decided it was best not to. He kept entirely to himself.

''You haven't spoken much to him as of late,'' Aragorn said to me, noticing my gaze.

''No, I haven't.''

''Maybe you should,'' he said.

''And what would I tell him?'' I asked, feeling a pang so suddenly in my chest. ''What would he tell me? The Ring is driving him mad and I will not suffer for it.''

I did not want to talk about it any longer, so I fell back into silence once more, and Aragorn didn't want to push the subject further. I fidgeted with the edge of my dress's right sleeve restlessly instead. 

''You're nervous,'' Aragorn said, ''Far be it from me to lead you onto an unhealthy habit, but this pipe does wonders for the mind.''

I couldn't help but laugh lightly. ''No, thank you,'' I said, shaking my head and smiling.

''That Dwarf has a good head on his shoulders,'' I remarked after a short silence, ''But a very sleepy one indeed.''

Aragorn looked upon Gimli's sleeping, snoring form and smiled widely, his pipe between his teeth. He nodded his head.

''Indeed,'' he agreed, ''That is one good Dwarf. I'm thankful that he is here with us.''

''Me too,'' I said, and I meant it.

''I'm glad you two are getting along now as well,'' Aragorn said.

''The Dwarf gives you a rough start but he has a kind soul,'' I said with a smile, ''If there hadn't been for his silly jokes, I'm sure I'd have half lost my wits by now.''

''This Fellowship has come together,'' Aragorn said, more to himself than to me, and he nodded his head slightly with approval. I knew what he meant for I saw it too. We had truly grown together.

That evening was one of the most pleasant ones I shared with my Fellowship, and at that moment I did not know if I'd have another one such as that before the end, so I cherished every moment of it. Sitting around the fire, all the jokes, the laughter, the Elvish wine and delicious food. Even Frodo laughed lightheartedly, and it made me happier than anything. It gave me hope too. Boromir was the only one a bit quiet and withdrawn.

Gimli told us of his first love, and how crazy he was about her as a young lad, and he told us of his many mishaps and embarrassments from that time and we laughed, each sharing a bit of something from our own lives too. Frodo teased Sam about a certain Rosie, and he blushed like a child. We all teased each other, yet those of us who knew were smart enough not to ask Aragorn anything about Arwen. I knew her kin was to go West, and I had no idea what her decision would be. I did not wish to pry, and I did not want anyone to pry, for I knew it was painful for Aragorn, and I saw him many times touching the Evenstar and whispering something to himself in the middle of the night when he thought no one else was awake.

''And you, lass,'' Gimli asked me, ''Have you ever loved? A certain lad?''

''Loved?'' I grinned, ''Maybe, I don't know. I'm not sure I know real love yet, Gimli.''

''Of course you don't, you were practically born yesterday,'' he waved off.

''Heeey!'' I chuckled, ''I did like a boy when I was very young, but he wasn't my... anything, for we were just children. I did not have much time for boys in my life. But... I did have one.''

''Really?'' Gimli asked in surprise, and I saw that everyone was equally shocked - everyone except Aragorn, of course.

''As I said, I never had much time for such matters, but it just sort of happened. Lasted months actually. But not more than a year.''

''What happened?''

''He was a self-loathing man and I could not stand it anymore so we parted ways,'' I said simply, evading all the hurtful details. 

''To tell you the truth, you'll have some trouble finding a man, all fiery like that, lass,'' Gimli said, and I laughed because he was right.

''I know,'' I said, ''Though I don't mind. I cannot really be bothered with men.''

''What about you, Legolas?'' Merry asked.

''I have never loved like that,'' he explained with a smile, ''But just like Alanna I did have a childhood sweetheart.''

I tried to imagine him an Elfling sweet on some beautiful Elven girl. It was odd, and when I thought that it had happened ages ago, it seemed even more odd. 

Then I thought about the idea of me getting married, and what life would be like after the War, if it were to end the way we hoped. I had never thought too much about it. A part of me wanted that family life, but I never really imagined I would marry somebody. I had never met somebody who could be that person. And I had dedicated my entire life to something completely different, I had little time to think about anything else, really. I was not sure if that would ever be my destiny. All I ever knew was my horrible father and my wonderful, lost brothers and our rightful King somewhere in the shadows. That was all my life had ever been about. And the War. I was going to War and I was not even sure if I would survive. All our highest hopes were in Frodo's hands, and that was never much of a hope in the first place.

Everyone slept peacefully that night, and I stayed awake for a while, thinking, and enjoying my solitude. For the first time ever, I actually thought about a possible future. It was a new concept for me, to look that far ahead, and it was interesting to imagine, though very dangerous.

Like many other nights, Legolas and I were the only ones awake. I walked over and sat next to him so we could keep each other company for some time. For a while we talked about irrelevant things I don't even remember, and then he asked me about my confessions around the fire - the one boy. I told him I didn't really want to talk about it. And I didn't. Beriadan deserved no time dedicated to him in any conversation. He made most of the reason why I distrusted men so. Alas, I did not wish to sound guarded as usual, for I was genuinely enjoying befriending Legolas, so I joked about it all.

''Truthfully, Legolas, all I know of in this life is how to wield a sword and shoot a few arrows,'' I laughed, ''I don't see how I could ever settle down.''

''A time might come when you need not fight anymore,'' he said.

''Even if such a time comes... Oh, well, men are a nuisance in most cases.''

''You are very free and independent indeed,'' he laughed, ''I don't think I can imagine a mere mortal up to task.''

''Yes, I cannot be tamed,'' I laughed.

''Who knows what the future has in store for us,'' he said, looking into the night sky, the jokes no longer filling the air around us, ''Who knows how much we'll change and how much all of our lives will change.''

''Yes, I cannot even fathom,'' I said, ''So much could happen.''

''You might even get yourself a husband despite it all,'' he joked.

''Oh I am not- I'm starting to believe I'm not cut out for it. First off, I am not... beautiful as Lady Arwen is or- Well, I'm nothing like a gentle flower a man would want to keep and take care of, really. I am a warrior. My skin has been torn and scarred many times.''

I suddenly felt myself blush, embarrassed by my own honesty. It just sort of came out. I was rarely that open and honest with anyone. Not even with my own self had I ever been that honest about such matters. I did not even face him.

''But you are beautiful, Alanna. Every flower is beautiful in its own way.''

I was blushing an even darker shade of red, and I was sure it could be seen even in the dark of the night. 

''Yes,'' I uttered, ''In its own way.''

''You do not need the words of an old Elf to see your own beauty. But if you wanted me to tell you, I'd tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in your kin. The way they go from green to blue is like a work of some magic,'' he smiled, ''And your skin is beautiful and your hands are beautiful, and they look very gentle despite the battles you have been in. And your scars might be your most beautiful feature, Alanna, for they tell stories. Wonderful and terrible stories, and you shall wear your scars proudly, because you have earned them in fighting for what you love and what you think is right. Wear every scar like a badge of courage.''

His words took my breath away. Quite literally, as I could not bring myself to utter a single word for a few moments. My heart fluttered with what I discerned to at least partially be embarrassment, and I was simply dumbfounded. He was so beautiful - his mind was so beautiful. What is one to say to that?

''Well, I... Well, if that is a compliment,'' I managed to utter, ''Thank you... Legolas.''

''It wasn't meant as a compliment, it's merely what I see.''

I just wanted the topic of conversation to change. I was not cut out for this sort of talk. I wanted to fly out of my skin. I wanted us to go to sleep and sleep for three days until all is at least a bit forgotten. I felt exposed in a way I rarely did, and I never liked the feeling. It was against all my nature to be this honest about myself with anyone, let alone to be discussed in such a manner. I just wanted to disappear and let things pass, slide away into the mist of oblivion.

''You see too much, Legolas,'' I joked, and I knew he saw through my smile and saw it for what it was - forced with effort in an attempt to hide my discomfort. He was an Elf and I was sure he could sense it.

''Maybe,'' he smiled back instead, ''Let me not keep you up and awake still when you should be getting rest,'' he said, before he got up to walk away to his tent, ''Good night, Alanna.''

''Good night, Legolas.''

That was one unusual conversation I could not get out of my head for quite a while. It did not let me fall asleep so easily that night. The words echoed through my mind, and the most odd part of it all was that they touched my heart. They genuinely moved me, and I could not remember the last time I felt moved.

The next day was our last day in Lothlórien. I woke up earlier than anyone else, and Aragorn was the only one awake with me. Legolas was nowhere to be seen. The rest slept like there was something in the mist lulling them into long and deep sleep. 

I was growing nervous ever since I opened my eyes that morning. A feeling of restlessness settled in the pit of my stomach, as though my insides were being tied into knots. I wasn't frightened or anything, I was simply anxious about stepping back out there. Spending a month in Lothlórien was like spending a season in a safe haven. I would never go to the Undying Lands, and yet I thought I had some sort of an idea about what it would be like over there. It was easy to let the thoughts of war slip away and out of memory for a while. And now we were to be back on that dreadful path again. The horrors were real again and we were headed to face them. It even rained, and though the rain itself barely reached us under the big leaves in our secluded camp, the air was damp and it made a chill settle into my bones. The best thing to do was to try and keep my mind occupied with something until our departure.

I don't think I was the only one nervous, I saw it on every face of our Fellowship. I took a walk with Aragorn and we chatted and ended up in the library of Caras Galadhon, as Haldir granted us permission. We let ourselves get lost in the world of books that seemed to go on forever, arrayed on beautifully carved shelves of the Elves. I was quite lost, as I could only catch a glimpse of barely three books that were titled in Common Tongue, so I followed Aragorn's footsteps and he translated to me in a low voice.

''Oh, this, is actually a collection of love letters and poetry,'' Aragorn said as he took out a particularly fragile-looking book, ''Collected by a certain... Beriothien. _Guren Níniatha N'i Lû N'i A-govenitham._ ''

''What does that mean?'' I asked.

''My heart shall weep until I see you again.''

''Oh...''

There was so much knowledge around me that I couldn't even access, yet it was all in my reach, under my fingertips. The fact almost angered me. I was determined to learn. So I found pieces of parchment and I found ink and I would start writing it down and learning. I'd have to take my mind off of the horrors sometimes anyway.

When we got back to camp, nothing was changed, except that Gimli's snoring was a bit louder. Legolas was coming back from the woods to meet us.

''I wondered where you had gone,'' he said.

''Kept ourselves entertained in the library, my friend,'' Aragorn said, ''And it was quite enjoyable.''

''I'm nervous,'' I said bluntly, ''We're leaving tomorrow, so I'm nervous. The library helped.''

''You should've asked for permission to take a book with you on this journey then,'' Legolas said, ''I'm sure you would have been granted.''

''Oh, I couldn't possibly,'' I said, ''We've been noisy guests as it is, seems to me. Besides, I could barely find a few books in Common Tongue. Which is why I got this. So I can write down the things I learn from you two.''

''Well, I am going to try and get some more rest,'' Aragorn said, ''If I don't I know I'll regret it tomorrow.''

And so he left to his tent, and Legolas and I were once again the only ones awake early in the morning. We sat ourselves against a large tree trunk, taking cover under its large leaves, and he started teaching me, as promised. First he started teaching me the most frequently used words, and he wrote them down in Tengwar and I wrote the pronunciation next to it. I was a quick learner, though at first I felt like I was committing a horrible crime against this beautiful language by mercilessly butchering it. I mispronounced things too at first, a few times, and he chuckled, and I had no idea what the things I said actually meant. I blushed at every mishap and tried to laugh it off, but really all I could think about were the profanities I could have been uttering. After a while, I got the hang of it, and as we proceeded it got easier. It still didn't sound anywhere as beautiful as when he spoke the words, but I reckon it was decent. Even the dullest words, utterly devoid of any poetic meaning, would sound enchanting when he spoke them. We went on for what seemed to be a few hours, for everyone in the camp was suddenly awake and I had no idea when it happened.

''Doing well?'' Aragorn asked, approaching us.

''Decent,'' I huffed.

''She's being modest. This is far better than I would have ever expected from a mortal beginner,'' Legolas protested.

''Elvish tongues,'' Gimli grumbled, ''I don't see what's so interesting about them. Sounds like nonsense. Woke me up.''

''Sorry, Gimli,'' I laughed, ''And it's not nonsense.''

''If Sindarin sounds like nonsense, then Khuzdul sounds like dying Orcs,'' Legolas retorted

I snorted, trying not to laugh, and Legolas had the most proud look on his face that I was afraid for a second that the growling, grumbling Dwarf before us would punch him. But he didn't, he only growled and grumbled into his beard and walked away. Aragorn laughed and followed.

''You ought to stop bickering, the two of you,'' I said, '' _An ngell nîn._ (Please.)''

''When you say it so in Sindarin, I'm afraid I'm compelled to try my best,'' he smiled.

''Good,'' I smiled back, satisfied.

'' _Peditham hi sui vellyn?_ (May we speak as friends now?)'' he asked very slowly, word by word, so that I would have time to remember the meaning of each. Then he had to translate it for me for I understood nothing after all.

'' _Ma!_ Ah- _Gi mellonig... sii'_ (Yes! You are my friend now),'' I struggled. 

He smiled wide and bright it made my own heart flutter with happiness. I could see that the fact that someone was genuinely interested in learning his language made him very happy. And I was so very glad I was making it up to him for the way I behaved before.

'' _Gwestog?_ '' he asked again.

''Huh?''

''Do you promise?''

''Oh. Hah. _Gwestog_ ,'' I said, and I put my hand over his, without even realizing I was doing so. I realized it only when he put his hand over mine and gave it a barely felt squeeze.

''I am glad,'' he smiled.

I felt awkward and misplaced for a moment and I cleared my throat and stirred and asked him to continue teaching me if he was up to it. So I learned for some time more, and he sensed it the exact moment I was starting to feel overwhelmed, which was when we stopped.

The rest of the day is like a mist in my memory. It was a gloomy day that for the most part I tried to waste away relaxing and revising all that I had learned. I sat in my tent and whispered phrases to myself. It kept me entertained enough, and it exhausted me enough to be able to fall asleep easily the next I attempted.

When it was time to leave, I realized how much things had changed between us all. Legolas and Gimli seemed to have formed some sort of a friendship somehow, which made me really happy. They really bickered far less while in Lórien, and when they did, it was more on a friendly level than anything else. Days passed almost without notice. The entire forest of Lórien seemed sort of outside of time. We rested well, and the Realm of Celeborn and Galadriel brought us great comfort in our grief. The hobbits seemed slightly happier, which was beyond good. There was toil in Boromir's eyes still, though he tried to hide it and fight it away. ''I wish you had better memories of home, little sister,'' he told me one morning, ''Hopefully, we'll live to see Gondor renewed, and you shall make new memories.'' Little did I know then, that I'd remember those words until the end of my life.  


Lord Celeborn offered us to stay in Lórien, once we were getting ready to leave, but as tempting as that sounded, we knew we had to move on. I did not know where we were to go though. Aragorn hadn't shared any of his plans so far. Boromir insisted on Minas Tirith, but that was too dangerous, as everyone knew. After a while it was decided that we should go down the river Anduin, and once we're not able to go any further, we'd decide whether to go east or west. The Elves provided us with boats to use, and they also gave us loads of lembas bread to take with us. Lady Galadriel gave us all green, silver-veined leaf-brooches to fasten our cloaks with. ''Never before have we clad strangers in the garb of our own people. May these cloaks help shield you from unfriendly eyes,'' Lord Celeborn said. Apparently, those Elven cloaks provided warmth in the cold and cool in the heat, were light and strong, and changed color to conceal the wearer. To say those were useful would have been an understatement, and I was grateful and once again utterly fascinated by the Elves and their craftsmanship. 

After we had shared a meal with the Lord and Lady of Light, Lady Galadriel presented us with additional gifts. We were all quite shocked when Gimli asked for a strand of Lady Galadriel's hair, and even more so when she gave him three. I saw Legolas smile, and I knew that smile was the beginning of a new friendship between Elves and Dwarves, or at least between this one Elf and this one Dwarf, not to get carried away. 

My gift was a sword, longer and sharper than the one I already had, but lighter, much lighter, which was almost incomprehensible. It was almost as long as a two-handed sword, but light enough to be wielded with one hand only. It shone beautifully. It had a beautiful flower carved in it; its root right at the tip of the blade and it bloomed right below the handle. ''A sword that suits a beautiful warrior maiden,'' she said to me with a smile, and I took it gratefully.

We were soon ready to depart, and as we climbed into the boats, Lord Celeborn said:  
''Every league you travel south, the danger will increase. Mordor Orcs now hold the eastern shore of the Anduin.''

I swallowed back the dread. We'd face them if necessary, as we had done it before. Despite the danger that seemed to already be overwhelming, soon we were rowing, after saying our goodbyes. I shared a boat with Legolas and Gimli. 

Soon the Sun reached its rosy fingers over the hills, and Caras Galadhon rose far away, in the mists. Elven voices sang a beautiful melody with the rising dawn. Legolas kindly translated some lyrics to me. It was a melancholic song.

I thought about Lady Galadriel and her words again. They made no sense in my mind, yet they perfectly calmed my soul. Somehow I knew it was a riddle only time could solve.


	15. Down the Great River

For several days, we passed swiftly down the Anduin without incident. I actually enjoyed sharing the boat with my companions, and I laughed at Gimli's jokes, for brief moments forgetting about the danger lurking near. It was heart-warming to see how much better Legolas and Gimli were getting along. 

Very soon we realized we had a tracker, and we found that it was Gollum. I had noticed strange events before, but I never said anything for at times I thought it could have very well been my own imagination. It would have never even occurred to me that it could be Gollum. I knew he was on the loose, but to have him follow us was something different entirely. This was disturbing news - he could have informed the enemy of our whereabouts. I shared my fearful thoughts with Legolas and Gimli and they agreed we should at least paddle more swiftly. Legolas had known for a while, and I was sure Aragorn had known, and for some reason they had done nothing about it. They just let that creature follow up like a pet. I imagined it was Gandalf's decision to leave the thing be. I didn't understand it, but we pressed on - Gimli and Legolas did the rowing for the most part, even though I insisted we should switch shifts. 

After we passed out onto a larger branch of the Anduin beneath sheer cliffs, we reached a small island, where we decided to rest. 

As night slowly crept up on us, everyone started growing more worried, though no one said a thing. The hobbits were sitting against the rocks rather lifelessly. Gimli sat close to them, barely speaking a word to cheer them up. Legolas, on the other side, was restlessly searching for something through one of our packs. It was a gloomy sight, and I did not know what to do to help the situation. 

I couldn't understand why everyone had so much patience and mercy for Gollum. I wanted to go track him down that very moment and shoot him in the head myself, but I knew well to respect the decisions of elders. And luckily, I had a new way of dealing with anxiety - I seated myself against a rock on the beach and took out my notes. Distancing myself from the source of gloom that were my companions, I decided to practice some Sindarin.

''Here,'' I heard Legolas say, and when I raised my head from my notes I realized he was holding a book out to me.

''What-? How-''

''I picked one with not too difficult a piece of literature. Something to help you practice.''

''But how did you-?''

''It wasn't a problem at all, they were glad to give me this book,'' he said, ''As a matter of fact, they insisted on me taking as many as I wanted, but I figured this would be more than enough altogether.''

''Thank you,'' I said, and for some reason I felt so overwhelmed I could have easily teared up. I thought it must have been tiredness. '' _Hannon le, Legolas._ ''

''You are welcome, _mellon nin_ ,'' he smiled.

''Really,'' I insisted on expressing my gratitude properly, ''This is more than just a book. It's... it's hope. It's comfort. Thank you.''

He took my hand. ''Then hold onto it,'' he said, looking into my eyes, and I understood. I nodded. _I will_ , I thought. _I have to._

''Your new bow looks impressive,'' I commented, switching the topic.

''It is,'' he grinned, like a child with a new toy, before he sat next to me, ''It might be the best one I've ever had.'' He took it, and for a moment got completely lost in his own world, his fingers tracing every caving and his eyes inspecting every crevice in awe.

''It's wonderful,'' I said, which seemed to wake him up from his thoughts.

''What is?''

''The way you can appreciate things so much even after 3000 years of living. It's quite wonderful.''

He didn't answer, he only smiled an angelic smile. 

''And what about your sword?'' he asked.

''It's over there,'' I lazily pointed towards Gimli, who seemed to have rolled over and onto it, now, apparently, taking a nap. Legolas reached out to grab it, and Gimli stirred, but did not wake. I giggled silently. That Dwarf could fall asleep hanging in the air by his feet. 

Legolas handed the sword to me, and I put down my notes and unsheathed my new blade. I stood up and wielded it against an invisible opponent.

''It is a fine blade,'' Legolas smiled, ''It ought to have a name.''

''I think it speaks for itself,'' I said, tracing my fingers across the carving, ''Roseblade.''

''May I see it?''

''Of course,'' I said, handing it to him. He smiled mysteriously when he touched it.

''What is it?'' I asked.

''It's appropriate,'' he said, ''Roseblade.''

''What do you mean?''

''Can you not see it? The rose,'' he explained, ''Pretty, but dangerous. Gentle on the inside but jagged on the outside. Guarded. By thorns.''

I said nothing, though I had an understanding of what he meant. Regardless of it, he handed the sword to me and with a kind smile, he said:

''The rose is you.''

~

The rest of the evening was quite uneventful - barely any conversation, short naps, restlessness of some, and absolutely no signs of any danger whatsoever. On top of everything, Boromir and Aragorn hadn't returned yet from wherever they'd gone. I was not worried until the evening turned into night, and the dark enveloped the island. They were still not back, and yet I was the only one to actually worry over it. Maybe it was because I sensed something malicious taking over my brother, or maybe it was because I did not like being separated from Aragorn when in the wilderness, no matter what. Either way, I slipped away into the darkness and followed where they went.

I found them on a beach on the other side. Covered by a large rock, I watched them and I felt relief when I realized they were simply speaking; though that they should go somewhere so far off only to speak was worrisome in itself. It took me barely a few moments to realize that they were, in fact, arguing. 

''Minas Tirith is the safer road. You know it. From there we can regroup… strike out for Mordor from a place of strength,'' insisted Boromir.

''There is no strength in Gondor that can avail us.''

''You were quick enough to trust the Elves! Have you so little faith in your own people?'' Boromir asked with such desperation in his voice that it almost hurt my heart, ''Yes, there is weakness. There is frailty. But there is courage also, and honor to be found in Men! But you will not see that.'' 

Aragorn turned to end the conversation and walk away, but Boromir stopped him, grabbing his arm. I wondered if I should step out and intervene somehow, but I still stood frozen.

''You are afraid! All your life, you have hidden in the shadows! Scared of who you are, of what you are,'' Boromir said.

''I will not lead the Ring within a hundred leagues of your city!'' Aragorn almost shouted in return, his words as sharp as blades. 

''Please, stop,'' I said, stepping out from the shadows. ''Please.''

''This does not concern you, Alanna,'' Aragorn said calmly, ''Go back to sleep.''

''It does concern me,'' I said, ''It concerns us all. And yet you've decided to discuss this privately, excluding the rest of us, and all the while fighting over it like children!''

''Alanna-''

''I will retreat,'' I said, ''But so will the both of you. No more getting separated, not even for a minute, unless we have agreed on it.''

Aragorn clenched his jaw for a brief moment, and then there was calm in him - the release of his anger out into the air. Just as it came, so it went away. In his eyes, there was understanding. Such was Aragorn - a man who knew good reason and a man who was sensible enough to realize when he was wrong. Boromir, on the other hand, looked torn. He too stood silent, but I could not make out what was in his eyes - pain, desperation, confusion, apology, eagerness.

''This is folly,'' he said quietly, breathily, his eyes set on something in the distance.

''Even if it is,'' I said, ''Aragorn leads us. If it is to our deaths, still we will follow.''

Aragorn's face showed sudden pain - he scowled and looked away - and I knew where it came from. He was absolutely terrified that he was, indeed, possibly leading us to our deaths, and I knew how great his responsibility was, and how heavy it was upon his shoulders. For a moment I regretted saying what I said, though it was true, and I felt a sudden urge to hug him tightly. 

''And don't be foolish, Boromir,'' I said instead, ''Our father wants the Ring for himself. He would not use it for the greater good.''

~

It was with weariness and gloom in our hearts that we returned to camp, and I don't think either of us slept much after that conversation. When it was my turn to take watch, (and I insisted on taking it) I was already awake. Boromir was seemingly sleeping distanced from us all. I say seemingly, for I knew his mind was under too much torture to be able to fall asleep at all.

The night was awfully cold too, and the air was so moist it made my skin crawl. For the time I took watch, I shivered like a mad woman. I pulled my cloak closer to me, but it wasn't helping in the least bit. When another cloak enveloped me, I jumped and almost screamed, and I would have, hadn't Legolas been fast enough to silence me.

''It is only me!''

''Blood and ashes, Legolas!'' I whispered, though it was as harsh as a shout. My heart was beating against my chest and it took me a few moments to steady my breathing. I felt like I needed to sit down for a moment after the shock.

''I am sorry I startled you.''

''I've told you I can't sense when you're coming. Burn me!'' It wasn't very lady-like to cuss, but I was no lady, and I could not care less at the moment. It was exhilarating to cuss.

''I apologize,'' he said, ''I promised I'd alert you in the future, yet I always seem to forget.''

''It is alright,'' I said, seeing that he was genuinely very sorry about it, when in fact it wasn't that big of a deal. ''I am simply on the edge tonight and I lashed out. _I'm_ sorry.''

''Why is your mind so strained?'' he asked with worry.

''Oh, the same things bother all of us,'' I waved off, ''Do not worry about it. And here, I'm not that cold,'' I added, taking off his cloak and offering it back to him.

''You seem to forget that Elves are very resistant to cold,'' he smiled, ''Take it.''

''Thank you, Legolas, but I do not need it,'' I insisted, my hand holding the cloak still in the air.

''You also seem to forget how perceptive Elves are. I could see you shivering from a few leagues away.''

''Legolas, please,'' I insisted still, and pushed the cloak into him; but he took it, shook his head lightly, wrapped it around me once again, and clasped it in front of my neck.

I sighed. ''You are stubborn for an Elf. And you worry needlessly.''

''I worry because you're my friend,'' he smiled, and no matter how frustrated I felt that I was letting anyone take care of me in any way, I also could not help but feel touched. I wondered if he saw through me, how much I was carrying inside of me, how many past scars made by all the wrong people embellished me. I had an odd feeling that he sensed every wave of a new emotion inside of me, but chose not to say anything about it so as not to be noisy and intrusive. It was still uncomfortable, after all this time, but I had genuinely grown very fond of him and considered him a friend, so I endured it in my own ways.

''You haven't slept,'' he noted.

''No, not much. But neither have you.''

''You should try and get some rest now. I can take over.''

''I know you Elves also need less sleep, but no, thank you. I don't think it'd do me good to lie down, for I'll still be wide awake. This way I can at least be doing something. Stay focused on something else.''

''Something bothers you,'' he insisted, ''And it is not the same that bothers all of us.''

I sighed yet again. ''I still worry about Boromir,'' I confessed, ''I found him arguing with Aragorn tonight, and it's not even that that worries me so much now. He's grown very strange, and it is the Ring, and I am afraid of what he might do.''

''Do you fear he might bring harm to us? To Frodo?''

''What I fear most is he might bring harm to himself,'' I explained, and my voice cracked in a way I did not intend to permit. I was not even aware of all the emotions I had harboring within me. ''I do not want to lose him again, and I feel like I am losing him. I feel as though it is a process that has already started.''

''I am sorry,'' Legolas said. I looked to him, my brows furrowed in bewilderment, for he had nothing to be sorry about. I wanted to ask him why so, but there was no need. There was a sadness in his eyes, and it glimmered like a mirror reflecting all the stars in the night sky. When I opened my mouth, he spoke again.

''I can give you my cloak when you're cold, and I can help you and offer you sleep when you need it like this night. I can even save your very life, perhaps, yet I cannot help you with everything you carry inside of you.''

A breath caught in my throat and all my insides swirled as blood rushed to my cheeks. I was blushing a shade of crimson, I was sure, and I felt the corners of my eyelids get slightly moist. How much he cared about me left me in wonder, and as soon as I decided not to even try and understand it, the genuineness of it had me a complete mess, a storm of feelings each as sharp as a Noldorin blade, threatening to cut me up on the inside. I had never encountered such sincerity. I was afraid I would crumble down like an old worn out building that had endured too many wars. It was beyond my understanding. But then again, maybe this was normal, maybe it was only odd to me for I only had had such misfortune to meet all the terrible people all my life. Maybe there were more like him out there, or maybe again, he was the only one. And I was the lucky one to have him as a friend. I did not even quite realize what I was doing next, and before I knew it, I was hugging him.

''You're a good friend, Legolas,'' I muttered into his clothes, but I was sure he heard, for he nodded almost too slightly to notice. ''And I am blessed to have you as my friend,'' I added, and the last thing I saw - before I retreated to lie down after all - was Legolas with a smile beaming with happiness.

~

In the morning we were back in our boats. We moved swiftly, and soon passed through a canyon and reached The Gates of Argonath. The statues of Isildur and Anárion brought a much needed smile to my face. The great kings of Gondor... I looked to Aragorn and he turned back to flash me a smile in silent mutual understanding. The statues of his ancestors looked as though they were welcoming him with respect. It was a sight to remember, if we ever have the time and chance to reminisce after all is over.

''You do not have an Elven name,'' Legolas said to me, breaking the silence. He sounded as though he had come to the most odd conclusion ever. It woke me up from my daze and daydreams, and I saw that he and Gimli were no longer rowing, as the river was strong and carrying us swiftly by itself.

''Clever to conclude so, pointy-ear,'' Gimli remarked in his gruff voice, ''I like this lass even more for it.'' 

I almost giggled. Their bickering would never really go away. Legolas ignored him completely.

''No, I indeed do not have an Elven name,'' I said.

''Curious,'' Legolas said, ''Most Men of Gondor have Elven names, to my knowledge.''

''Yes, well, I do not know much about my ancestry, as I said. I only know of my father's line.''

Realizing that I was opening up a forbidden topic in front of Gimli, I regretted speaking the very next moment. 

''My foster mother did not have an Elven name either,'' I added.

''Then you have the answer to your question,'' Legolas smiled.

''Which question?''

''Who gave you your name.''

''Oh,'' I said, suddenly realizing, ''I guess I just never really thought about it.''

''I cannot imagine what it must be like not to know your ancestry entirely,'' Gimli waved off, ''I know every one of my great grandfathers... Though the knowledge is quite useless, to tell ye the truth. All those history lessons... gave me headaches when I was a lad.''

I laughed. ''Yes, useless, but still nice to know,'' I said, ''I've always wondered. And I've never before felt like I belonged anywhere.''

Realizing that I was the one suddenly ruining the mood, as Legolas's smile turned sad and Gimli frowned and shifted rather awkwardly, I quickly added on a happier note:

''But it's quite alright! I've grown. And those are matters of children, I think.''

''Lass, you _are_ a child,'' Gimli said in a matter-of-fact manner.

''Gimli!'' I protested, though I could not fight my smile. He loved teasing me about it, and I _was_ a child compared to most of my Fellowship. Even the hobbits had lived longer in Middle Earth than me, but in hobbit years, they had just come of age, and therefore I was the elder, officially. 

''Actually, I wouldn't mind an Elven name,'' I said, ''Elven names sound pretty.''

''Then we shall give you one,'' Legolas smiled.

''Good. You may return to me once you've thought of one, Master Elf,'' I smiled in return.

''Oh, by the Valar,'' Gimli grumbled, ''He's converting her.''

~

Soon we were sailing towards a great, roaring waterfall. It was the point when we realized we could go no further, so we disembarked on the gravel beach to our right. We made camp there, right below Amon Hen as Aragorn informed us. 

I helped the hobbits make sandwiches, for our fire was too fragile for anything to be cooked. They, of course, did not like the idea at first, for they had had more than enough lembas to last them a lifetime, but they were soon quite content. Any small meal was better than no meal at all, and the sandwiches weren't bad either. Gimli mumbled something in Khuzdul when I offered him lembas; he just sat there smoking his pipe with his arms crossed on his chest. Same old Gimli, I thought, though a far more childish version. When next I turned to them, there was barely a crumb of lembas left, unless one were to count the ones stuck in Gimli's beard. Hunger always beats pride.

I reflected on our journey down the river, and realized that it had oddly been rather safe. I did hear what sounded awfully akin to footsteps in the woods around, but as I didn't seem to recognize any actual danger, I decided not to say anything as it would have only scared the hobbits and raised unnecessary panic. I knew that if there really was someone in the woods, Legolas would have heard them. So I went to him as he was, ritually, sharpening his daggers.

''Legolas?'' I half-whispered, not wanting the little ones to hear.

''Yes, _mellon nin_?''

''Am I going completely mad or was there someone in the woods?

''You are not going mad, _mellon nin_. There were some Orcs,'' he said as if it were nothing. ''We will have to be ready soon.''

''Oh. Right.''

I went up to Aragorn right away, with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. We were to finally decide whether to go to Minas Tirith, or east to Mordor, and considering the fact that there were Orcs in the woods around us, I wanted Aragorn to make that decision faster. What I did not want, however, was another argument between him and Boromir, though I doubted my brother had enough will to argue anymore.

''We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the boats and continue on foot. We approach Mordor from the north,'' Aragorn decided.

''Oh, yes?! It's just a simple matter of finding our way through Emyn Muil? An impassable labyrinth of razor sharp rocks! And after that, it gets even better!'' exclaimed Gimli sarcastically. ''Festering, stinking marshlands, far as the eye can see!''

''That is our road. I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength, Master Dwarf.''

''Recover my…?! Phrrr…'' Gimli grumbled into his beard.

''When do we leave, Aragorn?'' I asked.

''We should leave soon,'' Legolas appeared next to me, ''I don't think we should wait much longer.''

''No. Orcs patrol the eastern shore. We must wait for cover of darkness,'' said Aragorn.

''It is not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near… I can feel it.''

''If I have learned anything, it is to trust the instinct of the Elves, Aragorn,'' I said.

''I know,'' he agreed, ''But leaving is simply not the better option right now.''

''And what of Gollum?'' I asked, ''Do we still not do anything about it? Even now he is near, tracking us like prey.''

''I was hoping we would lose him, but he is too skilled a tracker, and a swimmer,'' Aragorn explained, ''I do not wish him at our heels any more than you do, but I must leave him be. It is not our mission to kill the wretched creature. We cannot devote any time to that.''

''But he could expose us to the enemy.''

''If they catch him, he might,'' he said, ''But it is not his personal concern or interest. His interest is something different entirely. Try not to mind him, and we'll try harder to lose him once we're back on our path.''

I could still hear Gimli's grumbling in the background. ''No dwarf need recover strength! Pay no heed to that, young hobbit.''

''Master Gimli, don't nag so much!'' I tried to laugh, but all I could was sigh.

''Where is Frodo?'' asked Merry.

I turned faster than the west wind. My heart sunk into my heels as I quickly looked over everyone. Frodo wasn't there. And Boromir was missing too. 

''Boromir.'' It was all I had to say to Aragorn.

''All of you, stay here! Legolas, Gimli, keep an open eye!'' Aragorn instructed, before we rushed out and disappeared in the woods.


	16. A Soldier Put to Rest

Aragorn and I ran with as much strength as we could muster. My thighs were starting to burn rather soon from the high speed sprint I did not prepare myself for, but all I could think about was what could happen if I don't get to Frodo on time, and so I ran and ran even when I felt I could just fall down on my knees. All the while we were looking around, searching as intently as we possibly could. We could not call Frodo's name, for fear of alerting the enemy to our presence. I knew there were Orcs in those woods, probably everywhere, probably even watching us as we ran. Who knows why they hadn't attacked us by then, but I did not care to think about that. I was scared. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode, and all the running wasn't helping it. We searched most of the woods, but there was no sign of him. I was beginning to panic, but then Aragorn decided we should go for the top of Amon Hen. And indeed, we found Frodo there, and when I saw him seemingly intact I could almost collapse on the ground in relief. Boromir wasn't there, however.

Wheezing, and trying to catch my breath, holding myself up with my hands on my knees, I could barely look anymore from the sweat that was staring to drip into my eyelids. When I finally looked up again, I saw Frodo on the ground, looking as frightened as ever. Every time Aragorn tried to approach him, he pulled back, looking absolutely terrified. He was afraid of us, and I no longer saw trust in his eyes. I could not understand.

''Frodo, it's us,'' I said, feeling a bit stupid to state the obvious.

''Frodo?''

''Uh... It has taken Boromir,'' Frodo said weakly, with fear still present in his voice.

''What has taken him?'' I asked in panic, though I already knew the answer.

''Where is the Ring?'' Aragorn asked cautiously as he stepped closer, to which the halfling pulled even further back.

''Stay away!''

''Frodo!''

''I swore to protect you!'' Aragorn tried to reassure him, but nothing could diminish the fear in his eyes.

''Can you protect me from yourself?!'' he asked, and he took out the Ring and raised it in the air as if offering it to Aragorn. ''... Would you destroy it?''

The moment Aragorn took to answer was too long. Even I had an uneasy unfeeling as he approached the halfling slowly. But then he simply closed up Frodo's hand over the Ring and pushed it to the his chest, and I exhaled a breath I did not know I was holding.

''I would have gone with you to the end, into the very fires of Mordor,'' he said.

''I know,'' Frodo said apologetically, ''Look after the others, especially Sam. He will not understand.''

Aragorn simply nodded in understanding. I, on the other hand, stood completely clueless, not understanding at all what was happening before me. Did Frodo decide to leave? By himself? Had he gone mad?

''Frodo, what are you doing?'' I asked.

''What I have to,'' he replied.

I was confused and afraid, and before all I felt... powerless, useless in the matter. How could he ever survive on his own? And how could Aragorn let him go just like that? It made me angry, even; and broken in a way I could not yet quite understand. The Fellowship was breaking, as I was soon to become aware of, and so was the hope that it carried.

''Go, Frodo,'' said Aragorn as he drew out his sword. 

I had no idea why he did it, until I saw Frodo's sword turn blue. I inhaled sharply, unsheathed my sword as well, closed my eyes for but a brief moment to compose myself. 

''Go with all the blessings, our little friend,'' I said.

''Run. Run!'' Aragorn urged him, and the hobbit didn't waste a second more; as fast as he could he started running down the hilltop. 

''Get ready,'' Aragorn told me, and I could only give him a nod in response. I knew there were only two of us. And I knew Orcs never attack in couples. I took another deep breath. _One with the sword. One with the sword. Rage and anger won't avail you now. Peace. Calm. The void. One with the sword._

I turned around, and what I saw made the very air get stuck in my throat and refuse to leave. A troop of Uruk-hai was advancing towards us. They weren't even charging fully; it was a walk of confidence they made toward us. Fear was still there, somewhere in me, and though it was greater, I felt it less, for I had learned to do that long ago. In very dangerous situations such as this one, fear could only bind your feet together and make you stumble. _No; no anger, no fear, no panic. Just the void. The emptiness of mind. The oneness with the weapon._

It was all about buying Frodo time so he could safely reach the boats. If they were to stomp over us like ants, they'd reach Frodo in no time. And we could not let that happen at any cost. Blood thumped against my skull in anticipation, I could almost hear it. But still I sought the void. There was no telling if we'd succeed. What I was sure of, however, was that the troop before us was just a small piece of the entire army scattered throughout the woods.

Though it seemed like eternity to me, and for a while everything was in slow motion, it took only a few moments for them to attack. Three of the Uruks made a strike at me at once, and I managed to kill them all, one after the other. Initial luck? Definitely so. It was barely a few moments more before I felt a strong blow against my back, and I almost fell. I remained on my feet and reacted quickly, killing the creature who somehow appeared behind me. They weren't giving me a moment to catch my breath; just as I killed two, another pair of Uruks would strike at me. I tried as hard as I could to keep them from coming closer at least, but they kept on coming, and every second it seemed like there was more of them closing in on us. 

Aragorn and I fought back to back together. Their armor was heavy and thick, and at an obvious advantage compared to ours. The neck was our target, the critical spot, but I wasn't always in the position to reach it. These Uruks were far better trained than all the Orcs I had fought before, and Goblins weren't even worth mentioning in comparison. They were unreasonably skilled warriors, something I never expected from such mindless savage creatures. 

After a few more parried blows and barely a kill, I realized they were going to surround us completely if we didn't do something. And that would have been the end of us all. 

Slowly but surely we moved back as we fought, doing everything we could to keep them from encircling us. Before we knew it, their troop grew stronger and we had to run back, no longer able to defend ourselves. We ran towards the ancient ruin behind us and climbed the stairs fast, while behind us the troop of Uruks pushed each other to follow up after us. Fear started pulsing in me; fear that we wouldn't make it, that they would catch Frodo, and that everything would be in vain and gone to doom. I pushed it away again, buried it deep inside of me. From the rooftop of the ruin there wasn't really any other way to go. The void. One with the sword. 

There was no more running; we stood there and fought. I followed Aragorn's lead no matter what, and we fought fast, so many of the creatures fell off the ruins, as heavy and clumsy as they were. One of the Uruks gave me a close call; I blocked an ugly-looking sword right in front of my face. I knew he was stronger than me, but I pushed back as hard as I could, and just when I thought I was going out of my last strength, I managed to stun him. He tripped aback, pushing other Uruks to the back with him, and I had no idea how I managed to do it. They say your strength will avail you when most you need it, and every drop of blood in your body will work for the cause. I guess it is true. My strength seemed to have restored itself somehow, it was as if my mind didn't allow my body to grow weary.

I did not feel the tiredness, everything was a haze. When you're fighting for your own survival, you don't really feel a thing. I simply fought, like it was the most natural thing, the only thing in life to do, even. That's how it always felt in the void, at least. I slashed and cut and I felt dark Uruk blood dripping down my face, and I did not stop for a second until I heard a ''Find the halflings!!'' The command was repeated again and again and they started splitting up, running faster. 

''Over my dead body,'' I muttered to myself, and it was an encouragement to stop the panic from rising within me, to stay in that calm of the void. Pulling my sword out of another Uruk body, I heard Aragorn scream King Elendil's name, and then I saw him jump off the roof. I fought as I moved back towards the edge, to follow suit. When I looked down, I saw that Legolas and Gimli had come, and I smiled wide amidst all that madness. It was another parried blow, before I jumped to the ground too.

It was far less comfortable than I wanted it to be, landing on the ground. My back ached but I rolled back onto my feet in a second.

''Aragorn, we should go!'' I shouted. We had to follow up after Frodo and secure his path, we could not longer when the Uruk-hai had already split out and rushed after him. 

''Aragorn, go!'' shouted Legolas reassuringly, before he shot an Uruk right in front of Aragorn.

''Keep them from following,'' I said, before I ran after Aragorn.

I could see that Aragorn didn't manage to go far, Uruks kept on attacking and he was stuck there, not far from the hilltop, defending himself, unable to move any more forward. I jumped in wanting to help him; I stabbed one of the beasts in the back, but Aragorn protested as soon as he saw me.

''No! Go after Frodo!!'' he insisted. ''Quickly!!''

I hated to leave him, but I knew he was right. I made myself move, before my feet broke into a run, and I fought my way through the ambush I left Aragorn to. I ran, and I ran, but there was seemingly no danger around me. Nothing changed for too long a while. There were only the woods, trees looking much the same no matter how far I ran. I followed the tracks, and those of the Uruks were so scattered there was no way of telling where they had all gone. They were everywhere. But the hobbit tracks were quite clear. So I followed, swiftly, until I reached an old stone bridge. And there at a small distance, I found Merry and Pippin. 

''You two! What are you doing out in the open?! Hide!!''

Just as my words reached their ears, Uruk-Hai appeared from the bushes and behind the trees and for a fleeting moment I wondered if I had led them to the hobbits.They charged towards them, but they merely stepped back in shock and fear. I knew I could not make a run for it this time, not fast enough. I reached for my bow and nocked an arrow to it. I aimed clumsily and released it fast at the Uruk closest to them. The arrow pierced its shoulder and the Uruk staggered in pain but did not falter. I cursed and nocked another swiftly. This time I shot one in the neck, and it fell before it could put its hands on Pippin. The good things was that I seemed to have snatched their attention off the halflings. The bad thing was that I was alone, and they were a great many, and I was supposed to follow Frodo. Still, I couldn't have left them, even if I had a chance to do it all over again, to do it differently, I would have still stayed against my better judgement, instead of protecting the damned Ring in the hands of its bearer.

It wasn't long before Boromir charged in to help. I was surprised to see him, he seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. 

''Boromir!'' I managed, now slashing an opponent with my sword. Arrows were of no more use to me. ''Where have you been?!''

He did not reply, instead he threw a dagger at an Uruk I did not even notice coming behind me. We were doing well at first, even Merry and Pippin fought with their little swords, despite my orders to simply go hide somewhere. Of course they ignored me, they were much more courageous than they themselves thought they were after all. It was luck we had, and nothing else. I knew it was a matter of time before we ran out of it. And I was right.

The Uruks started appearing again, from everywhere I looked; every bush and every tree seemed to give a dozen more of the Uruk-Hai. Fear ran through my veins like poison once more. The void from before shattered into a million pieces. There was no more calm, no longer a trace of composure, and there was nothing I could have done about it. I looked to Boromir. There was eminent fear in his face as well, and that was more discouraging than anything else. He reached for his horn and blew into it three times. I hoped desperately that somebody would reach us, for I knew there was no way Boromir and I alone with the halflings could have done anything to overcome the Uruk-Hai.

''You two, run!! RUN!!!!'' he screamed at the halflings. This time they obeyed.

''You go left, I go right,'' I told him and he simply gave me a nod before we both rushed into battle.

''Yaahh!!!'' I cut a nasty looking Orc right across the face, and he fell, bleeding to death and squirming in agony. As I turned, I stabbed one through the stomach. Blood splashed across my face again but I would care about its stench later. The moment I pulled my sword out, one of them approached me from behind. I sensed his presence on time and quickly turned around and cut his arm off as he raised his hand in the air to make his strike at me. It fell to the ground together with his ax, and blood burst out from what was left of his arm so he panicked and ran away somewhere into the woods, screaming in agony. ''Fool of a creature,'' I thought to myself, stunned by it all. I heard Boromir's horn again, but no help was coming yet. I managed to kill a few more, earning myself some big black bruises on my arms after blocking some strikes. Then I heard the hobbits shout, and I heard Boromir's name, and not wasting a second I turned around to see what was happening. Boromir was on his knees, and an arrow was in his shoulder, or perhaps a bit lower. 

Seeing that, I felt as though all the blood in my body had frozen. I lost my voice. I wanted to shout his name instinctively, but I couldn't. Cold sweat covered me as my eyes grew dry. It took me more than I would've liked to tear myself away from the grip of the shock.

I tried to rush towards him, but couldn't without fighting my way through. I saw him rise to his feet and continue fighting the oncoming beasts. I killed a few more of them coming at me, but I barely managed. I turned around again to see how Boromir was doing, and another black arrow pierced him the moment I laid my eyes on him, this time in the stomach. He dropped to his knees again. And that was the moment I finally let out a shrill, air-piercing cry.

''BOROMIR!!!!!!!!'' 

I was sure the normal reaction would've been to panic, to cry, but my eyes were so dry they almost stung. I tore my eyes off him, as I had to, and the next thing I knew was a strong blow against my face, and I stumbled back, barely managing to stay on my feet. I felt a swelling sensation in my nose, and warm blood dripping out of it. I wiped some of it away, but the moment I touched my nose, I winced and pulled my hand away in pain. The Uruk swung his sword at me, and he missed me by merely a hair's width. I was sure I would've left my entrails on the floor hadn't I sucked my stomach in with all the might. I then killed him before he knew what had even happened.

I turned to Boromir once more. He had risen to his feet again and continued to fight with all the strength he could gather. It was almost impossible to find the on firing the arrows among all that madness, and it was far too late once I saw the An Uruk-Hai. He seemed to be in charge of all the troops, a commander, and he stood right there, at a fair distance from me, notching another arrow to his bow and aiming at Boromir. I knew I had to get to him any way I knew how. I tried to run, but the Uruks kept intersecting my way. No matter how hard I tried and no matter how much I wanted to, I could not reach the Uruk before he shot that arrow. I saw it pierce Boromir's chest and I froze in place. ''No...'' was all I barely managed to whisper. Boromir fell to his knees once more, but this time he did not get up. His body swayed a little, his horn was broken in two hanging around his neck. On the other side of the field, a group of Uruk-Hai was carrying the Hobbits away. That was it. I had failed. We had all failed.

The next few Uruks that attacked me are a blur in my memory. I vaguely remember slaying a few more and earning a few cuts and bruises. They could have killed me for all I cared at that moment. There was now only one goal for me - to kill the one that had shot my brother. That is all there was for me. I saw him approaching Boromir and aiming at him once again, even as he swayed on his knees barely alive. I made a run for it, but Aragorn was faster. He appeared suddenly, throwing himself at the Uruk right on time, and the arrow flew off harmlessly. They fought and I didn't even consider helping him. There was only Boromir now, and everything I had to say to him. 

I dropped next to him, as he lay on the ground in the agony of his pain. It was not that I felt the first normal reaction and the first tears welling up in my eyelids. They were just there, hanging dangerously at the corners of my eyes, but never falling, never giving me relief.

''Please don't...'' I whispered. I did not know what I was asking of him exactly. Not to die? Not to leave me? Not to leave me again? Not to go before we even had a chance to be a family? Not to go before we even had the chance to fight for our home? Not to leave before he saw the White City, and all of Gondor renewed? As if that were to certainly happen. 

''You have to protect the little ones... Go...'' he managed to squeeze out the words.

''Shhhh... Do not speak,'' I said, reaching to remove one of the arrows.

''Leave it,'' he stopped me. ''It's all the same now... They took them... You must-''

''Do not worry. Frodo is gone. He escaped safely.''

''Forgive me...''

''There is nothing to forgive.''

''I have failed you... so many times...'' he breathed, tears forming in his eyes as well.

''No,'' I insisted, shaking my head, ''No, do not say that.''

''We would have been a proper family...''

''Be still, please...'' I begged, and that was the moment I started crying, really crying.

''For all the times you felt alone...,'' he started, struggling to speak and I shook my head vehemently before he even finished, ''You do not know...''

''I know.''

I did not even realize what was happening around me anymore. I did not even notice when Aragorn was finished, and when he knelt next to me.

''They took the little ones...,'' my brother explained again, struggling with every word.

''Do not worry about that now, we'll get them back,'' said Aragorn.

''I... tried to take the Ring from Frodo...''

''The Ring is beyond our reach now.''

''Forgive me... I did not see it... I have failed you all...,'' Boromir cried which made me want to weep even harder, but I clenched my jaw as hard as I could, holding it all in. I felt like my insides were burning while my skin was frozen cold, and my heart was withering, and I was slowly dying from sadness.

''No, Boromir, you fought bravely! You have kept your honor,'' Aragorn told him before he reached out for the arrows in Boromir's body. I stopped him and shook my head.  
''It is over... The world of men will fall... and- all will come to darkness… and m-my city to ruin...''

''I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the White City fall… nor our people fail!''

''Our people? Our people...,'' my brother reached for his sword with whatever strength he had left. Aragorn took the hilt and placed it in his hand, helping him clasp it to his chest. I took his other hand and it was cold, so cold; I wanted to give all the warmth of my body to make him feel warm again.

''My little sister...,'' he said as he looked at me once more, ''I do not worry...about you... There are yet people.. who would give their life- to protect you.. young one...''

''And you...,'' he looked to Aragorn, ''... I would have followed you, my Brother… my Captain… my King...'' 

He said no more. He breathed no more. He moved no more. And I cried. I cried like I never cried before in my life. It poured out of me like a stream and I didn't think I could stop. There was so much in me that I never let out, and now this had teared the wound open and I wept only wanting to collapse and weep for a few days without getting up. 

''I loved you...'' I whispered, touching his cheek and wiping away the dirt and tears that still made him seem alive. The flesh under his eyes still had warmth. That made me feel as though there had been a dagger stuck in my heart, and all I wanted was for someone to pull it out and let me bleed out.

In truth, all I wanted was more time with him. To make up for all the time we had lost. But that was impossible now. He was gone forever. He left me forever this time.

''This is not how it was supposed to be,'' I said, standing up and wiping my tears. ''Not how it was supposed to be.''

I did not even notice when Gimli and Legolas had come. I looked around then, and I saw dead bodies of the Uruks, scattered everywhere around, and the smell of their blood was in the air. Those who did not die, fled. They left the moment they got their hands on Merry and Pippin. The rest of us were of no interest to them. I knew that they thought one of the two Hobbits was the Ringbearer. 

''I am sorry,'' I heard Legolas whisper softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. That hand made me want to weep more, and it took all my strength not to. 

''Be at peace, son of Gondor,'' said Aragorn, before kissed my brother's forehead. ''They will look for his coming from the White Tower, but he will not return.'' 

Another stream of tears.

''Let us lay him to rest,'' said Gimli after a few minutes of silence. 

''We will carry him to one of the boats,'' Aragorn agreed, ''Legolas, give me a helping hand.''

As they carried him, Gimli and I followed slowly behind them, carrying his sword and shield. When we reached the river, Gimli and I prepared the funeral boat, and Legolas and Aragorn laid the body of my late brother in it. We arranged at all, placed his sword in his hands, Legolas and Aragorn sang, and I cried some more. When the song was finished, Aragorn put on Boromir's bracers in sign of memory and respect. I realized I'd kept nothing from him. 

''Aragorn,'' I uttered, my voice hoarse from silence and tears, ''Would it be too much... if I kept his shield?''

''I'm sure he would have wanted you to keep it,'' he replied, and before I could say or do anything else, he had already taken the shield and handed it to me.

''May it protect you as he would have protected you.''

I nodded, before I strapped it onto my back the way he used to carry it. Soon we released him onto the river, and that was the last I saw of him. ''Goodbye, my brother,'' I whispered to the wind that dried my face. When he was out of sight I sat down on the bank and curled up against a rock. Gimli put a hand on my shoulder without saying anything before leaving me alone. I do not know for how long I sat there in silence.

When Legolas came and sat next to me, the Sun was beginning to set. At first he said nothing to me, his presence alone giving me all the comfort I needed. After a while of silence, he wetted his hands in the river, and he brushed my cheek to clean me off the dirt and blood that was still on me from the battle. It barely stunned me.

''You ought to wash yourself,'' he said softly, before handing me some lembas, ''And eat something.''

''Thank you,'' I managed before taking a bite.

He simply smiled before we fell back into comfortable silence again. The sound of the water flowing soothed me. 

''I am going to bathe,'' I said after a while, ''I cannot stand the stink of Orc blood on me anymore.''

''I'll leave you to it,'' he smiled as he got up.

''Could you all just... look away for a few minutes?''

''Of course, lassie, we don't mind,'' Gimli said, joining the others in sitting turned toward the hills.

I had never felt like I needed it so much, to let water embrace me and wash away all that was on me and within me. The moment I put my toe in the water, I realized that it was freezingly cold, and I knew I had to wash myself as quickly as I could or otherwise I would fall sick. I didn't care too much about it. 

The river was strong and wild, so I kept in the shallows close to the bank. The moment I took my first breath after diving below, I knew it was all I needed. I felt born again. I did not mind the cold. It made me feel alive again.

After a while, I heard Aragorn's voice behind me say ''Gimliii'' and then Gimli grumbled ''Of course, of course. This Dwarf should be so lucky. The last time I saw a woman like that, she had a beard. A beard!'' I chuckled to myself, amidst it all.

I put my clothes back on when I was finished, and I couldn't help but grimace at putting back clothing so dirty on my freshly washed skin. I covered myself completely with my Elven cloak as I sat next to the others, trying not to shiver in the cold. They could only see my face.

''These cloaks that Lady Galadriel gave to us are the best things ever created,'' I said, thankful that I was warming up so quickly. Legolas lit a fire again and soon I could uncover my head and let my hair dry more quickly.

''Where did the hobbits run off to?'' asked Gimli after a while. I had not realized he did not know.

''The Uruk-Hai took Merry and Pippin,'' I said.

''I cannot be sure that Frodo was not with them,'' Aragorn said, ''But I believe he was not. I don't think he'd wish to expose his friends to the dangers of his quest.''

''I agree. I believe they separated fully. I saw the Uruk-Hai carrying Pip and Merry away with my own eyes. Frodo was long gone,'' I said.

''And that laddie Sam?''

''Wait. I can see!'' exclaimed Legolas, jumping on his feet and rushing to pull one of the boats, ''Frodo and Sam have reached the eastern shore! Let us hurry!''

Gimli jumped to his feet as well, ready to move. Aragorn and I knew better. We didn't even stir. Legolas looked at us with bewilderment, but Gimli simply stood dumbfounded.

''You mean not to follow them?'' Legolas asked, returning to our side. Aragorn simply continued cleaning his blade. 

''Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands,'' he said simply.

''No one's is,'' I said hopelessly, wanting once again to just die and be done with it.

''It has all been in vain!'' outcried Gimli, and I did not want him to join me in my desperation, ''The Fellowship has failed...''

''No,'' Aragorn replied short and sternly. He gave me a hand to stand up. With his arm around me he placed his hand on Legolas's shoulder, and the other one on Gimli's, before he spoke:  
''Not if we hold true to each other.''

And I smiled. I could not quite believe it, but the Fellowship still existed, whatever was left of it. As long as we were willing to die for each other, it existed. 

''I tried to save Merry and Pippin once and failed, I would not give up on them and fail again,'' I said.

''Of course not! We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light,'' announced Aragorn, ''Let us hunt some Orc!''

''Yes! Haha!'' Gimli exclaimed in sudden joy, and Legolas flashed a bright white smile.

We hid our boats and extinguished the fire. We took only what was absolutely necessary, before we ran off into the woods. I would not leave Aragorn's side for anything. No matter how much more I was to lose in this war, I would have gone on until the end still. Frodo escaped. I had to believe that. Therefore there was hope, and with that a reason to fight and believe.


	17. The Haunting, the Hunt, and the Healing

_''You ask him.''_

_''No, you ask him.''_

_''Pippin...''_

_''Fine!''_

_''Go then.''_

_''We should ask her instead.''_

_''Pippin, will you go already?''_

_''Ask me what?'' I asked, overhearing their nudging and whispering._

_''Could you... maybe you could... you know... ask Aragorn if we could... if we could have a fire?'' Pippin asked cautiously, ''Just a small one will do!''_

_''No fires, Pippin. And stop talking him into things, Merry.''_

_''But if we could just-''_

_''No fires, Merry!''_

_''But la-''_

_''I am no lady, Pippin, and you will not charm your way into this.''_

_It always took all my might not to smile when I had to be strict with them; it always took all the effort to even tell them 'no'. Turning around I could no longer hear their whispering. It was unusual of them, to ever stop grumbling immediately. Turning back around to propose making it up to them by making them sandwiches as delicious as they ever tasted, I saw them no more. On the grass where they had been sitting was only a trace, the imprint of their small bodies, and the clasps of their Elven cloaks lay there, broken._

_''Pippin? Merry?''_

_Nothing._

_Hurriedly I picked up the pieces of the small leaf buckles, but they all but crumbled into dust in my hands._

_''Pippin? Merry?!''_

_Still nothing. Panic. With my heartbeat in my ears I scrambled across the ground, following the traces in the grass. They were dragged._

_Thump thump thump. The blood in my head seemed to beat against my skull._

_''Pip-''_

_I had found them. Their bodies lay motionless on the grass, and when my eyes fell upon them, they almost looked asleep. Almost. I moved closer, and all too soon I wished I hadn't. What I saw was worse than anything I ever had. I used all my strength to continue breathing, before I screamed. I screamed so loud I thought I'd wake those asleep in the Undying Lands._

And then it was over, though I did not quite realize it. I opened my eyes and Merry and Pippin weren't there. I had screamed, however, and I had awoken my companions. Before I could even understand anything, they had surrounded me, and I could read the worry in Aragorn's face. Legolas had an expression which seemed to mirror my own feelings.

''It was just a dream,'' I heard Aragorn's voice, but it still sounded a bit muffled and somewhere in the distance.

''Merry and Pippin-''

''Calm down, lass.''

I couldn't calm down. Not for a good while, I could not. I heard Aragorn say something about giving me space, and they stepped away and sat down, but Legolas did not move. And I did not mind, for he took my hand and placed another over it, and it was so soothing I thought I could fall asleep again. Only then did I realize I was sniffing, for I had no idea that I had silently started crying. Legolas still looked at me, eyebrows furrowed in alarm, and I could feel my own pulse beneath his touch, and I was sure he could hear it just as loud.

''I'm alright,'' I said after a while, ''Really. I'm sorry I woke you up.''

''Are you sure, lass?'' Gimli asked.

''Yes, I'm sure. It was just a dream. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry, we should all get as much rest as we can.''

Gimli nodded in understanding before he lied down where he had been sleeping, and Aragorn said to me softly: ''I am right here if you need me.'' I smiled back and nodded in gratefulness, before he too retreated. Legolas was still next to me, still holding my hand.

''I really am fine, Legolas,'' I insisted, ''You too should go back to resting.''

''I need no rest,'' he said, ''And somehow I know you shall have no more of it this night either.''

''I probably won't,'' I admitted with a sigh, ''But I need no company.''

''I wish to keep you company regardless,'' he said, and I thought how harsh I must have sounded. I wanted to insist but I knew he wouldn't change his mind, so I saved my breath. I felt like I needed all the breaths I could spare. I was utterly exhausted, in mind and body alike. I had no will to argue about anything.

''Thank you,'' I whispered.

''Aragorn was right,'' he said after a short silence.

''About what?''

''If he were to put together a group of Gondor's finest soldiers, few could challenge you,'' he smiled.

''I guess I'm a bit lucky too,'' I said, ''To survive many battles, one needs a good portion of luck to go with skill. And I've been incredibly lucky.''

''You haven't come out of your battles untouched,'' he argued.

''I have yet to earn a wound too serious. These cuts are all small and heal fast. Pure luck,'' I smiled.

''You humble yourself,'' he smiled.

''I really don't.''

Silence again. I thought about it - about how uncomfortable it used to be to spend time with Legolas, and how utterly comfortable it had become to sit in absolute silence with him. It was not simply comfortable, it was pleasant. I don't know for how long we had sat in silence, where the only thing that could be heard was Gimli's snoring. Even the woods around us seemed to be asleep, with only a night bird here and there alerting us to its presence. It was his voice again that broke the silence.

''I cannot help but wonder... and I wish to ask you but I fear you'll take offence.''

''I don't take offence easily,'' I smiled to encourage him, ''We're friends. Ask me anything you want.''

''Well, I noticed a scar on your side. It does not seem like a scar from a cut, and so it intrigued me... What kind of battle you earned it in?''

All the blood that was in my body rushed into my head. My cheeks felt so warm I thought one could probably prepare a stew on their heat. I felt anger mingled with hurt mingled with shame and I could not help but breathe heavily now. I was sure he noticed. I tried to speak as calmly and as normally as ever.

''When did you see it?''

''I did not mean to,'' he said, ''When you were bathing in the river. I saw nothing but your back. I apologize. It was not intentional.''

I knew it was not intentional. For all I cared, he could have seen me completely naked and I would not have been as upset. It wasn't about him seeing me in the river. It was about the scar. It was about what that scar meant and bore. I hated that scar. I was ashamed of it. As lucky as I was to not earn scars in battles, it was almost a bad thing, for me - I almost wanted more scars so that this one would get lost among them. I had only one real scar from a blade, and it was on my arm. The rest always healed, but that one - the one he saw - never went away. I almost wished for more scars, so that that one wouldn't stand out; so that it would get lost in the sea of others. I hated that scar beyond telling.

''I did not earn it in battle,'' I managed to utter, though I feared my voice would break. If there was a word to describe a feeling more terrible than hate, I'd use it. To say I hated the scar was to put it lightly.

''How then?''

''I don't want to talk about it,'' I retorted, and I was sure I sounded harsher than I'd intended, but I cared little at the moment. I did not realize my hand had been in his still, the entire time, before I pulled it away that exact moment. I almost regretted it instantly; the loss of the warmth seemed to take away all the comfort as well.

''I apologize for prying,'' he said, and it was then that I felt absolutely terrible about being harsh. Still, I couldn't speak about it.

''I think I'll try and get some more rest now,'' I said, though I knew I would find no rest, and it was only so that I would be left alone.

''I'll leave you to it.''

''Legolas?''

''Hm?''

''You never asked about my dream,'' I said, though I meant it as a question.

''There was no need to go again through what made you scream in terror,'' he smiled, before he walked away.

That was the moment I knew he was a friend I wanted to keep. I did not fall asleep again that night. No matter how exhausted I was from all the running, and no matter how few were the hours we could spare for sleep, I could not use them. 

The running wasn't all that difficult at first, but as time passed by, it became more and more exhausting. At the end of every day I thought my thighs were going to set themselves on fire and burn to dust. 

We only ever stopped at night, and only for a few hours. When it was too dark to make out the trail we followed, we slept, and when first light came we were back on our feet. I thought I would die, and on several occasions I thought I would just fall on my knees and never get back up again. But then I'd think of Merry and Pippin, and I'd get this strange surge of energy from Eru knows where, and I'd continue running, until the next time I felt like dying. Gimli was the one always falling behind, whereas Legolas was the only one completely unaffected, and I found myself wanting to take off one of my boots and throw it at his head. Though that, too, would have probably left him completely unaffected.

The nights brought little rest too. Someone always had to stand watch, and Legolas always insisted that he should stand watch longer than the others, for he could spare his resting hours and we could not. The rest of us could not live with Legolas doing it all by himself, so we switched shifts too, though far shorter than his own.

When I slept, I dreamed. And when I dreamed, it was usually a nightmare. And when I had nightmares, I had no rest.

For a long while of our pursuit, we saw only our own tracks and those of the Orcs. There were no hobbit tracks, and if they were indeed being carried the entire time, we couldn't possibly know which troop of Orcs was the one that took them. There were Orc tracks everywhere, and they all looked the same. These findings had left us completely clueless. The only hobbit prints we found were near the river, but there was no telling when those were made. 

After that night I refused to talk to him about the scar, Legolas seemed different. Not angry with me or anything of the sort, for he still talked to me - though less - and he still showed that he cared. But he seemed distant, perhaps even hurt. And as time passed by, it bothered me more and more, and I wanted to fix it. It was only during this time that I realized how much I cared about him, and how much I did not want to lose him as a friend. I realized he probably thought I did not trust him enough to speak to him about certain things, and so he distanced himself so that he wouldn't make me uncomfortable. He did not wish to pry or be nosy or a burden, and I respected that. But he wasn't any of those things. The less we spent time together, the more I missed him. The less he talked to me, the more I wanted to talk to him. Aragorn probably noticed the change between me and Legolas, but he did not ask anything about it. Too much was on all of our minds.

After three days of our pursuit, we came to a very steep slope, and at the foot of it lay five Orc corpses huddled together.

''These are not the Orcs that attacked us,'' I noticed, and I was certain of it.

''Different tribe,'' agreed Aragorn.

''Yet slain they are...,'' mused Gimli.

''These foolish creatures oft fight amongst themselves,'' Legolas explained.

''Let us hope the hobbits suffered no harm from this,'' I said. 

I wondered how they were doing, if they were afraid, or what kind of things those wretched creatures were doing to them, or telling them, or making them do. It would leave me almost paralyzed at moments, the images inside my head. But I'd shake it off every time and try not to think about it. Needless was to dread before anything even happened.

''I see something,'' Legolas said once he stopped running. I all but tried not to suffocate, leaning with my hands on my knees. ''About twelve leagues away from this place. An eagle.''

''What do you mean?'' I asked, wheezing.

''That would mean that they're moving at great speed,'' Aragorn explained, ''And not just at night, but daylight also.''

''But that's against their nature!'' I exclaimed. ''What's driving them?''

''They must have caught our scent so they quickened their pace. We must hurry!'' Aragorn announced, before he started running full-pace again, and we followed. We ran, switching paces, all until nightfall; and we didn't stop then either until it became impossible to follow the tracks under such faint light of the moon.

That night, I dreamt of Boromir. It wasn't terrible, or terrifying. It was nothing like seeing the hobbits' bodies all but ruined. Others appeared in the dream, including Faramir, and Gandalf, and I heard Lady Galadriel's words echo in my head. But I remember Boromir distinctly. It was a simple conversation, consisting of everything we never told each other, and I cried like a newborn babe, and when I woke up, I'd never felt more lonely. The dark of the night seemed to envelope me, and I felt cold, though the night wasn't too cold at all. I almost wished it was another nightmare, for it would have surely hurt less. But I was thankful no screams were involved, for I did not wish to awaken Aragorn and Gimli. 

Legolas was keeping watch, far on the other side of our little camp. Yet again, the only thing that made him different from a statue was his hair and his cloak on the light wind. I walked up next to him.

''I can't sleep any more, I'll keep watch.''

''Well, I cannot sleep either,'' he said, his eyes never leaving the fields ahead.

We stood there in silence, and I could see he wanted to ask me something - the way his jaw clenched a bit - but tried really hard to restrain himself. It wasn't long before he gave in.

''You've been crying,'' he only said.

''How do you know when you haven't even looked at me?''

''I can feel,'' he said, and it was only then that his eyes found their way to me.

''Elves,'' I huffed.

''Another nightmare?''

''No,'' I said, ''Only a dream of too great a beauty.''

And he said nothing to that. And I had never felt more grateful for not being asked questions. I had never valued him more.

''Remember that boy... - man - I told you I was with?'' I asked unannounced, and it almost startled him.

''Yes?''

''His name was Beriadan. He gave me the scar.''

I had swallowed and gotten it out. And it felt oddly satisfying, a relief almost. Looking at Legolas, I could not even read his expression. There was surprise, and confusion, and wonder, and worry, and hurt, all mingled together. He was probably surprised I had told him so suddenly, and he was probably wondering about how it all happened. He could not manage to speak right away.

''I did not want you to think I don't trust you. Because I do,'' I said, ''I'm simply ashamed.''

''How?''

''A hot rod, straight from the forge fire.''

He scowled, and for a while I saw nothing but hurt in his eyes, before anger joined it. I had grown to know him well enough to know that much, and to know he was feeling helpless at that moment. It's the one thing typical of Legolas - he always wished to help his friends, and when he couldn't, there was this odd mixture of hurt and anger in his eyes. He did not know what to say, and I could not bare to look at him anymore, so I looked away while I spoke.

''I lied. Not about everything - he was a self-loathing man indeed, but we never parted ways,'' I gulped, ''When he started growing more violent, I tried not to pay it much heed. I thought I loved him, so for the sake of the love, I endured his bad temper. But as time passed, it gradually became worse.''

I paused to take a long breath. I would not cry and crumble. Not because of him. Not when I am surrounded by people who I care about and who genuinely care about me; and not when I seem to be losing them one by one, time after time. Beriadan was not worthy. The same pair of eyes would not shed tears for him after shedding them for Boromir. Legolas still said nothing, patiently waiting for me to finish. 

''One day it was no longer simply screaming and shouting, and pulling me by my arm occasionally. One day he just lost all control. I wasn't expecting it, really. I would've probably avoided the scar had I expected it.''

''We traveled together. We sought work from city to city. This was in Aldburg, in Rohan. He found work at a forge and I helped at an inn. It was decent coin, enough to continue our wandering. One day, he thought I was flirting with one of the guests at an inn. When I visited him at the forge, he became... mad. We started arguing, and he shouted, but I never even- I would have never expected of him to hit me.''

''I tried to explain it to him as he held my hands tight, but he wouldn't listen. He was absolutely mad. He pressed me face against the wall, my hands behind my back. And he was stronger. I may be a warrior, but without a weapon and with my hands tied, there's only so much I can do. He held me like that and called me awful things right into my ear before I felt it. The excruciating pain.''

''I managed to kick him between his legs, so he let go of his hold on me. I used the chance. I grabbed a sword. He fought back - he took that rod and an ax in his other hand and I had no idea what my chances of prevailing were, but at one point, my blade slashed him across his stomach. For a moment, he was stunned; he was still. And then he fell and bled out.''

''There was blood on my dress and my face, and I- I took all of his coin, and I rushed back to my room, changed, took all my things, packed up and rode away. I did not even say a word to the inn-keeper. I just rode away.''

I glanced at Legolas. His brows were still furrowed, worry and hurt and anger still there. He would have said something had he known what. His eyes fell on where my scar was, though it was covered by fabric. 

''I did not wish to come near a city for quite a while,'' I added, ''Camping under the stars alone was my life at the time. The worst was preventing the wound from festering, for I had had no treatment of it and I was surrounded by dirt. I had to use fire on it. I heated my own dagger.''

''Another reason why I don't trust anyone. Especially not men,'' I explained finally, ''It may have started because of my father, but- I kept meeting all these terrible men, and the one time I thought I had met someone different, he proved to be quite the opposite. He proved to be the worst.''

I felt Legolas's hand on my shoulder, and he squeezed it tightly, and for a moment I feared I'd give in and tear up. But I didn't.

''It was a miracle that I trusted Aragorn. But I guess I had to, under the circumstances,'' I smiled, ''It's a different story, that. One that doesn't fit my life at all. Actually, when I think about it, he saved me in more ways than one. I don't think I'd have ever trusted anybody again, had I not met him.''

When his hand moved to my neck, and then down my side, I was sure I shivered lightly. I wondered if he'd noticed, but before I could think, he was embracing me. His arms had encircled me completely and I did not fight it. His embrace calmed me completely, and the warmth of his body was a pleasant change. The very smell of him soothed me, and the feel of the soft fabric of his tunic against my cheek too. 

''He's no longer a threat,'' he said softly to me, his lips somewhere in my hair, and I felt his voice vibrate right through me. I could hear his heart beat stronger, and I knew he was feeling my own pain and anguish, as Elves do. For a moment, I felt guilty of it - of sharing this negative energy with him.

''I do not regret killing him,'' I only replied.

''And you shouldn't.''

''If you hold me more tightly, I'll cry,'' I said.

''Then cry.''

''I don't want to cry. I never cry. I'm stronger than that.''

''You are strong. And that has nothing to do with tears,'' he said, moving one of his hands to where my tunic covered my scar, right below my ribcage. 

His warm breath tickled my skin. I looked up to meet his eyes, and his other hand found its way to my cheek, and held me gently. I swallowed from the closeness, from the intimacy of it all. It was the kind of closeness I would've shied away from earlier, but I'd changed. I wouldn't push him away. His touch was warm, and the night was chilly, and I tried not to tremble. 

''And this... - Beriadan - has only made you even stronger.''

I was certain he said that name with utter disgust. Hadn't I killed him, I was sure Legolas would have.

''I know,'' I said.

He hugged me again, suddenly, and quite a bit more tightly this time. I hugged him back with all the honesty of my affections, and it felt better than I thought it possibly could be to have him embrace me like that. His friendship gave me comfort I never knew I needed. I hugged him back just as tightly, and I thought I saw him smile because of it. We stayed like that for a while, and when we pulled away, he thanked me. I laughed weakly.

''I should be thanking you, you silly Elf. Thank you for listening to me and comforting me. You're a good friend. And a very silly Elf for your age.''

''I meant it,'' he explained, ''Thank you, for I can only assume how hard it must have been for you to trust me. Despite all the pain and trauma, you chose to trust me. To trust us. And I am honored to have your friendship.''

Saying that, he took one of my hands and clutched it against his chest, and I could feel his heart beat again. I could only smile, not quite knowing what to say to that. 

''We're doing an awful job keeping watch,'' I chuckled.

''You should go back to sleep,'' he smiled.

''I believe it's my turn now.''

''No, you need rest, and I don't.''

''Legolas!''

''If you go back to sleep, I shall tell you what name I've come up with for you,'' he grinned.

''An Elvish name? This is blackmail.''

He chuckled and shrugged, his arms crossed on his chest. ''Call it what you want.''

''Fine, I'll go back to sleep. Now tell me.''

''Authiel,'' he said, and the name rolled off of his tongue like the sweetest melody. I loved the sound of it instantly.

''What does that mean?''

''I think I shall save that for another time you refuse to go back to sleep,'' he teased.

''You have to tell me!''

''No, I don't,'' he grinned, ''I will tell you some other time.''

''Fine,'' I huffed, ''I'm going to sleep.''

''Sleep well, Authiel,'' he smiled.


	18. Rohan and Fangorn

''My friends, welcome to Rohan.''

I knew it the moment we reached it. I announced it with a smile and warm sunshine on my face. Finally, a familiar land. And the weather of the day was beautiful.

Looking back down to continue our tracking, I noticed a novelty. My heart jumped with joy.

''The hobbits!'' I exclaimed. ''This must have been Pippin, here...''

Aragorn bent down and picked up something from the ground. It was the Elven brooch, dirty but not broken.

''Not idly do the leaves of Lórien fall,'' he said, and I understood what he meant.

''They may yet be alive,'' agreed Legolas.

''One of them left it as a sign. They are alive. They must be,'' I said. ''The Uruks do not yet know that they don't have the Ringbearer. And I'm sure they'd want him alive.''

''Smart thinking, lass,'' said Gimli.

''Less than a day ahead of us. Come!'' Aragorn started running again and we followed, eagerly, but tiredly. Gimli was last again, he stumbled quite a few times and me shouting ''Come, Gimli!'' did not aid in anything. He fell once and rolled across the ground, I feared he had broken a limb. 

''Gimli, are you alright?''

''Of course I'm alright,'' he grumbled and dusted himself off, before he rushed forward again. He ran with his head held up as high as ever, and I knew he was embarrassed from the fall. I felt a sudden surge of affection for the Dwarf.

''I'm wasted on cross-country,'' he grumbled, ''We dwarves are natural sprinters. Very dangerous over short distances.'' I laughed, which was a bad move considering how much out of breath I was.

''Look!'' I pointed to the lands in front, once we'd finally reached the top of a smaller hill.

''Home of the horse-lords,'' announced Aragorn.

Beautiful green plains were before us. They seemed cold in a sense, as there weren't many trees, or anything for that matter, not as far as human eye could see. Simply grass reaching the horizon. But my heart also felt warmer in an unusual manner; I felt less endangered upon crossing the borders of Rohan, even though danger was still there, and it was just as great. Knowing that I was again in a Kingdom of Men once more felt encouraging for a reason I did not know, though I was still just another stranger in those lands. 

''There's something strange at work here. Some evil gives speed to these creatures, sets its will against us,'' said Aragorn. ''Legolas! What do your elf eyes see?''

''The Uruks turn Northeast. They are taking the hobbits to Isengard!''

''Saruman.''

 

~

 

I had lost all track of time. We ran for a very long while, and days all seemed the same to me. We ran as fast as we could, and gradually we were losing strength, but the Orcs ahead of us didn't seem to lose any. We barely talked; other than Legolas, we all used our minds to convince our bodies they could run some more. Gimli was doing it out loud. ''Keep breathing, that's the key! Breathe! Hooh!''

The Uruks moved at an abnormal speed. ''They run as if the very whips of their masters were behind them,'' Legolas said once and he said it perfectly. It was exactly so.

Night came and I started getting even more tired. All I could do was yawn and slow the pace a little bit, because we were not going to stop all night. We were still running when dawn came. Slowly, but running.

''A red sun rises. Blood has been spilt this night,'' said Legolas, and I almost shivered. I did not want to think about it.

I heard horses in the distance. _It must be the Riders of Rohan patrolling their lands,_ I thought, but we ran to take shelter anyway. 

We hid behind large rocks nearby, and I peeked to see who was coming our way. A large group of cavalry came into sight. They had passed us and we remained unseen. Suddenly, Aragorn came out of hiding and shouted: ''Riders of Rohan! What news from the Mark?'' Confused, I still followed his lead, as did all of us. We all stepped out from the shadows, and at a signal from their captain, the riders made a quick turn and headed towards us, encircling us completely. 

The next thing I knew, they pointed their spears at us. I did not like the sight of a spear pointed between my eyes. As a matter of fact, it made my blood boil, and it was stirring up my bad temper. It seemed like wherever we went, someone was ready to kill us, even if said someone was supposed to be a friend instead of a foe.

''What business does an elf, a man, a woman and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?'' the captain addressed us. ''Speak quickly!''

''Give me your name, horsemaster, and I shall give you mine,'' Gimli said proudly.

''I would cut off your head, dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground,'' the captain said in a demeaning tone, dismounting his horse, and I felt a strong urge to slap him across the face. Legolas did not waste a single second before he aimed an arrow at him.

''You would die before your stroke fell!''

Aragorn pushed Legolas's arm down trying to calm him, but I loved the way Legolas reacted. Aragorn was in charge, so we listened and obeyed, but a small part of me wished we could put the man in his place just a few times more. But seeking trouble wasn't the way, and I knew that too. We had enough trouble on our plate already.

The man finally introduced himself as Éomer, and I found a new respect for him for speaking his name first in spite of all the circumstances.

''You look like trouble,'' Éomer spoke again. ''And what is a woman doing with you? She looks tortured, as fair as she is.''

''If I look tortured then it is because I have been fighting and chasing Uruk-hai for days. And yet, these are the greetings I get from my own kin, so excuse me, my Lord, if I don't look altogether presentable,'' I hissed, my voice filled with venom and sharp sarcasm.

''I meant no disrespect, my lady. I'd never have expected you to be fighting Orcs is all.''

''Fair she may be, but she wields her sword better than most of your kin I've seen,'' Legolas retorted.

''Stop. Let us start again,'' said Aragorn calmly. ''I'm Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Alanna, a Ranger of the North. This is Gimli, son of Glóin, and Legolas, from the Woodland realm. We are friends of Rohan and of Théoden, your king.''

''Théoden no longer recognizes friend from foe,'' Éomer said with disappointment, taking off his helmet. Suddenly, all the spears around us were withdrawn. 

''... Not even his own kin,'' he continued. ''Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over this land. My company are those loyal to Rohan. And for that, we are banished. The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there they say, as an old man, hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip past our nets,'' he looked at each of us intently, suspiciously, as if trying to read our minds. 

I understood it, in spite of all, why he was cautious, suspicious. These men were trying to defend their homeland even with their own King unwillingly turned against it. And they were banished, out fighting whoever they saw a threat. And I'd do the same if it were me instead of them. I'd let no one enter the fields of my homeland without inspecting them thoroughly.

''We are no spies,'' reasoned Aragorn. ''We track a band of Uruk-Hai westward across the plains. They have taken two of our friends captive.''

''The Uruks are destroyed. We slaughtered them during the night.''

''But there were two hobbits; did you see two hobbits with them?'' asked Gimli.

''They would be small, only children to your eyes,'' added Aragorn.

''We left none alive,'' said Éomer. ''We piled the carcasses and burned them.'' He pointed to the smoke in the distance.

''Dead?'' Gimli asked, already devastated.

''I am sorry,'' said Éomer. ''And to you, lady Alanna, I apologize once more. I hope we will meet again in better times than these.''

He whistled, and called out the names of Hasufel and Arod, and two horses appeared before us.

''May these horses bear you to better fortune than the former masters. Farewell,'' he said, mounting his horse. ''Look for your friends, but do not trust the hope. It has forsaken these lands... We ride north!!''

And like that, they took off.

''We ride towards the burning pile. Come,'' said Aragorn as he motioned for me to mount the horse we were to share.

''Now, now, Aragorn, I shall ride with you. Go with the Elf, lass,'' said Gimli.

''Alright... but why?'' I laughed softly at his unusual behavior.

''The weight. And... everything... Just go.''

I did not ask any further and went over to the horse Legolas was preparing. He spoke to the animal softly, and I understood only a portion of the Elvish words. 

''Gimli told me to ride with you.''

''Oh, he did? Alright then. Front or back?''

''Front. You're taller; I'd like to see ahead.''

''Alright.''

''You do not think they're dead, do you?''

''I do not think anything, _mellon nin_. I can only hope.''

''Well, I don't believe it.''

''Come.''

Legolas mounted the horse and gave me a hand. Taking it, I climbed and sat in front of him. He took the reins, and seeing how tired I was to even hold on to something, he said to me softly: ''You can rest against me.'' Tired as I was, I obeyed and rested against him, the warmth of his body almost lulling me into sleep. I managed to utter a ''Thank you'' before we galloped ahead. I noticed that he smelled unusual, but good, in spite of our long journey and rare bathings; a beautiful mixture of earthy smells and those of refreshing plants, and it left me in wonder. Then the hobbits crossed my mind, but I did not dread, for I firmly believed, for whatever reason, that they were alive and well. Just like the other two, Frodo and Sam. I refused to lose another member of our Fellowship, and in my mind, there was no reasoning with it.

''I think you have left an impression on our Lord Éomer of the Riddermark, _mellon nin_ ,'' Legolas grinned. 

''And what is that supposed to mean?''

''Did he not compliment you? In his own way.''

''Are you teasing me, Master Elf?'' I protested playfully.

''I am merely observing.''

''Well, I am not interested in anyone's compliments, _mellon nin_.''

''Even when I compliment you?'' he asked, amusement in his voice.

''Your compliments are not said for the purpose of complimenting, Legolas; you simply say what you see. You have acquired my trust and so I believe you. If someone else tries to compliment me, someone I do not trust, then it is nothing but empty flattery to me, and I will try to figure out what is it that that person wants from me.''

He laughed, which was most unexpected, and it was beautiful, full of joy and mirth. I found myself wanting to hear more of it, make more of it. It made me happy, and it made me smile.

''And what if somebody simply wants to compliment you, not seeking anything in return?'' he asked.

''In these dark times? Very unlikely, my friend.''

When we reached the pile of burnt corpses, we got to searching through it right away. The smell of it was vomit-inducing, and I had to breathe through my mouth in order to come closer. It was disgusting, and I could barely bring myself to touch anything. Gimli, on the other hand, was the best at the search. He went quickly through almost the entire pile, until finally he found something.

''It's one of their little belts,'' he said with sadness in his voice.

'' _Hiro hyn hîdh ab wanath_ ,'' whispered Legolas, and I knew what that phrase meant.

''No, don't say that,'' I argued.

I refused to believe they'd perished there, despite seeing the belt. My crazy and absurd optimism was to no avail, however. In a storm of emotions, Aragorn started kicking helmets around; he screamed as loud as he could into the skies, and fell on his knees, crying in desperation. I had never seen him like that. It startled me, and it hurt to see him like that, but I had no idea how to react.

''It cannot be possible,'' I only said, insisting.

''We failed them,'' grieved Gimli.

''No, it cannot be.''

I tried to think everything over quickly. Nothing made sense to me. Everything was saying the hobbits were dead, there were many indications, and still I refused to believe it. For one, I saw no small corpses among the ones piled up, nothing that could've resembled hobbits. Secondly, it made no sense that the Riders of Rohan hadn't even seen them, let alone slaughtered them together with the Orcs. Then I saw their tracks in the grass.

''Wait,'' I said, crawling over to the traces. ''Aragorn, look.''

''A hobbit lay here,'' he said, reading my mind, feeling up the grass, ''and the other!''

Gimli jumped in excitement and Legolas looked at me in puzzlement. Aragorn saw what I was seeing. We continued all but crawling on all fours, following and reading the tracks.

''They crawled...''

''Their hands were bound. And their bonds were cut,'' he said, picking up a piece of broken rope.

''They ran over here… and were followed. The tracks lead away from the battle...''

''Into the Fangorn Forest.''

''Fangorn!'' exclaimed Gimli. ''What madness drove them in there?''

''I told you they were alive!'' I grinned.

''We cannot enter this forest now and venture through it during the night,'' Aragorn said. ''We will rest until dawn.''

I had heard stories about Fangorn; I knew very well what Aragorn meant. And still I was eager to follow, impatient and restless. Had it not been for Aragorn among us, I would have surely been foolish enough to follow.

~

We made camp, and I used my means for entertainment that evening, before sleep took me. I was happy my notes were still intact - those I had saved - though they were all wrinkled up in my pockets. All the Sindarin phrases I had most trouble with were there. So I read and repeated and tried to create my own sentences, whispering to myself.

''Lass, I don't like Elvish much myself, but I feel like you're butchering the poor language,'' Gimli remarked, adjusting himself on the ground.

''Hey!! _Ego, mibo orch!_ (Go kiss an Orc!)'' I retorted and Legolas and Aragorn burst into laughter wholeheartedly. They laughed as though all was well with the world, and as though we were back home and completely safe. My heart filled with joy at that. 

Gimli looked confused and flustered, glancing from one person to the other, trying to decipher why they were laughing, and what I had said about him that was so funny. I bit my lower lip, trying not to laugh myself, for the look he had on his face was difficult not to laugh at.

''Aragorn,'' he threatened, ''If you don't tell me what she said, I swear by my beard-''

''I'm sorry, Gimli,'' he laughed, unable to stop. It wasn't that funny at all, but it felt good to laugh every once in a while.

''Lass, what did ye say?'' he insisted.

'' _Pedin i phith in aníron, a nin ú-cheniathog_ (I can say what I wish, and you won't understand me),'' I said with a conceited look on my face, simply retreating to my notes. What I heard from his remaining grumbles were ''Elvish'' and ''wretched'' and ''pointy ears'' and some Khuzdul. It was still hard not to laugh.

My turn to stand watch was some time before dawn. The night was at its coldest, and even wrapped tightly in my Elvish cloak, I still shivered. When I felt another envelope me, I jumped and almost shouted, my hand on my swordhilt faster than the wind.

''Legolas!'' I shouted in a whisper, ''For the last time, I am begging you-''

''I am sorry,'' he apologized again, though he looked as though he was trying not to laugh from the absurdity of the situation. I had lost track of how many times he had startled me and I begged him not to do it any more. It was silly, and his lips twitched into what seemed to be a small smile. It made me want to laugh.

''I could have killed you,'' I said, trying to sound as serious as possible, ''I could have honestly killed you. Would you have wanted me to live with that?''

''If you think you're that fast on the draw, I may have given you too many compliments. They've gone to your head.''

''Legolas!'' I playfully hit his arm, pretending to be offended. He smiled.

''Are you cold still?''

''No. Thank you.''

''It is a beautiful night, the heavens are lit up,'' he commented, ''It would be even more beautiful if Gimli's snores weren't as powerful as Aulë's hammer.''

I started laughing, really laughing, like I haven't done in so much time. Realizing I was loud, I covered my mouth with my hands, but I wasn't sure if it was to much avail. Legolas watched me with joy, and he grinned wide.

'' _Gellon ned i gelir i chent gîn ned i lelig_ (I love to see your eyes shine when you laugh),'' he said.

I calmed from my laughing fit, blushed, and shifted my weight awkwardly.

''I hope I haven't awoken anyone,'' I said, looking back at the sleeping forms of our friends.

''I honestly do not think even a Mûmakil could awaken the Dwarf.''

''Oh well, I am glad to see you two have become friends,'' I said.

''Friends? By saying it like that, you make it sound so definite.''

''Are you not friends?'' I asked, amused. 

''I suppose we must be.''

''People are forming friendships thanks to Sauron,'' I mused, ''Good things do happen in evil times.''

''I wouldn't say I'm thankful,'' he smiled.

''Believe me, Master Elf, if we survive all this and everything ends as Eru knows it should, you and Gimli will remain friends for a long long while,'' I grinned.

''And how would you know that, _mellon nin_?'' he asked with amusement.

''I simply do.''

''I wonder if my father would approve of it,'' he joked.

''I believe your father would lock him up in the basement, the way he did his father,'' I answered, ''No offence.''

''You're familiar with that, I see,'' he laughed lightly.

''Who isn't?'' I chuckled.

''I was there, you know?''

''You were?''

''Of course. I barely left home at the time. I witnessed it all. I even helped chase the Company of Thorin Oakenhield when they escaped.''

I chuckled, though I didn't quite know why. It just seemed silly at the time. And I wasn't even born when all that happened.

''Why are you laughing?'' he asked, amused by my odd behavior.

''I don't know,'' I said, ''There's something awfully funny about you chasing dwarves, one of them being Gimli's very own father.''

''Well, then... _No veren_ (Enjoy yourself),'' he smiled.

''Oh, you never told me what my Elvish name means! Now is as good time as ever,'' I said.

''I suppose it is. It's quite simple really. Authiel. It means _warrior maiden_.''

''Simple. But I love it,'' I smiled, ''It suits me and it sounds pretty.''

''I am glad you like it.''

 

''Do you still have nightmares?'' he asked after a long but comfortable silence.

''No. They've stopped a while ago.''

''But dreams still plague you.''

''They're only sad dreams. I dream of Boromir. And others too, but-''

When he saw what pain the memory invoked in me, he took my hand instinctively. It surprised me a bit, but it comforted me. I was getting used to their warmth. When I looked him in the eyes, they looked darker but still deeply blue, and they shone brightly, reflecting the full moon of the night. His fingers laced with mine, and I smiled and squeezed tighter.

''Time will heal it all,'' he said softly, ''That much I know.''


	19. The White Rider

''Aragorn? Where are the horses?'' 

Hasufel and Arod were no longer where we had left them. We had tied them, and all there was left was torn rope. What happened? Were they stolen? Did they free themselves and run? What in the world would make them want to run so desperately, giving them the strength to tear the ropes apart? A dread nested in the pit of my stomach. The uneasiness almost made me a bit sick from the modest breakfast that was a bit of lembas and nothing more.

''They'd stirred but I thought it'd pass, that they'd calm down. Alas, they broke free. There was nothing I could do.''

''But why?'' I asked.

''Legolas says he saw a cloaked old man in the woods, and that his presence made the horses restless. He receded from the forest but the horses never calmed.''

I gulped. A cloaked old man with so mighty a bad energy that it made our horses tear their bonds apart and run free. 

''Does this not alarm you?'' I asked, watching him calmly gather up his things.

''It does. But we must enter the forest anyway.''

''I know, but- How do we- What do we do?''

''You seemed eager to enter yesterday,'' he remarked, ''We face it head on.''

''I am still eager,'' I explained, ''I want to find our friends as soon as possible. But we must be cautious, Aragorn.''

''And we will be.''

''I wonder if they've found a place safe enough to spend the night,'' I mused.

''They're probably safer than Frodo and Sam,'' Aragorn frowned.

Frodo and Sam. Amidst all this chasing, I had almost forgotten about how much danger threatened them too. I didn't like thinking about it. It made my insides twist into a knot.

''I do not see him anymore,'' Legolas said when he and Gimli had returned. They had scouted a good deal of the forest.

''I am telling ye, the Elf was dreaming it,'' Gimli grumbled.

''I wasn't dreaming it, there was someone, and it terrified the horses.''

''They were terrified because of this wretched forest! If I were a horse, I'd probably leave the foolish folk to it and break free just as well.''

''Well, I almost wish you were one, that'd at least make you useful.''

''Phrrrr!''

''Stop it! Both of you,'' I argued, ''To think you're so old and you act like children.''

''We will be cautious,'' Aragorn concluded, ''We do not know what kind of things are hidden by magic inside.''

Silently, we followed the tracks into the forest. Fangorn looked frightening from a far, spooky in a way that made a chill settle into your bones. But it was even worse once you stepped inside.

Once you enter the Fangorn forest, you feel as though even the air itself has become sinister. It is damp and dense, and you wish for nothing but to reach a clearing once more. There is barely any light in it. I could not imagine what it was like during the night. And I hoped I would never get the chance to find out. We walked slowly and carefully; as silently as possible. All our senses heightened, we wanted to make sure to see the said cloaked man before he sees us. As dense and moist as the air was, I smelled something in it, something familiar. 

''Orc blood!'' Gimli exclaimed, confirming my suspicions. He had tasted the liquid dripping off a leaf and spat it out, and I grimaced in disgust. I would be rubbing my tongue clean until the day I died, if I were him.

''These are strange tracks,'' mused Aragorn.

''The air is so close here,'' Gimli pointed out, and I nodded.

''I feel like... I'm suffocating slowly.''

''This forest is old, very old. Full of memory… and anger,'' said Legolas, observing the trees. For a moment I wondered what it would be like to live as an Elf. Knowing so much. Feeling so much.

Deep, low voices could be heard in not so far a distance. Not knowing what it may be, I instinctively reached for my sword. Gimli followed suit and raised his ax in the air.

''The trees are speaking to each other,'' said Legolas.

''Oh,'' I could only utter; and I released the grip on my swordhilt.

''Gimli!''

''Huh?''

''Lower your ax,'' Aragorn whispered a warning.

''Oh!''

''They have feelings, my friend. The Elves began it - waking up the trees, teaching them to speak,'' explained Legolas.

''Talking trees,'' Gimli grumbled, ''What do trees have to talk about, hmm? Except the consistency of squirrel droppings.''

I snorted, trying not to laugh out loud and hold it in. I was as silent as I could have been; I thought I'd die if I do not let all that laughter out. It is always like that in life: whenever you are not supposed to laugh, things are all the more funny.

''You silly, silly Dwarf.''

''Aragorn, _nad no ennas_ (something's out there)!'' exclaimed Legolas, running before us, looking intently ahead.

'' _Man cenich_ (What do you see)?'' implored Aragorn.

'' _Prestad?_ (Trouble?)'' I asked, '' _No dirweg!_ (Be careful!)''

''Westron, please!'' Gimli threw his hands up.

''The White Wizard approaches,'' Legolas replied. My heart reacted immediately, beating louder and inconsistently.

''What do we do?!'' I panicked.

''Do not let him speak,'' ordered Aragorn, ''He will put a spell on us!''

We all put our hands on our weapons, ready to strike. ''We must be quick,'' Aragorn whispered. 

I sought the void again - the oneness with the weapon and the calm of the mind. It wasn't as easy to reach it, for the ever-persistent dread in my stomach made it almost impossible. But to stay calm and focused was essential, for we had to strike at the right time, at an exact moment. That, or we were ruined.

I could feel his presence; I could feel him approaching us from behind. _1, 2, 3..._ I counted with my breaths. My eyes were on Aragorn, waiting for a sign. When he looked at me sharply and gave a nod, I knew it was time.

Together, we turned and charged forth to attack, but before we knew it, we were blinded by a bright white light, and I staggered and covered myself from the light with Boromir's shield. It still reached me, and I thought that if I took another look at it, I might as well go completely blind. My sword started heating up at an abnormal speed; before I could even realize it, it was no longer bearable. I dropped it, leaving myself completely helpless and unable to attack, barely able to defend myself. I looked to my left; my companions were disarmed as well. Only Legolas was shooting, but the arrows were deflected one by one by some magic.

''You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits,'' the wizard spoke to us.

''Where are they?!'' demanded Aragorn.

''They passed this way, the day before yesterday. They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?''

''Who are you?! Show yourself!!''

And then the light disappeared, and the wizard showed his face. But it was not the wizard we all expected and were afraid to see. Someone familiar stood before me, a face I grew to know very well. And I could not believe that person was indeed standing there, before my eyes, dressed in breathtakingly bright white robes. My eyes widened in shock and disbelief, taking it all in. Widening my eyes didn't seem to make more sense of it. Legolas and Gimli bowed before the miracle. I did it half-way, unable to do anything properly at moment. Gandalf. How?

''It cannot be!'' exclaimed Aragorn. 

''But- but how?'' I asked, my voice almost shaking.

''Forgive me,'' said Aragorn, ''I mistook you for Saruman.''

''We all did.''

''I am Saruman. Or rather Saruman as he should have been, smiled Gandalf.

''You fell!''

''Through fire. And water. Until at last, I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside. Darkness took me. And I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as the life age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt light in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.''

''Gandalf!'' I cried out, fearing that small tears of joy might form in my eyes.

''Gandalf? Oh yes. That's what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. That was my name,'' he said as if trying to remember.

''Gandalf!'' Gimli exclaimed in joy.

''I am Gandalf the White,'' he said, as if introducing himself to us for the first time. ''And I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide.''

~

We walked with Gandalf through the Fangorn forest, and he informed us of everything we had missed or been oblivious to while on our pursuit. He told us of Merry and Pippin and how safe they actually were in that strange forest. ''No harm will come to them in the care of the lord of the forest,'' he said. He claimed they were meant to come there; I did not understand it, but I knew well enough to believe the old wizard. If he was confident in leaving Merry and Pippin to the shelter of the forest, then I was confident too. I was just happy that they were alive and well, and now apparently safe also. Though all our running was in vain, I did not care. 

Gandalf also told us of the war in Rohan, and explained to us how King Théoden had fallen in spirit. We were now familiar with enemy strategies, which was a good step ahead. We laughed like we used to, and soon it felt like we really got our old Gandalf back. The Fellowship is more complete once more, I thought, before I thought of Boromir and how he would never come back. Impossible to change, that. I chased those thoughts away, for all they did was make my heart sink down to my heels.

We decided we would ride for Edoras. It was a long ride, but a ride needed to be taken. 

''I'm glad we have you back, Gandalf,'' I said finally, ''And I'm glad Merry and Pippin are safe.''

''Merry and Pippin are quite safe!'' he replied, ''In fact, they are far safer than you are about to be!''

I chuckled. ''We have been through Moria. What could possibly be less safe than that? Except Mordor.''

''This new Gandalf is even grumpier than the old one,'' grumbled Gimli.

''No, really, what could be less safe than that?'' I whispered a question to Legolas, once we had fallen behind. I watched Aragorn discuss something quietly with Gandalf, and Gimli follow them, still grumbling. Legolas's eyes were still on the trees.

''I do not know, _mellon nin_ ,'' he shrugged, ''But look,'' he pointed to a tree, ''That tree is almost as old as Middle Earth itself.''

''Really?'' I asked, absolutely fascinated. 

He nodded. ''It carries in itself all history since the Years of the Sun started.''

''Wow...'' was all I could mutter as I stared, mouth agape, and I wondered just how much that tree could tell me if it could talk. I did not even realize I had taken Legolas's hand and laced my fingers with his. I don't know if he did either. We shared a moment of fascination, and we stood together in the experience of it.

We marveled at the trees for the long while of our walk, and I found myself feeling less afraid and less worried when I was with him. Legolas had a way of calming my soul even with a single touch. I'd put it down to Elven grace but in my heart I knew it was more than that. I'd often forget about all that plagues me in his presence. It was him who comforted me.

''Legolas, can trees really speak?'' I asked.

''Yes. Well, in their own way.''

''I wish they could speak to me. That tree in particular. I bet it would have so much to say. To teach me.''

''It would.''

''You two!'' Gimli called, ''Stop cuddling and counting squirrels, you're falling behind!''


	20. The Road to Edoras

By some new magic, along with his own stallion Shadowfax, Gandalf had returned our horses to us. We rode for days before we reached Edoras, and at great speed. We did not rest too much. Pressing matters urged us ahead. After a few days with Gandalf, everything seemed to be the way it had been before he fell. He was a wiser wizard now, but he hadn't changed that much at all, and that made me very content. 

I rode with Aragorn this time. I thought how if I could, I'd lock Legolas and Gimli up in a room for as long as it took for them to grow closer than brothers. But for now, riding together would do.

When we had made camp one night, I finally had some time to myself. I don't know for how long I sat at the edge of the camp polishing Boromir's shield. It was battered and scratched, but still very much intact. I cleaned it until it glistened under the light of the stars. 

''Your brother was a great warrior,'' I heard Gandalf say. I was too immersed into my polishing that I never noticed him approaching. ''All those marks are but one proof of it.''

''Yes, well... that didn't save him this time.''

''Save him?'' he said, ''Death isn't something to be saved from. It is a path we all must take, one not so dreadful after all.''

''I just wish- I just wish he could have taken that path once he grew old. He will never fall in love now, have children. He will never see Faramir again. He will not see the glory of Gondor restored,'' I said, ''... if it ever happens.''

''We all have our time in this world, and a purpose. He has completed his.''

I said nothing. I did not need wisdom. I did not need the truth of life. I needed lies - sweet lies that would make the pain grow lesser. But I knew I wouldn't be getting them. 

''And how do you know?'' he asked.

''What do you mean?''

''How do you know that he will never again see Faramir, or Gondor anew?''

''I-''

''Those who have not taken the path of death cannot know what it is like; and even the wise cannot see all ends,'' he smiled. ''Death comes for us all. We can only choose how to face it when it does.''

He only placed a hand on my shoulder before he left me alone again.

That had me thinking, for the first time since I was a child, whether there was something for our race after death. And for the first time since it happened, I realized that Boromir had made that choice.

 

~

 

Another night under the stars. The only sound reaching my ears was Aragorn's voice, singing a song about Luthien Tinuviel. I knew the story. I knew what it meant to him. I knew he was thinking about Arwen.

It was the one thing I knew I could not help him with. I never talked to him much about it; I never even wished to ask. I had no idea whether she was to sail West with her kin or to remain here.

 _West._ The Elves were leaving. Legolas would leave too, once this quest was finished. The thought had never occurred to me before, and now that it did, it broke my heart. I didn't expect it to. But I didn't want him to leave. I wished he'd stay. Arwen had a different kind of choice. Legolas was bound to go.

My heart ached at all those thoughts. It seemed that everyone was leaving me, one way or the other. For the first time in forever, I wasn't feeling alone. And now that I knew what not being alone feels like, I wasn't entirely sure I could ever go back. I was changed. There was no going back. I had gotten involved, and I'd carry those people in my heart for as long as I live. Love is a dangerous disadvantage, and I took no precautions this time.

Why was I feeling this way? Legolas had become a dear friend to me, but he was an Elf, and he was bound to leave, and it was my fault that I had never thought of that before. I shouldn't have gotten involved.

''Authiel?'' he called me by the name he had given me. The sound of it, and the softness in his voice, made some of my tension go away. But I still felt defeated.

''Yes?''

''Why aren't you sleeping?''

''I do not know,'' I lied, ''I guess I'm thinking about what will await us in Edoras.''

''Thoughts plague you, but I do not think they're of Edoras.''

''Legolas, why can't I lie to you like I can to other people? It's kind of frustrating.''

''What is it then?'' he asked silently, so as to not wake anyone. Aragorn's song had ceased, and he too had lied down to sleep. Legolas was first to stand watch.

''I'm thinking about Elves leaving.''

His brows furrowed. ''Why does that trouble you?''

''Middle Earth won't be the same. The world's changing,'' I said, ''And I'm changing with it.''

''Change is good.''

''Well, I don't want the Elves to leave. I wish you could all stay.''

''But Elves must leave,'' he explained softly, ''To hear you say this warms my heart, but... Were you not the one who feared my kin?'' he teased.

''I never feared you,'' I grumbled. ''It was never fear, and you know it. It was ignorance for the most part. And insecurity, I guess.''

''And now you've taken a liking to us,'' he smiled in amusement.

''Some of you,'' I teased, ''Some.''

He smiled and said nothing. Silence, but sweet sweet silence.

''You know, it's just kind of sad,'' I said, ''I wish I could meet more of your people.''

''You might yet. Not all of us are leaving right away. There is still time for us here.''

''Are the Elves of Imladris not leaving?''

''Yes, they are,'' he nodded, before he understood, ''You worry about Aragorn.''

I nodded. ''Among other things.''

''It is difficult, for him. His duty is as heavy as a mountain.''

''I think I'm starting to get at least an idea of it all,'' I said, ''I think I'm going to be very sad when you leave.''

The way he looked at me because of what I said almost made my heart burst. It was overwhelming. I could not tell if he was happy or sad or surprised or all of that at the same time. I could never paint the picture of it, even if I tried. All I know is that it stopped my heart. 

''If it will please you to know, I will not be going in quite a while,'' he said, his brows still furrowed high on his forehead, taking both my hands in his, ''If we survive all this, we will still have many years to spend in friendship, _mellon nin._ ''

''Really?''

He nodded with a twitch of his mouth into a small smile.

''That is good to hear.''

''I love Middle Earth,'' he said, ''And I love the people I've met here.''

''The people you've met here love you too,'' I said with a smile. He smiled to himself, and I thought he radiated joy, because in his presence, my spirits rose significantly.

''Aragorn says I grow easily attached. It is probably true. It has happened even now with the Fellowship. I'd give my life even for the Dwarf, which is something I never thought a possibility,'' he grinned, ''But you most of all. During these past months I've grown to care about you more than I ever intended.''

''I care about you just as much,'' I said, quietly, and his smile radiated even more mirth. I had said it, and only Eru knows how difficult that was for me. To say something like that so directly to anyone was more than an achievement for me. But it was true. And I was beyond touched. I was too moved to say anything else, anything more than that. It was overwhelming that he cared about me so. It was strange too; why would he care? Why have we grown to care? All of us, but the two of us most of all.

''So yes, I guess it is true. I definitely grow easily attached,'' he smiled, ''You are quite the opposite.''

''Yes, I believe I am everything you're not, my friend,'' I chuckled.

''I like that,'' he said, ''It's so strange and unusual and new. I've never met anyone like you before.''

''That's not necessarily a good thing,'' I joked.

''I've been living for three thousand years, and I can with certainty say that you've endured more personal pain in your life than I have in mine,'' he said, ''There is much I can learn from you, much that I lack.''

Three thousand years. I seemed to almost forget that when with him. For a moment he seemed odd again, strange, distant. But only for a moment, before he returned to being my close friend again. _Three thousand years._

Three thousand years old and he has something to learn from me? What? How to be a successful outcast? How to make sense of life when you've been abandoned by almost everyone? How to deal with the fact that your father is as much of a good man as a usual Orc? How to pick the wrong man and kill him once you grow sick of his abuse of you? How to bake a sweetroll?

''Maybe we're better off not knowing some things,'' I said.

''It's strange,'' he insisted, ''I am old, and yet you could learn everything there is about me in possibly a couple of days. But you are so young, and I think I could never get to know you, not in another three thousand years. You mortals seem to carry the entire universe within yourselves.''

He spoke so beautifully. Such beautiful words for something so expendable, irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. The human life.

''We are complicated. It is because we do not have time. We want to do so much, and squeeze it all in a few decades or more.''

''I wish to know you.''

He said it with such honesty and eagerness, that I found myself wanting to reveal every bit of myself to him. If he were to look at me like that for a while longer, I'd show him even the ugliest, scariest parts of me. I wanted to. The way his fingers traced my fingertips ever so lightly made me want to share my entire being with him, and I would not know even where to begin.

''Time,'' I only said. Neither of us had it, and I knew he understood.


	21. At the Golden Hall

''Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here,'' Gandalf warned us when we had reached Edoras. He wore a grey cloak over his white robe, completely concealing his newly acquired power. We had a plan - an absolutely foolish plan - but we were going to go through with it.

A pretty, golden-haired woman stood before the entrance of the Golden Hall of Meduseld, and she looked upon us from the distance, before she retreated inside, and I remember thinking I had never seen someone looking so sad. She bore sadness in her eyes that seemed to reach beyond her own life and her own misfortunes; she seemed to bear the pain of generations.

I could tell we were not welcome from the very moment we entered their domain. The villagers all gathered around us quickly, inspecting us suspiciously. With all the war in their lands, it was reasonable that they were wary of any strangers, but the way the entire place seemed to be simply sinister in itself made a chill settle into my bones. These peasants looked ready to cook us alive. It was utterly quiet, nobody spoke to us, and I could almost touch the hostility in the air. ''You'll find more cheer in a graveyard,'' remarked Gimli and he was right.

Guards approached us the moment we climbed the staircase to the entrance. 

''I cannot allow you before Théoden king so armed, Gandalf Grayhame. By order of Gríma Wormtongue,'' spoke one of the guards.

Gandalf gave a nod, and we took it as a sign to hand over all our weapons. I felt oddly naked without them.

''Your staff,'' he said to Gandalf.

''Eh? Oh. No, you would not part an old man from his walking stick?'' he asked, and I could not believe I was so close to the risk of grinning at that like a fool. He winked at me and snaked his arm around my own, and I pretended to be helping him to walk. The way he pushed himself off the ground with his staff and the way I had pulled on the most serious face possible made the guards buy the entire act - luckily, for we were all foolish enough to come without a back-up plan.

It was a sad picture painted before us when we entered: the old King looked much older than he was, much older than anyone I had ever seen, and he looked sick, and sad, dying almost. The man who I reasoned to be Grima Wormtongue sat by his side, whispering something to him, probably news of our arrival. The poor King looked more tortured the closer we approached him, and it seemed to be difficult for him even to breathe. The sight was enough to break your heart.

I had never seen anyone who resembled a snake so much as Grima Wormtongue did. He looked leery; I decided I did not like him the moment I laid my eyes on him. Like a snake he slithered around the King, whispering poisonous words to him. The small, ugly man looked to me like I imagined a person touched by the shadow of Mordor would look. If I were to picture the race of Men in another version of events in which we were to accept the rule of Mordor and be servants of it, that was how we'd look.

Guards followed us when we entered, and they followed us closely; one of them was almost breathing down my neck. Everything seemed wrong there.

''The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Théoden King,'' Gandalf said.

''Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. Lathspell I name him. Ill news is in ill guest,'' Grima spoke, each of his words nothing but venom.

''Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm,'' Gandalf snapped at the pathetic man before him, raising his staff in the air.

''His staff! I told you to take the wizard's staff!''

The guards were ready to get their hands on all of us. The four of us attacked before they could do anything, doing our best to let Gandalf approach the King. With all the strength I could muster I hit the guard behind me with my fist. I seemed to have broken his nose, and he was taken aback, not expecting the punch. When he saw blood dripping from his face, he went forth to attack me; but the moment his fist came dangerously close, I moved to the side just enough for him to miss, and took his arm firmly, throwing him over me and onto the floor. My fist hurt, and my back suffered, but the guard was lying on his back, and he struggled to move. ''This is why I hate fist fighting,'' I grumbled, before another guard came at me. ''Don't break those skinny hands, lass,'' Gimli shouted, taking down Grima. Gandalf had already started casting Saruman out of the King by the time all the guards were lying on the ground, defeated.

''Harken to me! I release you from the spell.''

The old King laughed with malice. ''You have no power here, Gandalf the Grey!''

Gandalf did not wait a second to throw away his grey cloak, and reveal his white robe. There was fear was mingled with shock in the King's eyes, and it had become clearer than ever that it was Saruman behind those eyes.

''I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound,'' said Gandalf, pointing his staff at the King, who started squirming uncontrollably in his throne. He was in pain, and he made painful sounds, and it wasn't easy to watch an old man being tortured like that, but it had to be done. Saruman needed to leave King Théoden's body. As the King gasped for air and cried in pain, the golden-haired girl appeared and tried to rush towards him, but Aragorn stopped her. 

I assumed that she was King Théoden's daughter but I had never heard of a daughter of his before. Then again, I was generally ill-informed of royal bloodlines that weren't of Gondor. I later found that she was his niece and her name was Éowyn, and she loved her King dearly, like a father. 

''If I go, Théoden dies,'' threatened Saruman, and we could now hear his voice entirely as if he were standing before us himself.

''You did not kill me. You will not kill him.'' 

''Rohan is mine!!''

''Be gone!!!''

The King jumped towards Gandalf, but was thrown back into the throne by Gandalf's magic, and for a few moments he sat there lifelessly. At first I thought he had indeed died, but then his face started growing more youthful again. It was a miracle - his grey hair turned golden again, and the wrinkles on his face were no longer there. His eyes showed life, and his skin turned from deadly pale to warm flesh in a matter of moments. My eyes widened to take it all in, but no matter how much I stared, it was still as incomprehensible as could be. It was something I'd remember for the rest of my life.

Èowyn rushed towards the King and touched his face with caution, before she started crying tears of joy and he said: ''I know your face, Èowyn. Èowyn...'' There was laughter and there were tears, and so much mirth. It was enough to make a dead man shed a tear of joy.

''... Gandalf?''

''Breathe the free air again, my friend.''

''Dark have been my dreams of late.''

''Your fingers would remember their old strength better, if they grasped your sword.''

The guard I knocked out earlier was now bringing the King his sword, and seeing his nose, I felt a fleeting pang of guilt, followed by a strong ache in my knuckles. It had to be done. King Théoden drew the sword, looking at it as if for the first time. At that moment I knew what every person in the room was thinking - there was hope again for Rohan.

 

~

 

When he came back to all his senses, King Théoden knew well to throw Grima out of the Hall. He was about to kill him, but Aragorn stopped him from doing it, though I felt no pity for the pathetic man lying on the ground begging the King not to send him away. I would not have killed him either; he was not a man worth killing. He ran away swifter than the west wind.

''Hail, Théoden, King!'' Aragorn shouted. Everyone knelt. Some laughed in joy, some even cried. Peasants and villagers looked as though they too had been released from the spell. What kind of hold had Saruman had over these people?

''Where is Théodred? Where is my son?''

Hearing the ill news, I decided to distance myself from it all. There must be nothing more painful than finding out you have lost a child to a painful death. I saw Éomer return, on time to present the King with the news himself. I heard a painful cry, and nothing more, as I walked away from the scene. The funeral was to be organized that same afternoon.

Every person in Edoras was there, saying their last goodbyes to the fallen prince. I wished I could have somehow evaded the whole procedure, but it would have been rude, and by all means unlike me. So I endured. I stood there, as the men carried the King's fallen heir, together with his weapons, and I watched the women bury him. Éowyn sang and cried. It was dizzying, all of it. When the ritual was over, one by one we all left, me among the first ones to do so. It was said that King Théoden remained alone at his son's grave for a long time. He returned to the Hall late that night, and none of us saw him, asleep in our chambers.

The next day I spent almost the entire day helping Éowyn and the women around the Hall, as there was much to be done. I could not sit still and not be useful, even if it be chores I had to deal with. 

There was something in Éowyn that I could relate to, some sadness I could identify with, though I would have never admitted it myself. 

''I apologize again that your rooms aren't better prepared,'' Éowyn repeated yet again, ''In these dark times... We did not expect anyone, especially not Lord Aragorn. Everything is happening so- so suddenly.''

''Do not worry about it, Éowyn,'' I said, as she insisted that I drop the ''lady'' out of my address to her, ''We have slept in dirt and in caves, I'm sure none of us will mind any sort of chamber.''

She nodded hastily with a brief, forced smile, before she rushed to her next duty.

There was really nothing wrong with my room. With all that velvet and gold embroideries, I wondered what the good rooms looked like. My bed was gigantic, for one, and when I saw it I could almost shed a tear of joy. It was incredibly soft and comfortable too, and I found that out the moment I stepped in for I all but threw myself at it. The baths and the comfortable bed were all I could have asked for for the rest of my life. 

Gimli and Legolas shared a room, and I wondered how that was going. Alright, by the looks of it, but I could not help but wonder what they talked about before falling asleep, or whether Legolas, Elf as he was, ever grew tired of Gimli's Dwarven ways. An Elf and a Dwarf sharing a chamber was sure to lead to hygiene-related discussions.

Éowyn and I talked a lot and grew close very fast. We understood each other in a way I had never experienced with any woman. The first thing I learned about her was that she was a strong woman, willing to stand on her two feet and fight until her last breath - in any fight of life. And her life was not an easy journey either. Bits and pieces of her past were revealed to me over the course of days, as we spent a significant amount of time together. For a while I felt as though I was not alone. I was not the only one in the world with all this misery. If I'd known what having a sister feels like, I was sure it would have been like this. Someone who understands, and who shares in your troubles. She understood what misery meant. She understood what a fiery passion to fight was.

Days passed before I actually got to spend any significant amount of time with my own Fellowship. Aragorn and Gandalf seemed to aways be discussing something with the King, and somehow there was always something for me to help out with, and though Éowyn insisted it was not necessary, I just could not bring myself to sit still. I'd see them all at meals, and we'd talk for a short amount of time apart from the meals, and then each went their own way. I was starting to miss them, oddly. Especially Legolas. The more distant he seemed to me, the more I longed for him. I did not understand it. But every time I caught his glance, something in me stirred.

 

~

 

''The times are no better, but I do see you again,'' I heard a man say, ''It is a small world, and all the paths seem to be crossing these days.''

''Éomer,'' I greeted him, turning around, ''A small world - it would seem so.''

It was a beautiful night and I'd decided to spend some time on the balcony before going to sleep. The wind was soothing and oddly warm for the time of year. My thoughts had been restless and I needed some seclusion to sort them out. Éomer stood next to me, leaning with his elbows against the rail as well.

''I still cannot help but wonder, if you will take no offence, how is it that you ended up in this odd company. I have seen many fair maidens, but I've seen none out fighting Orcs,'' he smiled.

''Everything about my life has been unusual, 'tis but a small adventure,'' I joked.

''I apologize again if I have offended you on that day of our first encounter,'' he said, ''Our lands are plagued by war, everywhere I turn, spies could be sneaking up. I don't even know where to look to first anymore. It is a mess I fail to clean up. It keeps escaping me.''

''It's quite alright, I understand,'' I said, ''I would have done it all the same myself. And I did look tortured,'' I chuckled.

He smiled and lowered his head in embarrassment, before shaking it slightly.

''It's alright, Lord Éomer, I shall forget all about it.''

''That would be wonderful indeed; thank you.''

''This is how I repay you for the horses. It is a fair price.''

''Those are fine horses, but you are too beautiful for it to be the price of your offence.''

I blushed. It was dark so he did not see, but I was uncomfortable and I glanced away and shifted my weight awkwardly. Why did he think me beautiful? Him? Me? Beautiful? As in actually beautiful in appearance? I was moderately pretty, and that was as far as I would go in description. Beautiful seemed like something to use to describe Lady Arwen or Lady Galadriel. Elves were beautiful. Human women were pretty. Or very fair, if she's exceptional.

''Well it is alright,'' I confirmed again, ''It's all in the past and forgotten.''

''Good,'' he smiled, ''My sister has grown very fond of you. It's a while since she last had a real friend. A friend who was a woman. I fear she has been feeling lonely, with all that is happening.''

''I feel the same,'' I smiled back, ''I've been surrounded by men for quite a while. To say it is refreshing would be an understatement,'' I chuckled, ''Women need each other.''

''Therefore, I am glad you've come to us. Perhaps we can make friends while you are here, as well.''

''Of course,'' I said, and I did not lie but I did not quite mean it either. I was sure my definition of ''friend'' was different from that of most people. I don't think I could ever possibly have more than 3 friends in my life. The rest are acquaintances, allies, comrades. A friend is someone who knows me well and with whom I share even the most personal things. And that was a limited group of people, and it would remain that way.

''The night will grow colder, you should go rest,'' he suggested.

''I will stay only a short while longer,'' I explained. He bowed his head slightly, smiled, and wished me good night before he left.

I wondered why he called me beautiful.

 

~

 

Over the next few days everyone seemed to grow a bit more cheerful. King Théoden was still sad, of course, but now he was talking more, and he seemed livelier. He even laughed a few times. Days passed quickly and it was the second time I felt almost like home. For a short while, there was no war, and Sauron never existed, and I liked it that way. I knew that it couldn't last forever, so I tried to enjoy my short days at the Golden Hall as much as possible.

I did my best to spend as much time as I could with my companions. No matter how much I liked Éowyn and the women, everything still seemed a bit foreign without my men around me. 

Before I went looking for them one afternoon, I turned left to the kitchens. Sudden hunger overwhelmed me, and I remembered I hadn't eaten since breakfast. So I took a knife to slice some bread and vegetables but before I knew it, I had opened wounds in my two left fingers. It did not even hurt at first, and I hadn't noticed it until I saw the blood. It was a fair share of blood springing out, and I hissed, and took the first cloth at hand to wrap around the wounds. I wondered how in the world it could hurt so much when I have been hit by actual blades in battle and never even stopped to hiss. It was useless - I squeezed, but I could see the blood reaching through the cloth despite it. My face probably showed pain, but my body was all but relaxed against the wall, waiting for it all to pass.

''Damn it,'' I hissed to myself, ''One day I'll fall on my own sword.''

''Are you alright?''

Legolas was at the door. My heart fluttered at the sound of his voice. I'd missed him more than I thought.

''Yes, it just won't stop bleeding.''

''Let me see,'' he rushed to me. He took my hands and unwrapped the cloth. I had stopped thinking about the pain and everything, for all I could see was his face and his brows furrowed in worry. 

''You have to bandage it properly,'' he muttered. I let him do as he pleased with my hands, as I surely wouldn't have done anything but wrap another cloth around them. He washed the wounds gently, and I watched the water in the basin turn pink.

''It isn't too deep, it should heal swiftly when properly bandaged,'' he said, now wrapping my fingers up again.

''When they start closing, I'll bring you some ointment... Don't remove these.''

I couldn't possibly explain exactly what happened next. All I know is that my heart went from fluttering to beating faster and really hard. Legolas's face was too close to mine; I could feel the warmth of his breath tickle my skin. His soft voice vibrated through my entire being. He took my bandaged hand and raised it, before he placed his lips onto the bare skin. My breath hitched; the heat of my body all traveled to my cheeks. _Doom, doom, doom._ I thought my heart would burst. I thought he could probably hear it as loud as Orc drums.

It was such a simple gesture of affection, and yet I was bursting with these feelings. It probably meant absolutely nothing, and I hoped it meant absolutely nothing. Legolas was a unique Elf - he showed his affection for his friends freely and without constraints. It was so unlike myself, and that is probably why it always made me so flustered.

''You must be more careful,'' he almost whispered.

''I have survived the wilderness, the battles, Beriadan... If I died from a kitchen knife it'd be something to laugh at.''

''This is nothing to jest about,'' he retorted, sounding almost angry, ''If any harm came to you...''

''The world would go on as if nothing happened.''

''The world perhaps. But hearts of many would be filled with sadness,'' he said quietly, again inspecting my hand.

''It is just a couple of fingers,'' I insisted, ''I will live.''

''Yes, but there is war ahead of us,'' he argued, now looking me right in the eyes, ''You must be careful.''

Never in my life had I had that experience of someone's happiness depending on my own well-being. I do not think anyone cared that much about me. As much as I appreciated it and as much as I was touched by it, I was also confused. It was new to me, I almost didn't know what to do with it, how to behave.

''I will be,'' I said, '' _Hannon le._ ''

I wanted to say other things, to ask questions, but I thought it wisest not to inquire. He nodded, and I smiled. 

He took my other hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. My breath hitched again at the gesture, though I did not know why. I loved the feel of his hand with mine, and yet I felt so different, almost uncomfortable when it happened. His other hand brushed a strand of my hair away from my face.

''I'll have to braid it entirely,'' I grumbled, ''It keeps coming in the way.''

He almost chuckled. ''I think it suits you like this. Wild and free.''

''Yes, wild and free - that is me,'' I grinned, and it seemed to break most of the tension, ''I like to think of myself as a civilized woman, but I guess you're right.''

He smiled wide and my heart almost leaped out of my chest.

''Does that mean your braids are like you?'' I teased, brushing his hair behind his ear, ''So tight and set firmly in place.''

''I think you're right,'' he laughed, ''I am my father's son.''

I did not mean to do it, by any means; the Valar know I didn't, and I wasn't even sure what I did and what happened - but I somehow managed to brush the tip of his ear. I saw that a breath caught in his throat, and he exhaled. I didn't know what I did. Did I somehow hurt him? That was my first logical thought. But it turned out to be something far worse.

''I- Um,'' I could barely utter a thing, ''Did I do something wrong?''

He smiled awkwardly. '' _Wrong_ is subjective. It was merely accidental.''

I was getting an idea of what I did, but I refused to admit it to myself, I refused to take it as the one explanation. I felt beyond uncomfortable, and he probably sensed it, for I wanted to crawl out of my own skin and disappear into the night.

''I'm sorry,'' I managed.

''It is already forgotten,'' he said softly, ''It was simply a surprise, not unpleasant.''

That was even worse. The kind of pleasure he felt from my touch made me want to really fall on my own sword. Not him. Not Legolas. Not me.

I could still feel his fingers gently tracing the outer edges of my own, the warmth of his body and his breath; I could still hear the sound of his heart close to mine. My breathing quickened a bit, and amidst all that I felt, I also felt fear. I was scared of what I was feeling, for it seemed familiar and I feared admitting it to myself. My mind whirling, and some sort of heat in the pit of my stomach - no, not me. Not him.

I stepped away.

''I- I should go sleep. I am weary from all the work,'' I managed to construct a lie I wondered if he saw through. ''Good night, Legolas.''

I slipped out of his hands and into the dark of the now evening, scared to death of the feelings I had for my new best friend. It would pass. I repeated it to myself a million times before I fell asleep. It had to pass.


	22. Battles of the Heart and the Mind

I deliberately avoided Legolas ever since the encounter in the kitchens. Every time I looked at the bandages, it reminded me. I couldn't have been happier when the wounds healed. As though that could have undone the entire occasion. 

He would always be with either Gimli or Aragorn, and I would be with Éowyn. I tried to find as much work to be done, to talk to Aragorn about everything there is to be talked about - all not to think about Legolas. I pretended not to notice Legolas when I'd see him in the hallways. It was terrible, but I knew little else. It seemed most logical. These odd feelings of attraction would pass, I was almost certain. I reasoned with myself. _''He is an Elf. And he is a Prince. And those two facts alone should be reason enough for me to stop being silly,''_ I thought.

But Aragorn being Aragorn, he noticed and he asked. One day at lunch, after I showered him with questions of our next moves, he all but dropped the weight of it on me.

''You tire yourself with matters out of your control. The war is upon us whether you fret over it or not,'' he said, ''I think something else bothers you.''

''I'm simply growing anxious. We've been here a while, and I have this feeling that something is upon us, and sooner than we think,'' I explained, and it wasn't entirely a lie.

''I know you well, Alanna.''

I sighed without saying anything. 

''It is something that involves Legolas, for I've seen you both seemingly distracted and worried.''

My eyes fell on Legolas across the long table. When his blue eyes met mine, my heart reacted as it did before - bumping loud, beating fast, pumping all the blood into my head. I hated it. I only swallowed and looked away. I was sure he had noticed me avoiding him, and I was sure it was hurting him, but what I cared most was making it all go away. 

''Just tell me when we leave,'' I said, ''Everything looks like a calm before a storm.''

 

I found myself missing Legolas, of course, and by avoiding him I was also avoiding Gimli for the most part. They'd grown to be inseparable, oddly enough. I simply felt out of place. I hated the change; I wanted the Fellowship to be the way it was. But that was impossible, and not only due to these changes between me and Legolas.

I wasn't lonely though. When I wasn't with Éowyn, I seemed to be in the company of Éomer. I found myself enjoying his company very much. He was a very charming man, and talking to him was almost always interesting, and pleasant, and I'd also catch myself laugh wholeheartedly at his witty jokes. However, a fool I may have been, but I wasn't that much of a fool. I could see he was interested in me, but he was never inappropriate, and I made sure my behavior in his company was nothing more than friendly. I spent some time with him every day before he was to leave again.

One day he invited me to train with him over at the barracks, and I had not expected to have so much fun. I even laughed, almost playing like a child. The way the sparring exhausted me was almost therapeutic. It seemed to rid me of all the negative energy I had stored within me. He gave me a helmet that day, of typical Rohirrim make. ''This is to remember me,'' he said, ''And to remember Rohan. May it protect you from harm.'' It was such a sweet friendly gesture that I almost hugged him.

Days were easy, it was nights that were torturous. At night, Legolas would come to my thoughts and I would get absolutely angry with myself. I didn't know what to do about it. I could not contain it any longer, I felt I needed to tell someone. Normally, Aragorn would be the choice, but this was no normal situation, and I needed someone less involved. So one morning I went to Éowyn. I felt relieved when I got it off my chest.

''Lord Legolas is very handsome,'' she said, as if to mean _''It is only reasonable you have these feelings of attraction.''_

''You're hardly helping me with that,'' I sighed, ''He was handsome when I first met him too, and yet only now things have changed.''

''You did not know him then,'' she explained.

''It scares me,'' I confessed, ''It's foolish.''

''Far be it from me to make any assumptions,'' she suddenly remarked, ''But if my clear judgement is still intact, you are not the only one that feels this way. The way he looks at you speaks volumes.''

''Éowyn, no,'' I protested immediately, ''He is like that. He cares for his friends very much. I'm avoiding him and it hurts him.''

''Do you hold the hands of your friends the way he holds yours?'' she asked, before she paused and blushed at the next question, ''Lord Aragorn... does he hold you the same way?''

''Of course not,'' I said, ''But that is different. It is different with my other friends. He is not Legolas. This is his way.''

''I believe I have made my point,'' she smiled, ''It is up to you to make a conclusion.''

When her interest in Aragorn became clear, I felt obligated to tell her about Arwen. I simply told her, without expressing my opinion on the matter, and I never involved myself with the issue again. I did not wish to make her feel uncomfortable. I didn't say anything explicitly, but I hoped she would put it together and make the conclusion.

Éowyn kept my secret a secret. Éomer, on the other hand, seemed to be showing more interest in me than before. I could almost laugh at the situation. It seemed not long ago I never even had any dreams of anything even remotely resembling romance. Not long ago the only thing on my mind was the war, and Aragorn, and Gondor, as well as it should be. But now, all these silly matters were sweeping my mind into a storm. And the longer I remained away from Legolas, the more I longed for him, and it was supposed to be the other way around.

I was almost angry with myself. Why wasn't I interested in Éomer? He was a fine, good-looking man, honorable, kind, charming, a skilled warrior, and on top of everything - the future King. He was of the race of Men. Girls probably dreamt of such an opportunity. It was all simply ridiculous. My troubles seemed petty, and they were petty. But I could not escape them, so at least I finally accepted them as they were.

And then the day came that I sensed long before. The calm was over, and the storm had started.

No one expected it really, as it had been a rather joyous day. In the morning we all gathered for breakfast. We were all feeling revived in a way, we laughed, and we talked of war as well, but not too much as there was yet no need. I spent some time with Éowyn and then I joined Éomer and the Riders for their daily patrol around Edoras. He was to leave again after that, to the outermost folds of Rohan lands, so I wouldn't be able to see him for a longer while. For that reason, he invited me politely, and I went. There wasn't any trouble, so when we came back for a late lunch, we shared another joyous meal. I had some alone time with Gimli to share in jokes. All seemed fine. I saw Aragorn and Éowyn talking again, him completely oblivious to her feelings, I thought he only made it more difficult for her. Dinner passed too, and I couldn't eat much. I helped the maids clear out the tables and that seemed to be it as far as my chores for the day went. As I was returning from the kitchen quarters, I saw Legolas walking in my direction. We were alone in the hallway. There was no escaping now. Our greetings were awkward, but he was still kind, and his smile gentle, and I hated how beautiful he was.

''We haven't spoken much these days,'' he stated.

''Have you missed me, Master Elf?'' I joked, trying to conceal what caused me to avoid him, pretending everything was just fine.

''A bit. The absence of a beautiful smart woman was felt. I've spent days surrounded by Men and a Dwarf, so that alone would answer your question.''

I laughed, despite it all. ''Well, I've missed you too, _mellon nin_.''

''Oh, hardly,'' he teased, ''Éomer seems to have kept you company at all times.''

''Are you teasing me, _hîr vuin_ (my Lord)?'' I asked, pretending to be offended.

''Merely observing, _hiril vuin_ (my Lady).''

''As you always do.''

''I am not wrong, am I?''

''No, you are not,'' I smiled in defeat, ''Éomer is a good friend and a kind man.''

''A kind man who has given you his heart completely, it seems. Or have you not noticed?''

''And how could you have possibly noticed that?'' I asked, ''If it even were the case.''

''I've been living for three thousand years, _mellon nin_ , I know the symptoms in Men.''

''And yet you're completely oblivious to the symptoms in women,'' I blurted out, before I added, ''Pretty Rohan maidens seem to flock to you like birds.''

''Eh, sweet and foolish girls with sweet and foolish inquiries,'' he shrugged and smiled kindly.

''Some of them don't seem so foolish,'' I teased.

''Either way, I have no interest in either of them.''

''And I have no interest in Éomer,'' I explained.

''He seems like a good man,'' he said, completely serious now, ''I believe you two would make quite a pair.''

And that hurt. I did not understand why at the time, but it hurt like a Morgul blade.

''Since when is this the topic of our discussion?'' I tried to keep the atmosphere of the harmless banter, ''I am not here to find a spouse. I am here to fight a war.''

He shrugged with a smile. ''I am only glad you're speaking to me about anything.''

''I am sorry,'' I said honestly.

''If I have done something wrong-''

''You have done nothing wrong, Legolas,'' I stopped him, ''It is me who was foolish. I simply had some of my own matters on my mind, and I was so consumed by them that I cast you aside. But I have settled it now. I will cope with it my own way. You are my friend, and very dear to me, and I am sorry. _Goheno nin_. (Forgive me.)''

I spoke honestly. Whatever it was, I had to deal with it myself, on the inside. I didn't want to let it jeopardize our friendship and the Fellowship. He nodded, and smiled, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. I felt his gentle but strong arms snake around my waist. I breathed him in, absorbed the warmth of his body; I had missed him.

''The only maiden I cared about these days was a certain shield-maiden Authiel,'' he whispered into my hair and I felt him smile; I simply knew he smiled one of his angelic smiles. ''And the only thing that interested me was what troubled her.''

''And the only man I cared about wasn't a Man at all but an Elf,'' I spoke softly against his tunic, ''And how I didn't want to be hurting him.''

He hugged me tighter then, tighter than ever, and I wanted to stay that way for a while, completely pressed against his body.

''I don't know how it happened over the course of a few months,'' he said, loosing up the tight hold and kissing my temple gently. There seemed to be a whirlwind raging on in the pit of my stomach. ''But I have grown to care quicker than ever in the long years of my life. I don't quite understand it, except that I feel joy when you're with me, and longing when we're apart.''

That was Legolas - the purest of beings I had ever met. He seemed to me almost too good for our cruel world. 

When it was time to part ways, my heart almost ached when I slipped out of his hold; it almost hurt at the loss of the warmth and the smell and the sound of his voice.

_I would deal with it myself._

After an hour or so after that, the ill news came.


	23. To Helm's Deep

A horse came carrying two small children on its back. They were barely keeping their eyes open, hungry and exhausted as they were. It was Gandalf who saw them and brought them to the Hall. Éowyn and I quickly brought them food and something to cover themselves with and warm up. They looked so utterly scared and helpless, and they ate the food so quickly I feared they would choke on it. We did not want to make them speak before they regained some of their strength. When they finished their meal, they told us about how Orcs burnt their village and how the people tried to escape, but not all managed. Their sentences were barely coherent. They were still under the influence of the trauma, and it broke my heart to think that two such small children should witness such monstrous deeds. ''Where's mama?'' the girl asked, and I wanted to die. Éowyn simply hushed her.

''This is but a taste of the terror that Saruman will unleash. All the more potent for he is driven mad by the fear of Sauron,'' Gandalf explained to the King. ''Ride out and meet him head on. Draw him away from your women and children. You must fight.''

''You have two thousand good men riding as we speak. Èomer and his men will return and fight, added Aragorn.

''They will be three hundred leagues from here by now! Èomer cannot help us,'' responded the King.

I knew what he meant. Éomer had left and took most of the men with him. They would not return soon. They did not know of the news that had just come. Already too far away, they could not help us now. Yet we were at war, and a battle was approaching. It was certain.

''I know what is that you want of me. But I would not bring further death to my people. I will not risk open war,'' said the King.

''With all due respect, Théoden King, that is of little importance,'' I said kindly.

''Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not,'' Aragorn argued.

''When last I looked, Théoden, not Aragorn, was king of Rohan,'' the King replied.

''Then what is the king's decision?'' asked Gandalf.

 

~

 

We all gathered outside the hall. Every single peasant, farmer, every guard left in the Reach. I apologized to Háma for how I had to handle him the first day we arrived in Edoras, though he insisted on apologizing himself. The honor of the Rohirrim was no fable. 

Háma stood tall, and announced the King's orders. 

''By order of the King, the city must empty. We make for the refuge of Helm's Deep. Do not burden yourself with treasures. Take only what provisions you need.'' 

I was not sure if heading for Helm's Deep was a smart idea. We would have to fight. They would attack regardless of what we do or where we go. The people would be out on the open road before reaching the mountains, and that alone was danger enough. 

Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn and I followed Gandalf to the stables. There we could talk freely. Gimli seemed to protest the idea of going to Helm's Deep, an Gandalf seemed to agree, but I knew it had both advantages and disadvantages to it all. I knew why the King wanted his people over there. I knew that too much Rohirrim blood had been spilt already, and Helm's Deep had saved them before.

''He is only doing what he thinks is best for his people,'' I said.

''There is no way out than that of ravine. Théoden is walking into a trap. He thinks he is leading them to safety, but what he'll get is a massacre,'' argued Gandalf and a sudden fear rose in me. There were so many children. ''Théoden has a strong hold but I fear for him. I fear for the survival of Rohan,'' he continued, ''He will need you before the end, Aragorn. The people of Rohan will need you. The defenses have to hold.''

''They will hold,'' Aragorn said with such certainty I had no idea where he got it from.

''The Grey Pilgrim. That is what they used to call me. Three hundred lives of men I've walked this earth and now, I have no time,'' he said, mounting Shadowfax. ''Good luck. My search will not be in vain. Look to my coming, at first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.''

And like that, he galloped out of the stables and at great speed sprinted across the lands. It wasn't long before our eyes couldn't see him anymore. Shadowfax was the fastest, finest horse my eyes had ever seen.

''What now?'' asked Gimli.

''We escort the people to Helm's Deep,'' answered Aragorn.

''What does Gandalf mean to achieve?'' grumbled Gimli again. ''I cannot stand it when he talks in riddles.''

''He goes for Éomer,'' I said, a dread settling in me, ''Without him, there is no hope.''

 

~

 

The city was being emptied, and the people had already started streaming out of Edoras early the next morning. Éowyn and I were in the Hall, waiting for our time to depart. ''Look'' she told me before she picked up a long two-handed sword and wielded it, cutting the air around her.

''Be careful, Éowyn, that is a longsword,'' I said with a laugh, stepping back a few steps from her.

''It feels right in my hands,'' she said.

''It looks right too. You seem to have some talent.''

''Let us hope I will get to make use of it. I can no longer sit and wait while my people are fighting for our lands.''

''Éowyn, somebody has to take care of the people here too. It is a job needed to be done.''

''There are many women in Edoras willing to do it. They do not need me.''

''I understand you. And I am not the right person to tell you anything against your wish to fight,'' I said. ''I simply want you to live through these days.''

''My brother would never let me stand by his side in battle.''

''Your brother loves you dearly. He only thinks of what is best for you.''

''Well, now he loves you too,'' she said.

''I wouldn't say he loves me,'' I argued, ''And that is different.''

''It isn't that different.''

''Even if it were so, he has no say in the matter with me.''

Aragorn arrived and I left the two to talk. I thought that Aragorn would convince her to stay behind from battle - if anyone could, it was probably him. I exited the Hall and stood on the terrace, looking upon the people slowly streaming out of the city. The city looked less lively by each second that passed. Legolas and Gimli appeared next to me.

''Where have the two of you been?''

''Preparing the horses,'' Gimli replied.

''Ill fate...'' I muttered, my eyes still heavily on the people and horses dragging themselves out of Edoras.

''I believe the King is ready by now. We should get Aragorn,'' said Legolas.

 

~

 

Soon we joined the people and were all out on the open road, headed for the valley of Helm's Deep. We moved slowly; there were more people than horses so we shared and took turns riding them. I wished to walk for as long as I could, but Legolas and Aragorn insisted on me riding more often, ''they needed me alive,'' they said, and I was starting to get tired of arguing with them.

For a long time the mood was dreary. The gloom had settled into our hearts and rooted itself in. The people were afraid, and that was a bigger drawback than most would think. Should something happen, panic was the last thing we needed. Luckily, after a while, Gimli managed to lighten up the mood. We knew what was coming, we knew we were exposed out on the open road in the mean time, and yet we let his jokes entertain us for a while. No harm in it - we were not dead yet.

''It's true you don't see many dwarf women,'' he spoke, ''And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, they are often mistaken for dwarf men!''

''It's the beards,'' Aragorn teased, and we all burst into laughter.

''And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no dwarf women,'' he continued, ''And the dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! Which is, of course, ridiculous. Whoa!'' He fell off his horse. ''It's all right! It's all right. Nobody panic. That was deliberate. It was deliberate.''

Thank Eru for Gimli.

We did not stop to eat and rest before afternoon, when we decided to make camp. I helped the women in serving everyone food. The children were very hungry. Èowyn made some stew for Aragorn, and I tasted it. It was horrible, but she made it with so much love I had not the heart to tell her. I walked with her to give it to Aragorn; I saw him grimace when he tasted it, and I had to keep myself from laughing out loud. He did not have the heart to reject that bowl of stew either. 

''Are you hungry?'' Aragorn asked me when Èowyn had turned around and left.

''No!'' I said, laughing at his disappointed face. ''Just spill it when she isn't looking,'' I whispered to him before I left.

I saw Legolas and Gimli sitting with a few Rohirrim on the other side. Legolas laughed, and I assumed it was something Gimli had said. I decided I would make him something special, my heart wanted to do a nice gesture for him. So I made a stew of my own, and I made sure to taste it before deciding to give it to him. It tasted really good, and I was thankful for the knowledge my foster mother had passed on me. She was the best at making that dish. And I felt a longing for her at that moment.

I kept myself entertained by entertaining the children during the meals. I don't know if it helped them or me more. They needed the cheer, and though some were too little to know what was happening, they could still sense the dread.

We traveled by night as well, and we welcomed dawn on our feet. The morning brought no danger either - yet - so Legolas and I went ahead to scout, right behind Háma and Gamling. All seemed well at first. It was around noon, when our horses started growing restless. Legolas ran ahead by himself, trying to see as far ahead as he could.

''What is it?'' I asked, but Legolas didn't respond. ''Háma?''

''I'm not sure.''

Just then, it appeared before my eyes - a warg stood in not so far a distance, on top of a cliff to our left, and an Orc was riding it. Before my mind even collected the information, the warg ran at great speed and had already jumped on Háma, killing him and his horse. I didn't realize he was dead at all, not yet. I all but threw myself off my horse, but Legolas had already shot the warg through its neck, and it fell dead. The Orc charged towards Gamling and Legolas shot him too, but only hit his shoulder. I got to him quickly, from the back, but before I could cut him down, he yelled out and I knew why. ''A scout!'' shouted Legolas, confirming my thoughts. The King, Aragorn, and most of the Rohirrim rushed to us quicky at Legolas's alarm.

''What is it? What do you see?!'' asked King Théoden in panic.

''Wargs!'' I shouted from down below.

''We are under attack!'' announced Aragorn. It alarmed the people, as I expected it would - the women and children started screaming.

''All riders to the head of the column!'' the King ordered. I ran to mount the first stallion I could reach and calm a bit.

Legolas was still standing on a small hill ahead, carefully watching the moving pack ahead. He started shooting them down before they even came into our sight. I looked back onto the people - they had taken another route and were being led by Èowyn. Our eyes met, and I knew what she meant with what was in her eyes, but all I could do was nod slightly before moving ahead.

''Follow me! Argh!'' exclaimed the King and we followed, riding into battle. I swallowed and breathed deeply, getting ready to clash against beasts.

I knew we were riding fine horses, probably the best in all of Middle Earth, but we were headed towards wild beasts who could kill any horse with just one bite in the neck. I knew we had to be careful. To kill the warg first, or the rider? Whatever it took - I had to keep my horse alive. My mind was racing, calculating everything at the speed of lightening. They were charging at us, as fast as us, and it took only a few moments before we clashed.

I don't know how many I managed to cut in just one rush through the crowd. It seemed like a good start, and everywhere I turned, others seemed to be having the same success. But there were still a lot of them coming toward us, even with a lot of riderless wargs on our hands. I rushed back through the pack trying to kill as many as I could but avoid their bites. It was all a haze - I was surrounded by so much noise and so much stench and so many cries that it all just became a sort of a haze. I cleared out the space around me but did not realize that in doing so, I managed to distance myself from the Rohirrim and I was now standing alone. I had no idea how it happened. It was a mistake. 

What happened next, I did not see coming - before I realized it, a warg rider attacked me from behind a cliff and I fell down, not even knowing what hit me. I hit my head against the ground hard, and when I opened my eyes, I saw that my hands were in a pool of blood. It took me a moment to realize where it was coming from. I touched my head but it was perfectly fine. It was my horse who still lay, dead.

I couldn't afford paying any heed to the excruciating pain in my head. The Orc was sneering at me, not attacking me yet, holding his warg in control and enjoying every second of it. 

''What are you waiting for?'' I asked, getting up, and slowly walking up to the enemy. ''You think I'm afraid, don't you? Argghya!!!''

I cut the warg's head off before it even moved. The Orc fell off the warg but did not waste a single second on the ground. Getting up, his blade clashed against mine. He was big, much bigger than all the ones I killed earlier, or at least he seemed so. And I could not best him. All I managed to do was block his own hits, merely defend myself, but I caused him barely any harm, except a few cuts on his arms. I used all my strength and wit, but it seemed to no avail. His sword clashed against mine once more, and I clenched my teeth, trying to hold against it. The muscles in my arms started to burn, and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it much longer. I had to think of my next move before my arms failed me and led me to my death, and I decided. I let go and quickly crouched down, and when I did I cut his leg. Not fully, but I managed to damage all that kept him standing, and he fell, face down on the ground. He squirmed in pain, the blood slowly living his limb. The leg was useless. He tried to drag himself away from me but I stepped on his injured leg, to which he screamed agony.

''Are you going somewhere?'' I asked, before I turned him around on his back so he'd face me. He was almost too heavy to move. He grimaced and squirmed and I knew he was afraid. It was such and odd and pathetic and memorable sight. I was taking my sweet time, and it wasn't wise at all, but I was so blinded by hate that I didn't think. All the hate I've ever felt about anything, and all the anger, seemed to be turned toward this one particular Orc now.

''You're a big Orc. I've seen Orcs much weaker who sneered at me even with my blade in their guts. But you're afraid now,'' I pointed out, putting the tip of my blade against his neck. ''You're pathetic.''

I almost paid for how foolish I was. Before I could kill the squirming Orc below me, another one appeared from behind me, and when I turned around, it simply fell dead. An arrow was in his back, and lifting my head I saw Legolas standing before me. 

''Why did you wander off?''

''I didn't even realize it.''

''Come.''

''Not yet.''

Still squirming on the ground desperately, the Orc used only one leg to try and drag himself away. I put my blade against his neck once more and he looked at me with fear in his eyes.

''You big nasty Orcs always seem to think I'm afraid of you,'' I spoke to him almost softly as I slowly pressed my blade against his throat, and a single drop of dark blood appeared. I felt so much hatred. ''Don't worry about your dirty neck. I don't want to make a lot of mess,'' I said before I stabbed him through his chest. He gasped for air once more before he fell back on the ground.

''What was that about?'' Legolas asked me, confused, as we rushed back to our group.

''He thought I was afraid of him,'' I said, ''And he killed my horse.''

''Don't wander off again,'' he said, before we re-joined our comrades. He sounded angry with me.

The battle seemed to have ended. The field was full of dead wargs and Orc corpses, and quite a few fallen Rohirrim, it seemed. We couldn't afford to lose one man, but what was done could not be changed.

''Gimli, where is Aragorn?'' I asked but he did not answer. He simply kept looking around, completely dumbfounded. Legolas rushed through the field, his eyes searching every bit of it. 

''Where is Aragorn?'' I repeated, fear already growing in me, panic rising to almost blur my vision. I felt I would faint if nobody answered my question. And nobody did. 

I rushed through the field and looked through the corpses, turning them around, inspecting every piece of space around me. But I could not see him anywhere. I had to remind myself to breathe. My limbs started shaking. Legolas called Aragorn's name, but there was no answer.

''Legolas, find him!'' I absolutely demanded. I did not care if it was in his power or not, I needed him to find Aragorn.

''Tell me what happened and I will ease your passing!'' I heard Gimli shout. I rushed to him, and watched him press his axe against a dying Orc. The small Orc wasn't afraid at all, not did he care about an easy passing - he was sneering and laughing at us.

''He's... dead...'' the Orc muttered, coughing up dark blood.

''Shut up!'' I shouted, snatching Gimli's axe from his hands and pressing it harder against the Orc's neck, but he only laughed.

''He took a little tumble off the cliff,'' the Orc said. The axe fell free from my hands. I had no control of it.

''You lie!!!'' outcried Legolas, grabbing the Orc. The Orc only laughed to his face, blood bubbling out of his mouth, before he died in his grip.

I noticed something in the Orc's hand. I did not want to believe it was what I thought it was.

''Legolas,'' I called, holding the Evenstar in my hands. He must've fought hard. I thought my heart would burst. I wasn't sure if I could stand much longer. 

When they saw the Evenstar in my hands, Gimli and Legolas rushed over to the cliff to look down. I could barely follow, slowly, focusing on breathing and not breaking down. I couldn't see Aragorn down there, but then again, the river could have washed him away. That thought came like the easiest thing, when I know it should have crushed me. But I wasn't myself anymore. I wasn't well. I had no idea what feeling numb meant until that moment, even if I thought I knew. I felt as much as a plant at that moment and from that moment on. The hopelessness consumed me completely. I had resigned.

''Get the wounded on horses. The wolves of Isengard will return,'' King Théoden approached us with the orders. ''Leave the dead.''

 _Leave the dead._ As though he wasn't the one in whom most of the hope lied. As though he wasn't the one who was supposed to unite Men, and sit on the throne of Gondor, and bring the royal line of Númenor its former glory. As though he wasn't the one who meant the most to me. As though he was just another nameless man who fell for a piece of land.

''Come,'' the King called, but we stood there staring at the river a while longer. I started feeling dizzy, and had I swayed a bit more, I would have fallen over. I don't think I would have cared. I felt Legolas squeeze my hand tightly. That was all I felt.


	24. To Prepare for the Worst

Night had almost fallen when we reached the fort in Helm's Deep.

''So few... So few of you have returned,'' Èowyn almost whispered when she saw us, but I barely had the strength to stand, I did not bother to explain anything to her. ''Lord Aragorn... where is he?!''

''He fell,'' Gimli said. Èowyn looked shocked, before she started tearing up. I wished I was able to comfort her. She simply looked at me, and I saw the pain in her eyes, but I said nothing; I only walked past her.

I could hear King Théoden's orders in the back:   
''Draw all our forces behind the wall! Bar the gate, and set a watch on the surround! Get the women and children into the caves! Saruman's arm would have grown long indeed if he thinks he can reach us here.'' 

The night came oddly peaceful and as hours passed it became clear that we were not going to be attacked that night. I went into the caves to see if I can be helpful with the people and children. I couldn't have possibly helped anyone in the state of complete disillusionment that I was. 

I did not sleep for long during the night, only a few hours altogether. I was restless; I kept waking up and instinctively checking if my sword was by my side. Nightmares plagued me. None awoke me violently - I seemed to have made peace with the horror, as sad as it sounds. 

The dream that upset me wasn't a nightmare at all. I dreamt of Aragorn. It was a short dream, and all I remember of it was our conversation, echoing in my mind on and on.

_''You know I won't return to Gondor until you do. You know me.''  
''I know.''_

Oddly enough, I woke up with wet cheeks and heartache. What I didn't feel awake due to the shock, hit me in my dreams. It was the worst type of hopelessness, when you don't know what's worse - your dreams or your reality.

''It was just a dream,'' I heard Legolas say softly. He was right beside me. ''Rest some more.''

''Oh, it's useless. I cannot sleep anymore.''

''You will need the strength tomorrow,'' he said, brushing away a strand of my hair from my face. I did not answer.

''Legolas...''

''Hm?''

''You sounded angry with me yesterday.''

''I was.''

''Why?''

''Because you wandered off. You cannot wander off again.''

''I did not mean to wander off. I guess I was just a bit careless.''

''I told you to be careful. You cannot afford one more mistake like that.''

''I know. I'm sorry I worried you,'' I said, as I knew it was something that should be said at the moment, but I was still so traumatized that I barely felt anything.

''Stay close to me from now on,'' he said.

''Why?''

''It will bring me comfort.''

''Alright.''

''Let us fight side by side.''

''If it will bring you comfort.''

''It will. Sleep now.''

Though I was sure I couldn't possibly, I had drifted off to sleep before I knew it. No more dreams plagued me that night.

 

~

 

In the morning I woke up to rumors and whispers among the people. At first I paid no heed to what seemed to spread like wildfire, but once I actually heard it, my heart started beating hard with excitement. I couldn't be sure, and I couldn't make any conclusions, and I surely couldn't create any expectations because a disappointment after that would have killed me. I jumped on my feet hastily and sought Legolas. 

''I've heard something. I'm not sure- I- I don't know what's happening- I-,'' I spoke to him incoherently.

''What is it?!'' he asked. 

''I- I don't know. I'm not sure.''

But then we heard it from the Rohirrim, both of us. And we needn't have said more - one look was all it took for us to understand each other and run outside with all our might.  
Making my way through the crowd, I saw that it was true. Aragorn was there, standing right in front of me. He looked tired and broken, but he was alive - and I could not believe it. My eyes saw it, but my brain could not process it. My heart started beating faster and my limbs started shaking. But I could not move from where I was standing, not for a while. I was frozen. 

''Where is he?! Where is he?! Get out of my way! I'm gonna kill him!'' I saw Gimli making his way through the crowd. ''You are the luckiest, the cunningest, and most reckless man I ever knew!!'' he exclaimed before he hugged him tightly, ''Bless you, laddie!''

I stepped ahead. One foot, two feet, three feet; and then I stood there and cried. Those weren't tears of sadness or joy or anything of the sort - I was weeping like a child. It just sort of poured out of me, like some sort of relief, and I sobbed like only a child would. It would have been embarrassing, had I cared at the moment.

Aragorn looked at me apologetically; he looked like he could start crying with me. He approached me instead of me going to him. I couldn't stop for a good few minutes. He didn't say anything to me; he just hugged me and I wept into his clothes. I don't know how he held me considering how bruised and battered he was.

''Don't- ever- do that- again-,'' I spoke through sobs - sobs so violent, they sounded like hiccups.

''I will not.''

''Don't you- dare- leave us-''

He didn't say anything to that; he only held me some more.

'' _Le abdollen_ (You're late),'' Legolas told him, ''You look terrible.''

Aragorn laughed. What was even more odd was that so did I, through all my tears.

''We have something for you,'' I remembered, having calmed myself from the shock, ''Legolas?''

Legolas reached for his pocket and handed the Evenstar over to Aragorn. 

''Hannon le,'' he said with utmost gratefulness almost shimmering in his eyes, ''But I have news for the King. Let us hurry.''

 

~

 

''A great host, you say?''

''All Isengard is emptied.''

''How many?'' asked King Théoden.

''Ten thousand strong at least,'' answered Aragorn. 

''Ten thousand?!''

''It is an army bred for a single purpose - to destroy the world of Men. They will be here by nightfall.''

''Let them come,'' said the King and walked out. We followed him.

 

''I want every man and strong lad able to bear arms, to be ready for battle by nightfall! We will cover the causeway and the gate from above!'' ordered the King, ''No army has ever breached the deeping wall or set foot inside the Hornburg.''

''He cannot be serious?'' I turned to Aragorn, but he only waved his arm as a sign for me to keep quiet and listen.

''This is no rabble of mindless Orcs,'' argued Gimli, ''These are Uruk-Hai. Their armor is thick and their shields broad.''

''I have fought many wars, Master Dwarf. I know how to defend my own keep,'' answered the King simply, ''They will break upon this fortress like water on rock. Saruman's hordes will pillage and burn, we've seen it before. Crops can be resown. Homes rebuilt. Within these walls, we will outlast them.''

''But crops and homes are of no interest to them!'' I exclaimed, no longer keeping it in, ''They seek to kill your people!''

''Down to the last child,'' agreed Aragorn regretfully.

''What would you have me do? Look at my men. Their courage hangs by a thread. If this is to be our end, then I would have them make such an end as to be worthy of remembrance!''

''Send out riders, my Lord,'' suggested Aragorn, ''You must call for aid.''

''And who will come? Elves? Dwarves?! We are not so lucky in our friends as you! The old alliances are dead.''

''Gondor will answer,'' insisted Aragorn.

''Gondor? Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell? Where was Gondor when our enemies closed in around us!? Where was Gon-? ... No, my Lord Aragorn. We are alone,'' stated the King sternly, ''Get the women and children into the caves!''

I wished the King wasn't so stubborn. I wished we had at least tried calling for Gondor. Faramir would have probably sent at least two hundred Rangers of the South. That was better than nothing. But the King did not even want to hear about it. What hope was there for us? We did not stand a chance. There was about three hundred of us, and most of the number were not even trained soldiers but farmers and villagers. Against ten thousand of the Isengard army! Éomer would not come back on time. 

''Secure the gates and keep watch, orders of the King,'' I told Gamling before I went to help get the people into the caves.

''Come on, people! Quickly now!'' I encouraged the moving crowd to enter the caves a little faster.

''We'll place the reserves along the wall. They can support the archers from above the gate,'' Aragorn spoke his strategy plans out loud, quickly looking around and thinking of other possible positions.

''Aragorn, you must rest. You're no use to us half-alive,'' said Legolas.

''He's right,'' I agreed, ''You're a limping mess! You need rest and food and clean water. Please.'' 

He ignored us both. ''Legolas, you will lead the archers on the eastern wall, I will take the west. Alanna, should they reach the walls I want you with the Rohirrim down below the eastern wall.''

''Alright.''

''Aragorn!'' Èowyn rushed toward us. ''I'm to be sent with the women into the caves!''

''That is an honorable charge.''

''To mind the children, to find food and bedding when the men return. What renown is there in that?''

''My lady, a time may come for valor without renown. Who then will your people look to in the last defense?''

''Let me stand at your side,'' she insisted.

''It is not in my power to command it,'' replied Aragorn.

''You do not command the others to stay! They fight beside you because they would not be parted from you! Because they love you!'' 

Èowyn wore a look of surprise and shock by her own words, upon realizing that she had let herself say too much. The words slipped out of her heart, and she stepped back before she muttered a final ''I'm sorry'' and walked away. I rushed after her.

''Èowyn!''

''Let me go.''

''Wait,'' I said as I took her arm, ''Wait.''

''I have said too much,'' she said, and for a moment there I thought she'd cry.

''Worry not. That weight has been lifted off your chest, at least,'' I said, not knowing how else to comfort her, ''Surely that's some comfort. Look at me, I still have to bear mine.''

''At least you will fight by his side.''

''Èowyn, we need you there in the caves. Those people will need the hope that you will give them. Even if it is false hope,'' I said, but she only looked down. ''We only have to survive the night. If we do, we will face many other battles. And I promise you, you will fight. Right next to me, as my shield-sister.'' 

She only nodded. ''We only have to survive the night,'' she repeated. She gave me a weak smile before she walked away to her duties.

''Is she alright?'' Aragorn asked me when I returned.

''She always is. She has to be.''

 

~

 

In the armory, weapons were being handed out to the people. They all looked afraid, and they had all reason to be. My heart broke watching all the old men and little boys take their weapons as their hearts were being flooded by fear. Everywhere I looked around me, I saw nothing but terror.

''Farmers, farriers, stable boys... These are no soldiers,'' said Aragorn.

''Most have seen too many winters!'' exclaimed Gimli.

''Or too few,'' added Legolas, ''Look at them. They're frightened. I can see it in their eyes.''

''Everyone in this place is,'' I said.

'' _Boe a hyn neled herain… dan caer menig!_ (And they should be. Three hundred… against ten thousand!),'' Legolas raised his voice. The entire room turned silent. I did not expect Legolas to act the way he did. It was the first time I had seen Aragorn and Legolas argue, and I dared not intervene.

'' _Si beriathar hyn ammaeg na ned Edoras._ (They have a better chance defending themselves here than in Edoras.)''

" _Aragorn, men i ndagor. Hýn ú ortheri. Natha daged aen!_ (They cannot win this fight. They are all going to die!)''

''Then I shall die as one them!'' Aragorn all but screamed before he stormed out. Legolas wanted to rush after him but Gimli stopped him. ''Let him go. Let him be,'' he said.

''They have to fight,'' I said quietly, ''They would die either way. Here we have walls at least.''

He knew it himself. He was just having a hard time accepting it. He said nothing more, he only went outside to seek some solitude and composure of mind. But I did not want to leave him alone. It was time for me to comfort him the way he always comforted me. I followed him.

''We are all on the edge,'' I said, taking his wrist. We were alone in what seemed to be an old watchtower. 

''I know.''

''Do not worry about Aragorn. His responsibilities are great. I would go mad in his place.''

''I know that too.''

''What is it then?''

''A moment of despair,'' he explained, ''I do not think I've ever had one like this.''

I smiled and touched his cheek gently. ''To think I thought you perfect...''

''I cannot see how we will endure until the next light of day.''

''We will have to. The people of Rohan look to us for safety.''

''Be careful,'' he told me again.

''I will be.''

''Do not take any foolish risks and do not get separated from the others again,'' he warned, ''I will be close to you.''

''I will not,'' I smiled, ''Why are you so worried all of a sudden?''

''Because your life has become precious to me,'' he said, cupping my cheek. 

''Do you trust you will survive this night, Legolas?''

''Death will take many of us, if not all.''

''Then I will die by your side.''

The way he looked at me pierced through my chest. But I knew in that moment that those deep blue eyes were reason enough for me to want to survive the night. And when he kissed my forehead before we parted ways, I thought of another reason. 

 

~

 

Night was upon us and all the men in the Hold were already equipped with weapons and armor. The old fragile men, the scared little boys... I wished it could have been any other way, but it couldn't. The hour was coming.

As I put on some of the armor and cleaned my blade once more, I thought about Legolas, and of a great many other things. I knew we were very much outnumbered and that the chances of winning or surviving were small, but I wanted to keep the hope. I wanted a better world, and I wanted to live in it - I wanted to see Gondor renewed and the White Tree bloom again; I wanted to see Aragorn as King and come back home; I wanted to see Faramir again and I wanted to see Éowyn smile again; I wanted to see Éomer again; I wanted to be there at Aragorn's and Arwen's wedding one day; I wanted to spend more time with Legolas and Gimli. I wanted it all, and I realized that for the first time ever I wasn't indifferent towards life. I genuinely wanted to live through it all.

Stepping outside, I saw Aragorn talking to a very young boy and as I approached them, I heard that he was Háma's son. Aragorn was encouraging him; ''There is always hope,'' he said. But the boy was still afraid. I could see it in his eyes. His hands shook as they held his sword. He was just a little boy; he had not had the time to live life. Before I'd learned these people's names, it was slightly less hard for me. They were people, nameless, and they were going to fight. It was sad, yes, but not as sad as after they had become family. And everyone in Hornburg was now a part of a large, scared, but still brave family.

I crouched in front of the boy, looking into his eyes. He was a fine looking boy. I thought how if I were to have a son, I'd want him to be like this little fellow.

''Háleth is your name, am I right?''

''Yes...''

''I am Alanna, friend. Are you afraid?''

''I am,'' he said apologetically.

''Please don't be.''

''But- how?''

''Your father was a great man. Great dangers he faced, and he was never afraid.''

''Never?''

''Never. You know why?''

''Why?''

''Because fear is useless. It's not going to make the danger go away.''

''But-''

''The danger will still be there, whether you fear it or not,'' I smiled and ruffled his hair, ''It is a choice, Háleth. Choose to push that fear aside.''

 

Back at the armory, I witnessed Aragorn and Legolas reconcile. It had not taken them long.

My armor was ready. I was ready. I played with the helmet Éomer had given me wondering if he would have something to return to, once he does. If he would find anyone alive.   
I wasn't allowed to have gloomy thoughts for long - Gimli entered the room wearing armor which dragged itself across the room behind him. It was far too long for our short Dwarf friend, but he said: ''It's a little tight across the chest.'' We all but burst into laughter.

A horn was heard, but it was an unfamiliar sound. ''That is no Orc horn!'' exclaimed Legolas with joy before he rushed out, and we could only follow.

''Send for the King! And open the gate!'' I told Gamling on our way out.

The gate opened, and an army of Elves started marching in. All the Men in the Hold stood and stared in awe. ''How is this possible?'' were the King's words. I did not know. Nobody expected this. Haldir came with about two hundred Elves of Lothlórien. Our small hope had just gotten a little bit bigger, and I was thankful and happy to see them. I smiled at the sight.

''I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell. An alliance once existed between elves and men. Long ago we fought and died together,'' stated Haldir, ''We come to honor that allegiance.''

We all rushed down the stairs to welcome them. Greetings and even hugs ensued, which left the marchwarden of Lórien a bit startled but he smiled at it all nevertheless. I just muttered a quiet ''Thank you'' and bowed my head.

''We are proud to fight alongside men, once more,'' he said.

I saw how happy and proud Legolas was that his kinsmen had come. The despair was now gone from his heart for good.


	25. The Battle of Hornburg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically how the battle went down from first person point of view. not much of ship plot, but it was fun writing this. the kettle starts boiling with next chapters :B

The formations were aligned. I stood on the eastern wall, with Legolas. A smaller troop of Rohirrim with shields that I would later join were below, ready.

As soon as we settled, the entire fort grew completely silent. The silence made a chill settle in our bones as we waited. Nobody spoke, and a breath could barely be heard. 

I held a bow in one hand, Legolas took my other. It calmed me, the way it always did, and when I looked at him, he smiled at me, and squeezed my hand a bit tighter. That simple gesture gave me a surge of courage for what was coming, though I did not know why. 

Just then, I saw it – it was nothing more than a silhouette moving toward us, black and fiery, across the field ahead. Then there was sound again, a rumbling sound, not very loud and it came from the distance. It was the sound of thousands of Orcs marching toward us. The closer they came the more firmly it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. When Aragorn came to our side once more, I kind of wished he would stay near us until the end.

''Well, lad, the luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night,'' Gimli told him.

Almost out of nowhere came a thunder, and a lightning lit up the entire valley before us, and then I saw it clearly - ten thousand Uruks in thick armor were marching toward us, with weapons, shields and torches in their hands. They looked even more terrifying under the light of the lightning, and I swallowed once, steadying my heartbeat to a normal pace again.

''Your friends are with you, Aragorn,'' said Legolas, and I nodded my head wordlessly.

''Let's hope they last the night,'' added Gimli.

It started to rain. The sounds of rain-drops trickling down our armor filled my ears. Saruman's troops were now much closer, and I could see his beasts rawring and sneering and growling before us, with their spears and torches in the air. I was ready.

Aragorn started commanding the Elves. He walked among us speaking his instructions in Sindarin, and I silently repeated them to myself in Common Tongue, as though to make them sink deep into my mind. ''Show them no mercy for you shall receive none.'' 

The enemy stopped advancing suddenly, the rumbling sounds of their footsteps could be heard no more. I leaned and looked down at them - it was the biggest army I had ever seen, and a sight to stop your very breathing. This would be a battle that would go down in history.

And I was a part of it. I felt no pride for that, nor any wish for glory. I only wanted to save the people that looked to me for safety.

''What's happening out there?'' asked Gimli, jumping up in place in attempts to see.

''Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?'' asked Legolas and Gimli laughed. I laughed too, though it was more of a laughter of a sort of relief, and I could not believe that they managed to make me laugh at what seemed to be a stepping stone into my very death. 

The Uruks started pounding their spears against the ground, roaring at us. It was a sign for us to ready our weapons. I notched and arrow to my bow and aimed at one of the Uruks in the first row. I held it, waiting for Aragorn's sign to shoot. I looked to Legolas once more, just a short glance, and he gave me a reassuring smile and a nod in return. ''Remember the tricks I taught you. My old bow will listen to you,'' he half-whispered to me and I think he was only half-joking. _One with the bow. One with the arrow._

And then, everything went silent once more. The Uruks did not pound their spears nor roar for a few moments, until they realized what had happened - an Uruk had apparently fallen to the ground with an arrow in his chest. One of our people fired first and without any command to do so, and it angered the Uruks so they now started roaring horribly once more before they charged toward us at once. '' _Dartho!_ (Hold it!)'' screamed Aragorn. So we did. We waited still, and I strained my bow some more and focused. I had to be as precise as possible, and try to take out as many of them before they came closer. '' _Faeg i-varv dîn na lanc a nu ranc_ (Their armor is weak at the neck and under the arms),'' Legolas noted.

'' _Leithio i philinn!_ (Fire!)'' Aragorn shouted and so we started firing, pouring down a shower of arrows.

I released my bow and it was a success - one of the Uruks fell face down. I tried to notch arrows to my bow as quickly as possible, but no matter how fast, there was no way of outrunning them and I knew that. I could hear arrows whistling everywhere around me.

''Did anyone hit anything?'' I heard Gimli ask excitedly. 

''Should've found yourself a box!'' I joked, releasing another arrow.

Soon enough, we received arrows ourselves. They hissed everywhere around me. The first shower wasn't as I expected - and I expected it to be clumsy compared to our archery - but they all but poured down on us, and as precisely as I had ever seen beasts work. I had to lower myself and hide behind the wall before coming out to shoot again. I saw our people fall, Elves among them, and I let it tore at my heart for only a second before stepping out again. There was no time to be wasted. 

I wondered how long my luck would last me. It was a fleeting thought answered by an arrow hissing all too dangerously close to my face, and tearing at the skin that covered my cheekbone. It felt more like a burn than a cut, but that was fleeting too, and all I felt next was the warmth of my own blood trickling down my cheek. I'd had worse. I had some more luck on my hands. 

One of the Elves next to me was not so lucky - he fell over the wall before I could realize what had happened. In my mind it was only a stunned moment that I took to take a look, but the next thing I knew I was met with a disgusting Uruk face sneering and growling at me, the stench from his mouth almost too unbearable. It took me a few moments to understand how this Uruk was all of a sudden facing me on the walls, his face all too dangerously close to mine.

''The ladders!'' shouted Legolas. ''Step back!''

The Uruks had climbed the walls. They were among us. That was my cue to go, below. I managed to step away and replace the bow with Boromir's shield on my back, and pull out Roseblade.

''Aragorn! They have ladders! Don't let them get more ladders up!'' I screamed through the noise, hoping the words would reach him. He nodded, and commanded the archers on the other side. That was all I could do before the Uruk made his strike at me. 

I had to get rid of them and lower myself. Soon the walls will be swarming with them. _Work fast._

And it was as fast as I could. Boromir's shield blocked every single one of his blows, but the Uruk before me was big and strong and for a moment I wondered if the shield could break, as well-forged as it was. But it didn't. One time, two times, three times I blocked his blows before I bashed him with the shield, and he almost fell aback. Before he could react I bashed him with the shield again, this time with its edge against his throat, and that stunned him enough for me to cut him down.

I was right. Soon the walls were swarming with Uruk-Hai. I made a run for the steps; the men Aragorn had assigned to me were down below, waiting, and it was up to us to help the first line of defence, and hold the second. In the rush I heard Legolas and Gimli shout to each other.

 _''Legolas, two already!''_  
 _''I'm on seventeen!''_  
 _''Argh! I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me!''_  
''This is not a game!'' I shouted, throwing a dagger at an Uruk up ahead in one swift motion. It toppled over. Not a waste of a dagger.  
 _''Nineteen!''_

The men below knew what to do. They were already fighting their way up toward the wall, to help fight these monsters off. I had no idea how the beasts managed to already slip to the other side. But I was cut off right on the staircase. It was three Uruks against me alone. 

The Rohirrim I knew as Ethelred reached me sooner than I even expected. I managed to swirl myself and cut the Uruk opposing me right behind his knee. I damaged his sensitive bones so he almost fell, but he waddled back and forth and kept himself on his feet somehow. In trying to steady himself, he swang his sword at me. I lowered my head quickly and avoided it, before I kicked him in the wound I had given him, so the Uruk became weaker in the knees. He was barely standing, and I pushed him down the stairs for Unferth to finish. The Uruk landed face down and the Rohirrim stabbed him through his back.

That was it; there was no longer anything to do below, and we could not simply wait for them to start pouring down below, and I cared little for orders in that moment and decided that if it took improvising, then improvising we would do. But right now we were needed on the wall. They were being more and more flooded by Uruks each second that passed, as they'd managed to put up more ladders against the walls. 

The combat upon the return to the top of the wall remains a haze in my mind. All I knew was there was far more of them than there was of us, and in each moment their numbers rose as ours fell. We had to be stronger and faster; we had to be better. But for the good portion of battle up above all I remember were the sounds of blades against my own and against my shield. I vaguely remember killing, and being hit so hard it would bruise for a good while. I don't know how long it lasted. I don't know when into the night was it that I had my first moment to catch my breath. But it was in that moment that I saw a pack of Uruks move towards the main gate. 

Their formation was perfect, like I had never seen before in such savage beasts. They were covered with their shields protecting them from almost every side. 

''Northway! _Nauthannen!_ '' shouted Aragorn and the archers started shooting at the moving pack, some of the arrows hitting their shields and some of them hitting the Uruks from their unprotected side. They started falling down but there were still too many against the gate. I knew what they wanted; I knew why they were so well organized to survive their ascent to the gate.

''They cannot breach it,'' I only whispered to myself, as if to make myself believe the impossible. They _could_ breach it. And they were going to, unless they were stopped.

But then I noticed something else, something far more terrifying. I rushed along the wall through the fighting crowd, trying to reach a good spot. Troops of the Uruk-hai were headed towards the small drain in the wall, and one of them was running ahead of the crowd carrying some sort of explosive. I screamed out Legolas's name as I notched an arrow to my bow and tried to aim at the Uruk myself but I killed one of the Uruks behind him instead. Had I been able to afford it, I would have cried out of frustration.

'' _Togo hon dad, Legolas! Dago hon!_ (Shoot him down!)'', Aragorn screamed. 

Legolas shot two arrows at the Uruk quickly, but that did not kill him; the Uruk managed to light the fire and throw himself in the drain. Next thing I knew, the explosion swept me off my feet into a slumber. I don't know how long it lasted.

When next I opened my eyes, the headache I felt almost made me wish I had been killed. It took me a few moments to regain full consciousness, to realize what had happened and how the wall exploded and where exactly I was. Once I did, I stood up swiftly, too swiftly for I almost fell back down from dizziness. But I could not afford it. Even as blood trickled down my face and my left shoulder ached, I knew I could not afford it. 

_What kind of evil-?_ We stood no chance. We needed Éomer and Gandalf or we would all perish. The strong formation of Uruk-Hai was still stubbornly trying to breach down the main gate, even as their kin all but sprang out of the hole they made in the wall like insects. 

I was pleased to see familiar faces still close to me, still alive and well. When I rushed to find Aragorn, they followed. He stood strong where the wall broke, trying to fight them off from streaming inside the walls like flies. I could not reach him, cutting our way to him seemed almost impossible as every single moment an Uruk that's found his way inside seemed to strike at me. And I thought how it was even too easy, this part, and how it was the calm before the storm. I was right.

A crowd of Uruks charged fiercely at us, too many of them, a number without end. They streamed inside the wall like the wild currents of Anduin, and I was relieved to see that Aragorn had pulled back, and the men stood ready to charge against the Uruks. 

The oncoming avalanche of beasts seemed to divide itself as it streamed in, most of them charged at Aragorn and his men and a good portion of them charged at us on the eastern side. I could not spare another look at Aragorn, who was now charging against the Uruks with equal wrath. I took a glance around. The numbers behind me were not enough. There would be no charge from our part. From what I saw, about thirty of my men were still by my side, and twenty others too - no soldiers of the Riddermark, but able-bodied men they seemed. It was now only moments before we were stepped on like cockroaches. 

The Uruks held their spears pointed at us and every second they were closer, and all I could think of was to scream: ''SHIELD WALL!!!!''

When I placed my shield in front, they all followed one by one, and soon we were behind our own little wall that had to hold fast against this surge. The shield-less men behind us stood ready with their weapons drawn.

''Hold fast!!''

When it hit us, it wasn't how I expected it to be. It was far worse. The first surge at least, when the force of their bodies first pushed against us. My muscles ached, but I wouldn't let go, even as the Uruks pushed and pushed savagely, and tried their best to reach us with their spears. Even one man was a tremendous loss in this formation, and they'd managed to kill more than one, but we still stood, still more protected than I expected us to be.

''You, the red-headed lad!!''

The young ginger boy behind us looked at me, his face showing fear and confusion and hurry and shock all in the same. The small axe in his hands almost danced in his fingers. He was restless. But he had a bow, and I could not use mine.

''When I say _Open_ , you shoot! Can you shoot?!''

The boy glanced ahead reluctantly and opened his mouth to say something but it was taking too long. 

''I need a _Yes_ , boy! Can you do this?!''

''Yes!''

''Ethelred! Unferth! Open!''

And so the two Rohirrim opened their shields to give entrance, and as a few Uruks surged ahead, the boy shot them all down one by one.

''Close!!'' I gave a _well done_ to the boy and he only nodded with an insecure but proud twitch of a smile.

''When next I say _Open_ , we let them through! We will have them trapped from both sides, no matter their number! And then fight, for your lives!''

Cries were heard, and then I counted. ''One, two, three. Open!!''

The men holding the middle of the wall opened it up and the other men followed, leaving space for the Uruks to push through. It was as I supposed, luckily, for the beasts were so intent on pushing they could not stop themselves from rushing ahead now. Everyone reacted swiftly, cutting and slashing. The Uruks were so stunned and confused it gave us the upper hand, and soon we had cut down their numbers into something more fair.

And we were successful, or so it seemed, for we seemed to wipe them out. But that was only us, and our portion of evil, for still more and more of them seemed to be springing out of the hole in the wall, and it seemed endless. Aragorn could barely stand his ground, and I saw Gimli and Legolas by his side too.

''To Lord Aragorn!'' I motioned, and we ran to join them and help.

But there was only so much we could do. As well as we all fought, there was nothing we could have done against such numbers - numbers without end it seemed.

''Aragorn, pull back to the gate!'' King Théoden shouted out his orders.

'' _Nan barad!_ (Fall back!),'' commanded Aragorn.

''To the Keep! Fall back to the Keep!'' I all but screamed.

I tried to fall back while fighting for my life, but it was slow advance; I could barely move.

''You've been too far,'' Legolas told me as he made his close-range shots, one after another so fast it seemed almost impossible.

''Well, now I'm here,'' I said, driving my blade into an Uruk's gut.

Once we cleared out the space around us, there was no more waiting, not for anyone or anything. We made a run to King Théoden's side. ''To the gate,'' he ordered, ''Draw your swords.''

When we reached the gate, it was almost broken. A huge hole was made in it, and the Uruks attacked through. We could not possibly hold it much longer. Many of the men died trying to hold the gates. Even the King took a spear to the shoulder, and the beasts sneered at every drop of our human blood. 

''There is only so much we can do!!'' I shouted out in desperation.

''They need to be stopped from the other side,'' Legolas reasoned.

Holding the gate was tiring, and useless, and we were all going to die. When Aragorn appeared, I wondered why it took him so much longer than us.

''Hold them!'' the King insisted.

''How long do you need?'' Aragorn asked.

''As long as you can give me!''

''Gimli!'' Aragorn called out before they both disappeared.

''What are they doing?'' I asked, but no one gave me an answer.

''Shore up the door!'' the King ordered, and the guards brought bars right away, trying their best to seal the gate.

''Come,'' Legolas told me before he took my hand and all but dragged me away.

''What are we doing?'' I asked, running and stumbling through the crowd.

''You'll see.''

The climbing was almost impossible. It was easy for an Elf, but for a woman who had spent hours fighting and was not certain of all the places she was bleeding from, it was almost impossible. I somehow managed, though slower than I would have liked, and we climbed up and reached the wall above the gate. 

''There. Ladders,'' he explained, directing me.

''These are bigger,'' I noted.

''We have to shoot them down.''

I replaced my bow and aimed at the Uruks carrying the ladders.

''They're attaching the ladders to the wall. Shoot for the ropes and chains,'' Legolas instructed.

He shot one of the chains and I shot the other; both ladders fell back crashing all the Uruks on them and below them.

''Aragorn!'' Legolas quickly threw a rope down the gate. 

They were sealing the gate and Aragorn and Gimli would have been left outside on their own. Aragorn swiftly jumped onto the rope, holding Gimli with him, and Legolas pulled them up.

''I will never get used to it,'' I admitted in awe, ''You're so much stronger than you look.''

''I could say the same, _mellon nin_ ,'' he smiled.

''They have broken through! The castle is breached! Retreat!'' King Théoden's words echoed through the crowd. The sealing of the gate was unsuccessful, and the realization of it made my heart sink into my heels. We obeyed, rushing back, fighting a few of our foes on the way. We managed to reach the inner gates and enter the fort safely.

''The fortress is taken. It is over,'' said the King when we were behind closed doors.

''You said this fortress would never fall while your men defend it. They still defend it. They have died defending it!'' insisted Aragorn.

The door started banging. They reached the inner gate, and were trying to bring it down as well. A loud thump followed another... and another... and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs like a mad woman. I saw no way out of it.

''Is there no other way for the women and children to get out of the caves?'' I asked, but nobody gave me a response. ''Is there no other way?!!''

''There is one passage,'' Gamling finally replied to me, ''It leads into the mountains. But they will not get far. The Uruk-hai are too many.''

''Then send them for the mountains! They cannot stay in the caves!'' I cried out, ''Aragorn?!''

''Send word for the women and children to make for the mountain pass. And barricade the entrance!'' Aragorn commanded.

''So much death,'' the King barely whispered to himself, the desperation in his voice and his eyes making my skin crawl, ''What can men do against such reckless hate?''

''Ride out with me,'' said Aragorn, ''Ride out and meet them.''

''For death and glory?''

''For Rohan. For your people.''

''The Sun is rising,'' commented Gimli and I looked to the window. The first sunrays of a new day streamed into the room. I almost could not believe it. The night had passed. We had seen the light of another day, even if it were to end there. We had survived the night. We had stood through hours on our feet, tireless in our resistance. We had made it that much. I did not even notice the flow of time. Those sunray seemed to me almost as shocking as waking up from a ten-year sleep would be.

''Yes,'' said King Théoden, ''Yes! The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep, one last time.''

''Yes!!'' exclaimed Gimli, rushing out to blow the horn himself.

''Let this be the hour when we draw swords together.''

 

~

 

Aragorn, Legolas and I went for the horses with the Rohirrim. Mounting them, we rode out with the King as Gimli sounded the horn. 

''Fell deeds awake! Now for wrath! Now for ruin! And the red dawn! Forð Eorlingas!'' the King shouted and his words led us to battle once more. 

We slayed the Uruks who had breached the inner gate and made our way out. Then the Sun shone its rays upon my face, and that itself brought hope to my heart, as odd as it might sound. There was something so pure about that sunlight, something so lovely - I felt almost loved by the heavens, enveloped by the golden rays. I wanted to feel those rays on my skin for years to come. This was not the day I'd die.

We galloped down the causeway, fighting our way into the Uruk army. We were successful in that too, and we were wiping them out of the entrance way, and I knew the Sun had come to our aid. The Uruks couldn't have been as focused and relentless as during the night. 

But halfway down, I froze. Not in fear or sorrow, but in happiness and hope so sudden that it stunned me.

''Gandalf,'' Aragorn said. I wasn't imagining it. And my heart jumped with joy; Gandalf did not stand alone.

''It's Èomer!! Èomer is back!!!''

I was never so glad to see anyone in my entire life.

Gandalf and the Rohirrim charged down into the valley, clashing against the Uruk-hai that opposed us. More than half of the beasts ahead of us turned their attention towards our reinforcements and charged against them. One after the other, we slayed the ones who still stood. 

Soon, the Sun shone brighter and it all but blinded the beasts, leaving them weaker and disorientated before our forces, and we used that chance wisely. Seeing how quickly our fates had switched and how quickly they were being slain, the Uruks started fleeing, realizing they could not prevail, not anymore. 

We chased the Uruks as they fled, but someone shouted ''Stay out of the forest! Keep away from the trees!'' and so we went no further. The forest started swaying and thrashing as if alive, and horrible sounds emerged as the trees seemed to have attacked the fleeing Uruks. I could barely believe it. _I have truly seen it all._

Shouts could be heard everywhere around me now - shouts of celebration and joy. It hit me, the realization of it dawned on me, and I laughed, and it healed me. I felt as though I was born again, and was drawing breath for the first time. We had won. I could almost shed a tear of joy. They did well up in my eyes, but I did not let them fall. My smile was enough. The breeze and sunlight against my skin were enough. I was alive, and for the first time in who knows how long - I felt like it.

The sound of Aragorn's laughter filled my ears as he ruffled my hair and hugged me. When I hugged Legolas, I did not want to let him go. But there was someone else I needed to see.

''Èomer! Where is he?! Let me through! Èomer!!''

''I'm here, my lady,'' I heard him say, and I spun around on my heels. He had the brightest smile on his face - the widest grin - and then he laughed, as lightheartedly as the joy he felt allowed him to. I had forgotten all about courtesy, and frankly I cared little for it at the moment - I threw myself into a hug with my arms around his neck.

''I have never been so glad to see someone in my entire life! Bless you!''


	26. The Heart Loves As the Heart Wills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a part of a larger chapter, but i had to separate it - thematically~

Most of the Rohirrim were assigned to remove the bodies scattered across Helm's Deep. I would have helped them, but Gandalf had called upon us. The plan was to go to Isengard, for Saruman had locked himself up in Orthanc and it was almost impossible to reach him. Saruman's forces were entirely defeated. Gandalf did not need me. With Gamling as my escort, I made my way to Edoras. Éowyn surely needed my help.

It was a long and uncomfortable ride. I had to focus on not fainting due to hunger, exhaustion and blood loss, and I hadn't been aware of any of those until I started riding out. It didn't take us too long to catch up with Éowyn at our speed. When I finally saw her, it was as though my body had resigned and decided to shut down now that this point had been reached and goal achieved. Blackness enveloped me before I even tried to get off my horse, and there was nothing I could have done to fight it.

I felt almost guilty when I woke up and saw Éowyn's horrified face. I didn't even want to think about how much I'd frightened the children. ''I'm alright,'' I insisted as soon as I opened my eyes. When I pulled myself up to sit, I wanted to cry out in agony. The excruciating pain! It's as though someone had sent an entire Moon flying at my head. I felt it with my fingers and saw that Éowyn had managed to take care of that, covering the small wound above the nape of my neck with clean bandaging. I remembered how I got it - when that explosion sent me flying off the walls. I winced at the memory. 

''You need to recover your strength,'' she insisted, handing me a bit of water.

''What I need is a piece of bread and a bit of honey,'' I said, ''and I'll be alright. Gamling, I'm fine. I'm sure there are others to tend to.''

''We've been lucky,'' Éowyn explained, ''Very lucky. No life lost during the escape.''

''Thank the Valar,'' I breathed out in relief, ''I cannot tell you how frightening it was - the thought of failing and letting those beasts get to you. It was- It was terrible.''

''Is everyone alright?'' she asked, and I thought it odd she hadn't asked me sooner. She probably did not mean to upset me until I regained my consciousness fully. ''My uncle and my brother? Lord Aragorn? Is everyo-''

''Yes, Éowyn, everyone is fine,'' I replied before she could continue, ''They'll be a couple of days after us or so. They have to finish up in Isengard.''

''Oh thank goodness,'' she breathed out, ''I couldn't bear it.''

''You could,'' I smiled, but with no humor, and I knew she understood. She knew as much herself. Nothing was over yet.

''How did you hurt your head?'' she asked, checking on the cloth at the back of my head again.

''I'm fine,'' I insisted, but she didn't care for it much, ''I fell off the walls. It doesn't matter, we're all fine.''

But we weren't all fine. So many of our people had fallen. So many of good Rohirrim. So many Elves. Haldir.

It was hard to think about Haldir and the Elves. For some reason, the loss seemed greater. An Elven life so savagely destroyed; it seemed too twisted. They weren't supposed to be there. They could have gone West and remained safe from all these perils, but they chose to come and help us. And what they found was death. I felt almost guilty, but not exactly. It is difficult to explain. I felt thankful too, and sad, and I wished I could have brought them back. But all was useless.

''We're all fine,'' I repeated, breathily, mechanically.

''Good,'' she said almost to herself, ''Good. We have been blessed.''

The bread and honey came like the finest of meals, and the comfort of fire and children's giggles felt like home. Time spent in camp was only time necessary, as it was still dangerous to be outside and we had to reach Edoras as soon as possible. And so we pressed on, but not nearly as fast as Gamling and I would have ridden, for there were many children with us and women so tired they could barely move.

When we saw the familiar rooftops of Edoras the next day, everyone felt relieved beyond imagining. The people seemed - looked - as though the weight of the world had been lifted off their shoulders. In a few hours everyone was in their homes, and once they'd settled and taken care of their own, everyone was back to work. A few hours of sleep and many women were on their feet - it was as though no one had been tired at all, not in the slightest. It was with joy that the women cleaned and prepared the food - there was a feast to be had.

We did not know when exactly the men would return, but everything was almost ready. The Great Hall was shimmering clean, the tables prepared, almost all the food ready and stored, except for the hot meals. I half-expected them to be back the next day, but they weren't. Éowyn was growing worried, and it was me who told her they were simply traveling a slower pace, but in all honesty I knew deep down that I was the one absolutely petrified. But I tried not to think about it. I tried not to imagine all the scenarios involving a powerful evil wizard. I tried not to think about Saruman stealing away Aragorn's life in the last moments of his power. I tried not to think about the fact that his power was strong and sly enough to take down Legolas before he even knew something was happening. _No, not Legolas... For the light of Eärendil... No, they were safe and sound._

And I was right, by luck, or fate, or chance - I do not know. The Light still favored us. When they rode back into the city, it was the most beautiful sight I had seen thus far. Éowyn almost screamed, quite literally; in fact - she squealed, and threw herself around her brother's neck as soon as he was close enough.

''Thank God you're alright,'' I breathed out as I placed my hands on Aragorn's cheeks for just a moment, as if to take a look and check for myself that he was intact. Everyone seemed to be just fine. Legolas was still making his way up the stairs, and when he reached me all he said was a '' _Mae g'ovannen_ '' with a small, weak smile. He seemed - if I dare say - tired.

''Why so formal, prince Legolas?'' I smiled, but all of a sudden I felt I could cry. It was the most confusing thing ever - having fought by their side in a crazy, dangerous battle almost impossible to win, it was odd to say the least that their encounter with Saruman had upset me so subconsciously. My own reason told me they did not need me, and that they'd take care of it quickly. And yet it almost ate at my soul from the inside while I was keeping myself busy running errands.

''I've missed you,'' he said, and his voice was so low I was sure it was intentional so that only I would hear. My heart jumped at that, and fluttered like butterflies tied in a sack. I hugged him and took in the smell of him, and I felt all the tension leave his body as his arms snaked around my waist.

''I've missed you too,'' I said, just as quietly, ''And now we'll have plenty of time to amend that.''

For some reason, I was sure he was smiling even though I could not see it. I could feel his heart beat against mine. It was a mere couple of moments but another moment would have been a moment too much, so I pulled away.

''Lassie! Look who we have here!'' Gimli exclaimed merrily, ''Come on out, ye little rascals!''

It was the time for me to squeal. Out of nowhere, it seemed, Merry and Pippin jumped out, wide grins on their faces and doing their little dance, all the while juggling a few apples from one to the other. I squealed, like a maiden in distress, and I never thought it embarrassing before this recollection of the events. I did not care. They were the last people I'd expected to see, I would have never even imagined! I rushed down the steps to greet them.

''You!!''

''Oy!''

''You little- you troublesome- pair of woolheads!'' I crouched down to hug them both, and though I expected them to say something to that, I could only see them blush so sweetly I couldn't help but chuckle.

''Do you not know I spent days running like a mad woman - looking like a mad woman - trying to find you?''

''We found them feasting!'' Gimli exclaimed, ''And smoking!'' I feigned an expression of shock.

''We were sitting on the field of victory! Enjoying a few well-earned comforts,'' Pippin argued with a stupid grin and an expression on his face that still lingered from - I was sure - Longbottom Leaf. 

''The salted pork was particularly good,'' Merry added.

''And the Longbottom Leaf?'' I asked.

''Umph! Really good!'' 

''Definitely from the Shire,'' Merry nodded.

''You ought to smoke less. You'll become even more woolheaded than you already are,'' I smiled, messing up Merry's already messy and tangled hair. Pippin only grinned and scratched the top of his head innocently.

 

~

 

At their late breakfast, the men told us the entire story of what happened at Isengard. Treebeard's story was most fascinating, and I found myself listening like a little girl hearing a bedtime story. When they told me of Grima, and his change of heart, I felt sorry for the man. I also felt sorry for Legolas - I could see his pained expression at the mention of Wormtongue. But he had to shoot him down; it was an instinctive, and smart, reaction. I could not wait for us to be alone, finally, after such a long time, so we could talk and talk and I could try to comfort him and he could try and comfort me. I had grown almost used to it - used to him. I found myself stupidly missing those late nights on our merry chase after Merry and Pippin, when we'd both be awake and share either words or silence, both equally dear to me. He did not speak much during their first meal here - he almost did not speak at all - I'd only catch his glances and soft smiles. Maybe he had finally reached that point where he genuinely needed to take some rest. The rest all seemed merry, though a bit tired too. But there was a feast to be held that night, and I hoped that would bring cheer to everyone's hearts.

I did not expect to almost faint that same afternoon. I had to hold myself against the wall and breathe until the world stopped spinning around me. Only Éowyn saw, as we were in her chambers, and she hissed at me like an annoyed mother.

''I cannot have my best friend faint before a grand feast,'' she said, before putting a plate before me, ''Sit down and eat. While I do your hair.''

I had worked too much and eaten too little, amidst it all, but I had recovered completely and there was no need to worry at all. And in spite of that, it warmed my heart the way Éowyn worried over me. She was truly like a sister to me, and I could not help but think in retrospect, and realize just how much I'd changed, and how my entire life and my entire world had changed. Some mere months ago, I thought myself almost completely alone. Some mere months ago, I would've shuddered at the thought of trusting more people.

''You worry too much,'' I said, chewing on some fruits.

''It's all I've ever done, I'm too used to it.''

''I told you my hair is just fine put down,'' I argued once more.

''Please. You ought to look special on a grand feast. Besides, do you not want your Elf prince to see you?''

''No, I do not,'' I argued, sounding too much like a child.

''Alanna, sometimes I think you do not know what you want.''

''Éowyn, you are completely right.''

She sighed and stopped combing my hair, only to look at me. ''What is wrong?''

''Concerning Legolas?''

''Or is it some other Elf prince that you love?''

''Éowyn!''

''What is it?''

I sighed. ''Everything. Isn't it? Everything is wrong.'' She didn't say anything to that, she only listened, so I continued.

''I've grown to love him long ago, he is dear to me. And as of late, I also find myself attracted to him. But he- he is so pure. He has no idea. I feel awful. He sees me as a friend, and loves me and protects me as a friend, and he is there for me and I have no idea how to do this. Hot to _undo_ this. How do I stop... loving him? Because I do not want to lose him as a friend, he means too much to me, I only-''

''Alanna. Breathe.''

I took a deep, slow breath.

''Are you entirely certain he sees you only as a friend? Because-''

''I know what you're going to say, you've already said it. And you know my answer to it. No one can be absolutely certain of anything, but look, Éowyn, he is almost three thousand years old and he has never loved before. What would make me so special, what would set me apart and make me the one - the first one to stir up feelings inside of him - me, a mere mortal - why me-''

''Whyever not?'' she asked. And I did not exactly know what to answer. ''Elven lives are long, and he is young for an Elf, and maybe this is his time. I've already told you what I think about the way he looks at you and the way he holds you, and I will not tell you again. I do not want to be the one foolishly persuading you, for I very well might be misjudging these little signs, though I doubt it. Rely not on me and my opinions, but on your own heart.''

''My heart doesn't matter, does it? Even if it is true, and he feels something for me too, it is still doomed to fail, isn't it? I'd never want to have him watch me die, or worse - watch me grow old and wither. No, I could never. It is doomed, and it is done. I have to forget about him.''

''That I cannot help you with, my dear friend. Me least of all people.''

''I know,'' I said, putting a hand over hers. ''Thank you, for listening to my stupid troubles.''

''Your troubles are not stupid, Alanna. We ought to consider ourselves blessed to have each other to share these troubles with. We have been keeping things inside for far too long.''

''Far too long.''


	27. The Feast

I really did not expect my hair to look so pretty. Éowyn was a miracle-worker; though I was highborn at least partially, I'd never felt like it until that day. The way she braided my hair up in a beautiful bun was a work of art, and the dress she gave me was nothing less either. I felt like a princess, and I genuinely enjoyed the feeling. I could not help twirling around and watching the soft dress twirl around me. It was a red and golden dress with intricate details all over. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever worn.

''Well, Éowyn, if I ever get married, I will make sure to go through your wardrobe.''

She laughed. ''Oh, Alanna, you look beautiful!''

The only thing I did not like was the fact that the small patch of cloth covering my wound was visible now that I'd put my hair up. I was never in the mood for Aragorn's questions. Legolas would be no better either.

The Hall was already filled with people when Éowyn and I got there. There was chatter and laughter and smiles everywhere I turned; but soon it all died down for a few moments, long enough for the King to raise a cup for our victory and say a few words. 

''Tonight we remember those who gave their blood to defend this country. Hail the victorious dead!'' 

The entire crowd responded in unision - ''Hail!'' - and we all drank in the honor of those who fell. With every sip I remembered a face, and the last one was Haldir. I dedicated a silent prayer to him only, as I finished my cup. Knowing how badly I could hold my licquor, I decided not to drink too much at all. I did not want to go from looking like a princess to looking like a drunken wench. I chuckled at the thought all to myself. One glass of wine and it was already enough to make me chuckle stupidly at nothing.

The King's speech wasn't long, but it was wonderful and we all silently listened. Éomer stood by his side, and he looked very handsome, very proud and kingly, I thought. 

I was most amused, and most embarrassed by the reactions of my companions to the way I looked. Gimli gaped, Aragorn made a joke only I understood, and Legolas... I dared not assume what his reaction was.

''You look... very pretty,'' he said, and for the first time since I'd met him he seemed almost nervous. I knew my foolish heart would jump at that opportunity to make something more of it, so I thanked them and joked and brushed them off quickly. I was both ecstatic and disappointed by Legolas's reaction. It was terrible; my heart was stupid. It was exhausting and I did not want to be thinking about it at all.

It didn't take long for the celebration to turn into a raucous party, with music and everyone dancing and drinking and laughing and hugging. I grinned like a fool just watching the people around me; everyone was so happy. It made me happier than I ever thought it could.

''Come on, lass, we don't celebrate every day! Here!'' Gimli tried to help me let loose and have a few more drinks. But I knew how that could turn out; I knew it would not take me too much for the spirits to get to my head.

''No, Gimli, I'm a horrible drinker!''

''Who cares, lassie! Have fun, tomorrow's a new day... For all we know, we might not even get a tomorrow!'' Gimli said as he gulped down another mug of the beverage. 

I saw his point. I hated that I agreed completely.

''Alright, Master Dwarf. Fill it up,'' I said, trying not to laugh at my own foolish self.

''Yes! Hahaha, that's what I like to hear!''

So I took some mead instead, hoping it wouldn't drunken me as quickly as wine did. I tried to sip slowly, but Gimli insisted I should just gulp it down for the fun of it. Even as I drank, I knew it was a bad idea, but I did not care. Gimli seemed to be drunk already. By the time he gulped down another mug, he was already talking battle and bravado. Several times I laughed to tears.

''And did you see the lassie here? Did I not tell ye? Better to have one woman on your side than ten men! Eh? Hehehehe!"

''Oh, Gimli. You flatter me,'' I laughed, ''You taught me the Shield Wall, you're the Master.''

''Eh? It may be that I am, young lass,'' he took another large sip, ''But it may also be that I'm just a crazy old Dwarf. Either way, you're a better warrior than any of these men will ever be!'' he exclaimed, pointing everywhere at once in his drunkenness, his ale almost spilling over.

''Shhhh. Gimli!''

''Aragorn!''

''Are you having fun?'' Aragorn asked me with a grin.

''I think I am, more than I expected; and you?''

''I am now,'' he grinned.

''Why are you grinning like that?''

''Are you drunk already?''

''Aragorn! No, I'm not drunk!''

''Maybe just a little bit, lassie.''

''Gimli!''

''What?''

''Even if I were drunk, it'd be all your fault, so-''

''What is Gimli's fault?''

''Aye, Legolas!''

''Are you drunk?'' Legolas asked me with the most amused grin on his face.

''Why does everyone find this so funny?! Where did you all start appearing from?''

''She's drunk,'' Aragorn feigned to whisper to Legolas. Legolas chuckled.

''Aragorn! I will kill you!''

And I wasn't drunk. Not entirely, but I was just silly enough to start chasing him around the pillars ready to punch him. He only laughed, and played along with me like he was child again himself.

Soon, more people gathered around to drink with us. Éomer came up with the stupid idea of a drinking game. Gimli insisted on playing, and he insisted on challenging Legolas, because what would a victory be if not over an Elf? And an Elvish princeling at that. So Éomer handed them both mugs of ale with a smile telling me he half knew what was going to happen, and he handed a few mugs to the Rohirrim around us as well. Then he proceeded with the instructions.

''No pauses, no spills. And no regurgitation.''

''If I even dared to try this, I'd die in no time,'' I said, leaning safely against the table.

''So it's a drinking game? Alright,'' nodded Legolas.

''Aye, last one standing wins,'' said Gimli excitedly, and laughed, all too confident about his impending victory. 

It was just too amusing to watch. Mug after mug, the Rohirrim around started slowly giving up. Éomer and I watched Gimli and Legolas in disbelief. Gimli looked like he would pass out any moment, whereas Legolas looked completely unaffected by the beverage. I laughed every time I realized how eager Gimli was to win that game, and it was absolutely impossible.

''You can do it, Gimli!'' I shouted.

''Here, here. It's the dwarves that go swimming with little hairy women,'' Gimli mumbled as he drank another mug. By that time he no longer knew what he was talking about, nor how to sit straight in his chair. Éomer and I laughed like mad.

''I feel something!'' Legolas said suddenly, feeling up his own fingers, ''A slight tingling in my fingers. I think it's affecting me!''

''What did I say? He can't hold his liquor!'' Gimli finally said before he passed out and fell off his chair and at that moment Éomer and I burst into laughter to tears and it took us a while before we were sensible enough to help our Dwarf friend up off the floor.

''This is hardly fair,'' I said, ''Do we have Elvish wine? Legolas might as well have been drinking water!''

''Too late, game over,'' Legolas smiled with satisfaction.

''I believe you owe me a dance, my lady.''

''Merry!''

I did not even see him approach me, tiny as he was, and now he was extending his hand towards me, bowing his head a little, asking me all too formally for a dance.

''That would be me, Merry,'' Pippin squeezed in next to him.

''And why do I owe either of you a dance?''

''You promised!''

''In Rivendell! Remember?''

And then it dawned on me. ''Ah, yes. That, too, would be Aragorn's fault, I believe.''

''So?'' Merry nudged his hand forward. ''Would you care to dance with me, fair lady?''

''Oh, Merry,'' I chuckled, ''Alright. One dance with each. But under one condition - you have to teach me that dance from the Shire.''

And so they taught me their little stepping dance and I danced with them each as I promised. I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed so much. I'd missed dancing, to be truthful. Back in Minas Tirith it was always me in the middle of the crowd, dancing to the sounds of street music. Too often I'd take my boots off, and barefoot like that I'd forget about the world and everything that was troubling me and simply dance to the beat of drums, or to a lute, and it was my escape when there was no escape. I was known as a dancer girl among such parties, but I never cared for the applause or the coin. Sometimes when there were no jobs in a city I'd dance and earn my coin, but I wasn't overly fond of that. There are two types of people you can find at an inn, and one of them is the majority. That majority I did not like.

''I would ask you to dance too, but I'm afraid I have two left feet,'' Éomer said when I returned.

''Oh, please. You can hardly be worse than any of these men, look at them!'' I motioned to the crowd. Most of those celebrating had no idea what they were doing with their feet. We couldn't not laugh at it. 

Far on the other side, a pretty blonde maiden of Rohan that looked far too young to even be allowed to the feast was speaking to Legolas. She dropped an apple, then picked it up, cleaned it against her dress and then offered it to Legolas with the most shy blush on her face.

_Shy my dead grandmother._

Why I felt jealous was beyond me - girls during events such as these always had an eye for the Elf, and they always tried to start up conversations with him. It never bothered me. But maybe it was because he always somehow wiggled out of those situations and found his way to me. Maybe I was jealous because he was not doing so now, but smiling as kindly at her as possible. I couldn't be sure if it pained me or made my ears go red with fury.

I gulped down some more mead and pulled Éomer by his arm. I was sure I wouldn't have done that in a million years, hadn't I had something to drink. But I did not care. ''Come! Let us dance!''

And dance we did, and it took me some more laughter and just a bit more mead to forget all about Legolas. I was growing tired and sweaty.

''I'm thirsty. For water, I mean,'' I said, not wanting to sound like a person with a drinking-problem. I could barely catch my breath. Éomer chuckled, but we couldn't find any water around us so we made our way to the kitchen quarters in search for it.

The kitchen chambers were completely empty. Éomer filled a cup of water for me and handed it to me, before he leaned against the wall and waited. He looked so handsome. I was sure it was all the mead messing up my mind but he looked more handsome than ever. I thanked him politely before I gulped down the entire thing.

''Thirsty indeed,'' he chuckled, ''More?''

''Yes, please.''

''Here.''

''How are you not thirsty after all that ale?'' I asked, amused.

''That would be because I am not a girl who can't hold her liquor,'' he grinned as he sat next to me.

''Hey!'' I protested, feigning to punch him and he only laughed.

''Ah I must be honest. No more drinking for me this night. My judgement is already as clouded as it gets.''

''Well, not everyone is Legolas.''

''We need to get Elvish wine for him the next time, he cannot keep beating us all.''

''Absolutely, I'll go to Esgaroth to fetch it myself if need be.'' 

''We'll go together and make sure that it is extra strong.''

''Deal,'' I chuckled.

''You dance very well.''

''I know, it's... one of my talents since I can remember.''

''You should teach me some. While I'm still drunk enough not to care of the embarrassment.''

I laughed. ''You? Oh I could hardly teach you. I'm jesting! Alright, let me show you a few steps. This one is easy. Here. You have to put your arm around my waist.''

It was a battle I had with my own self not to laugh at the man before me as he clumsily tried to do everything as he was told. After a few tries, however, he didn't look so silly anymore. He managed to learn the steps and the next thing I knew he was twirling me around, leading the dance.

''Well, would you believe that,'' I laughed.

''Soon I will be better than you.''

''Oh will you now?''

He twirled me out and pulled me back into him. ''I believe I will.''

''The day I'm better than an Elf at archery will be the day you're better than me at dancing,'' I said cheekily.

''You better get to practicing archery then,'' he said, his voice barely a whisper, his face now impossibly close to mine.

I grew flustered, and I would have probably blushed in a normal situation, for he was now close enough for me to feel his warm breath against my lips. I shouldn't have drunk so much, and he shouldn't have either. But I did not blink. For one moment - just one fleeting moment - I found myself wishing he would kiss me. He looked so handsome, and with mead giving me courage and setting my desires on fire, I felt something stirring inside me. It was nothing but physical attraction, and none of it would have happened had I listened to my reason about the whole drinking affair. My mind was in a haze, and I did not think much - it all happened in barely a long moment: he leaned in towards me and placed his lips on mine, cupping my cheek with one hand. His lips were soft, but also firm in a sense, and he seemed to be a rally good kisser and it took all the strength of my will to pull away and stop it right on time. I knew it was a mistake.

''I'm sorry,'' I said breathily, my breathing uneven, ''I cannot.''

''No, I am sorry,'' he said, looking absolutely guilty, ''I meant no disrespect.''

''I know you did not,'' I insisted, and I put my hand on his arm and looked him right in the eyes hoping to reassure him, ''You are a good man, Éomer, a very good man, and you are my friend, and I could never hold against you something we're both equally guilty of,'' I smiled. 

''My moment of weakness,'' he smiled weakly.

''And mine too.''

''Lucky is the man who has your heart,'' he said with a smile, and at that I felt I could break into two.

''How do you know there is someone who has my heart?''

''I simply know,'' he shrugged.

''Well, he is not very lucky for it.''

''He doesn't know,'' he concluded, though it was more of a question than needed confirmation, ''You wouldn't be here with me if he knew.''

''Oh it is not like that. He wouldn't do anything about it. Let us hope he never knows.''

''Then he is a fool,'' he smiled.

''I- It is complicated. I wish to forget about him altogether. I- I wish it were you, but I cannot- I-''

''I know,'' he smiled, brushing off a stray strand of hair off my face, ''Do not worry. I will hate the man you choose because he is not me. Still, I will love him if he makes you smile. Come, let us dance some more before it is over.''

 

~

 

I fell asleep next to Éowyn in the Hall, close to the fire. I slept peacefully for a while, I must have been more tired than I realized. But then I dreamt of Legolas. It was an odd dream. We were at a harbor, and he waved at me before he boarded a big ship, and I remember I waved back and cried. I had no idea where he was going, but I knew I would never see him again, and it hurt, worse than I ever imagined it could. It hurt so much I felt it in my chest, and I woke up with cheeks slightly moist. Éowyn was still asleep next to me, so I pulled her covers closer to her before I made my way out on one of the terraces. I needed fresh air. The night wasn't as dark; it seemed that the dawn was nearing. I did not expect to find Legolas there, completely hooded in his cloak, gazing at the night sky or something in the far distance.

''You're here,'' I said, before I leaned against the rail next to him.

''Why aren't you sleeping?''

''A bad dream.''

''What was it?''

''It doesn't matter.''

''Alright,'' he simply said, not pushing it like he usually did every time something troubled me. It hurt me; it was as though he no longer cared. He almost sounded angry with me. He did not even look at me when he spoke to me. The cold air slowly started landing on my skin, and soon I couldn't stop myself from shivering lightly.

''You're cold. Here,'' he said as coldly as I ever heard him, before he wrapped me in his cloak.

''I'm not-,'' I started but he cared not. ''Thank you...'' 

He gave me no answer.

''Legolas, are you angry with me?''

''Why would I be angry with you?''

'' _Ú-iston._ (I do not know.)''

''How is it always you two that are up and awake?''

''Aragorn.''

''I couldn't sleep,'' I muttered, ''I'll leave you two.''

''No need, _mellon nin_ ,'' Aragorn said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

''The stars are veiled,'' Legolas said, only now revealing that he has been watching the skies all this time, as though I wasn't worthy of this information to be shared, ''Something stirs in the East. A sleepless malice... The Eye of the enemy is moving.''

I was hurt, and a bit angry - but hurt before all. I pretended to be perfectly fine, hoping I was shielding my emotions from Legolas as I almost never could. Aragorn and I looked East to Mordor, hoping to see what Legolas saw, but, of course, we could not see anything more than the usual smoke rising above the fiery lands. We stayed there looking at the night sky in silence for a while longer, before Legolas stunned us suddenly:

''He is here!!''


	28. The Dunharrow

Legolas ran into the Hall and Aragorn and I followed, confused. When we barged into the sleeping quarters, almost everyone awoke. We found Pippin on the floor, with a Palantír in his hands, writhing in horrible pain. The Palantír seemed fiery, as if it were too hot to even be held. Aragorn quickly took it away from Pippin, but he too fell on his knees in pain, trying his best not to scream. I froze, not knowing what exactly to do. Aragorn managed somehow to drop the wretched orb, and it rolled away towards Gandalf, where he caught it in a cloth and swiftly wrapped it tightly. Pippin was lying on the ground still, stunned and terrified. I rushed over and knelt next to him, putting my hand on his forehead to check the state of his well-being. He was covered in cold sweat.

''Fool of a Took! Look at me,'' Gandalf insisted, towering over him.

''Gandalf! Forgive me!''

''Look at me. What did you see?''

''A tree… there was a white tree in a courtyard of stone… it was dead. The city was burning.''

A breath caught in my throat.

''Minas Tirith? Is that what you saw?''

''I saw… I saw Him! I could hear His voice in my head!''

''And what did you tell Him? Speak!''

''He asked me my name. I didn't answer... He hurt me!'' Pippin cried.

''What did you tell Him about Frodo and the Ring?'' Gandalf almost shook him with these questions.

''Nothing! I told him nothing... He hurt me but I said nothing... I promise,'' Pippin finally broke into tears and I ran my fingers through his almost wet hair, trying to calm him.

''Leave us to speak,'' Gandalf ordered.

I was reluctant to leave the hobbit's side. Gandalf looked ready to scream at Pippin, distressed as the halfling was.

We all waited anxiously in the Hall for them to come out, pacing around in complete silence. Every minute seemed like an hour. My stomach was churning. _A white tree dead and the city burning..._

''What are they speaking about for so long?'' asked Merry nervously, but nobody responded.

Just then, Gandalf and Pippin walked out, and we all jumped up a bit. Pippin wore an apologetic look on his face.

''There was no lie in Pippin's eyes. A fool… but an honest fool he remains. He told Sauron nothing of Frodo and the Ring,'' said Gandalf.

''What about Minas Tirith?'' I blurted out impatiently.

''We've been strangely fortunate. Pippin saw in the Palantír a glimpse of the enemy's plan. Sauron moves to strike the city of Minas Tirith,'' he said, and my heart sank to my heals.

''Fortunate?!''

''His defeat at Helm's Deep showed our enemy one thing: he knows the heir of Elendil has come forth. Men are not as weak as he supposed; there is courage still, strength enough perhaps to challenge him. Sauron fears this. He will not risk the peoples of Middle-Earth uniting under one banner. He will raze Minas Tirith to the ground before he sees a King return to the throne of Men. If the Beacons of Gondor are lit, Rohan must be ready for war.''

''Tell me… why should we ride to the aid of those who did not come to ours? What do we owe Gondor?'' asked King Théoden.

I almost could not believe what I was hearing. I was alrady trembling enough from how _fortunate_ we were to know that Sauron had plans to strike at Minas Tirirth. I could only look at the King with wide eyes in shock.

''I will go,'' said Aragorn.

''And I will go with you,'' I added.

''No!'' exclaimed Gandalf. 

''They must be warned!'' insisted Aragorn.

''They will be. You must come to Minas Tirith by another road. Follow the river and look to the black ships. Understand this: things are now in motion that cannot be undone. I ride for Minas Tirith. And I won't be going alone,'' Gandalf explained, giving Pippin a look which said he would be the one to travel forth.

 

~

 

It was noon, and Gandalf and Pippin were getting ready to depart right away. I saw Pippin picking out a few of his things that he wanted to take with him. He looked scared, and sorry, and all around miserable. I did not like seeing him that way. 

''Blood and ashes,'' I said, ''You really do know how to get yourself in trouble.''

''This time I am not proud of it,'' he replied, and he never sounded so sad before.

''Don't be too hard on yourself, Pip. You have yet to prove yourself. There is courage within you that you only have to unleash.''

''I don't think there is any,'' he said wistfully and I knew that nothing I could say would make him feel any better, so I just kept quiet, and I put my hand on his shoulder.

''I'm afraid,'' he finally said.

''A big war is ahead of us, Pip. We're all getting a bit afraid.''

He said nothing to that, but simply looked at me with eyes that shopwed doubt and fear and discomfort, and I instinctively hugged him.

''Have faith,'' I whispered silently before I left him be.

After an hour or so, Gandalf and Pippin rode out, and I said a little prayer in my mind for all the Hobbits out in the wilderness.

It would take them about four days of hasty riding to get to Minas Tirith. And so we waited, hoping nothing would stand in their path, and that they would arrive safely. We waited for a sign, any sign from Minas Tirith at all. Anxious as we were, days seemed like months.

I spoke to Éowyn and Éomer about the stubbornness of their uncle, and they assured me that there was absolutely nothing anyone could have done to change his mind, unless he changed it himself. It angered me, really, doing something out of pride and stubborness when all the world of Men stood upon the brink of complete destruction. 

Aragorn, on the other hand, was not much up for conversation. He was very nervous, pacing around all the time, always thinking things through, and looking out towards Gondor every once in a while as though expecting a message from the skies. ''You need to calm down, Aragorn. You're driving yourself mad,'' I'd tell him. He wouldn't pay much heed to my words and would simply keep on being restless.

I kept thinking about what I might have done to anger Legolas. His behavior towards me was still changed. He barely spoke to me those few days. I did not wish to insist upon it nor chase him around. As much as it hurt me, I left him to it. The four days of waiting I mostly spent with Merry and Éowyn.

On the fourth day, Aragorn finally barged in running into the Hall with news.

''The Beacons of Minas Tirith!! The Beacons are lit!! Gondor calls for aid!''

I felt my heart flutter again, in a strange mix of excitement and fear. This was it, the moment was nearing. There was no turning back, no escape. And the fate of my city may have depended on the King of Rohan.

''Sire?'' 

The King took a long moment to reply.

''And Rohan will answer. Muster the Rohirrim!''

I could almost scream like an excited girl and hug him, had he been anyone else. I jumped on my feet in excitement and rushed outside to get Éomer.

''Assemble the army at Dunharrow, as many men as can be found. You have two days,'' the King told him, as the alarm bell rang outside, ''On the third, we ride for Gondor. And war.''

Éomer nodded briskly with a twitch of a smile on his face before he rushed to his duty.

''Gamling.

''Lord.''

''Make haste across the Riddermark. Summon every able-bodied man to Dunharrow.''

Me, Aragorn, and the few rest of us rushed to the stables to get our horses ready as soon as possible. Éowyn was preparing a horse of her own and I already knew her intentions without even having to ask. I made her a promise once, and I knew I would not break it.

''You ride with us?'' Aragorn asked her.

''Just to the encampment. It's tradition for the women of the court to farewell the men,'' she said, and I smiled to myself at what I knew were lies. I left the two and walked over to Gimli and Legolas.

''Horsemen, hmph! I wish I could muster a legion of Dwarves, fully armed and filthy,'' Gimli said with burning passion in his voice.

''Your kinsmen may have no need to ride to war. I fear war already marches on their own lands,'' Legolas remarked.

''I'm sure your kinsmen would have been a great help, Gimli,'' I said, before I mounted my horse and rode towards the head of the column that was now slowly streaming out of the city. Éomer shouted out loud the words of courage:

''Now is the hour, Riders of Rohan, oaths you have taken! Now, fulfill them all!! To Lord and Land!!''

And so we galloped away, and to Dunharrow.

 

~

 

We rode for three days, resting very little, until we reached our destination and set out camp. As I rode next to Aragorn, he told me he had seen Éowyn's sword hidden among her things, and so he asked me to convince her to stay behind. ''I cannot do that, Aragorn,'' I said. ''She is going to fight and there is nothing any of us can do about it, except keep an eye on her. Trust my words. She is a strong-willed woman.'' He simply made a face of strong disapproval. 

Legolas spoke to me as little as before. I was growing angry with him. And I missed him.

Once at Dunharrow, we were to wait for other forces to arrive, so that we could all finally regroup. Tents were put up and armor prepared and steel was being sharpened. Troops came from different directions, and the more time passed, the greater the number of our army was. But it still was not enough, not nearly enough to break the forces of Mordor, and I knew that. But we waited. And I knew that with every passing moment, Gondor was more endangered. 

I was worried to say the least - a whirlwind of thoughts was wrecking my mind. Images of Minas Tirith under the fires of Mordor kept appearing before my eyes, and I thought of Faramir, and I wondered if he was still alive. The enemy was advancing, so there was no telling.

I prayed he was alright. I wanted to see him again. For the first time I truly felt a strong wish to go back home. But what were the chances of it? Even if we were to cast the enemy out of Gondor, it would still not be over, and nothing would even matter without Frodo's success. _Eru, let them be safe and sound..._

I went looking for Aragorn. I found him on a hilltop above us, surveying the troops. 

''Six thousand,'' he said, knowing it was me without even looking around to check, ''Not nearly enough.''

''I know. But more will come,'' I said, not really believing it myself.

''We cannot wait too long. We will ride with dawn.''

''It's barely past noon. A lot can happen before dawn.''

''Let us hope.''

His words only made me more nervous, and I knew that it must have been a dozen times worse for him, so I left him be. I went to Éowyn and Merry - the hobbit was with her all the time. I wanted to go to Gimli, but I knew he was with Legolas, so I thought better of it.

After about half an hour of silly talk with Merry, I decided to confront Legolas after all. I had had enough of it, and I wanted to know why, before we were to ride out. I couldn't take it anymore. So I decisively marched over to their tent, and with one swift punch at the drapes, I made my entrance.

''Why are you angry with me?''

He looked at me in suprise, and so did Gimli. Luckily there were no Rohirrim present, so we could keep the fights of the Fellowship inside the Fellowship. He was sharpening arrows.

''Alanna.''

''I only wish to know why, and I will go.''

''I am not angry with you.''

''Yes, you are. You haven't called me Alanna in months.''

''I'm in the middle of a lovebirds' fight. Great,'' said Gimli. ''Well, I'm out of here!''

''No, Gimli, you stay,'' I insisted.

''Oh no no, I insist,'' he said before he strutted his way out mumbling something about ''love quarrels'' into his beard. I wanted him to exit faster before I got angry at him too.

''Well?''

''I do not know what you're speaking about.''

''Do you think me stupid?''

''You know I do not,'' he said, for the first time piercing me with the look in his eyes.

''See? You're angry.''

''I'm angry because after all the times I've told you how brilliant I think you are and how much I care for you, you ask me if I think you stupid.''

That softened my heart a little bit.

''Will you tell me then? Because I've noticed you've kept your distance from me.''

''That is true,'' he admitted, ''But keeping a distance does not mean being angry.''

''What is it then? Why, I mean?''

''It is... it does not matter. Forget about it altogether.''

''Forget about it? Do you not want to be my friend anymore?'' I asked, afraid I might choke up on a few tears, ''I cannot just forget about it altogether! We used to talk and laugh and spend time together, and now you avoid me! You talk to me only when necessary. I feel... like I am no friend to you anymore. You'd exchange more words with an Orc. But fine, if that is what you wish, then I will- I will go away and I will not bother you and-''

''I am sorry,'' he said.

''No, you need not be. It is your choice with whom you wish to be friends with. It was my fault I ever even-''

''Please don't say that.''

''It is true, isn't it? I shouldn't have gotten involve-''

''No, it is not true,'' he said - he insisted - his eyes boring into mine as he approached me and took my hands into his, ''I am sorry, I am truly sorry. You are precious to me. My intentions were never to hurt you.''

''What were your intentions?''

He swallowed. ''We ride to War. I wanted you to spend whatever little time we had in safety with Éomer.''

''With Éomer? Why?'' I asked, completely confused.

''I didn't wish to meddle. But I know.''

''I don't understand,'' I shook my head.

''I... saw you kissing. I did not mean to intrude upon you, it was accidental. But I'm glad I did, so I could let you spend this time with the one you love.''

I was completely stunned. I was confused, angry, in awe, in shock, and almost about to laugh at the complete misunderstanding, all at once. My mouth was agape.

''What?''

''I'm sorry for-''

''Legolas, that was not what you think it was,'' I said softly, almost letting out a weak laugh at how silly this all was.

''You need not explain anything to me. I understand.''

''No, you do not. And besides, even if Éomer and I were.... anything, I still do not understand why you would talk to me the way you did.''

''I do not think my way of speaking to you has changed.''

''It has. And yes, Éomer kissed me, but I- I pulled away. You walked in at the wrong moment, and had you stayed around long enough, you would have seen me stop him.''

He did not say anything, he scowled at my words thinking all the wrong thoughts but I stopped him right on time.

''Do not worry, he did not force himself upon me or anything, and he apologized,'' I explained, and I watched his scowl slowly dissipate, too slowly. 

''And shouldn't I be the one giving you time and space then?'' I remembered.

''What is it you mean?'' 

''I saw you too, you know, that Rohirrim girl is constantly in your presence. There is never a time when she is next to you that you do not wear a bright smile on your face. Even here in camp she flutters around you like a bird. You seem to like her, I should have probably left you two be. You have a good taste in women too, Master Elf.''

He huffed as he went back to sharpening his arrows. ''She means nothing to me.''

''Well, I'm glad that's settled,'' I said, before I turned to walk out. But some madness took over me. Some strong force kept me, and made me talk before I left, and I might have said too much, but I blurted it out all the same.

''Yes, we ride to War, and we might not have much time left or many more breaths to draw. But whatever little time we had, I wanted to spend it with you. You should know that.''

When I came back to Éowyn's side, I told her everything, avoiding the bits about Éomer. She could only put a hand on my shoulder and give me a comforting smile. And when Merry appeared at the entrance, my eyes almost popped out in horror.

''I heard nothing!'' he exclaimed right away, raising his small arms in the air. 

''Alright, little rascal, get in,'' I said, motioning for him to sit next to me, ''And if I hear you spreading rumors of any sort, I will give you such a punishment that you will wish you never escaped the Orcs.''

 

~

 

Night came and I sat next to a fire with Éomer and Gamling. They offered me whatever they were eating, but my appetite was long gone. 

''Will more men come?'' I asked.

''I do not think anyone else should come during the night,'' he said, and then he looked at me softly, ''Take heart. We shall defend your city with all we have. And with a passion burning like the very fires of Mordor.'' I gave him a small smile of gratitude.

When Merry appeared behind me, swinging his sword in the air, I had to move away and lower my head. Éowyn laughed, and so did I, but when I saw him making his way through the camp with his sword cutting through the air, I grew a bit worried. I did not want him to hurt himself, or anybody else for that matter.

''You should not encourage him,'' Éomer said to Éowyn.

''You should not doubt him,'' she responded. I felt I was in the middle of something that held no place for me, but there was no escape now.

''I do not doubt his heart, just the reach of his arm,'' he said, and Gamling could not help but laugh. I only observed with caution.

''Why should Merry be left behind? He has as much cause go to war as you! Why can he not fight for those he loves?'' Éowyn insisted.

''You know as little of war as that Hobbit. When the fear takes him, and the blood and the screams and the horror of battle take hold, do you think he would stand and fight?'' spoke Éomer sternly. ''He would flee, and he would be right to do so. War is the province of men, Éowyn.''

''And what am I, Éomer?'' I asked, incapable of holding in the annoyance that had overtaken me.

''You... are different. You have fought before.''

''I am but an example of what women could be and what we could do. It is men who deny us the chance to be great.''

''That-''

''I take pride in what I do, and I am willing to die fighting for the ones I love. No one should be denied that chance.''

''The ones who stand no chance should be!''

''Look at me! Do I look like I stand a chance against a big filthy Uruk-hai? I do not! Yet I have slain more of them than you know,'' I told him with such anger seeping out of me that I could no longer sit there. I walked away.

''I know everyone wants what they think is best for me, but I will fight,'' Éowyn said to me when she rejoined me in our tent that night.

''Yes, you will,'' I said, ''But now we will sleep. We need rest. And tomorrow, you will listen to what I'll tell you.''

She gave me a small smile before she settled into her bedroll and drifted off to sleep.

_Eru help us all._


	29. The Dimholt

I woke before dawn, and I saw that Éowyn was not there. I assumed she couldn't sleep much. Just as I grabbed my sword and sheathed it, Gimli entered.

''Ah, great, you're awake! Come, lass.''

''What is it?''

''We have a stubborn lad to deal with.''

''Bloody buttered onions, what is Aragorn up to this early?'' I followed with a scowl, still almost half asleep. Gimli led me and Legolas to what seemed to be the path to the Dimholt. What in the world were we doing there before dawn? Just what was Aragorn doing there?

''Just where do you think you're off to?'' asked Gimli.

''Not this time. This time you must stay, Gimli,'' said Aragorn.

''Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of dwarves?'' asked Legolas.

''Might as well accept it. We're going with you, laddie.''

''I cannot quite believe you actually thought you could go without me,'' I smiled. 

Aragorn let out a desperate sigh of defeat and mounted his horse. That was the only cue we needed. Slowly, we trotted towards the Dimholt passage. I had no idea where exactly I was going, and I was sure it left the people behind us even more confused, us leaving right before the battle.

The road was dark and frightening, and it was utterly, eerily silent. We could barely see a thing before dawn came, and we dared not speak unless absolutely necessary, not knowing what we might awake in the mountains. When dawn blessed us with the first rays of sunlight spilling across the road, we could finally proceed with a bit less caution. We felt we could speak more freely too. It was a while before Aragorn finally explained to me why we were going where we were going. I didn't really ask him; he knew we would have all of us followed him to the end of the world if need be, no questions asked. The mountain path seemed completely barren, there was barely a green blade of grass anywhere. ''What kind of army would linger in such a place?'' Gimli asked, and Legolas recited the prophecy which made a chill settle in my bones. I was clever enough to dread what we were about to face now.

I winced and my stomach twisted when we actually got to the Dimholt Door. It was adorned with skulls. Human skulls, it seemed.

''The very warmth of my blood seems stolen away,'' said Gimli.

''I think I know what you mean,'' I said, a small shiver going through my spine.

We all felt that fear, though we knew not what we were afraid of exactly. It was the place itself, and the very air in it, that made the hairs on the back of our necks stand up. 

''The way is shut,'' the inscriptions above the door said, ''It was made by those who were dead, and the dead keep it. The way is shut.'' Strong wind whistled through, and a shrill shriek of a sound came from the inside - our horses reared and fled before we could do anything about it.

''I do not fear death,'' said Aragorn as he stepped in, entering the mountain. Legolas followed and I walked right behind him. Gimli was last to enter, and I could hear his words behind me. 

''Well this is something unheard of! An Elf and a woman will go underground, where a Dwarf dare not! Ah, I'd never hear the end of it!''

The path was dark, and the air stank horribly. I felt the evil that dwelled in the mountains in my very bones. There were skulls scattered everywhere around. I'd seen my fair share of corpses and deaths but this - the amount of human remains everywhere around - was just sickening. It was hard not to let it make you sick to your stomach. Legolas suddenly quickened his pace and looked forward and I instinctively asked:

''What is it?''

''I see shapes of men and of horses.''

''Where?'' asked Gimli.

''Pale banners like shreds of cloud. Spears rise like winter-thickets through a shroud of mist. The dead are following. They have been summoned.'' 

''The Dead? Summoned? I knew that. Very good. Very good. Legolas!'' Gimli ran up after us.

As we went further, piles of skulls and other remains seemed to grow larger. I tried my best not to look, not to let it get to me. ''Do not look down,'' Aragorn advised, but every once in a while we would step on a bone or two, and they'd crack underneath our feet, and we could not help but look down and wince in disgust. It was hard not to look, no matter how much you wanted to.

It wasn't long before I started questioning my own sanity. Ghostly shapes of arms started stretching out of nowhere, reaching toward me, and when I tried to cut those down, they'd dissipate as if made of mist. I'm imagining things, I'd think to myself, It's just a little bit of mist.

It wasn't until we reached a large clearing that I became aware just of how narrow the passageways had been and how much I felt like suffocating in there. I let out a long sigh - now it was easier to breathe. 

The clearing looked like a grand hall of a sort, and a large doorway stood on the mountain wall opposite of us. It was empty, but soon I could feel a presence of somebody else, and that feeling grew stronger with each second until a voice could be heard, and it addressed us. We were not alone.

''Who enters my domain?'' the voice asked, faceless for a while. It was a few moments of anticipation before a skeleton-like ghost with a crown on his head appeared. The King of the Dead. I stepped back instinctively.

''One who will have your allegiance,'' answered Aragorn.

''The dead do not suffer the living to pass.''

''You will suffer me!'' insisted Aragorn, but the ghost laughed, maliciously. 

Shapes of an entire city appeared before us. I was sure I was staring with eyes as wide open as they can get. A ghost-city was definitely something I hadn't even imagined to see. Buildings of all shapes and sizes, bridges in the distance - all that once was or could have been. Shapes of dead soldiers started walking out, coming closer and closer and closer and closer... Until they encircled us completely. My throat seemed sore and dry. I did not fear death. But I did not want to die there. I did not want to spend any minute longer there.

''The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead. And the dead keep it,'' spoke the Dead King again, ''The way is shut. Now you must die.''

What happened next happened only in a moment. Instinctively I drew out Roseblade, thinking of all the misty shapes that simply dissipated when I tried to cut them down, wondering what good was a blade against ghosts. Legolas gave me that answer with his arrows passing right through. The King was approaching us, and his army followed. Mere seconds. How do you kill someone who is already dead? Split seconds. My heart was beating fast.

''I summon you to fulfill your oath,'' insisted Aragorn, not stepping away one bit.

''Aragorn,'' I called, wanting to tell him we should leave now, that we must leave, run for our lives, but I couldn't seem to utter a thing beside his name.

''None but the King of Gondor may command me!'' exclaimed the Dead King before he swang his sword at Aragorn, and I thought that was it. What can one do against a ghost sword? 

But Aragorn stopped the blow with the Sword of Elendil, to everyone's surprise, it seemed. The King of the Dead fell aback in shock and disbelief, and all the other ghosts in his army moved restlessly. Neither Gimli, nor Legolas, nor I had expected that either. We didn't know what we were expecting, but this certainly never occurred to us.

''That bind was broken!'' insisted the King.

''It has been remade. Fight for us, and regain your honor. What say you?'' Aragorn asked, giving each of the ghostly faces a look, ''What say you?!''

''You waste your time, Aragorn! They had no honor in life, they have none now in death,'' said Gimli.

''Everyone can repent,'' I said, trying to help, trying to do something - anything, ''Redeem themselves. There is always another chance to regain honor.''

''Honor!'' Gimli insisted in disbelief.

''I am Isildur's heir. Fight for me and I will hold your oaths fulfilled! What say you?!'' Aragorn asked again.

The King laughed once more, and that, to me, meant the discussion was over. Whatever was to be said next, I would not trust it. My eyes were already inspecting our surroundings, searching for an escape route. Somehow I felt we'd need it.

The army around us started slowly disappearing. With every disappearance of a ghostly figure, my heart sank further below.

''You have my word! Fight, and I will release you from this living death!'' Aragorn insisted still, ''What say you?''

''Aragorn...'' I called, but it was barely above a whisper. My heart was still beating fast and it was starting to leave me a bit breathless.

''Stand, you traitors!'' Gimli exclaimed in anger.

The ground started shaking, violently, horribly, more strongly than any earthquake. I expected the mountain to start tumbling down on us. I did not need to pay that thought heed twice - huge rocks were already tumbling down, pieces of the mounting falling to the ground with an intention to crush us like insects. Human bones flew out of every crack, every newly-made cravice. A large wave of skulls started rolling down onto the floor. That was it. We had barely a moment to survive.  


We ran towards the breaking doorway only to be met with a wave of bones and skulls flowing out of it. The wave grew bigger and stronger and that doorway was no longer an option' we started running away. ''Out!'' ordered Aragorn but it seemed almost impossible to escape. I dared not look back as I ran, I knew the wave was catching up with us and was just about to sweep us away into our own death, swallow us whole, if we weren't fast enough. We were soon thighs-deep in a sea of skulls and bones, and we tried to make our way through and towards the passage on the other side. It seemed impossible; every time we stepped forward, the oncoming wave took us two steps back. I was terrified at the sight of Gimli trying to catch up behind us; the heap of bones was already up to his chin. I stopped, offered him my hand and when he took it I pulled with all my might to get him out and help him forward. It wasn't as easy as I half-expected it to be - firstly, Gimli was heavier than anyone could imagine and secondly, with every second I spent not moving, the heap was burying me more and more. When I pulled Gimli, it was already almost impossible to move even for me. With every step ahead, I had to use every muscle in my body, every ounce of strength just to move forward. Sweat was already dripping down my face. Aragorn and Legolas seemed further ahead now.

Almost instinctively, Legolas looked back. I somehow knew he would. When he saw us struggling, his face showed horror, and he started running right back down the pile to get to us. I wondered if it was a stupid idea. I wondered if he would get all three of us killed. 

But he moved with half as much effort and worked with half as much, and he basically threw Gimli to Aragorn's side before he reached for me. He pulled strongly but gently at the same time, and I was no longer buried up to my waist. ''I really don't know how that happened,'' I said before we made a run for it, up to the passageway.

Gimli and Aragorn were already in there, waiting for us. We did not stop running until we were finally met with sunlight again. The air never smelled so fresh to me before. 

Wheezing, with hands on my knees, I was trying to regain my breath. A storm in my mind swept every thought into a whirlwind. What now? We barely saved ourselves. What now? What do we do? What hope is there? How do we-?

Black ships were slowly floating down the river. Towns and villages were burning down the banks. Fire and smoke and blackness. Those were the first things I saw when I raised my head. 

I wished I was dreaming so strongly. I wished I could open my eyes and find myself in a bed. My mind was refusing to believe what my eyes were seeing. I was too shocked to react to it properly. I felt almost numb on the inside. Aragorn dropped on his knees and cried, and all Legolas could do was put a hand on his shoulder in comfort. I had never seen Aragorn so defeated, so hopeless. I could not do anything. I could not even cry. 

I sat next to Aragorn, not moving nor speaking for a good few minutes. I put a hand over his, hopelessly, but tears still rolled down his face. I had never seen him like that. It hurt worse than anything.

''If it must end like this, then let us meet our end at once,'' I said, wanting it all to at least be over soon.

''There might yet be hope,'' Legolas said, almost in a whisper.

''Let us not lose hope when the road darkens, lass,'' Gimli said, ''It may still lead us to a bright place.''

''I hope the both of you truly believe that in your hearts, because I'm not sure I do,'' I said. Looking at Aragorn was all it took for me.

Suddenly, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise once more, and I felt the same sinister presence I had felt inside the mountain. Instinctively we turned around, only to see a ghost loom from the mountain wall. The King of the Dead appeared before us.

''We fight,'' he simply said before he disappeared again. 

All four of us were dumbfounded for a moment too long. We stared in shock at the mountain wall from whence the ghost had appeared, barely breathing. It was I who laughed, of all things - laughed and broke the silence. Gimli joined me almost immediately.

''Well, would you look at that,'' I breathed out.

''Did I not tell ye, lassie! Ehehe!!'' 

''We go for the shore,'' Aragorn smiled, and I saw that he wanted to say more but didn't know how. I knew what he meant.

''A Dwarf and an Elf agreeing,'' I grinned as we made our way downhill, ''A Dwarf and an Elf speaking words of wisdom to comfort their friends. Together. Who would have believed.''

''Eh, nothing will surprise me anymore on this journey,'' Gimli grumbled. I giggled.

''Thank you,'' I said to Legolas quietly as we walked behind them, ''I half-thought it was foolish to come back for us. You could have gotten yourself killed too, back in there.''

''I'd rather die saving your life, than live knowing you're no longer with me.''

I could cry at those words. It was overwhelming. More overwhelming than all the perils of war. I could not understand it, but that was how it was. 

When he took my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine, he held it so firmly I thought he'd never let it go. I did not want him to ever let it go.


	30. The Battle for Minas Tirith

Aragorn explained to us the plan quickly. So when we got to the beach, we simply stood there and watched the corsairs of Umbar sail upriver. Once they reached our side of the river, Aragorn calmly said: 

''You may go no further. You will not enter Gondor.''

''Who are you to deny us passage?'' asked a corsair.

''Legolas, fire a warning shot past the bosun's ear,'' instructed Aragorn and Legolas strained his bow right away.

''Mind your aim!'' Gimli warned him, but just as Legolas was about to shoot, Gimli nudged his bow, causing the arrow to hit a pirate right in the chest. The man fell dead and Legolas looked all but stunned. It was almost to make one laugh, the way Gimli looked proud of it all. 

''Oh! That's it. We warned you. Prepare to be boarded,'' Gimli said. 

The sailors laughed out loud, and there were so many of them in those ships it seemed they could shake the mountains with their laughter.

''Boarded, by you and whose army?'' one of them asked through the laughter.

''This army,'' said Aragorn, as thousands of ghosts rushed out of the mountains.

The men on the ships screamed in terror but could do nothing. Everything that the ghost-army of the forsaken touched, fell dead to the ground right away. We watched from the shore in a mixture of disbelief and new hope. With this army we stood a chance. With this army, all was not yet lost.

 

~

 

The Black ships were now ours, and sailing down Anduin, we reached the other side of Minas Tirith, where we knew troops of Orcs and Uruks would be, waiting for the pirates of the East to come and aid them. We hid with care, all of us. I could hear the beasts grumble outside.

''Late, as usual! Pirate scum! There's work that needs doing.'' 

We did not move, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. 

''Come on, ya sea rats! Get out off your ships!'' 

Just as the Orc spoke those words, the four of us leaped out of our ship. They laughed seeing us four alone. 

''There are plenty for both of us! May the best dwarf win!'' exclaimed Gimli in utmost amusement. 

The Orcs looked at us stunned a bit, confused, before we rushed towards them, and thousands and thousands of ghost soldiers came out of the boats and charged in. We barely had to kill a few of them; the Dead Army overran the Orcs completely. 

We all but ran to the Pelennor fields where our men fought. The battle had been going on for quite some time, and many of our people had fallen and I hoped and prayed with all my heart that we were not too late. We charged in right away; I could not even take the time to take a look around and see if any of my friends were there. 

It was easier now, with the Ghost-Army slaying about - knowing that we stood a chance made us fight with easier hearts, with more strength. Just as I landed a strike against an Orc's blade, an arrow hissed right next to me, and a body behind me fell. I pushed the Orc away and cut him through his gut, and I turned around to see. Orcs were falling one by one as arrows struck them, and I could hear Legolas mutter: ''Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen.'' Then Gimli would shout his own numbers - ''Twenty-nine!'' - and I could almost laugh.

''You're still playing this game?!''

I killed three more of them before I heard a familiar voice crying out. I swiftly turned around and I saw Éowyn lying on the ground writhing in pain, and an Orc stood above her with his mace raised in the air ready to strike. I screamed in panic, but I could not move as I was encircled; both Legolas and I were too busy defending our own selves. I saw that Aragorn and Gimli were nearer so I screamed: ''Aragorn! Gimli! It's Éowyn, hurry!'' Aragorn reacted swiftly, they both ran towards her as quickly as possible. I did not have time to take another look.

No one should be subjected to the horrors and desolation of war. But war is an odd thing. Though you may not want it, sometimes it is needed - when you must protect what you love against a destroyer who would devour all. Knowing this - what I was protecting - gave me strength beyond my own. I felt excitement, passion setting my blood on fire. I felt almost no fatigue, almost no physical pain of every blow I received. War is an odd thing. An hour of nothing but Orc-slaying must have passed, but time did not exist for me. The only thing I focused on was staying aware of all sides around me - not being careful could get you killed faster than anything.

A big Orc ran towards me, and I expected him to be a little smarter than he was - all I did was reach out with my sword and he landed on it too soon to even strike at me. I had to place a foot on him in order to pull the sword out of his body, and when I did, he fell down with a loud thump. A thump a bit too loud, it seemed to me, and I was bewildered for a moment before the thumps started getting louder and more frequent and then I realized it. I turned around towards the source of the sound and I saw nothing less than Mûmakil. The creatures I'd barely believed existed were moving towards us, carrying entire troops on their backs. One step of a Mûmak foot alone could crush a dozen of us to death right away. I stepped back in shock and fear as I saw one of them coming our way. I did not know what to do against them. Legolas reacted right away; he leaped on it and climbed his way to the top; and though I couldn't see much of what he was doing there, after a few moments the ground shook as the wild beast fell dead. Legolas stood unfazed, as though it had been the easiest thing to do. ''That still counts as one!'' I heard Gimli say.

I do not know how it came to what happened next. One moment, I was fighting a small pack of Orcs - I thought I could handle a small pack on my own - and the next moment I was pinned with my back against a tree, my feet dangling in the air. I could not touch the ground. I could not breathe. The Orc held me by my neck and sneered. I'd dropped my weapons in the process. I only fought to get air.

I hoped someone would find me and help me, for there was no way I was getting out of that one alone. I tried to swing my feet and kick the Orc, but this was a clever one and kept his safe distance. I could have sworn he looked familiar, as though I had seen that particular beast somewhere before, but I had no time to think about that. With every moment that passed, my vision got blurrier. This one was enjoying me. He would have simply cut me down had it been in his interest. I wondered what he'd - what they would do to me once I fainted, or suffocated. _No. Not that._

With all my might I kicked him but it left the Orc undeterred. The next thing I knew I was on the ground, coughing and wheezing, trying to get any amount of air inside of me. My vision was blurry as I lay on the ground, and all I could see were shapes and silhouettes fighting before me. I thought I would bleed from my throat, the grip of the Orc was so strong. I could still feel the filth on my skin. I tried to swallow but it was so utterly painful, and it took me a few minutes before my vision settled and it became less painful to suck in breath.

''Are you alright, lass?'' Gimli asked as he crouched next to me, one of his hands holding a bloody axe and the other touching my cheek.

''Gimli,'' I said, merely for the purpose of testing whether I could still speak. My voice was hoarse, and my throat sore and in pain, but I would live, and it was getting easier by the moment.

''Aye, lass. We almost lost ya there.''

''I- don't know how that happened,'' I muttered, thinking how my voice sounded almost like that of a man.

''You distanced yourself is what happened,'' Gimli said.

''After all I've told you,'' Legolas said, his voice worry and reprimandation and kindness all in one. His eyes bore into me, with concern and relief alike.

''I'm sorry,'' I said to him. I vaguely remembered promising him not to do it again. It was like an echo in my mind.

They moved to help me get up but I made myself sit up against the tree before they could do anything. I was no sick old woman.

''Are you alright?'' Legolas asked.

''I'm fine,'' I said, ''I'm just taking a moment.''

Legolas's face changed too suddenly, almost like a facade crumbling down. He seemed lost as he sat next to me, lost as a child, and guilty, and deeply troubled. He put his arms over his pulled-up knees, almost hugging them. He did not look at me.

''You would be dead now, had I come but a moment later,'' he said, his voice so fragile I thought it would break.

''But you've come,'' I said, wanting to comfort him, to rid him of the fault that was not his, ''As you always do.''

He turned to look at me then, and taking my face into his hand he tilted me slightly to examine my neck. I assumed my skin was still red and irritated but I did not think there was anything else there.

''I'm fine,'' I said again, instinctively, ''Should you not return to the battle? I am fine, I will just take a moment and then join you.''

''The battle's almost over, lass. The Dead Army is sweeping the inside of the city,'' Gimli explained.

''Really?'' my heart jumped up at that, ''Do we have victory?''

''We seem to be driving them out, but victory is a tricky word. Too many fell.''

''Aragorn?''

''He's fine, lass. Eh, I guess I should go back and see what I can help out with. I'll leave you two a while.''

''Éowyn?''

''Calm down,'' Legolas told me once Gimli was gone, ''We will take a moment and go see for ourselves. Rest.''

I agreed silently.

''Does your throat still hurt?''

''Less.''

He nodded, pain once again ruling his gentle features.

''It is not your fault, Legolas,'' I said, and I felt I could cry, ''No need to feel guilty.''

''I cannot help but think what would have happened, had we not come. It will haunt me for days.''

''Do not think about that.''

He swallowed and looked somewhere into the distance. He looked sad, but oh he looked truly beautiful.

''What happens next?'' I asked.

''I do not know.''

''I'm home, Legolas,'' I said, and I tried my best to keep it emotionless, ''I'm almost home.''

''That you are,'' he smiled at me.

''I'm afraid.''

''What are you afraid of?''

''Of what I'll find. In there.''

He looked at me with worry again, and not knowing what to say to comfort me, he simply drew me into a hug. I was more than thankful. Even after a filthy battle, he seemed to have a fresh scent under it all, never losing it. It was the most comforting thing. When his strong, lean arms encircled me, I felt as safe as a person can be. He kissed my forehead, before he almost whispered:

''Let us find out.''

I nodded gently before he released me, and we were back on our feet again.

For the first time I took a look at the corpses of the Orcs that had attacked me. I wondered why the one that was holding me and sneering at me, telling me filthy things I barely understood seemed so familiar. But as I approached him to see, he was all but unrecognizable. His body was almost torn to pieces. It was enough to make one throw up. 

''Who did this?'' I asked incredulously. Even to a vile beast, this seemed a terrible thing to do.

''I did.''

''You did this?''

''Aye.''

Legolas did not look proud of it. In fact, he looked almost ashamed.

Legolas was never so merciless in his killing. More than once he told me that he kills because he must, and nothing more. This I almost did not believe. The Orc was completely sliced up by his blades. I could not take another look at the corpse.

When we reached the fields again, all the Mûmakil on the other side seemed to have been slain as well, and I supposed it was the doings of the Dead Army, who had as I supposed by now swept the city clean. There were so many corpses. There were too many of our people. Good people.

''So many have fallen,'' I breathed.

''But Minas Tirith remains,'' Legolas said.

Too many of the bodies were that of the Rohirrim. I felt such gratitude that my heart felt it could burst. People of Rohan were people of honor. 

The city had already grown quiet.

''Is it over?'' I asked when I reached Aragorn's side.

''It seems to be.''

I left Aragorn to deal with the Dead Army himself. I was in no mood for it. Fatigue seemed to take me all of a sudden, in barely a minute, and I all but dragged myself across th field, looking to see if there were any familiar faces among the fallen.

I found Éowyn kneeling next to King Théoden. She was crying. The King was dying.

I too could cry at the sight. King Théoden was a good King and a great man - a great friend to us all. Had it not been for him, the race of Men would have fallen. I could cry, but I did not. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. ''You're hurt. Come,'' I said. But she wouldn't move. So I left her be. I knew she wanted to be alone with her fallen uncle for a while more. 

I had not the strength to seek anymore. I almost did not want to know.

Heading back to Aragorn's side and glimpsing the freeing of the Army from Isildur's curse, it was a moment of our realization. Aragorn was King now. Not officially, but he was King nonetheless. ''Aragorn,'' I breathed, but before I could bow, he took my face gently and stopped me. He looked at me with eyes that showed so much, and I felt my own watering.

''You are King now,'' I said. 

''Not yet.''

''But you are,'' I said, my heart almost bursting with so many feelings I couldn't hope to sort out.

''I am your friend,'' he almost protested. I knew he would never let me kneel. A tear slid down my cheek. His brows furrowed and he reached out to wipe it away gently with his thumb, before he pulled me into a hug.

''No, Aragorn, you're my family,'' I said, now sniffing on the verge of weeping. But I wouldn't. He only held me tighter.

''And we are home,'' he said.


	31. The Houses of Healing

''Search the fields. We'll carry the wounded into the city.''

Nodding our heads to Aragorn's orders, we all scattered across the battlefield. Luckily, there were many who were still alive in spite of their wounds, so some of them were carried on horses from the city, and some on the backs of strong men. My first thoughts were of getting Éowyn, and I rushed to her right away. I found Éomer kneeling next to her, crying, as she lay there unconscious. I panicked.

''Éomer,'' I barely breathed out. 

''I told her to stay behind,'' he said, tears streaming down his face.

I knelt next to her. She was breathing, and her heart was beating slower but it was still beating. 

''She will be alright,'' I said, uncertain of it myself. I quickly spilled some of the water I was given from the city into her mouth, and some over her forehead. She barely moved, but at least she stirred. I helped Éomer get her on a horse and he quickly rode to the city with her.

''You should get help too,'' Aragorn told me as we later walked towards the city.

''I'm fine.''

''The cut on your arm is bleeding,'' he pointed out. I did not even notice it amidst all the madness; when I took a look, I was surprised to see blood leaking out. 

''It might have deepened,'' Legolas added.

''It's nothing serious,'' I said, clasping a hand over it. The blood seemed to trickle through my fingers. 

I heard a piece of fabric being torn away. Legolas had taken a strip of his own tunic beneath all that leather armor and was tying it around my arm.

''You need to clean the wound properly and tend to it.'' 

''Legolas is right. You could lose your arm, if it festers. You don't want that,'' Aragorn said.

''No, I don't,'' I chuckled, ''I will get help when others are taken care of.''

''I am King now, you will get help when I tell you to,'' Aragorn said, fighting a smile.

''Have you not just said you are not King yet?''

''Do you question my authority?''

''I have only ever served you, my liege,'' I said, and we both burst into laughter.

Standing at the gates of Minas Tirith, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. The gates and the walls and all the buildings were as wounded as the people, but they still stood, almost heroically. The White City was too ruined to shine in its beauty, but it was still the same city I remembered, the city that could easily be restored to its grace and glory. There would be time for that.

Home.

It was already evening. Everyone in the city was rushing about, getting all the help they could to the ones they loved. There were mixed feelings showing on the faces of all the people in the city; everyone seemed both miserable and exhausted but also relieved and happy. There was still life inside the city walls. That was reason enough to be happy.

''I need to find Faramir,'' I said, the thought coming to me almost suddenly, though I had been thinking it for months.

''The Houses of Healing first,'' Aragorn ordered, ''There will be time for everything else.''

It was a relief when I saw Merry and Pippin alive and well in there. Merry's face still showed traces of crying, though Pippin was already showing signs of recovery. 

Éowyn was still unconscious when we got to her, and it was really frightening, though one of the healers assured me she would be alright, and that she simply needed to rest. She then told me to go wash my skin and remove all the dirty armor off my wounds. I obeyed and when I came back she gave me something lighter to wear. The white dress I wore was a relief after everything - I felt as light as a feather. 

I sat next to the sleeping Éowyn, as Éomer sat next to me, looking upon his sister, and Aragorn washed her bruises with cold water over and over again. Éomer looked as worried as I had ever seen him, and I could not think of a word that could comfort him. But she would be alright. She had to be. 

The healer rolled up my sleeve and spilled some sort of liquid over the cut on my arm, and it stung terribly. It was the first time I was actually aware of the pain I was feeling. She then pressed a leaf against it, some sort of a healing herb I assumed, before she wrapped a cloth around my arm and tied it tightly. That was the only wound I actually had on my body, the rest were all bruises and smaller cuts. She then applied some ointment on the skin of my neck.

I kept thinking about Faramir restlessly. When the healer was finished with me, Aragorn told me: ''Go look for your brother'' as if he could read my mind. I did not waste a second to get up and search through the chambers. 

From bed to bed I sought, looking for a face I knew I'd recognize right away. I couldn't even be sure he was there at all. I did not even take that into consideration.

But I'd found him. In a bed next to a window that was now letting moonlight through, he lay awake, his broken arm bandaged carefully. For so long I'd wondered what I'd tell him once I saw him. And now I was utterly lost for words.

''Hello,'' I said, of all things in the world.

''Uh- Alanna?'' he asked, almost in disbelief, ''Is that- you?''

''It's- It's me.'' 

''Is it really you or have I taken one blow too many to the head?'' he asked with a smile, and I laughed softly.

''It's truly me,'' my voice shook slightly.

''How- how have you been?'' he asked, obviously at a loss of words himself. I sat at the foot of his bed.

''As well as one can be in the middle of a raging war,'' I smiled, ''You?''

''Much the same, I'm afraid,'' he smiled, ''I'm sorry, but- the Light shine on me, have you grown! I cannot- I cannot get my eyes used to it.''

I laughed. ''Did you expect me to still be a tiny girl with a sweetroll in her hands?''

''I'm afraid I half-expected it, Little Sweetroll.''

My eyes welled up with tears so quickly at the sound of that nickname that I had to look away. I chuckled.

''I haven't heard that in so long.''

''That is because only I called you that. Ah, do you remember? You loved those things too much.''

''Blood and ashes, I don't understand how I wasn't a fat child,'' I laughed, ''I really don't.''

''Me neither.''

''Hey!'' I pretended to protest. He grinned.

''What about-,'' I started to ask, but couldn't finish. Somehow he knew the rest of the question.

''Father,'' he said grimly.

''Is he-''

''He is dead,'' he said.

''Oh.''

I never wished him death. Maybe a couple of times in fits of childish anger, but I never truly wished the man death. I had no love for him, and I did not feel sorry, but I knew Faramir loved him despite all, despite how he treated him. I did not know what to say. My brother seemed to be reading my mind.

''You don't have to say anything,'' he smiled, ''Madness took him in the last moments of his life. I hope his soul will find peace.''

I nodded slightly in gratefulness. I really knew not what to say.

''I am glad you've come back, sister,'' he said.

''I am too,'' I smiled, ''You better get well soon. There is too much to be shared and talked about.''

''Eh, I'll be as good as new very soon. These healer maidens are flocking to me like dragons to hoarded gold, but I'm really quite alright,'' he stirred and tried to conceal the pain, but his face gave him away.

''Yes, yes... men,'' I grinned, ''You must rest, brother. The sooner you get well, the better. You should try and get some sleep. I will leave you to it. Rest. I'll come again in the morning.''

He only nodded with a smile and I took his unharmed hand before I left.

Passing by Éomer to take my leave, the most unexpected thing happened. Éowyn awoke. 

It was for only a short while but it was as good as anything. My knees almost gave in at the sudden relief that hit me. Éomer jumped off his seat and Aragorn smiled wide. She could barely keep her eyes open.

''Éowyn!''

''You will feel better in no time,'' Éomer said with tears in his eyes, holding her hand as though afraid to let go, gently brushing her hair with his fingers, ''My brave sister. My foolish sister.''

She closed her eyes after just a few moments and drifted right back into sleep.

''She is exhausted. We should really leave her to rest. Let us go. She will be taken good care of,'' I said.

''No, I will stay here,'' said Éomer as I expected him to, ''You go. You should all get some sleep.''

''Éomer, please,'' I said as I placed my hand on his arm, ''You have to rest. There are people here who are in charge of Éowyn's well-being tonight. There is nothing you can do here.''

He looked at me reluctantly, as if trying to make a tough decision. In the end I managed to persuade him, as the healer woman assured him once more that Éowyn would be just fine. We all took our leave.

I assumed it was already well past midnight. The city was quieter and everyone seemed to have found their places of short rest. The healers would not sleep that night. I wished I had the talent to help.

I found myself a nice chamber in the palace, above the Great Hall. I crossed paths with Legolas in the throne room, on my way. 

''I was looking for you,'' he said.

''Well, you've found me,'' I smiled.

''Are you alright?'' he asked in concern, immediately inspecting my arm.

''Yes, I am fine. They took care of it.''

''Good.''

''Where's Gimli?''

''He has been helping around carrying things without rest until I finally told him to go rest a bit.''

I smiled at the thought of our kind-hearted Dwarvish friend. ''Good. Nobody wants a sleep-deprived Dwarf in their company.''

''That is true,'' he chuckled.

''I saw Faramir.''

''Really?'' he smiled excitedly.

I nodded.

''That is wonderful,'' he said as he took my hands, ''But you should rest now. And you will tell me all about it tomorrow.''

''My chamber is upstairs.''

''I'll walk with you.''

''Hm, this is like back in Rivendell when we first met. You were most polite then. Unlike lately,'' I teased as we walked.

''That is untrue!'' he protested, trying not to laugh.

''If your father knew of your behavior, Lord Legolas, you would all but lose that crown.''

He laughed. ''You are impossible.''

''You are impossible!''

''Why am I impossible?!''

''Because- you are!''

He laughed some more. '' _Oltho vae, Authiel_ (Sweet dreams),'' he said once we'd reached our destination.

'' _Posto vae._ (Rest well.)''

He turned to walk away.

''Legolas. Wait.''

''What is it?''

'' _Aphado nin._ (Come with me.)''

He looked almost stunned, as though not comprehending what exactly I was asking of him.

''I don't think I want to be alone,'' I explained, ''Will you come with me?''

''... Always.''


	32. To Leave a Mark

"I will sleep on the floor," he said, ready to position himself next to the bed.

"You will most certainly not. The bed is enormous,'' I argued.

And it was - and the entire chamber seemed to be ready to serve as a guest room for someone noble. Some things were misplaced and disordered and dusty but all in all it was decent. It was better than decent, with most of the city in damage and ruins.

He looked at me like he was uncertain about it all, but when I assured him it was indeed quite alright, the frown on his face simply disappeared. It wouldn't be the first time we fall asleep next to each other, even in each other's arms - it's only that this was in a bed, and not under the night sky. I would love to say it made no difference, but it did.

Being alone in a bed chamber just the two of us filled the air with some sort of tension. It was undeniably there, for whatever reason, and everything we did or said seemed more intimate. I tried to shake the feeling off - I'm sure we both did - but it was there.

The dress the healer had given me was a long-sleeved nightgown - a white, clean, feather-light piece of fabric I was most grateful for after the wash-up. The breeze coming through the window of the chamber was so soothing and refreshing I felt I could float away on it like a fallen leaf. I crawled into the bed which was so soft I was sure combined with the breeze it would lull me into sleep in a quarter of a moment. Finally.

But oh I could not have been more wrong.

Legolas was standing there, first putting away his weapons in a corner, then slowly removing pieces of whatever armor was left of him. Watching him seemed like something I shouldn't be doing, but I could not pretend to be sleeping either, and those moments entire seemed like hours passing under some odd tension I could almost touch with my fingers.

''There is a clean night-shirt in the small wardrobe over there,'' I told him, my voice filling the air with something other than the sound of the soft breeze and Legolas undressing himself. I swallowed. 

He had removed everything other than his breeches and tunic before he reached for the wardrobe. When he pulled off his tunic, and I saw him like I'd never seen him before, I wanted nothing more than to look away. But for some reason rooted deep within me, I could not.

He was beautiful. I had seen handsome men in life - Aragorn was handsome, and Éomer, and, well, you could pick out quite a few of Faramir's rangers to please the eyes - but Legolas was simply beautiful. I had never seen anyone like him. It was breath-taking in a way I had never experienced, and I wasn't fond of that. It was frightening, and unnecessary, and I didn't want to be feeling anything of the sort. But there he was, with moonlight tracing and casting light shadows over every single muscle cravice and curve of his body. He was so strong and his muscles so defined, and yet he was entirely lean and slender. Despite of bruises and minor cuts from the battle his skin still looked as soft as silk, as pale as porcelain. If I had to think of one way to describe him, it would be - velvet-wrapped steel.

I felt almost a pang of disappointment when he put on the night shirt he had found.

''Legolas, I swear to you, this bed is the most comfortable thing I have ever touched,'' I said, wanting to break the odd tension.

In a night shirt and breeches, he joined me on the bed.

''See?'' I said as he made himself comfortable. He looked much like a child, Elf or not, testing out the mattress. I couldn't help but chuckle.

''Indeed it is.''

''And you would have spent the night on the floor. As though I would have let you.''

He smiled. ''You wouldn't have, would you,'' he said, not in the form of a question at all.

''Thank you,'' I said, ''For keeping me company.''

''Always. You know it,'' he took my hand. Something in me stirred again, and I wanted nothing more than to rip my own heart out. 

''I know,'' I smiled.

After a silence I could not even use to try and fall asleep - I was feeling too much and too strongly - he spoke again.

''How does it feel? Finally being home?'' he asked carefully.

''I don't know yet,'' I said honestly, ''I know I'm glad to be here. And I know that I want to- But- None of that matters, does it? Our lives are in Frodo's hands.''

''They are. We can hope, and we can fight,'' he said, ''We will keep on doing both as we have so far.''

''Yes, I know, but- I really... I really want to live.''

He looked at me as though not quite understanding me. And rightly so - who wouldn't want to live?

''You don't understand me,'' I almost giggled at his expression, ''See, all my life I have merely... existed. I have rarely felt alive, in very rare instances. Most of the time I have neither been happy nor sad. And I've been more sad than happy. It's not- It's not even sadness anymore, once it becomes a part of you. You barely notice it when you carry it within you. My point is- I guess my point is that I've never genuinely wanted to live; I felt as though living was something that had to be done. Like a duty, it's something you simply must do. Until one day you no longer have to.''

''It breaks my heart,'' he said.

''What does?''

''You are too young. No one should have to endure so much in such short years.''

''I- It's alright, I think. It's in the past. I think I've made peace with it.'' 

I was surprised by the genuine realization of it: all the anger and pain and bitterness seemed to no longer bother me as much. I'd changed beyond imagining, and it all just sort of hit me. I hadn't really expected to come to this conclusion.

''Besides, even though my entire life must be equivalent to a few seconds of yours, most men endure a lot in their years. Life is no easy journey for anyone.''

He frowned. ''I wish it were all different,'' he said.

''What do you mean?''

''Your entire life being mere seconds of mine. It hurts me to think of it.''

I knew what he meant. It was barely a comprehensable concept, yet it made me want to cry.

''Well, who knows why Eru has made it so,'' I shrugged, though it still hurt on the inside, the thought of it.

''What has changed then? That has made you eager to live?''

''Well... it's you. All of you. Friends. Family. People have shown me more love in the past months than in all my life before that. I'm happy. Everything's changed.''

''I am glad you are happy,'' he smiled.

''Isn't it odd, though? Happy, in the middle of a war with Sauron, horror and desolation everywhere I turn. It sounds wrong.''

''It's not wrong, I don't think,'' he said with a pensive look, ''We must do our part for the greater cause but we ought not give our whole lives to it. You must keep a piece of yourself to yourself. Untouched by wars or whatever it is that is taking place outside.''

''Maybe that's true.''

''And I understand you. I have always felt as though my life is a duty, not something you're supposed to live for the purpose of mere enjoyment.''

''But you are a prince. Having a King for a father must make one feel like he has a life of duty to live. I can understand that.''

''It's true. But just like you, this makes me happy. I never thought I'd say this, but drinking with Gimli makes me happier than anything ever has before. Or riding with Aragorn. Or listening to the hobbits jesting and laughing. And you. You above all.''

Heat swallowed me whole. I could feel the redness in my cheeks. My heart was fluttering like mad; I almost wanted to punch my own chest. It was as though I had no control over my body - and I never liked feeling like I had no control. The air felt more dense; for a moment I wished I was with Frodo and Sam instead. Perhaps I would have thrown myself into Mount Doom as well while at it.

''Me?'' I asked stupidly.

''I care for you far more than I can understand. You make me happier than anything or anyone ever has. I don't know why. But I want nothing more than to be with you. It's odd, isn't it? I have never felt like it before. Give me nothing but your presence and I'm as happy as an Elfling in a grove.''

Blood and bloody ashes. I was so utterly in love I could barely wrap my mind around it, of course I had absolutely no idea what to say to that. It was both pleasant and terrible to hear. I knew that he loved me as a friend, not as a woman. I kept assuring myself that he did. To think anything else would have been too dangerous. I was completely aware of the order of things. For the hundredth time I found myself wishing he hadn't been an Elf, or that I had been one, either way was fine. Wishful thinking, with nothing certain even as it was - we could all die in War and nothing would matter anyway. 

''I know how you feel,'' I said honestly, ''I am happy when I am with you too.''

It was hard not to see the small glimpse of sadness in his eyes, mixed up with all that affection. And so when he brushed away a small strand of hair off my cheek, I all but melted under his touch. I hadn't even realized it, but we were now lying on our sides, facing each other. The distance between us was safe enough. Had it been any different, I thought I would have started having physical chest pain.

''I want you to believe me when I say what I'm about to say,'' he said.

''What is it?''

''No matter how long I live, I will always remember you. And the time I've spent with you will always be the most precious and most memorable piece of my life. I could not forget you even if I wanted to.''

''I'm afraid I'm going to have to hear a promise,'' I smiled, but all I wanted was to cry in that moment.

''I promise. How could I forget something that's become a part of me?''

''I will make sure you remember me, Master Elf,'' I joked, ''Even if I must leave a mark. And you better not get rid of the scar with your Elvish healing.''

''I'm afraid you've already left it.''

Silence. 

I'd said it all with an intention to make the air around us lighter, but he was so brutally and unnecessarily honest. I did not need him reminding me that there was no chance for us. I would die and he would go to the Undying Lands; I knew that already. The air seemed to be filled with sadness and love and tension and unspoken understanding and an invisible connection all in the same. And wanting - intense wanting - though I was almost sure that was on my side only. 

''Blood and bloody ashes,'' I cursed, most unlady-like, ''I really do wish it were all different. Time is so unfair.''

''It is.''

''I really only wish to be with you,'' I blurted out before I could even think of stopping myself.

''And I wish to be with you, but it cannot be.''

And that was it. It was as though we had said everything to each other without actually saying anything. That sentence right there - it was the ultimate truth that I knew I had to accept. But I simply couldn't yet, not by myself.

He enveloped me in his arms. That did not help, but at the same time it did - I had only become aware of how much I needed a hug, needed to be held, once he did. And we stayed like that for who knows how long, and I did not care. I could hear his heartbeat, and his breath against my skin, and the smell of him would have lulled me into sleep had my heart not been restless. His touch, his smell, the warmth of his closeness, the fresh breeze and moonlight and no sounds but those of our breathing - it was almost overhwhelming. He was playing with my hair now, and that - finally - had managed to somewhat calm me.

''This is becoming a habit,'' he said, his voice just above a whisper.

''What is?''

''Either playing with your hair or your fingers,'' he said, the vibrations of his voice sending almost a chill through me. 

''It's nothing special, my hair,'' I said, ''Nothing like Elven hair.''

''It smells like lavender.''

''It's the oils.''

''And it's so perfectly imperfect, like you.''

He kissed my forehead then with all his affection, and when I looked up to meet his gaze, I had all but lost all control of everything that was happening around me. I do not even know how it happened. As if hypnotized, we leaned into each other, and when our lips met, it was the most beautiful thing, the most perfect thing that had ever happened to me. It felt so utterly right, more right than anything. A part of me wanted to feel bad about it, but I didn't. His lips were as soft as I'd imagined them, and his kisses as tender as can be. When we pulled away, I was sure his face was mirroring my own - confusion and concern and guilt and just a bit of satisfaction.

''I- Forgive me, I don't know- I don't know how I let that happen-''

''No, don't apologize,'' I said. But none of us had moved out of the embrace. His face was still too close to mine. Too close to be safe.

''I- Something takes over me when I'm with you. I am sorry. I don't understand it-''

''No, if anything, we're both guilty,'' I said breathily, wanting nothing more than to kiss those lips again. His eyes kept going from my lips to my own. I could not help but dangerously think that he wanted the same. And he had rid me of my suspicion as though he could read my mind.

''Why do I want to do it again?'' he asked quietly, his hand on my cheek, ''Why have I wanted to do it for some time now whenever we were together?''

My breath hitched. ''Don't- Legolas, that's- It's dangerous to even talk about- I-''

''Ulmo drown me, but I want to.''

I had never heard him curse before. 

''Then do it,'' I heard myself say, and for a moment it almost sounded foreign, as though it was not really my own voice. I found myself not caring anymore. I had lost too much and would probably lose just as much, including my life. We might all die soon. Why in the world should I care? For that one night, I should not care.

''I shouldn't,'' he said.

''You should,'' I said, and when I moved toward him just a little bit, it was all the encouragement he needed. He was kissing me again, softly, tenderly, and it was the most beautiful thing in the world. 

Nothing else existed. Nothing but his lips against mine, and his hands in my hair and against my skin and his warm breath and his body against my own and kisses kisses kisses. Every next kiss grew more hungry, more passionate, more dangerous. It took all the strength of my spirit to keep those kisses reined and tamed. Just kisses. That was as far as we could allow ourselves to go.

We had lost track of time. The night was dead silent, and the only sounds being our kisses and breaths made me want him all the more. I wanted to keep his fingers on my neck forever. I wanted the night to last forever.

And without notice we slipped from kissing into sleep, and on the border in between I heard him whisper something to me in Sindarin, something dangerously akin to '' _Amarth faeg. Sevog i veleth nîn._ (Evil fate. You hold my heart.)''

I could have dreamed it.


	33. Hearts Unveiled

For a moment I almost believed I'd dreamed it all when I awoke and Legolas wasn't there. The bed was still warm where he lay - if nothing else, that was proof enough. I felt something I thought was very akin to heartbreak once I realized he was gone, and also a bit of fear. Did he regret it all? Was he ashamed of it? Did he sneak out before I could wake so he wouldn't have to face me?

But I was so terribly wrong. The door creaked, and in came Legolas with food.

''Good morning,'' he smiled, ''It's about midday, I assumed you'd be really hungry once you open your eyes.''

Just then I became aware of my empty stomach and the growling. ''You couldn't have been more right.''

''Did you sleep well?''

''Beautifully.''

I blushed at my own unfiltered honesty. 

He sat next to me and placed the tray on my lap. It was filled with enough food for two - bread and honey and cheese and all kinds of fruits.

''Legolas, I really hope this is for the both of us,'' I chuckled.

''We will share,'' he smiled.

It was the most comfortable silence I'd ever experienced. For a while we didn't speak but only smiled at each other every once in a while, and the only sounds that could be heard were of our chewing and the people outside, already about business.

''Midday... I don't remember the last time I've slept this much,'' I mused, ''When did you awake?''

''In the morning,'' he grinned.

''Ha ha,'' I feigned, ''Why didn't you wake me? I would probably sleep my life away if nothing awoke me.''

''You looked so peaceful,'' he replied, ''What awoke you?''

''Oh, um- I noticed you weren't there, so-''

He smiled like an angel. ''I would never leave you.''

_But you will. Or I will leave you._

''Ehm, I know,'' I said, taking a few grapes. Suddenly, thoughts of last night came to mind. I blushed.

_Blood and ashes! How do we speak of it now, under the light of day?_

Legolas had an amused look on his face. I wondered if he'd figured out what I was thinking. I wondered if he was enjoying my blushes.

''Uh, I don't think I'll be able to eat anything until tomorrow. You barely ate anything!''

''You need the strength.''

''If you keep feeding me, Master Elf, fat is what I will be.''

He laughed. ''I can barely imagine it.''

''Let's not,'' I said, though seeing him laugh made me grin like a damned fool.

''There is much to do,'' he finally said in seriousness, looking through the window at the city. Minas Tirith seemed to buzz like a bee-hive.

''I should go check on Éowyn and the hobbits. I told Faramir I would come too.''

''I should go find Gimli and see what we can do to help around the city.''

''Have you seen anyone familiar? On your way to the kitchens?''

''No, just some maids.''

''You really ought to change your clothes, you know,'' I commented. He was back in his dirty tunic and leather armor. He hadn't had time to seek nor be offered a change of clothes.

''Not a priority for the moment,'' he smiled.

''I will wash those later. I should help out the women, there should be plenty of washing to do.''

His smile twitched into something brighter for only a fleeting moment. I hated what he did to my heart.

''I should go. Carefully,'' he said.

''I don't care if someone sees you leaving my chamber, Legolas.''

And I didn't. 

And I knew him. He was probably worrying over keeping my ''honor'' intact. Which was all but silly to me. I cared not. I never did.

''I don't care for rumors,'' I added.

''Rumors are the last thing you need.''

''What do you mean? Legolas?''

He hesitated for a moment.

''I think word is already circling about you being a Lady.''

''The people would find out sooner or later,'' I said, ''I really don't care.''

''Good. Do not listen to what people say. By the time it reaches your ears, the truth will likely have become everything but the truth.''

''You're being odd, Legolas,'' I grinned, ''Is there something I should know?''

He hesitated.

''Legolas.''

''There is one thing.''

Dread filled me all of a sudden. ''What is it? Is everyone alright?''

''It's about your father.''

''Oh,'' I felt relieved, ''I already know that he died. You know I had no love for him.''

''He had set himself on fire. He died wanting to burn Faramir's body while Faramir lay still alive.''

He had said it, and looked like he had finally gotten some burden off him. 

He had said it, and it took me a moment to process it. 

He had said it, and I wanted to scream.

''Wha-'' I lost my voice.

''You would have found out sooner or later,'' he said, guilt unmistakably streaking his voice.

''My fa-,'' I whispered, ''No. No. Not my father.''

''I am sorr-''

''That monster!'' I finally broke into a shout, ''That- That monster!''

Legolas almost winced at my screams.

''I do not care what they say! I do not care if nations entire think him a great man! He was a bloody monster!''

Legolas put his hands on my arms to calm me, but I was thunder and lightening. I was angry beyond reasoning. I felt tears in the corner of my eyes forming from nothing but anger.

''I wish he were alive so I could kill him myself!''

''Stop. Calm down.''

''Faramir is in that bed because of him!!''

''Faramir is alive.''

''He could have died! Was it not enough that my f- that _Lord Denethor_ \- kept shunning him, insulting him, humiliating him, bullying him? Was it not enough? No! He wanted to see him - his own son, Legolas - he wanted to see his own son dead!''

''Please, calm down,'' he said. His voice did not rise for one bit. At the sound of its softness I all but melted into his arms, burying myself into a hug. He kept humming into my ear softly and running his fingers through my hair while I tried to fight back the sudden rush of tears. He swayed slightly, back and forth, and it was so soothing I felt like a baby.

''He was a monster,'' I sobbed.

''He was no longer himself,'' Legolas reasoned, his voice barely above a whisper, ''Madness had taken him.''

''I don't care,'' I sniffed, ''I don't care. He disposed of me like I was garbage. He made Faramir feel like- like some monster parents tell their children about at night. I don't care, Legolas.''

''I am sorry,'' he kissed my temple, ''It pains me to see you cry.''

''I don't cry for me.''

''I know.''

''Just thinking about how Faramir has felt all these years- And how he must feel now, after all of that- It's not fair, Legolas!''

''I know,'' he whispered, never halting his ministrations, still swaying just a little, ever so gently. Like always, he'd managed to calm me.

''Thank you,'' I whispered, wiping my cheek like a child. I felt his hand on the other, making me look up, and when our eyes met, I thought he would kiss me again. I sure wanted to. And then I mentally shamed myself for it.

Was it a one night story? Was it that we simply picked one night to not care and make most of it because there was still the dangers of war ahead of us? One night only?

I had to know. I needed it all cleared out. He was still so close to me. I still wanted to kiss him.

''Legolas-''

''I have to tell you something.''

It almost startled me. ''Uh- Alright.''

He pulled away and stood up. Before long, he was pacing around the room.

''Well? Legolas?''

''I am trying to think of the best way to say it.''

''Just say it.''

''If I just say it, then-''

''Just say it.''

He stopped.

''What happened last night,'' he started, and I felt heat overwhelming me, ''was... beautiful. It was the most beautiful night of my life.''

My heart started beating faster, my breathing irregular.

''I do not know how it came to this. I have cared for you... for months, but never- not like this.''

He was pacing again. I felt almost dizzy.

''I do not know when things changed. I do not- I was confused. At first I thought nothing of it, but then it started seeming odd, and I was- I did not understand these feelings at all. But now- now I do. I think I do.''

''Legolas-''

'' _Gin melin._ (I love you.)'' He stopped in place again.

Breath caught in my throat. My heart was thundering. I was sure he could hear it. I wanted to say something to that, but I was lost for words. There was nothing coming out of my mouth half open. I was sure there was confusion plastered all over my face. He was waiting for me to say something. But I was in shock. And he was so concerned it pained me to see his beautiful features so distorted.

''Legolas, I-'' 

I started feeling tears coming again. I fought them back. I took a deep breath.

''You do not have to say anything,'' he argued in defeat.

''No. No, I am just- overwhelmed, I-''

I had fantasized a bit about it, but not like this, never about this in my wildest dreams! Love? How was it even possible? Why me? One so old yet so innocent when it comes to love - Legolas who has never had anyone in his life - has chosen me to love?

''I am trying to make sense of it,'' I said, feeling suddenly tired as though carrying the entire world on my shoulders. He looked at me with guilt. 

''Will you please sit next to me?'' I asked. He obeyed.

''I don't understand,'' I whispered.

''What is there to understand?''

''First of all, why me?''

''Why not you?''

''For many a reason! I have so- so much carrying around within me. I am nothing like someone an Elven prince should- should feel for. Why me?''

''Why are you asking me this?''

''Do you know who I am? I am not who you should want. I am not someone an Elven prince should want. I have killed. I have been almost killed. I have lied alone in the wild woods wondering if death would take me, wondering if Eru was watching, if He himself hated me and wanted me dead, but he kept on keeping me alive- alive to watch the world burn around me. I have known despair, and I have danced with madness, when stars above me seemed to ignite and the trees seemed to whisper words of wisdom ages old I could not understand. I have hated more than I have loved. I am scarred beyond repair. You do not want me. You should not want me!''

I did not notice when his face changed; I did not even look at him directly for long during this out-pour. But now I could see - anger mingled with all the concern and everything else. With every moment that passed, the anger seemed to grow stronger.

''But I do. I cannot help it,'' he said, his voice too calm to match the lines between his brows. I shook my head and tried not to cry. Not again.

''I don't know who you are,'' he continued, ''And I probably never will. But I know who you are when you are with me. And that is good enough.''

I shook my head, denying, wanting everything to disappear, wanting none of our feelings to ever have been born. 

''You are making me angry,'' he said, ''I do not care anymore whether you care for me the way I care for you. I do not care what happens next. What I care about is you understanding that all these things you've told me are precisely the reasons why.''

I looked up to meet his eyes. I had never seen him look so serious, so angry and also eager - eager to make me understand. I bit my lip. I would not let it tremble.

''All of these things have made you who you are. And who you are is what I care for. What I want to know. You are a universe and I have been lucky enough to get to know a small corner of it. And it is beautiful.''

Tears slid down my cheeks. I wasn't exactly crying - not weeping - but tears simply slid down effortlessly like waterfalls. He reached out to wipe them away.

''I am so sorry to bring this all upon you,'' he said.

''No,'' I shook my head.

''I should not have burdened you with this-''

''No, it is good that you've told me.''

''Are you alright?''

I nodded. And I lied.

''Do you understand now?''

I nodded. And I lied a bit about that too. I could see what he meant - even I learned to love some terrible things that have shaped me because they made me who I was - but I still couldn't quite understand how he could think so many terrible things genuinely beautiful. Terrible things. Genuinely beautiful.

''I will leave you then. You should rest some more. I am sorry-''

''No, Legolas, wait,'' I pulled him back onto the bed, ''Before you go- You have forgotten. How could you have forgotten the most important thing?''

''I haven't.''

''I am no Elf.''

''I know.''

''I will perish and you will linger on.''

''Don't say it,'' he argued, ''Why think of it now?''

''What else is there?''

''You are telling me what I already know. The knowledge of it pains me more than anything. I know. But it doesn't change how I feel.''

''We cannot- We cannot be.''

''We-''

''And you can have any beautiful Elf maiden in the world! Just think- Think of your father-''

''I care not. I don't want any other. I love _you._ ''

My breath hitched. It was even more overwhelming hearing it in Common Tongue. Why couldn't this have been a normal situation? Why was my entire life like this?

Nothing was ever easy for me.

''I love you too,'' I said, my voice so low and fragile I thought it would break. I was once again fighting back the tears, ''You know I do. Burn me, but how could you not have noticed? I am in love with you.''

He looked so torn, he did not know what to feel. His face did not know what to show. I reached for his cheeks, wanting to hold him forever, never let him go. I had caused so much. I hated it.

''I am sorry,'' I said.

He placed his hands over mine. ''There is nothing to be sorry for. You are frightened, as am I. You are confused, as am I. You need time to think, and space to be free of me. And so I will go. Look for me when you're ready. Tell me - whatever it is - when you are ready.''

He kissed my hands lightly before he kissed my forehead, and I relaxed immediately under his touch, and because of his closeness. And then he left.

I wanted to stay in bed and cry all the frustration and confusion out. Oddly, I found that I couldn't. 

I stayed in bed a while longer, with no will to get up, cursing life for being so cruel to me, for never giving me a break. Then I dressed up and did my hair before going out to seek duty. 

_The Houses of Healing first, then work._

I would just have to keep myself busy until I figured it out.


	34. Fragments of Family

It was Spring again, the month of March. It had been October when I first found the hobbits, when the Fellowship was formed, and when I first met Legolas. As I looked upon the streets of Minas Tirith from my window, to me it seemed like it had been only yesterday. So much had happened. So much had been lost. And nothing was over yet.  


I had gone working without stop. For one, I would not have been able to stand not being useful, and secondly, it kept my mind busy. From helping the healers, to getting the market going and food distributed, to washing and cooking and basically wherever I was useful. I even patrolled with the Rangers of Ithilien. I did everything I could get my hands on.

Éowyn was recovering. After three days, she was already able to walk on her own. Éomer would be by her side whenever his duties allowed him, and Aragorn was no better.  
''Please tell these men they can go on with their day now and leave me to rest. They are so stubborn,'' she told me once. But they were still reluctant to leave her side.

It was hard to see her cry when she first remembered everything that had happened, when she first thought of her uncle. I made her promise to me that she would not punish herself for something that she could not have done anything about. I wasn't sure she would keep that promise.

Faramir looked much better, each day like he'd had months of recovery time. He was strong, and a warrior even off the battlefield. But sometimes he'd overestimate himself and all but jump out of bed hastily and then start wincing in pain. One of his arms was to be in bandages for quite a while longer.

''Faramir, please! Will you be careful?''

''Can't I at least get a hug from my sister?''

''Yes, you can,'' I tried to stay serious, ''But I don't want to hurt you.'' I hugged him gently, barely touching him.

''Ah, I'll be fine in no time, I'm telling you,'' he insisted, ''How are you? Your arm? And-''

''I'm fine, Faramir,'' I grinned, trying not to chuckle.

''What is so funny?''

''My brother is broken and bruised in special care of the healers and yet he asks me about my little cuts.''

''I worry about you,'' he explained almost with some sort of uncertainty and guilt, ''I always have.''

''I know,'' I said.

''When you left, I always wondered. Always worried. All those years... There was not a day when I did not think of you. Where you were, if you were alright... I knew you were alive somewhere.''

''You knew,'' I smiled.

''I did. It was what my heart was telling me.''

''You were always on my mind too, brother,'' I admitted.

''You're all the family I have now,'' he said, with a hint of sadness. And I truly realized it for the first time. We were indeed alone, as far as family goes. We only had each other.

I touched his cheek in comfort. ''You are going to meet a great woman and when all this is over, you will make her your wife. And then you'll father some wonderful children. And that is family.''

''I try and give hope to others, but I have none for myself.''

''Then take some from me,'' I gave him a smile, though I was doing quite the same myself - giving hope to others unsure of how much was left for me, ''All of this will happen, and I will be there to see it.''

He simply leaned his forehead against mine for a few moments.

''I will never rid myself of guilt,'' he said.

''For what?''

''For not being there for you.''

''You were there for me. It was I who decided to leave everything and everyone behind.''

''But you were no more than a child. And you went out into the wild world, all alone-''

''It was reckless,'' I admitted, ''And no matter how painful it was, I wouldn't change the experience for anything. It led me here. It made me who I am. And it brought me friendship and love and everything else that makes life worth living. You, my brother, are not to blame for anything.''

''You grew up well,'' he smiled.

''Ha. I turned out alright.''

''Boromir loved you too, you know.''

''I know,'' I said, wanting to say something more, but I simply couldn't, ''I know.''

I decided not to speak of Boromir until he was fully healed.

Of all my loved ones that were wounded, Merry looked the healthiest. He was up and about, chatting and laughing with Pippin. He kept on asking about Éowyn and I told him to bother her less as she needed to rest. He'd just frown and be back about it. It was wonderful to see him so lively. 

It was Pippin who kept asking about Faramir, constantly on his toes about it. I had not been aware that the hobbit had seen it all, was so scarred by it all. It made me feel such strong anger for my father. It was so silly - being angry at a dead man. If only he had been alive. Though I was not sure what I would have done. I wasn't sure if it had been worth it, really. But it was hard to bear. It was hard to breathe whenever I thought of it, whenever Pippin looked at me with pain in his eyes and whenever I saw a glimpse of the burns on Faramir's back. It was really hard not to lash out on a wall, as sparks flew about me from the contact of my blade and the stone. I let out something akin to a scream. Luckily, I gave no damage to my sword. _Elvish craft._

''There is no use in despairing over the past,'' I heard Gandalf say, before I felt his hand on my shoulder, ''Nor in damaging your blade for nothing.''

''I know.''

''Leave the pain behind,'' he advised, ''Just be by your brother's side. That will do. It is more than enough.''

And I was. As much as I could, I would come and spend time with him. We'd talk, and laugh, and never speak of family. Three days had gone by like that, and it made not thinking of Legolas easier. But I missed the Elf.

I longed for him whenever I'd cross ways with him, or see him among the folk. It was a longing I had to resist until my mind was clear enough. And it wasn't getting any clearer, it seemed.

Why was everything so difficult, so complicated? It made me want to scream out. And Gimli was not making it any easier either.

''I have never seen the lad look so grim,'' he said to me at lunch one day as we ate together, ''And by my beard, something's telling me it has a little something to do with you.''

I could see Legolas speaking with Aragorn outside the hall, looking out somewhere.

''Leave it, Gimli,'' I said, but not unkindly.

''Come on. You can tell me, lass.''

''No.''

''What is it?''

''Gimli!''

''Did you have a fight again?''

''No, we did not have a fight!'' I tried to keep my voice down.

''It is alright, when two people-''

''Gimli! Blood and bloody ashes!''

''Alright,'' he shrugged, ''I'm only saying.''

''Well, don't say anything,'' I argued, ''Everything is more complicated than you think.''

''Lass, if that Elf over there's managed to complicate your life even more than it already was tied up in knots, then you're in for a ride.''

I gave up, and I gave in. With a sigh of frustration, I buried my face into my hands.

''Uhhhhhh, what do I do, Gimli?''

I could feel him pat me on the back. ''It's alright, lassie. Just listen to what your heart's telling ye. You can't be wrong.''

If it had only been that simple.

On top of all, I was frightened, more frightened than I would have ever let show. I was terrified. Elves felt everything so differently. If he really loved me the way he said, if he really felt so strongly for me, a bad outcome would absolutely shatter him, and I was afraid of that. And any outcome would be a bad one at this point. I could see no resolve, no happy ending to it. I could see no way of not breaking his heart - be it in a day, or a month, or 15 years. And I could not possibly take it. Elves could die from a broken heart. How would I ever be able to live with that? But I tried my best not to think about that part, ever. Because no matter how much I thought about it, I could not see a harmless way out. It was no use.

I did not tell Aragorn anything about it, nor did he tell me anything. In his eyes was everything I needed to know. Like so many times before, there was silent understanding between us. He only smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He believed in me - believed that deep inside I would know what to do.

But I had no idea.

 

~

 

''My Lady, Lord Aragorn wishes to see you in the throne room,'' one of the men told me one evening as I took a stroll down the streets of the city. He had been running. It was urgent.

''What is it?'' I asked, panic only slightly breaking into me.

''You will see.''

We almost ran back into the Hall.

Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Éomer were already there, standing before Gandalf. And when he saw me enter, Gandalf spoke:

''Frodo has passed beyond my sight... The darkness is deepening.''

''What does that mean?'' I asked, catching my breath.

''No. If Sauron had the Ring we would know it,'' stated Aragorn.

''It's only a matter of time,'' said Gandalf. ''He has suffered a defeat, yes, but behind the walls of Mordor our enemy is regrouping.''

''Let him stay there. Let him rot!'' exclaimed Gimli. He was sitting on the throne smoking his pipe. ''Why should we care?''

''Because ten thousand Orcs now stand between Frodo and Mount Doom,'' Gandalf, explained, and a sudden realization hit me. ''I've sent him to his death...''

My heart sank at Gandalf's confession. Was it foolish to hope? Was there any hope at all?

''No. There's still hope for Frodo. He needs time, and safe passage across the Plains of Gorgoroth,'' argued Aragorn.

''But how can we help him?'' I asked, ''Can we give him that?''

''Yes, we can.''

''How?'' asked Gimli.

''Draw out Sauron's armies. Empty his lands,'' explained Aragorn eagerly.

''Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate,'' I concluded, nodding to myself.

''Exactly.''

''We cannot achieve victory through strength of arms,'' reasoned Éomer. And he was right. There weren't enough people.

''Not for ourselves, but we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us,'' Aragorn insisted, ''Keep him blind to all else that moves.''

''A diversion,'' Legolas said, seeing it all clearly.

''Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?'' asked Gimli. For all the danger ahead, I actually laughed.

''Sauron will suspect a trap. He will not take the bait,'' Gandalf argued.

''Oh, I think he will,'' Aragorn smiled.

The next day we would ride out. It was time to give Legolas an answer.


	35. Sealed

_Or maybe I should just leave. Run away again. Maybe I'd leave right now, if there weren't for this one last battle._

_No. No more running. I cannot forever keep running from my problems. It has been enough. I cannot leave. I don't think I want to leave._

_Whatever comes, I'll face it on my feet._

But when our meeting was over, I went out into the city again. I needed the fresh air of the night; I needed one more moment of solitude to recollect myself.

It took longer than a moment. I somehow found myself in a grove down on the other side of the city. I needed the green. I wasn't used to stone enough.

It was a small forest against the mountain side, one of those little groves you would not see from a far. Minas Tirith seemed nothing but white stone to the outsider. But against the mountain there was still so much green to enjoy. I found myself a nice spot and sat against a tree trunk. It was really dark; there was barely any moonlight coming through the leaves.

''I have to face it,'' I whispered to myself, resting my head against the tree. It was then, in the utter calm, that I heard branches rustling. There was someone in the tree. That was no animal. I was sure of it.

Slowly and carefully, I pulled out a dagger out of my right boot. It was the only weapon I had. With every moment, the rustling was louder, as though someone was making their way down the tree. Calmly, I counted in my mind. I had to be ready. 

Just when I was about to throw my dagger at whoever was to jump at me, I heard them speak.

''It is me.''

''Legolas!''

''I heard you from up there.''

''I could have killed you! And don't give me a witty answer! I could have killed you, you fool of an Elf!''

With one last hop, his feet were on the ground. They made almost no sound at all.

''Well met,'' he said. 

I huffed and put the dagger where it had been. '' _Mae govannen_.''

''So formal.''

''You started it.''

A short silence ensued before we both realized how ridiculous and childish this entire situation was. We started laughing.

''What are you doing here?'' I asked.

''I long for trees,'' he explained, ''You?''

''Me too. It seems I've grown too used to living outside the city walls. Besides, I needed the calm.''

''Then it is good you will always have this place in the city.''

''I don't know if I'll stay.''

''What are you talking about? Of course you will stay,'' he said, ''Is it not what you wanted? When Aragorn is King, you can stay by his side. And by your brother's side. Is it not what you always wanted?''

''Yes, it is what I wanted. But now I do not know, even if by some miracle we prevail.''

''Why?''

''I was free, Legolas. Free of everything. Free of people.''

''You are still free.''

''No. A person is never free when their happiness depends upon another.''

''Then you will go?''

''I did not say that. I said I do not know. It may be too late now. It may be too late for freedom.''

''It is worth it,'' he finally said.

''What is?''

''Loving. Even if your happiness depends on it.''

''You have never loved before, Legolas.''

''I have never loved a woman before,'' he corrected, ''But I have loved. Of course I have. I have seen many of my loved ones die. And though I was little, I remember the absence of my mother. I remember the pain. And she was no mortal. Things sometimes simply happen.''

''But men are sure to die.''

''I have been dear friends with many mortals throughout my life,'' he added, ''I miss some people I will never see again. Even now I know that one day Aragorn, and you, and Gimli - all of you will perish, and though I do not like to think about it, I accept it. Because the pain is worth it.''

_But is it?_

I had grown differently. I had been shaped differently. 

_Is it?_

''That you purposely put yourself through this is madness,'' I said quietly.

''I do not really choose it,'' he smiled, ''My heart seems to have a mind of its own.''

_What do I tell him? It's now or never._

The smile on his face disappeared. ''I would have given you more time and space, if I could. I am sorry. But we ride out tomorrow. And to ride into battle with this yet uncleared would be a torture.''

''I know,'' I said.

I knew that the upcoming battle was the most likely one to end my life; I was no fool. We stood little to no chance, but it did not matter - it was for Frodo. If Sauron's life was worth all of ours, then so be it. But I knew what the odds were. I was no fool. 

I swallowed, before I spoke.

''Seeing as I probably will not survive this one,'' I started, but he interrupted me with - ''Do not say that. You do not know that.''

''I know what the chances are. And if this is our last night together - alone together... I want to spend it with you.''

He shifted his weight. He looked uncertain for a moment.

''What are you saying?''

''I'm saying that I want you to kiss me. Tonight. I want to be with you. And we'll worry about the rest once it comes.''

I expected him to say something to that. But he only took a moment, before in two quick strides his arms snaked around my waist and he kissed me.

His kisses were so utterly gentle at first, before they became needy. I needed him as much as he needed me. And that's exactly what I feared - I never needed anyone before.

But I wanted him to know. His lips were so soft and warm and delicious, and I wanted him to know everything, so every time we pulled away for breath, I whispered to him, over and over again, so he would know, and remember - so it would be imprinted into his mind forever.

'' _Sevog i veleth nîn_ (You have my love).''  
'' _Gerog i chûn nîn_ (You hold my heart).''

And every time he heard the words, he kissed me with more passion, more need. It was overwhelming, almost too much to bear. Why did I feel some odd urge to cry?

Even as I kissed him, thoughts of wrongness crept into my mind every now and then, but I cared little if it was all wrong. My every nerve was tingling, my skin on fire under his touch, my chest tight and hot. I could scarcely breathe - that is how he made me feel. 

_It's happening. I can't believe it's happening._

My head was spinning; it was almost dizzying. Every warm breath of his I felt against my skin made my desire grow. But I did not wish to hurry; I wanted every moment to be as slow as can be - I wanted to savor it all. 

He moved his kisses from my lips, over my cheeks, down my jaw, to my neck. He whispered into my ear: ''Are you sure of this?'' His voice made me shudder lightly.

''Imagine it, Legolas,'' I brought myself to utter, ''Imagine it is our last night.''

I could barely wrap my mind around everything that happened next - it was a haze of warm breaths and moans and kisses and fingertips setting skin on fire. The taste of his lips and his tongue and his skin - it was all so sweet and mesmerizing. I don't think we had much control over our own selves during all this; I don't think either of us was aware of removing the last pieces of garment from our bodies. 

And it was the most beautiful night of my life. Everything happened so spontaneously, every move flowed from one into the other perfectly, like water. It was all a haze, but the feeling of our bodies connecting as one was perfectly clear and so strong I thought I could faint from all the pleasure. I wanted him to never stop, never seize moving with me.

His milky skin shimmered under what little moonlight reached through, and as my fingers clawed gently at his back it was like dipping them into a jar of honey. His breaths and moans were the sweetest music. His warmth, his smell, his taste - it seemed like all I ever needed. It was all music, and we were dancing.

The feeling of soft grass under us was as comfortable and comforting as floating on a cloud, and we wouldn't have exchanged it for the finest silk that night. After a while there was no longer any tension, any fear or nervousness - we made love and we smiled and laughed even, and we couldn't get enough kisses from each other. It was the most comfortable thing in the world, and though I was as naked as a person can be in every sense of the word, I did not feel so. It was like revealing yourself to an oldest friend, one you trusted most - one you'd die for if need be. It was love and lust and pleasure and trust and fun. One moment he was over me and the other I was atop of him. He did things to me I never imagined would be in his nature, and he whispered things to me that could hardly be appropriate for an Elven prince. And I loved it, every moment of it.

He was so beautiful and so strong, and the way he handled my body left me all but breathless. I was not sure when exactly love turned into lust that night. It rather became a mixture of both. And when the pleasure - the final release - rippled through my body setting every nerve aflame, it was as I'd never felt before. I was sure no one could make me feel that way. No one could adore me so, both body and soul. Involuntarily, I teared up. I could feel the tears in the corners of my eyes. I fought my hardest to not let them slide down my cheeks. Who in the world cries after making love? 

We were lying naked now, under the veiled stars, and once our breathing settled a bit, Legolas pulled a cloak over us. My head on his chest, I could still feel it rise more than normally; I could still feel his heart beat faster.

I really did not want to cry. But a warm tear slid down my cheek and onto his chest despite my efforts.

It took him less than a moment to react to it. His fingers were under my chin before I could even utter a thing, and he had pulled me up to look at him. There was so much worry in his eyes, it was almost unbearable; and I did not want him to get the wrong impression.

''I am not crying, I swear to you,'' I tried to chuckle, ''I don't know what's happening, this is involuntary.''

He wiped away the stray tear, before he said ''Come'' and pulled me closer into another kiss. Soft, tender, comforting, almost painfully beautiful.

''Are you sure you are alright?'' he whispered, his eyes boring into mine. My heart was fluttering again.

''I am so much better than alright,'' I gave him a smile.

''I love you,'' he said, our noses touching, his warm breath landing on my lips, ''Whether we are together or not, whether you die or not, I am bound to you until the end of days now. You will have my love even if yours seizes to exist. There is nothing that can change that.''

I knew that for a fact. That was the way of the Elves. It was as terrifying as it was beautiful, but I was also sure I'd love him for as long as I lived. I did not know how I knew, but I did. I most certainly could not imagine loving anyone else. He had given me a taste of perfection. There was no going back.

''I love you too, Legolas,'' I said softly, and placed a tender kiss on his lips, ''And though I am no Elf and my life is short and my affections fleeting to the eye of the old, I know it with certainty that I will love you for as long as I breathe. I want you to remember that. No matter what happens.''

''No matter what happens,'' he repeated in a whisper, before his fingers interlaced with mine, and our lips were back against each other, and my body on top of his, hearts beating against each other in a harmonious melody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea was to write smut, but i kind of wanted to make it as appropriate as possible, and fitting the entire overall theme and genre of the fic, and also, idk, teens-friendly and so it turned into this. sex without any actual mention of any of it directly. lemme know how you guys feel about that and whether you'd want it described differently, dare i say - explicitly :3


	36. A Fool's Hope

The dawn came too soon. It was beyond pleasant to wake up by his side, but reality hit me all too quickly. With barely a few words spoken, we got dressed and made our way to the palace. We were too aware of what was coming to be all too cheerful next to each other. He did not let go of my hand until he had to. Everyone seemed to be awake already - the armory was full of men equipping themselves.

Once I'd geared up, I found Aragorn in the throne room. He did not even hear me come in - sheathing his sword, he looked so immersed in his own thoughts I could almost touch the worry with my fingers. The air was filled with it. 

''Aragorn.''

The Evenstar was missing. He barely looked up.

''Afraid you might break it?'' I asked. He gave me a questioning look.

''The Evenstar. You always wear it,'' I explained.

''It is broken already.''

''What? How?''

''It fell to the ground and shattered. ''

''Aragorn... I always know when you're not telling me something.''

He gave away a deep sigh. ''When I spoke to Sauron- in the Palantír- I saw Arwen.''

''You spoke to him? What did you see?''

''She was dead. Or dying. I-''

''Aragorn-'' 

''I was so taken aback, I dropped the Palantír. I do not know how the Evenstar fell. It makes no sense.''

''An evil conjurer of cheap tricks,'' I spat, ''Aragorn, what Sauron showed you will not happen,'' I said, putting my hand firmly on his shoulder and looking into his eyes as though trying to reach his soul. I wanted to make him believe. But I could only do so much. 

He was always the one to give hope and comfort to others, but others gave none to him. A King he may have been, but sometimes he too needed to be reassured, encouraged, comforted. It pained me terribly to see him hurting so much. He was my friend before he was anything. I cared about little else.

''We know not what will happen,'' he said.

''I know he won't break the Evenstar,'' I argued.

He only smiled and put his hand on my arm. ''Nothing can dim the light inside of you, can it, Lana?''

 

~

 

It was a five days ride to the Black Gate. I was so sad during almost the entire journey that I barely spoke to anyone. All I could think about was my goodbyes with Faramir. I wondered if I'd ever return. It was enough to make me cry. It was not fair. It was not nearly enough time. I wanted more. I felt like a child crying for something the parents denied it. My heart felt as though it would burst. For the first three days I was so anxious I snapped at people more than once, so most were smart enough to keep clear of me. It was not fair.

I couldn't even talk to Legolas for three days. But at least I withstood his company. For those three days, he was the only one I could have near me and not be irritated by him. He comforted me beyond explaining. I did not even try to understand it, but when he was near me, I felt more at calm.

Not for the first time at camp, I was sitting alone one night and carving drawings into the dirt with my dagger. I could hear the men chatter and the fires flicker behind me. But I had to be alone. Just me and the night sky.

''You're going to have to speak one of these days,'' I heard Legolas say. He barely startled me - I'd expected him.

''I don't have to do anything,'' I said, my voice a bit hoarse from the long silence, so I had to clear my throat.

''You're going to lose your voice,'' I could practically hear the grin on his face as he said it.

''I don't care,'' I retorted. He sat next to me.

''Speak to me,'' he said, carving something of his own in the dirt. 

''I have nothing to say.''

''You have plenty to say,'' he argued, ''And keeping it in will do no good. It will only gnaw at you from the inside.''

''Well,'' I started, and for a moment focused all my energy in not crying, ''Speaking of it won't make anything right either, will it?''

''No. But it will make you feel better.''

''Better? Nothing will make me feel better!'' I snapped. And in an instant I felt guilty. He seemed undeterred, however. And just as calm, and determined, and supportive as he always was.

''Try,'' he only said.

I felt my eyes watering immediately. But I would not cry.

''I just hate it is all,'' I said quietly, ''I hate everything. I hate the world and I'm angry. Do not ask me at whom or what, because I do not know.''

''Alright,'' said he.

''And I constantly feel on the verge of tears. I can't get Faramir out of my head, for the most part. I just-,'' I took a breath, ''I am afraid. For the first time in my life I am genuinely afraid. I don't- I don't want to say goodbye to anyone.''

He only listened, and carved. And I appreciated it more than anything. And it was only when a silence followed that I realized how much it did make me feel better. I felt unloaded. I no longer felt like crying.

Once I started talking, I seemed to go on for quite a bit. All of a sudden I found myself telling him stories of my childhood, bits and pieces I cherished and chunks of memory I still held as clear as crystal in my mind. I even told him about the boy I fancied when I was a child. I found myself grinning like a fool talking. The boy's name was Thalion, as I remembered.

And I remembered exactly how we met. I was about nine years of age, and he could not have been a year older than me. Thalion had already aspired to become a Ranger of Ithilien one day, so he trained a lot. The boy was getting really good at swordplay really fast, though the Rangers in the yard always chuckled at him and never thought of him seriously, which was reasonable for he was so young and looked too cute to even be wielding a wooden sword. But he was talented. On the other hand, he was utterly terrible at archery. 

It was a gloomy day, and there was mud in the yard after the rain. On that kind of days I mostly resented being outside. But there I was, next to the stables, with the first bow I ever made. It was an awful bow. When Faramir saw it, he felt compelled to get me a proper one. I was very good at archery at the time. It was before I discovered my love for the sword and all but neglected the bow for a good while. I was far better than a nine year old probably should have been. 

Thalion had fired another arrow before he let out another cry of frustration and desperation.

''How can you possibly be so bad at that?'' I asked him, giggling a little. Thalion answered nothing, he was a well brought up boy who seemed not to want to be impolite. So he just fired another arrow, but that was a complete miss too; the arrow ended up somewhere in the bales of hay far behind. I laughed.

''Well, at least your reach is impressive!''

''If you're so good at it, won't you come show it to me?!'' he fired out a question explosively, suddenly very frustrated, forgetting all about politeness and easy temper.

''Alright,'' I simply said as I strutted cutely towards where he was standing. I took my bow and fetched an arrow to it. I pulled the string and held it for just a while, eyes twitching a bit as they found their target. Then I let go, and in almost a split-second the arrow pierced the target. It didn't hit the center, but it was almost a thumb's width close. I put the bow down and said proudly: ''Not exactly the center, but not bad either.'' Young Thalion could only stare at my deed with his eyes wide open.

''How in the...''

''It's all about the stance,'' I said, as though I'd been an expert. It was probably a large portion of luck, more than anything, but I behaved as though I was trained since the cradle.

''I know it's all about the stance. I've learned that much from the Rangers but-''

''Then you weren't paying close attention. Here,'' I said, giving him the bow. I then proceeded to modify the position of his body as he pulled the string. I pulled his skinny shoulders back and pushed his legs apart, almost making him trip and fall. He only grunted as he struggled to maintain balance.

''Stay like that,'' I commanded, and Thalion looked at me, confused.

''Shouldn't I shoot?''

''No,'' I said as I approached him once again and did the most simple thing - poked his forehead with my forefinger. Wide-eyed and surprised, and completely rid of any balance, Thalion stumbled backwards, losing his footing.

''See? Too much weight on your heels. That's not balance. Now try again. And place your weight onto your feet entire.''

He understood what he was doing wrong and so he took his position again. I approached him again, and poked his forehead once more, but he withstood it, and I smiled, seeing the boy trying to conceal his frustration.

''Should I shoot now?''

''Are you angry with me, boy?'' I asked, grinning, but the boy didn't answer. So I went on:

''Are you angry that a girl is teaching you archery?'' 

Thalion wanted to grumble, and he perhaps did, but very silently. He tried to keep his precision, and the muscles of his arm were starting to burn from the hold he had on the unreleased arrow. 

''Are you angry that a girl is better than you in the ways of battle?'' I asked again, completely amused, and to that Thalion released the arrow with a grunt, but it barely hit the target. It pierced the lower right angle of it, and had it gone a mere centimeter more to the right, he would have missed completely. I approached him again and put my hand on his shoulder and said:

''Lesson number two: never allow your anger to affect your aim.''

I made Legolas laugh with that story, and that in turn made me feel better than anything else.

''I think that's one of your traits that's never changed,'' he smiled.

The sounds in the background were getting quieter. Most men were probably getting their rest after the meal. Not for the first time, I wished tomorrow wouldn't come. I wished I could stop the time. 

''We will probably be at the Black Gate tomorrow,'' I said grimly after a while.

''I expect we will be,'' he agreed.

''If I die,'' I started and shuddered at my own correction, ''If either of us does, which probably we both will, I want you to know something.''

He had given up on arguing with me about the dying part. ''What is it?'' he asked.

''I truly love you. As I've never loved before.''

He looked at me with so much emotion in his eyes, had I not known better I would have thought they glistened because they were tearing up.

''You are both a friend and a lover,'' I said as I took his hand and interlaced my fingers with his - it almost seemed odd for he was usually the one to reach out to me first, ''And if I could, I'd spend eternity with you.''

It came out of me as naturally as anything. Months ago I would not have even dreamed of saying anything of the sort in my wildest, most ridiculous dreams. His thumb gently made circles on my skin.

''And I love you too. I love everything you are,'' he said, ''And I would give everything if I could acquire eternity with you.''

I leaned my head against his shoulder. The smell of him calmed me even further. 

''But what if we do not die?'' he asked quietly, his voice sounding almost like a lullaby.

''Well, that could mean two things - us winning and surviving the battle, or us losing and fleeing before we get killed. The second option would mean only surviving for a short while, really.''

''You know what I mean.''

I did know what he meant. Was it obvious that I was trying to evade giving him an answer?

''If we win, and if we live... Well, we still wouldn't have eternity.''

''No, we wouldn't.''

''That's a bit of a problem, isn't it?''

''Stop joking,'' he said seriously. But I still saw a small smile on his face.

''I do not know, Legolas. Do you have suggestions?''

''I may.''

I lifted my head back up and arched an eyebrow at him. ''You may?''

''You could come with me,'' he said.

''Come with you?''

''I know you. And I love you because I know you. And knowing you, I would never confine you to anything. It'd be as good as murdering you. I know that. You're free.''

I all but melted at the way he spoke.

''And I'd rather die then take away your freedom,'' he continued, ''You say you're not certain you want to stay in Minas Tirith, not for long. Well, you could come with me. I plan on traveling far and wide. There is so much in the world to see. I've been living for so long and I've barely seen anything. Come with me.''

''Come with you? Legolas, first of all, I assume your father would not be too pleased to hear that his only heir plans to spend his days in dangerous wilderness.''

''My father is my King, but I do not plan to spend my days in between walls,'' he argued, ''Ever since mother died, he has been too cautious, and I understand him but- We all but live like Dwarves, now. I know that Green Wood is no more, and that there are all sorts of dangers lurking in Mirkwood, but I do not think I can live that way.''

''Very well,'' I said, ''And do you have any idea where you'd go?''

''Anywhere. Everywhere.''

''And if I were to come with you?''

''Have you ever seen the lands to the east? Rhûn? Khand?''

''No.''

''Me neither. We should go.''

I grinned. ''And what would we do there?''

''Well, we could explore,'' he explained, ''But we could be useful too. If we win, the Shadow won't disappear immediately, like magic. It will take years perhaps to root out the evil.''

''I heard there's slavery there. We ought to do something about that,'' I said.

''We ought to.''

''Well, my love, I think you've got yourself a deal,'' I smiled. 

He kissed my forehead. ''You stay close to me tomorrow.''


	37. This Time for Frodo

The army gathered. It wasn't much of an army against what I knew opposed us, really, but all who were able had come to aid. 

The closer we were to our destination, the more desolated the lands seemed, and the air just became more and more difficult to breathe. With each stride we made the earth became more barren. And then we were there. At the Black Gate.

It was kind of an absurd moment, really, just standing there in front of the Black Gate without any idea what to do to even draw them out. Aragorn had vague plans, but I had no idea, and the absurdity of it was almost enough to make me laugh. And not in humor.

Aragorn trotted up to the gate on his horse, and the few of us were right at his heels. We waited for what I knew had to be barely a few moments, but it felt like eternity.

And nothing was happening. No noise was coming from beyond the Gate. It was dead silence. It very well seemed that Mordor was all but empty of any army. Nobody was coming to meet us in battle. 

''Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Let justice be done upon him!'' Aragorn shouted.

And just then, the Black Gate started to creak until it was open ajar. Open enough for a single person to walk out. 

I wasn't sure it was a person. A rider appeared on a dark horse, covered completely in armor, and the only part of him that could be seen was his disgusting mouth. It was abnormally large and filthy, and his teeth looked almost poisonous. I winced at the sight of his grin that never went away - you could see his disgusting fangs at all times. He was like some sort of diseased animal I did not want to get bitten by. 

''My master Sauron the Great bids you welcome. Is there any in this rout with the authority to treat with me?'' he finally spoke before he flashed us what seemed like another smile. I flinched without even trying to restrain myself.

''We do not come to treat with Sauron, faithless and accursed. Tell your master this: The armies of Mordor must disband. He is to depart these lands, never to return,'' Gandalf commanded.

''Old Greybeard,'' the thing spoke as though to an old friend, ''I have a token I was bidden to show thee.''

Suddenly he - or it - pulled out a mithril shirt and held it up in the air to showcase it for everyone to see, before he threw it at Gandalf. I was not mistaken, I couldn't have been - the shirt was undoubtedly Frodo's. But I could not believe it. I did not believe it. I stared at the shirt as Frodo's name slipped out of my mouth, silently, like a breath. But Merry cried out.

''Frodo!''

''Silence,'' protested Gandalf.

''No!''

''Silence!''

I still stared, afraid to breathe, refusing to believe, rebelling against reason. It could not have been. It had to be a trick.

''The halfling was dear to thee, I see,'' the creature spoke again, before he laughed with malice, ''Know that he suffered greatly at the hands of his host. Who would've thought one so small could endure so much pain? And he did, Gandalf. He did.''

I did not know what to think, or what to feel. My mind completely rejected the idea, and yet it was there, all before my eyes. I was too afraid to believe it. My heart would burst.

As the Mouth of Sauron laughed wickedly, and I tried to put myself back together, Aragorn slowly rode to his side.

''And who is this? Isildur's heir?'' the creature addressed him, ''It takes more to make a king than a broken Elvish blade.''

And before he - it - could utter a word more, Aragorn cut his head off with a quick hard swing of his sword. I gasped at the sudden action. I did not see that coming.

''I guess that concludes negotiations,'' Gimli muttered.

''I do not believe it. I will not!'' insisted Aragorn.

We were of the same mind, me and Aragorn; and of the same heart. As we had been many times before.

It suddenly became clear to me, this thing I chose to foolishly and dangerously believe. Sauron wanted to break us. He wanted to buy himself time in his search for Frodo. Besides, I thought to myself, we would have been long dead and gone, had Sauron caught our little friend. I looked to Legolas. He said nothing to me, but his eyes read my mind, and I saw in his face that he was thinking it too. 

The Gate creaked open again. This time it swayed until it was fully open, and it perfectly revealed a huge army of Orcs slowly marching toward us. Barad-dûr loomed in the background, its Eye staring at Aragorn. I swallowed; my heart jumped; my horse started in panic.

''Fall back!'' Aragorn shouted, ''Fall back!''

And on that cue we rode back to our men.

It was all a matter of moments, but time stretches oddly in these situations. When we'd rejoined our men across the barren field, we positioned ourselves before we could even take a deep breath. 

This was no place for horses, nor would they aid us much, so we released them. There was no need to push nor shout at my mare - the brown beauty was so restless she jumped at the opportunity to gallop away. And she was not the only one. This was the most foul, most evil place I had ever been in, and I could feel it in my very bones. No place for noble animals. The horses would find their way.

The army of Orcs had started streaming out. I could not tell their numbers. All I knew was that we were absolutely insignificant in comparison. I also knew perfectly well that our job was not to win, but to stay alive long enough. The men around me were unsettled, restless - each and every one. They were afraid. And rightfully so. We stood no chance.

And for the first time in my life, I was terrified. For the first time in my life, I had something to lose. I had everything to lose.

''Hold your ground! Hold your ground,'' Aragorn told us. 

But my fingers were restless on my sword-hilt, and my feet were almost dancing on the ground. I swallowed but my throat was almost too dry. My breathing - it was too fast. It made my heart beat like mad. I had to pull myself together. 

''Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers!'' Aragorn started again, ''I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day! An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!!''

That was all I needed to hear. Swords were drawn in response. Battle cries were shouted out. With my sword in the air and my brother's shield in my other hand, I cried out at the top of my lungs. My skin crawled but it was no longer fear; it was some odd, dangerous sort of excitement. From that moment on I was not me - I was not a single soul. I was a part of this enormous living, breathing thing, pulsing with the same heart, fighting for the same thing. It was as though I'd stepped out of myself, and all that troubled me was left waiting at the borders of Mordor. But not before it all struck me, like lightening - all the images one after the other flashed in my mind: images of Boromir smiling, and Boromir dying; random images of Faramir and Éowyn; of Éomer happily dancing at the feast; of Theoden King who was no more; of the White City as I remembered it as a child; of Aragorn laughing on the other side of our camp-fire in the woods; of Merry and Pippin playing and Gimli cracking jokes and Sam trying to get Frodo to eat; even of Elladan scolding Elrohir for a planned mischief; of Arwen happy in Aragorn's embrace; of Haleth, son of Hama, who stood like a grown man fighting and defending Helm's Deep all the while trembling like a child very well should have; of Gandalf and his sacrifice and all his acts of love; of Haldir and all those I had seen fall and all those I had seen mourn them. Those final images were of Legolas, and they swept me like a storm - his smiles, his laugh, his kisses, all the times he held me when I felt like crying, and the way he loved me under the stars as I gave myself to him entirely. I knew what I was fighting for. I knew I was very likely to die. I knew there was an endless army heading towards me. And I was ready.

We moved forth until we were forced to stop. The army of Orcs encircled us, completely. They were everywhere I turned, ready to all but swallow us. There were so many of them, I could barely see the horizon behind them. They did not advance. Once they encircled us, they only stood and waited for the right moment. My hand was still restless on the sword-hilt as my eyes raced across the enemy crowd. 

''This is impossible,'' I breathed to myself. _But I will fight._

''Breathe,'' I heard Legolas say to me. I nodded, swallowed, steadied my breathing and my heart. The Orcs were still in place, looking at us the way a beast looked at prey.

'' _No dirweg_ (Be careful),'' he said again, '' _Le maethor veleg a gornui, gerich ‘ûn sui raw. No dirweg._ (You are a mighty warrior, and you have the heart of a lion. But be careful.)''

'' _Avaro naeth._ (Don't worry.)''

'' _Berio ven Eru._ (May Eru protect us.)''

''Ahh. Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf,'' I heard Gimli say, and I could not help but break into a grin.

''How about side by side with a friend?'' Legolas responded. 

''Aye, I could do that.''

''I'd never see the end of it,'' I smiled.

Aragorn slowly walked out in front of us. He opened his mouth to speak, but for a moment nothing was coming out. His eyes were filled with tears. He could only mutter two words.

''For Frodo,'' he almost whispered.

And then, crying out with his sword raised up high, he ran against the Orcs ahead. And I ran, my feet carrying me on their own.

Though the run seemed much longer in my head, it was just a few moments before my sword clashed against another. I didn't think too much, but all I could think of was: '' _I must slay as many of them as I can. I must stay alive for as long as I can._ '' The words amost echoed in my mind like a chant or a mantra, and it seemed as though they'd belonged to someone else. '' _Fight on. Hold on. Endure. For Frodo. Endure._ '' 

My position seemed to be in my favor for a while. I was covered on all sides - left, right and back, so I fought onwards with all my might. It didn't last too long. I'd slayed exactly four Orcs before I fell, not even knowing what hit me. I thought my luck had run out.

A mighty force had pushed me to the ground, and lifting my eyes I could see it was a mace that had sent me flying down - a mace in the hand of a large Orc now hovering above me. It took a few moments before I could feel the pain, and the right side of my body hurt so much I could barely straighten myself from the curled position I was in. I knew it was a rib, or a few. I could feel warm liquid trickling down my side and I recognized it for what it was. It hit me near my chest, and it hurt to breathe, but I could not think about the pain - the Orc had raised his arm high in the air ready to swing that mace against me once more. I had not the strength nor the time to get up on my feet; before the mace could hit me, all I could do was roll over to the side. It hurt so much to roll over, I almost screamed out. The mace hit the ground next to me but it was back in the air before I could even quite realize it. When I saw it coming at me, I rolled over once more, again on time. But this time it hurt even worse, and I feared the next blow would be final for me. I was losing my swiftness. I was losing my strength. And frankly, I knew that if I rolled just once more I probably wouldn't need a mace to die. It was almost too painful to bear. I saw the mace in the air again, and when it hit - it struck at my shield. My left arm hurt as though it had been broken into pieces. This time I did cry out, but not too loudly - I had not the strength for that either. 

The Orc never gave up on me. When I saw that mace raised up in the air again, I'd all but given up. I had no intentions on moving; I could only think of one last solution, and I did not even believe in it. I yelled out ''Legolas!'' not believing he could even hear me. I had no idea where he was. I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, waiting for the end. 

But it never came. After a few short moments, I opened my eyes, and I saw the Orc with an arrow in his neck, a moment before he fell next to me. The next thing I saw was Legolas's hand helping me to my feet. I almost could not do it. There was battle everywhere around us, and I could barely stand, and he was helping me. He put his hand on my cheek and looked me over to examine me quickly, but all I could do was try not to stand too tall and straight. It hurt to breathe. It hurt too much to breathe.

''You need to take cover,'' he said.

''No,'' I said, ''And even if I wished to, there is no place I could hide.''

There was so much pain and worry and fear in his eyes, I had never seen him like that before. It almost made me feel guilty - almost - but there was no more time to lose. 

''Stay close to me,'' he only said in defeat - for he knew my words for truth - before he kissed my forehead hastily and went back to battle. I only nodded, and raised my sword back up. It hurt to stand. It hurt to breathe.

Something was missing. My left hand was empty now - to my left lay pieces of Boromir's shield. It hurt more than my injury. For a moment it was like sending Boromir down the Anduin once more. But only for a moment. No time to lose. It hurt to stand. It hurt to breathe.

Anger took me. For some reason seeing that shield on the ground released all my anger, and gave me some temporary strength to fight - in rage, like an animal. 

Because the ribs on the right side of my body were broken, I could barely lift my arm. A sword in my left hand would have been even more useless - not only because I was never too good with a sword in my left hand, but also because my entire left arm seemed to be rendered useless. It was a struggle to defend myself. I could barely harm anyone who came against me, but at least my strength didn't abandon me completely and I managed to block blades seeking my flesh. 

The struggle went on for a while. As time passed I focused on not fainting; it took all I had within me to keep me conscious. I was in too much pain and blood was still trickling down my side. I may have been losing too much of it. I dared not look around; every time I did, our men seemed to be falling to the ground defeated. So I didn't look anymore. It would have defeated me completely, and I had to keep going. So I kept on. I blocked another blow, and another, and another, until finally I had no more strength, and I dropped to the ground. 

It was over for me. I ran out of everything that was in me. I knew I would not make another step in this battle. I sat there and I saw Aragorn fall before me as well. An armored troll stood before him, and it pressed its large foot against my friend. Our King. It would crush him like an insect. 

If I'd thought I knew what 'defeated' meant, I was wrong. This was exactly what being defeated was - seeing your dearest friend in peril, and being utterly unable to help him in any way. I wanted to - Eru knows how much I wanted to just move - but I knew I couldn't. I felt resignation for the first time - all I wanted at the moment was not to watch him die. I did not want to see it. I closed my eyes and curled up into a position in which the pain in my side was just a bit lesser. I wished I could fall asleep. And perhaps die in my sleep. That way I wouldn't have to witness all the horrible things that were to happen. 

I saw nothing, but I heard it all - the clashing of swords and the splattering of armor, the yells and screams of people. I wished for a quick end. I didn't think I quite deserved to linger in pain too much. Soon I had to press my hands against my ears as well - a horrible, shrill, skull-piercing cry of pain filled the air around me completely. It was the most terrifying sound I had ever heard, I was half-sure that if I reached for the air I could grab at the shrill cry and hold it in my hand like a blade. The wind blew with the strength of several storms combined and there was so much dust in the air it made breathing for me almost impossible. Coughing was the last thing I wanted. It seemed a quick painless death was luxury. 

I opened my eyes only to see that everyone had frozen for a few moments, confused, not knowing what was happening - friends and foes alike. And before I could even try and understand, the Orcs had started fleeing. To say I was confused would be an understatement. It almost took my mind off the pain.

The tower of Barad-dûr started slowly falling over. It was happening right before my eyes, and yet it was as though I was dreaming. I could not quite wrap my mind around it. The tower was crumbling down into dust. I pushed myself up to at least kneel. And watch. Watch the destruction of Sauron.

''Frodo did it,'' I managed to whisper, before I started crying. I wasn't aware that I was crying, but tears were streaming down my face nevertheless. 

The tower crashed, and once the Eye of Sauron descended, it finally disappeared, letting lose a great shockwave in an explosion, sweeping everything around. Mordor was no more. 

There were cheers, and I could hear Merry scream out Frodo's name in celebration. Tears still streamed down my face. 

That explosion had sent me back to the ground, and one of the last things I could see before sleep took me was the ground around us splintering and breaking, and the gaps swallowing all the remaining Orcs. The last thing I could hear were the sounds of victory. The last thing I could feel was terror and sadness at seeing Mount Doom erupt. The cheers had stopped. A breath caught in my throat. Blackness took me before I could even say goodbye to the little hobbits in my mind. Blackness took me, and this time I thought it would be eternal.


	38. Second Chance

I remember waking up a few times and falling right back into darkness almost immediately. I was never awake enough to know what was happening around me, but I do remember seeing Gimli and Éomer hovering over me, and then Legolas. I did not wake again for a while.

When I first fully awoke, I found myself staring at a familiar ceiling. I was in the Houses of Healing, back in Minas Tirith. It still hurt to breath and I was afraid to even so much as move. I lay like a corpse. My entire side was in bandages, as well as my left arm. I could barely remember how that happened for a good while.

''You're awake,'' Legolas almost threw himself next to me, worry and relief both mingled and showing in his eyes. He held my hand as though afraid to let go.

''How is- Where are Frodo and Sam? Wha- What happened?'' I could feel tears coming on again, as my hands started to shake.

''They are safe,'' Legolas said, but it did not stop my shaking immediately, ''They are well and safe.''

''Good,'' I breathed, ''Oh thank Eru, that is good.''

''Do not cry, you are weak enough.''

''I'm not crying,'' I said, all the while shamelessly sniffling, ''And everyone else? Aragorn? I remember seeing you, and Gimli and Éomer, but then it could have been a dream-''

''Everyone is well.''

''How long have I slept?''

''I have lost count of days,'' he said sadly, and for a moment there I thought he'd tear up too, ''I rode as fast as I could, trying not to injure you even more on the road. You fell unconscious on our way back, and you have been sleeping in this bed for a couple of days. That makes it around ten days, I think,'' he sighed, his eyebrows furrowed in exhaustion, ''I despaired, I did not want to believe it but I still thought you were dying.''

''Legolas...''

''You said to me it was sort of funny - that you should die on your way back home when you have survived all those battles.''

''I said that?''

He nodded. I couldn't remember. All I could remember was his voice saying ''Do not fall asleep'' but then again I thought that was a dream too. My heart ached. I felt oddly guilty.

''I'm sorry for making you worry,'' was all I could bring myself to say.

''You silly woman,'' that was the first time he said anything of the sort - it almost made me chuckle, ''You have nothing to be sorry for. You fought bravely, and you survived, which is most important.''

It occurred to me that if I'd died, that itself might have eventually killed him too. I shuddered at the thought. I did not like to think about that.

''I fought _barely_. I couldn't hold my ground after that Orc almost crushed me. He would have, had it not been for you.''

''Are you jesting?'' he asked, ''Do you not remember slaying that one big filthy beast all the while almost curled up into yourself? You were barely standing, with your left arm all but useless, and yet I saw you cut the Orc down as fiercely as ever.''

''You're only saying that to make me feel better,'' I grinned. I really could not remember that detail.

''Have I ever lied to you?'' he smiled.

''No.''

''So I'm not lying to you now,'' he said, ''You were good. And the Orc was better. But he thought you were finished, with barely an arm to use.''

I smiled. ''He never understood. You surrender after you're dead.''

''Exactly,'' Legolas nodded with a smile of his own.

I did not know what was happening to me. Maybe I'd hit my head too hard and went entirely crazy. All of a sudden, I felt like crying again. I could barely discern all the emotions I was feeling. But I knew that above all I was finally going to be happy. So when I teared up again, Legolas suddenly grew even more concerned. Maybe I was crazy.

''Why are you crying, _meleth nín_ (my love)?''

''The War is over,'' I sniffled, ''Sauron is no more. It's- It seems a dream, I-''

''It is not a dream,'' Legolas smiled with sympathy as he gently stroke my hair.

''We are free.''

''Yes, we are.''

''I cannot believe it.'' And I could not. Not quite yet.

''You will get used to it,'' he smiled still, ''It will be easy to get used to it.''

I took his hand. ''It's very good to see you, Legolas,'' I said.

''It's good to see you too, _galad e-guilen_ (light of my life),'' he said, placing a kiss on my cheek.

''Oi! Lass, you're awake!''

''Gimli!''

''Shushhhhhhhhh,'' one of the healers hissed, to which Gimli cringed a bit and I laughed.

''I was real worried for you, lass,'' he said, ''And see? If you had more meat on those bones, it'd take the enemy longer to get to them.''

''That's a poor joke to tell to someone who's almost entirely broken,'' I said though I tried my hardest not to laugh. 

''Eh, I was just trying to lift ya spirits a bit,'' he scratched his head.

''It's quite alright, Master Gimli,'' I finally laughed, ''You've succeeded, as always.''

He grinned and stroked his long beard. ''Everyone's been worrying over you, lass. No one would leave you alone for a second, until the healers practically banned us from these quarters,'' he grumbled.

''Well, I'm fine now,'' I smiled widely, though I felt so emotional and touched I could barely recognize myself. I thought about how some time ago I could have died alone somewhere up in the Ettenmoors and no one would have even known. And now I had all these people who cared for me. It was enough to make one cry.

''I should go tell everyone,'' Gimli said, ''Aragorn might eat his own hand in worry.''

It wasn't a long wait until almost everyone appeared next to me. Faramir, Éowyn and Aragorn first, then Éomer and Gandalf. Gimli seemed to be bringing and escorting people from my bed. I was so happy to see them all I almost started crying again. But I mostly laughed. I was just happy to be able to draw breath still. Legolas never let go of my hand.

When I saw the look in Aragorn's eyes when he first saw me awake, I could only remember a few more moments in which he seemed just as emotional. ''It would not have been your fault,'' was all I could say to him, but he only smiled and caressed my cheek.

It was barely another moment of silence before there were people around me again. This time it was the hobbits.

Merry and Pippin practically sang in their cheers, and jumped around almost dancing. Sam and Frodo were smiling wide, but they looked like they had not the strength to cheer.

''You little rascals,'' I laughed at Merry and Pippin who flinched when one of the healers sent them a death glare and looked ready to toss them out. But when I saw Sam and Frodo, I released the tears that I'd been holding in.

''I am so happy to see you,'' I said.

Sam and Frodo only smiled, but there was still so much sorrow in their eyes. I wondered if they'd ever again rid themselves of it entirely.

''Thank you,'' I breathed.

''Thank you, Lady Alanna,'' Sam said humbly, ''Had it not been for those who fought bravely, Mister Frodo would have never managed to reach Mount Doom.''

''I would love not to ever hear that name again, Sam,'' Frodo said, placing a hand on his friend's arm.

''How did you escape?''

''The Eagle people,'' Legolas explained, ''Led by Gwaihir the Windlord.''

''Oh. It is good to have a wizard for a friend,'' I said, ''Even better when said wizard has so many unlikely friends himself.''

''Good indeed,'' Merry grinned.

''Oh, it's so good to see you awake,'' Pippin exclaimed again.

''Shhhh!!''

Pippin cringed, and spoke in a lower voice. ''And I would hug you, lady Alanna, but you seem to be-''

''Please don't, Pippin. It's quite alright.''

Sounds of laughter filled the room.

 

~

 

One of the healing ladies eventually rushed all the hobbits out, but never even tried telling Legolas to leave.

''Have you been here the entire time?'' I asked.

''I had to leave you for a few minutes,'' he smiled.

''Oh, Legolas,'' I frowned.

''I thought I'd lost you,'' he said finally, ''I prayed and begged for Eru to wake you. And I vowed that if you awoke, if Eru gave you another chance, I would use it. I wouldn't let you go.''

''Legolas...''

''And now you're awake. You're alive and well. So tell me we'll use that chance. Tell me we won't spend a moment of our lives thinking about time and death. Tell me we will live not caring about any of it, ignoring all the obstacles. I am here, and I'm not leaving. Tell me you're not leaving either. Tell me you're with me for good.''

''I-''

I wanted to tell him that. But I couldn't. Not like that. I couldn't promise him anything. It wasn't all as easy as he was making it out to be. I couldn't simply not think about all those things. For all I knew, I could die from a fever one day. Just like that, unexpectedly. He could never even catch a cold.

But he looked at me with expectation. And so much hope, it almost hurt me to look at him. And I wanted all of that. Eru knows how much I wanted everything he was saying. I wanted to just not care. But I couldn't not care. What I could, however, was at least pretend not to care. 

''Eru gave me a second chance, and I will use it well,'' I said, ''We will use it, Legolas.''

I hoped he was ready for the way I planned to use it.


	39. To Choose a Path

I had to remain in the care of the healers for the entire month. They insisted, and Aragorn ordered it too. Apparently, if I moved too soon it wouldn't heal, and it would also probably injure me further. So I had to stay the entire month, and I couldn't wait to get out of there. I was never alone for a long time - people kept me company, though everyone was rather busy, with Aragorn's coronation ceremony to prepare and all. I wanted to help out with it, but instead I was forced to uselessly lie in bed for most of the time. I did make friends with some of the injured Gondorian soldiers, so once I was allowed to sit up, we'd play stones to pass away the time. I have no idea where Eradan got the stones board from. 

Legolas came every day, though for not too long a time, as he had too much work on his hands. I didn't mind. I needed a break from him, as much as I missed him. I needed to figure things out. The next steps scared me. 

Half of my torso was still in bandages under my dress - my shoulder included - once I was released, though I'd healed completely. It was for support, I was told. I was too happy about freedom to care. I was feeling better, and spring had come, and the nature seemed to have restored itself and all was well with the world. I decided to enjoy that, and not think about anything else at least until the coronation was over. I was happy to be alive. I was happy to see Minas Tirith thriving, children playing, the people happy. It was almost an odd sight. It was hard not to smile.

I was transferred to one of the guest rooms in the palace, and Aragorn ordered the most luxurious one, with everything I might need, and he also ordered one of the healers to check on me every now and then. I told him ''With all due respect, sire, but you are being a pain in the arse.'' He laughed almost to tears before he announced that the orders remain anyway.

It was different, and it was surreal. But I was getting used to it - the new world we lived in. I loved the change. I loved being able to walk with Éowyn and simply talk, without worries, like two normal people, sharing a little bit of their lives with one another. For the first time ever, I felt like I was under no threat. I felt free. And so did she. She was happy, the happiest I had seen her so far, and it filled my heart with joy to see her that way. She told me about Faramir and their plans, and I pretended I hadn't noticed the way they held hands the entire time. On the inside, I felt I could explode with happiness. My brother by blood and my sister by fate! Nothing could be better than that. I tried not to bounce around like a giddy girl about it, though I do not know how successful I was. Probably not too successful, seeing as she jumped a bit when I clapped my hands together.

''Oh that is just wonderful!''

''Keep it down,'' she shushed me and giggled, ''It's not like we've announced anything yet.''

''My brother is wise when it comes to women,'' I grinned.

''So is mine,'' she smiled with a blush.

''Well, I never married your brother, but you're going to marry mine so we shall be family after all.''

We giggled about that like two fool adolescent girls for a good while.

''And what of Legolas?'' she asked after a while. No more playful banter. I really did not want to discuss this now, but it was Éowyn. ''Have you decided what to do?''

''How do you-?''

''I'm not blind.''

I sighed. ''I told him I'd go with him. And I will. But he thinks I'll stay with him forever.''

''And you-?''

''Éowyn, I don't have a forever. And I surely will not let him watch me grow old and wither away.''

''Does he know? That you mean to leave him.''

''No.''

She placed a hand on my arm in comfort. There was sympathy in her eyes. Why did everything have to always be so complicated for me? Why could I not have it easy for once in my life?

''I trust you know what's best for you,'' she only said.

It was once we bumped into Faramir, that I let the two be. But not before giving a big hug to my brother. For a fleeting moment, I felt like I was giving him away. Which is silly, of course. I was most happy about the two, and he wouldn't really go anywhere.

It was a wonderful afternoon that day, though with too much free time on my hands. I wasn't allowed to work much, thanks to Aragorn. I went looking for him - for them - as I hadn't seen them all day. I found them all entering the throne room, discussing something.

''Well, well, well... If it isn't my three dearest companions,'' I teased, ''I haven't seen any of you all day, have you perhaps forgotten about your poor sickly friend?''

''Stop teasing, lass. We knew you were with Lady Éowyn,'' Gimli said, ''Our pointy-eared friend here, though, has been in very low spirits today. Not having seen you all day and that.''

Aragorn chuckled. Legolas smiled, though he probably wanted to kick Gimli. I felt much the same. He only gave him a small nudge, however.

''Well, we're having a feast tonight, so I suggest you get ready. It's time we made a proper celebration,'' Aragorn smiled.

''Oh, in that case, I will take my leave.''

''I'll escort you,'' Legolas said as he offered me his arm. I gladly took it.

~

''So... Where have you been all day, my prince?'' I asked teasingly as we walked towards my chambers.

''With Aragorn and Gimli, arranging some things. I'd rather I had been with you but alas, you made your choice,'' he smiled.

''What? Éowyn came to _me_ , and she was the only one to do so! Some friends you are,'' I feigned indignation.

''Friends? I believe I'm a little more than a friend now, am I not?'' he grinned.

''Perhaps. A very special kind of friend,'' I answered, playing along. And then I realized we had reached the destination. 

''I'll see you at dinner, my love,'' he smiled shyly.

''Come.''

''What?'' He looked a bit confused.

''Come in,'' I said. He waited a moment before he turned his head left, then right. Seeing that there was no one around, he entered.

''Help me choose a gown,'' I said as I opened the closet doors. About fourteen beautiful gowns hung in there, all in different colors. ''Which color suits me best?''

''You look beautiful in any color,'' he said and I blushed and smiled, but he didn't see as I was facing the gowns.

''Be serious,'' I said as I pulled out a gown, ''I like this rosy one. What do you think?''

''I was serious! And yes, I would have chosen that one too,'' he smiled.

''Alright. Will you help me put it on?''

''Hm?''

''I'm still in these damned bandages, Legolas, and this thing is tight.''

''Shouldn't one of the maids aid you in that? Or should I call Éowyn?'' he asked. Why was he being reluctant? He had seen me before.

''I asked _you_ ,'' I insisted, looking into his eyes reassuringly. 

He said nothing else; he simply approached me and started untying the laces of the dress I was wearing. Very slowly he untied it, as if he had been cautious for some reason or afraid even. First he untied the front, then the back. With his fingers he lightly pushed the gown off my shoulders, and it fell to the floor. 

I felt the cold air of the room land on my skin. I had nothing on but undergarments. I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest. That realization came to me for a moment, before I felt his fingers again. Light as a feather they touched my shoulder, before they grazed down the skin of my arm. Down, down they went until they reached my palm and intertwined with my fingers. I felt his breath on the back of my neck, and feeling it and hearing it made my heart beat faster. 

''You are so beautiful,'' he whispered to me, and I almost shuddered. 

I felt his lips on my shoulder. He kissed me gently, tenderly. I had goosebumps and chills sent down my spine. My breath hitched. I could have melted into a puddle right there. I could have melted away into nothingness. 

I turned around to face him; and I held his face and kissed his lips. We kissed slowly, gently for a while, before it all grew more passionate. I wasn't surprised by my own needs and wants, but he was an Elf, and I had lived in the belief that Elven urges are not as - well - urgent. I was beginning to think I had been more wrong than I thought. When it came to tongues twisting and lip-biting, I figured we had better stop or there would be no time for anything else, let alone preparing for a feast. For some odd reason, we started chuckling once we pulled away and realized how breathless we both were.

''I like this,'' I grinned.

''Perhaps too much,'' he smiled, his lips still looking too delicious to bear.

''I should really get dressed for dinner.''

''Let me help you,'' he said, before he picked up the soft rosy gown.

~

The dining hall greeted me with cheerful voices - chatter and laughter. Faint music could be heard in the background. Smells of most delicious meals filled my nostrils and it wasn't until then that I realized how hungry I actually was. I saw nothing but smiles plastered across the faces of the people eating, and it brought one on my own. It was a late celebration of our victory, but everyone had been too busy to make a proper one. I saw Gimli waving his short arm at me, motioning for me to sit on their side. I could only laugh seeing the grease and chunks of chicken meat stuck in his beard. I went over to his side.

''Manners, Master Dwarf. Is that how you call on a lady? With a beard like that?''

Gimli gulped down his mouthful, stopped for a moment to look down on his beard, then tried brushing it away and I chuckled, to which the friends around us laughed.

''Lass! Don't tease your elders.''

Laughing, I sat next to him. Legolas sat across the table in front of me. I grabbed a napkin and carefully helped Gimli with his beard. I could not help it with the laughter. He kept mumbling something to himself.

''There,'' I said once I was finished.

''Well, thank you, lass. You'll fit right in with the Elves.''

''Gimli!'' I grumbled. His comments were still a bit too straight-forward. Besides, I wasn't planning on living among Elves any time soon. Eru knows I couldn't even imagine it yet. I could not help but nudge Gimli with my elbow, perhaps a bit too harshly.

''There ya go! That's the warrior I know!''

I laughed and looked to Legolas, who only smiled.


	40. No Rest

The month of April had come to an end. The city looked much more lively and beautiful. Repairs were still on-going, though not much remained to work on, and everyone lent a helping hand, it seemed. The Sun illuminated every piece of white stone of the city. It was difficult not to be smiling. 

To think I'd been released from the Houses of Healing a mere few days before Aragorn's coronation! I was afraid I'd actually miss it. I would not have forgiven that to anyone. I'd most probably crawl my way into the audience at the ceremony and would not care. They'd have had to drag me back to bed.

But the day had come. I was almost too excited to breathe. It was as though I was to be made Queen or something. I was probably more nervous than he was. 

Actually, I was certainly more nervous. He didn't show a single sign of anxiety when I saw him, though he had always been good at keeping things in. He looked as though he almost did not care, as though it wasn't too grand a thing. The truth is, he was the most humble person I'd ever known. After everything we'd gone through he still believed he was yet to earn that crown. I do not think he ever felt quite worthy.

These were the thoughts that were going through my head as I was getting ready. I'd gotten rid of all my bandages, and had gotten a most beautiful red gown tailored for me. Some make-up and creams and my hair let down and decorated with a single tiny golden head-piece made me want to twirl around in front of the mirror like a fool. I'd never looked better. I was so excited about Aragorn finally becoming King that even I wanted to look as best as I could for the occasion. Everything had to be absolutely perfect.

I was a bit nervous about potentially meeting King Thranduil, but when Legolas told me his father wouldn't be able to make it that day, I'd released the most audible sigh of relief. He laughed.

One other thing I was very excited about was seeing Éomer again. He'd gone back to Rohan after a couple of days after that battle, and by now he was a King himself already. For a moment I let my thoughts drift away to the possibility of what would have happened had my heart been any more clever. Being a Queen of Men sounded most flattering, but it was never something I wanted. I was looking forward to his stay in Gondor for a while. He had said in his letter that he would be able to take the time off, King or not. I couldn't wait to see him.

It was Faramir who had done most of the work preparing the entire ceremony. He'd been too busy. He wanted everything to be perfect as much as I did, but he thought it his duty as he took up his father's role of steward. It felt like watching him trying to right his father's wrongs. But he had nothing to justify or prove. His father's sins were not passed onto him to bear.

Other than preparing everything related to the coronation, he had his fingers in almost every other pie. I wonder how much sleep he had had during the time. It was constant patrols and scouting the lands, going back and forth, cleaning it of possible Orc remnants. It was hard to imagine that the last of battles were still going on in the world as I was thinking it. The War was won, but as word came, some battles still were not. Aragorn did what he could about it, but it wasn't much. It would all come to an end soon; now with Sauron gone, it could all be dealt with.

It was a beautiful ceremony that day. It seemed a dream, really. Aragorn sitting on the throne of Gondor had always been a sort of a dream to me and him, something far too distant to really hold onto firmly. It was a dream to be taken with a grain of salt. Not that anyone really knew their fate when we stood at the Black Gate. It was a foolish hope, and we were both clever enough not to cling onto the dream with all we had. But now, it was happening. 

It took all my strength not to let my tears flow once Gandalf crowned him. And oh, did the crown suit him.

''Now come the days of the King. May they be blessed,'' Gandalf said. Legolas tightened his hold on my hand. I wouldn't weep.

''This day does not belong to one man but to all. Let us together rebuild this world… that we may share in the days of peace,'' Aragorn addressed us.

And then applause - thundering applause. I'd never been more aware of how much I loved that man. It was really hard not to weep. I didn't know when exactly I'd turned into an emotional wreck, but perhaps the war had taken its toll on me.

And then he sang.

'' _Et Eärello Endorenna utúlien. Sinome maruvan ar Hildinyar tenn' Ambar-metta._ (Out of the Great Sea to Middle-Earth I am come. In this place will I abide, and my heirs, unto the ending of the world.)''

And a tear slid down my face. I could not help it. I'd never been happier. It was the kind of happiness that made you actually consider if your chest could burst with it. It was marvelous - he walked down that aisle and everyone bowed with respect. I couldn't stop smiling. Legolas couldn't either, as he held my hand. He looked more handsome than ever, representing his father at the ceremony. Just looking at him made me want to kiss him. He stood so tall and looked so proud to speak on his father's behalf and lead a group of Mirkwood Elves to the ceremony. Gimli's words rang in my head, about fitting right in with the Elves. Well, I was now surrounded by them, and I wondered how I looked.

I saw Éomer on the other side of the crowd, and made a mental note to speak to him first when the ceremony was over.

It was a shame that the Rivendell party couldn't make it either. Lord Elrond would arrive in two months with his children and other Elves of Imladris. Aragorn had by now obviously learned of Arwen's stay and her choice. He didn't talk about it much to me. It had him torn. But I was sure he wished Arwen could have been there for the crowning. All in all, it did leave us just enough time to plan another ceremony - the wedding. That I could barely think about without wanting to squeal in excitement. So I tried not to. That was two weddings to be excited about already. I didn't talk about it either, especially not to Aragorn, who had had too much on his mind already. He was happy, of course, and too eager to see her, but in some corner of his mind it still tormented him that Arwen had, ultimately, chosen death. 

When Aragorn finally approached me and Legolas and put both his hands on our shoulders and said '' _Hannon le_ (Thank you)'', I bit my lip not to start weeping again in front of him. I smiled, my eyes defiantly glistening.

''You did it,'' I breathed. _Don't cry._

''We did it.''

When he'd reached our four little hobbit friends, and they started to bow, he only said:

''My friends. You bow to no one.''

It was he who bowed to them. It was his first kingly deed. And we followed. Everyone followed.

The hobbits ought to have known how respected they were, how much everyone appreciated everything they'd done for the world.

Four little creatures, undoubtedly greatest of us all. 

~

The entire day was nothing but merry drinking and eating and singing. We stayed drunk long into the night, laughing and celebrating. I had never had that much fun. Even Aragorn had loosened up, and had abandoned the mantle of the King for the night. 

As happy as the occasion was, it was also a tad bit frightening. It is difficult to explain, but I felt as though with morning come I'd lose something. I felt as though I'd say goodbye to Aragorn. Nothing would be the same - he would no longer be my Ranger friend, my closest companion. Change comes for us all, and that's good. Change is always good, but that does not mean it isn't painful. 

Faramir and Éowyn hardly ever left each other's side; all Aragorn and I could do was grin at them happily. 

''Arwen should be here by Lithe,'' I told him once we grabbed a moment of privacy.

He nodded. ''If all is well.''

''Let yourself be happy. You have deserved it.''

''I am happy - as happy as a man can be.''

''You have to let yourself enjoy it. Be not plagued by useless worries and laments. It is all over and done now, and there is nothing that can be changed.''

''I know,'' he said, knowing full well what I meant by it.

''You love her too much,'' I smiled, ''But you must forever respect her decision and hold it in highest esteem, for she did it out of love for you. I hope you will never feel regret, as surely she will not.''

''I have made peace with her fate,'' she said, ''I have only ever wished the best for her.''

''I know,'' I said, placing a hand on his, wondering if I'd still be able to do that with morning come.

''But you are the one to speak, my friend,'' he smiled, ''You're the one who will not accept the sacrifices of the one you love.''

''It is more difficult,'' I said, though it was hardly true, ''And I am dealing with it. The best way I know. Trust me.''

''There is no perfect solution for no one thing.''

I sighed. ''Oh do I know it.''

''He has been my friend for a very long time,'' Aragorn said, ''And I have never seen him smile the way he does when he's with you. And I have never seen you smile the way you do when you're with him. Take your own advice, my friend. Enjoy it. While you can.''

He gave me one of those smiles that usually meant he would say no more.

''You rarely give advice,'' I grinned.

''Well, it is dangerous business,'' he shrugged with a smile.

It was the most of fun, really, that entire night. Gimli managed to fall off his chair three times before his final falling asleep. I talked to Éomer for a long while, catching up, sharing news, celebrating, laughing. I was pleased to find out that he would stay in Gondor until Aragorn and Arwen were married. He had taken care of everything back in Rohan and managed to organize his men to function perfectly well until his return. Legolas joined us after a short while, and I was happy to see that there was friendship between the two as well. It could have gone the other way, with Legolas's recent confession to me of his jealousy. I found it endearing, and bordering on impossible - an Elf being jealous of a mortal Man - but it had earned him a kiss from me. 

The older the night grew, and the closer we were to dawn, the more I felt the nostalgia - for what, I was not entirely sure. Soon, everything would change. Aragorn and Arwen would be King and Queen; Faramir would marry Éowyn and be the Steward of Gondor; Éomer would go back to Rohan; Gimli would go back home too, at least for a while; and the hobbits would return to the Shire. Gandalf would probably find himself something interesting to spend his time on after escorting the hobbits. The Fellowship would be no more. It would never be the same; I would never again spend as much time with them as I used to. But I had Legolas, and my promise to him. I wanted to go with him, travel East. I really wanted to.

It was when the crowd had dispersed and most had fallen asleep when I found myself in Legolas's embrace, sitting on the steps before the palace. The night was warm. We spoke not a word for a long while. I could almost fall asleep right there. But he had sensed my uneasy-ness.

''Why are you sad, my love?''

''I'm not.''

''Something is wrong.''

''I am just... being silly.''

He kissed my temple. ''Tell me.''

I sighed. ''I'm happy, Legolas. I really am. But I cannot help but feel some sort of melancholy, some nostalgia.''

''It is understandable,'' he replied, to my surprise. I didn't think he'd understand me before I even explained it to him.

I grinned. ''Have I told you about that one time Aragorn and I got lost in Chetwood?''

''In Chetwood?'' he asked in disbelief.

''Can you imagine it? After decades of him being a Ranger, and having been to Chetwood a million times. We were too tired to think properly, so we slept among the bushes until dawn came and we realized we were barely paces away from Combe. Paces away, Legolas. Can you imagine how tired we were that we didn't even see the road ahead of us? We laughed for half an hour.''

Legolas chuckled at the story. ''And where were you headed?''

''Not to Combe.''

We shared a laugh, before silence fell. He read my thoughts.

''You will never again get lost in Chetwood, but he will always be your friend.'' His voice was music, gentle and comforting.

''I know, but now he is my King. It will not be the same.''

''My father is my King, and he is still my father.''

I smiled. ''Good point.'' _But not convincing._

''This is all the wine stirring your emotions,'' I could feel his grin against my forehead, before he gave me another kiss, ''You will feel just fine in the morning.''

''Probably,'' I smiled, before I kissed his lips.

~

In the morning I did feel better - as in I did not feel the same nostalgia. Mornings are always more clever, and night-time combined with wine can indeed cloud a person's judgement. However, me feeling just fine did not last long. It was after breakfast that I found Faramir and Aragorn arguing in the throne room.

''I have done my duties in the absence of my father during the time in which it was needed,'' Faramir insisted, ''But now I will resign. With all due respect, my liege, it is not for me - the title of steward. I cannot do it.''

''Faramir, there isn't a man in the world better suited for it,'' Aragorn argued, ''Your father was a fine tactician and ruled these lands as not many could in the absence of a King. You share his mind and his talents. There is no man with better judgement I know, no man matching your skills.''

''I am sorry, sire. It is my decision.'' And with that he bowed his head and walked out, not even seeing me on the other side of the room.

Aragorn reclined in his throne, burying his face in his palm with a heavy sigh.

''What was that about?'' I asked, all titles excluded. Faramir had sounded so formal.

''Faramir will not be the Steward in his father's stead,'' he explained, ''I must cancel the office altogether.''

''But... why?'' Why was Faramir behaving like that?

''You will have to ask him,'' he said, ''I do have to admit that this has come as a knife to a wound. I have counted on his help.''

I understood what Aragorn meant. He was new at this, and everyone expected him to unite the kingdoms and rule as though he had been doing it all his life. He did need help.

''What if I talk to him?'' I asked.

''You may try, but he seems resolute. This is not the first time I ask this of him. Each time he seemed as resolute as the time before.''

''What's wrong with him?'' I whispered my thoughts out loud.

''Nothing is wrong with him,'' he said, now pacing around, and I jumped a bit, ''I will simply have to cancel the office altogether.''

''It isn't fair, you cannot do everything on your own,'' I argued, feeling just a bit angry at Faramir, ''Not yet, at least. How could he abandon you like this?''

''Do not judge your brother too harshly,'' he retorted, ''Though I do not know his reasons, I am sure he has them and I am sure they are valid.''

''I will talk to him,'' I said, ''This isn't right.''

''You do not have to bother,'' he shook his head, ''I will cancel the office.''

''No, Aragorn; that is ridiculous!''

I was glad we were alone. I had to change the way I spoke to the King.

''Unless,'' he started after a short pondering.

''What?''

''Unless you will take his place.''

''What?'' I couldn't really believe my own ears.

''If you would take up the office, I wouldn't have to do it all alone.''

''You must be jesting.''

''I am not!'' He smiled in spite of himself. My shock must have been amusing.

''Me a Steward? Do you _want_ your kingdom in ruins? I cannot be a Steward! I can barely make a decision about what I want for breakfast!''

He chuckled. ''You would be better at it than you think. You may not be well aware of it but you have made many a wise decision in the past year.''

My mind went into fast retrospective, and I could recall none. I shook my head vehemently. ''Really, Aragorn. I cannot do it.''

''Just imagine it,'' he smiled as he placed a hand on my arm, ''We'd still work side by side as we have done for years. There's no one I'd want more than you as my right hand.''

 _I know._ Oh Eru, why did it have to sound appealing?

''No, Aragorn, I- Maybe you're right, and I wouldn't be so bad as a Steward. But it's not my place. It's Faramir's. And I will talk to him. Besides, I am not- I am not my father's heir. I do not... think him my father at all. I am proud of my brothers, but I want nothing to do with his line. I am sorry.''

''Nothing to be sorry about,'' he smiled, and in that moment I could bet my everything that there was sadness in it, so fleeting you could barely catch it.

I smiled back. ''You will have Faramir take up the office in no time.''

And I couldn't bring myself to go to Faramir that entire day. What if he definitely refused? No one could _make him_ be Steward. What then? I couldn't turn my back on Aragorn when he needed someone. I highly doubted I was cut out for the office, but I would have given my life for the man. What if Faramir refused? Would I have to take up the office, stay where I was put and work on what I had to? 

Would I have to break my promise to Legolas?

_Oh Eru, do I not deserve some rest?_

_I cannot leave Aragorn._


	41. Crossroads

It was odd, to say the least, once I found out about the war everywhere, and how the battles had come to pass, and who had sent men to our aid, and who could not possibly spare a single soul. There was so much I wasn't quite aware of during the time. Between our own battles down south and the worrying over Frodo and Sam and all the personal troubles, I barely spared a thought for the battles the dwarves fought, or who sent men to our aid, or how much trouble the Easterlings were giving us besides those I faced myself. 

It was an eye-opener to finally get the big picture. To finally hear of who had fallen, and which lands no longer had their lords. To hear how much the Drúedain had helped us, and how much help they gave to the Rohirrim at the Pelennor Fields. For that, Aragon granted them the Drúadan Forest forever, promising that no man would enter without their permission. And to hear of all the lords who sent forth their men to help us when they could barely stand their own ground. To find out just how much damage men from Umbar and Harad had done to Lamedon - we had only passed through one city of the region and could not witness the gravity of it - and how lord Angmar couldn't send a soul to Minas Tirith in the midst of his struggle. His men came to our aid once we had already left for the Black Gate; and for everything the man had done, Aragorn named him Lord Angmar the Fearless. I wanted to meet him, and figured I probably would have that chance.

Admittedly, I always wondered how Mirkwood was fairing, and what exactly King Thranduil was doing, but I never wanted to ask Legolas. I figured he worried enough.

Legolas had gone back to Mirkwood to settle some matters, inviting me to come with him. I told him I couldn't possibly go until I've settled everything with Faramir. I just couldn't. He understood, said he would go as fast as possible, straight north through all the marshes and rocks and what not. I told him to be careful. I'd rather have him safe back home after months of travel than have him sent to Mandos before I could see him again. He was all in a haste, calculating how many days would pass until he saw me again.

''About fifteen days to the Hall, and fifteen on my way back, if I hurry. I shouldn't stay longer than a couple of days there.''

''That's... about thirty two days?'' I said, my heart sinking into my heels with sadness. But I wouldn't make him worry.

''Add a few just in case, but it shouldn't take longer,'' he smiled fraily. It was all kisses and hugs and before I knew it, he was gone with the dawn and I retreated back to bed.

Finishing up with his last duties as Steward, Faramir had finally found time for me that lovely May afternoon. For the first time in a while we had the whole afternoon to ourselves. Éowyn was most probably spending her time much the same with Éomer.

I'd cooled off, having slept on the entire matter. I let a few days pass before deciding to speak to Faramir. But as much as I was finally looking forward to some quality time with my brother, I was also dreading it. Somehow, I just knew ugly things would be brought up. I was certain, and yet I also knew it was what I had to do. _No more running._

We started off going for a walk, and ended up on horseback trotting our way out of the city. The weather was at its finest, and it felt good to leave the white walls behind. To think I hadn't left the city in so long - it was unlike me. I always knew I was a wild thing.

''Well, you certainly are beaming with happiness,'' I remarked, giving him a smile, ''Why do I think it Lady Éowyn's fault?''

He almost blushed, which would have been beyond odd. ''She has saved me. What was left of me, she repaired. I'm more than happy.''

''Well, I'm glad to see you like that, brother.'' 

I almost added a _''Boromir would have loved to have seen you so happy,''_ but I stopped myself. Neither of us would have appreciated it at the moment.

''You seem rather happy yourself,'' he smiled, ''I never would have thought you would have fallen for an Elf prince, though.''

''What do you mean?'' I grinned.

''Nothing much, just- I always thought I'd one day see you with a man, a big bearded one too.''

I laughed out loud. ''To tell you the truth, my brother, I have surprised myself as well.''

''He is a good person,'' Faramir nodded in approval, ''If I had to, I would have chosen him for you myself.''

He started to say something else, but as much as his mouth opened, the words remained in his throat. I knew what it was about.

''You can say it,'' I said.

''As long as you know what you're doing,'' he only said, ''And I believe in you, sweetroll.''

I nodded. Yes, I knew what I was doing. Or at least I thought I knew.

''I never want to see you hurt,'' he added, ''but I'd much rather have you in a bit of pain after a lifetime of happiness, than have you safe from both hurts and joy.''

Another reason why I loved my brother so, I thought.

''We're of the same mind,'' I said, ''And I've thought it through. I think I know what I'm doing.''

''So what is next? For you and Legolas.''

''We decided we'd travel for a while. Seek some new adventure,'' I smiled, ''I promised him, actually. I am afraid I might have to break that promise now.''

''Why so?''

''Faramir... Why did you refuse the position of Steward?''

''Why do you ask?''

''I want to know.''

He sighed. ''For many a reason. With a King, Gondor no longer needs a Steward. And I was never meant to be one. Boromir was my father's heir. And my father would have never approved. That seat does not belong to me.''

''You're wrong. Do you think Aragorn can do everything on his own? He couldn't have learned how to unite and rule a kingdom over night! He needs your help, Faramir. He _needs_ it. Do you not think so?''

''There are many loyal to him who would do just fine.''

''He asked me to do it in your stead,'' I said, to which he met my eyes for the first time. We were still trotting ahead - into the horizon, it seemed.

''The war may be over but there is still danger lurking about,'' I explained, ''You know this. And I cannot handle it, Faramir. I cannot make military decisions, and I cannot have him depend upon me. I am not cut out for it.''

''Why me?'' he asked, ''There are others. There are men. Why me?''

''Because you, Faramir!'' I could not control the way I raised my voice, ''Because you are as much of a son of Denethor as Boromir was! And as much as I hated him, and despite his downfall, your father was a good Steward for a good long while, and you have all of his talents. All of them! And you're a better man than he'll ever be!''

''It is not my place!''

''You are not taking anyone's place!''

In all my insisting, I could feel myself about to tear up. It was heartbreaking to think how he might have felt all those years. Boromir loved him with all his heart, that I knew; but could all the bullying his father did had led him into feeling unworthy of who he was? And he _was_ the blood of Númenor.

I didn't tear up, but I was surprised to see that he did. A tear slid down his cheek, and I stared in disbelief. 

''It's his place,'' he said - almost whispered to himself.

''He's not coming back,'' I said. I could feel my own frown dragging my face to the ground. I hated all of this.

''I know,'' he nodded, ''He would have made a fine Steward.''

''He probably would have,'' I agreed, ''But not as fine as you. Admit it, Faramir, he was as stubborn and hot-headed as an angry bull.''

Faramir chuckled through those tears. ''Not difficult to admit.''

''And I understand that you may not want the responsibility of it, but _I_ cannot turn my back on Aragorn, not after everything he's done for me. If you do not take up the office, I will have to take up the struggle. I will have to. I cannot leave him, Faramir. Not now,'' I shook my head.

He turned around to stride next to me only to look me in the eyes with concern and sympathy.

''And what do _you_ want?''

''I want... I want to travel. To see as much of the world as I can and... spend as much time with Legolas as I can. But I also want to be here. To be close to you and Aragorn. And I- I could find a way. I can make it all work out.''

''You being Steward doesn't come into your plans then, does it?'' he smiled.

''No, it really doesn't,'' I chuckled, ''But I'm not asking you to do it for me. I swear to you, as Eru is my witness. I have simply loved that man too greatly to see him left to struggle alone. And I don't trust anyone. Who's to say someone will not want to see him overthrown in months time?''

Faramir said nothing for a short while. He only looked at me, studied me with a small smile on his face.

''What?'' I asked.

His smile widened. ''Nothing. I am only proud of you.''

I smiled. ''You are the best person I've ever known, Faramir,'' I said, ''And I would trust you with my life and any life precious to me. I would entrust you the world. You'd make a fine King, not just a Steward.''

And I meant it. He said nothing concerning the compliment. He only wore that small smile. ''Let us ride back to the city and settle this.''

 

~

 

They clasped each other's forearms. They both smiled. It warmed my heart, and I tried to defeat the nagging thought that Faramir was doing this for me. He had promised me that he wasn't, and surely he would not have lied to me. Faramir never lied, ever.

''Faramir, son of Denethor, I hereby name you Steward of Gondor,'' Aragorn said, ''It is my honor, and a privilege to have you at my side.''

Faramir nodded his head curtly.

''Noble blood flows through your veins, and for all that you yourself have done, and for all that your family and bloodline has done for Gondor through time, I have decided to name you Prince of Ithilien. Ithilien will be yours to rule, the lands and people your to command, and I hope it shall make a fine home for you and your Lady Éowyn.''

I gasped in both surprise and joy and I do not even know what else. I could see that Faramir was taken aback too. It took him a while before he spoke. It was only the three of us in the throne room, and for some reason I felt as though I was invading on them.

Faramir stuttered in gratitude and he all but stumbled across all of his humble expressions of honor and privilege and oaths of fealty and promises of rebuilding what's been broken and serving the King as well as he possibly could. I wanted to tear up again. It was something I never thought I'd witness.

''And I'm glad you've stuck around, Alanna, for I would have a word with you too.''

A bit reluctantly, I approached. He placed a hand on my shoulder.

''For years you have been my closest companion and most trusted friend. I know you better than I do most people, and knowing you, I am aware of your wandering nature. I know you will soon be back on the road, and Eru only knows for how long,'' he smiled.

Where was he getting with this?

''When you return for good, you will have Lossarnach at your command.''

I gaped. ''Aragorn-''

''I would name you now, Alanna, but know that those lands are all but yours whenever it is that you wish it.''

I almost couldn't breathe. My mouth was still open, and a breath had caught in my throat, and it took me a while to utter a single thing.

''I-''

I was a nobody. No King would have done that.

''Aragorn, I-''

''It will please me most to have by my side a Lady who still refers to me with no titles included,'' he grinned.

I was deeply honored. But also severely confused. And a bit frightened. And I felt oddly misplaced. And to have such an honor _pending_ and a matter of my own wish - Aragorn was truly one of a kind. 

I was speechless.

''Thank you, for this honor, my King,'' I smiled, ''Lands or no, you know you will always be able to count on me and any service I could offer you.''

I would have bowed, had he not held me so firmly.

This was my life. Gondor was home - I was finally home, and for some reason I felt as though Legolas was slipping away from me. I felt a pang in my chest. For the first time in my life, I felt as though I was truly settling somewhere - I had a home, and duties, and I was surrounded by people I loved. And on the other side of the scales, there was Legolas. How could I have both? How could one outweigh the other?

_''Your fate now stands at a crossroads, and your heart will have to decide. There will be pain, but there will be happiness as well, and it shall soon be over.''_

My heart almost stopped at the remembrance of those words. Lady Galadriel's voice came to my mind as suddenly as lightening. 

_''Your heart will have to decide.''_

_How do I decide? Why do I have to decide?_

I wanted to weep.

_Eru, give me rest._


	42. Hearts' Agreement

The entire month of Legolas's absence had thankfully passed busily. I hardly had any time to ponder over anything, and in the evenings I'd usually be too tired to stay awake too long and think. It was a blessing of a sort, but in all honesty I could feel my troubles eating at some dark corner of my mind trying to win my attention. But I ignored it. Things would settle in time.

Most of the time I'd spent travelling across near regions of Gondor. Éomer was settling certain matters and making visits and so I came along with him and his party. There were so many places I had never been to, and some I hadn't been to in such a long while that when my eyes finally fell upon those landscapes again, my heart wanted to sing. 

I got to know Éomer much better during the time. When I found out that he used to live in Aldburg when I lived there for a short while, we laughed at the oddity of it. Who knows how many times he sat at a table I served back then. It is a small world indeed. 

When we came to Dol Amroth and stayed with Lord Imrahil, I all but saw another wedding in advance. Our King of the Rohirrim had utterly and completely fallen for the Lord's daughter - Lady Lothíriel. It was most amusing to watch. To see the young King blush at my teasings like a boy was almost unbelievable. We were welcomed there as royalty, and eventually ended up staying a bit longer than we'd intended to. I didn't mind. Time flew by.

It was a really warm summer day when I reached Minas Tirith again. Had it not been for the horse's gallop and thus the wind in my face, I was sure I would have melted into a puddle. Legolas was expected to return in a couple of days, so I hurried back. Éomer offered to come with me, but I insisted it was unnecessary, that I knew my way back perfectly well, and that he had time enough to stay at Dol Amroth before Aragorn's wedding. He would return in a few days after me, he said, and asked of me to send word if ever he should be needed in the meantime. It was a long way to Minas Tirith, and it was never exactly a part of my plans to go to Dol Amroth, so I was in much haste to get back. I barely paused.

Legolas hadn't come back yet when I arrived. I spent that evening with my loved ones, shared a few jokes with the hobbits and passed out in my bed before I could count to three.

The next morning I awoke to the most beautiful voice in the world.

'' _Ollo vae?_ (Sweet dreams?) I hope you dream of me only, _meleth nin_ (my love).''

''Legolas?''

The door was ajar, and he was stepping in. He looked a bit travel-worn - his hair all ruffled and his face still wind-pinched. Even his bow was still on his back. He had just come back. And he came to me first. He was setting his bow down on a small table near the door now. He looked so handsome. 

''Aye. Have you missed me?''

I would have gotten up but there was no need. Slowly, almost cautiously, he approached the bed. I hadn't been aware how much I'd missed him. I wanted him next to me in bed for three days entire, neither of us leaving the room for anything. He sat on the bed right next to me, and stroked my hair and touched my face and I melted before he could even kiss me on the lips. It was almost too hard to pull back when he kissed me, I almost feared he'd escape me if I did. His lips were honey and athelas - they nurtured and refreshed me with every touch.

''You have no idea how much,'' I said quietly. He smiled.

''I traveled as fast as I could. I missed you so,'' he kissed me again, ''I couldn't wait to kiss you again. You have witchcraft in your lips, Lana.''

''My handsome prince,'' I smiled at the sight of him, both of my hands on his cheeks. He was so beautiful, and he was mine only.

''How is Mirkwood?'' I asked, ''Have you had any trouble?''

''Mirkwood is almost unrecognizable,'' he smiled, ''I had no problems traveling through.''

''I'm glad. And? How was home?'' I smiled, ''Did you enjoy your short time there, my love?''

''I hardly had a day to enjoy. There was much to do and discuss.''

''If it's ruling business and military matters, spare me.''

He laughed and kissed me again. ''As I planned to.''

''Come to bed,'' I said.

He raised an eyebrow and I laughed out loud. ''Just pull your boots off and come here.''

He got rid of his boots and his cloak and all things unnecessary and lay next to me. I snuggled up to him immediately, my head on his chest, his heartbeat in my ear, his smell almost lulling me back to sleep. He chuckled at the way I nuzzled his neck. His fingers were playing with my hair as they so often used to. All was well with the world.

''And how have you spent these days, my princess?'' 

''Travelling, mostly. I went with Éomer to Dol Amroth. Seems like we're having another wedding.''

''Oh, really?''

I nodded and kissed his neck. ''Éomer is as in love as a boy.''

He grinned. ''Well, I'm glad. I'm glad that he has found himself a Queen, and I'm also glad you're no longer in his mind.''

I punched his chest playfully. ''Stop being jealous.''

He chuckled. ''I have been very jealous. That night when I saw you, well... I thought I would go mad.''

I raised my head to look at him. ''So you were _angry_ with me after all! Huh!''

''Well, I couldn't have really told you back then, could I?''

I shrugged. ''It doesn't matter. It's sort of sweet,'' I smiled, ''To think I had already fallen in love with you before that even happened.''

He pulled me back into his embrace. ''Well, now we're here.''

I was half-lying on top of him, our noses touching and our lips as close as they could be. Every breath of his that I felt on my face set me on fire anew. I wanted him, and it was almost embarrassing. I had chosen to love an Elf. I knew very well that Elves don't indulge in carnal pleasures as often as we Men do. I wondered if Legolas wanted me as much and as often as I wanted him. I was unsure, and insecure, and very much afraid to ask anything of the sort. He seemed to respond to every touch and kiss of mine equally, but that didn't exactly give me an answer. The first time we made love under the trees that night, we had all but wed according to Elven customs. That is how serious they take it, and how holy they see it - so much more than we do. Legolas and I were married by his customs, the ceremony would just be a detail of formality, but he never said anything of it to me, because he knew me and loved me. He never wished to force anything upon me.

I got my answer when he kissed me softly and whispered to me how beautiful I was before his hands slid from my face to my waist, and snaked around me. My white, thin night-gown seemed like heavy steel armor. I wanted it off.

''Legolas,'' was all I could utter. I was positively flushed with my desire, I could feel the heat in my cheeks. His hand moved on my back slowly, as though uncertainly. My desire mirrored his, but he seemed to want and need encouragement from my part.

''Touch me,'' I whispered.

And that was all it took. One of his hands slid down my butt and pulled up my gown gently so that he could rest his hand against flesh instead of fabric. His fingers played with my skin, going up and down my thighs and brushing against all the places that made me want him even more. Still he was slow and gentle, his lips moving from my own to my neck, and I couldn't stifle the soft sounds that came out of me. I kissed him back with all my want, but it wasn't until my lips reached the tip of his ear that he flipped me over and all but pinned me down. All of his self-control seemed to have flown out of the window, and with each thing he did, I ached for him even more.

'' _Heltho_ (Strip),'' I all but commanded. It seemed only fair with me wearing almost nothing and him still in leather. He smiled mischievously and I chuckled before helping him out of his clothes. He kept kissing me on the lips and slowing the process, and chuckling in between it all. I, too, was now grinning like a fool.

''The way you command, you'd make a fine Queen one day,'' he grinned before throwing his tunic somewhere across the room.

''You're the royalty,'' I said daringly, not knowing what in the world had taken over me, ''You can freely command.''

'' _Ai_...'', he almost hissed at my suggestion, and soon his body was on top of mine again.

'' _Bestatham meneg lû po i chaust hen_ (Let's wed a thousand times on this bed),'' he whispered in between kisses.

And we did. Not a thousand times, but quite a few.

 

~

 

''Lord Elrond and Arwen will arrive in a couple of weeks, and then we'll have to lend a helping hand for the wedding,'' I said as his fingers drew invisible circles on my back. We were both still naked in bed, and had eaten there as well. We were resolute to spend the day that way. And it was as good a day as could a day be. The weather was wonderful, the entire city seemed cheerful, and all that reached us were sun-rays, and nothing else of the world. We cared not much for the world in that bed.

''It's going to be a grand wedding. Ah, I'm so excited!''

He chuckled at my expressions of joy. ''We will have to organize ourselves well, my love,'' he said, ''After the wedding, we'll have to ride for Edoras for late King Theoden's funeral procession. We'll probably have to stay a while too. Éomer is to be crowned officially, so we might have to stay for that too.''

''I know,'' I frowned at the thought of the funeral, but I couldn't keep a frown for long when in bed with Legolas, ''Ah, you speak like a King. I love it!'' I smiled and kissed his lips. I could feel him smiling against my own. This was happiness.

''Keep Faramir's wedding in mind too, though they have said nothing yet,'' I reminded him, ''I don't want to miss that, so we'll have to stick around.''

He nodded. ''It will be September by the time we're free.''

''Or even a bit later,'' I said.

''I'll have to go back to Mirkwood then for a while.''

''I know,'' I nodded, ''And I'm coming with you. If I may, of course.''

At that, his eyes opened wide and glistened, his smile beamed with a child's happiness. ''Of course you may! I mean, really? You want to come with me?''

''Well, I don't want to part with you.''

He couldn't seem to find the words for an answer to that, so he just pulled me into another kiss.

''I talked with my father,'' he finally said, speaking excitedly, ''I didn't want to tell you until all was certain and settled, and I wanted to surprise you for surely you'd find this good news.''

''What is it?''

''To both my father's and Aragorn's wishes, I am to lead those of my people who are willing to move to Ithilien. To settle there was the plan.''

It took me a moment to process it. ''What?''

''Preparations are slow right now but it should-''

''Moving to Ithilien!'' I almost jumped on the bed, ''That is wonderful, Legolas!!''

He laughed at the sight of me.

''That is so- Eru... We- We could live there! I don't have to live in Minas Tirith, I mean- I would miss Aragorn, but we would visit all the time and Faramir will be in Ithilien. Prince of Ithilien! Legolas, I love you!''

I kissed him so hard on the mouth he was still chuckling against my lips. I was so happy I thought I would explode.

''I'm glad you're happy,'' he said against my lips.

''I am. I truly am. And I get it now.''

''What?''

''Lady Galadriel's words. She said to me that my heart would have to decide. She meant I would have to make a choice whether to be with you or not. And I've made that difficult choice, though it comes with a price. And I will deal with that the only way I know how. What is most important now is that I don't have to choose between you and home.''

He smiled gently and caressed my face with all the affection radiating out of his eyes. '' _I Ithil ned nîn fuin_ (The moon in my night),'' he said.

''So it comes to this,'' I said finally, ''I will be with you and live with you and love you with all my heart. Hopefully, it will be for many years. We'll go wherever you want, and we'll come back to Gondor to live however you want.'' I would tell him about Lossarnach later.

''But,'' he said, knowing very well there would be a ''but''.

''But there is one condition, a request of mine that you will have to accept and respect.''

''What is it?''

''One day, age will start taking me. When I sense it, when I think it appropriate time, I will leave.''

I waited. There was no response from him for a good long while. His eyes showed me nothing. I was afraid of it. The air became close and heavy. 

''And you will immediately sail to the West,'' I added, ''Do we- Do we have an agreement?''

He swallowed. ''Yes,'' his voice sounded hoarse.

''I will not have you sad and fading here. I will go, live somewhere until the end of my days, close to those I love, and you will sail West immediately. Agreed?''

''Agreed.''

''Don't look so sad, my prince,'' I kissed him, ''That won't be in many long years.''

A couple of decades. That's what I'd have with him unless death took me some other way before. It seemed a lot of time to me. The thought that it probably wasn't too long a time for him hit me a bit late. It didn't matter. It was the only way.

_“When he shall die,_  
 _Take him and cut him out in little stars,_  
 _And he will make the face of heaven so fine_  
 _That all the world will be in love with night_  
 _And pay no worship to the garish sun.”_

END OF BOOK 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be book 2. the sequel will be concerning the life of legolas and alanna after all the busy stuff and all the weddings. alanna meets the elven king, as she has to, and the adventure begins. they're going east. there is an entire adventurous plot that i hope you'll like. i will get to expand on their characters and their relationship and, well, did you think life would be a fairy-tale after the victory in the war of the ring? no, my dears, adventure comes to those who seek it, and all kinds of dangers with it. stay tuned.


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